Sorry for all of the long waits guys, my computer's acting up again.


My life is terrible. I'm watching it fall apart in my hands. Every little piece of my heart is broken, and all the happiness in me is gone. It just disappeared, before I could stop it. I didn't want my life to be like this, where every day I wake up to find myself disappointed at how I always wake up breathing. I didn't want my body to be covered in scars of where I had cut myself, or bruises from where I had repeatedly hit myself. I didn't want it to happen, but it did. Something inside me that held all of my sanity snapped, and then the beast inside of me emerged out. There was no holding it back. Every single ounce of pain I felt seemed to satisfy me, but it wasn't enough for me to feed my hunger for it. I wanted myself to suffer more. But there was no other way, I was already suffering enough, wasn't I?

No, I wasn't. I needed to suffer more. I needed to suffer from all the pain that I had caused others to feel, because it was their way of revenge upon me. It was my way of revenge upon me. I ruined everything for everyone. Even my teachers had said so, before they kicked me out of the fifth school I'd entered this year.

"Look in the mirror, and what do you see?" Ms. Ahla, or the 'foster-lady' as I always called her, asked me. I stood up from my seat and walked over to it, and looked at my reflection. I examined the cuts with my eyes, and looked at the black eye I recently earned from getting into a fight with another girl.

"I just see a girl." I said. "And a chair and a bed. A floor, cieling, a wall, a pillow, a table, and a nightstand." I peered into the mirror, noticing what else I could find. "I also see a lady with brown hair." I added. Ms. Ahla sighed.

"I meant, what do you think when you first look at yourself and all of these scars and bruises you've got?" Ms. Ahla said, every word seeming to linger on and seep into my mind. It occurred to me that I never thought of what people thought of me, but only what I thought of myself. I walked closer to the mirror, and put my hand on it, and then my other hand. I pressed my forehead against the mirror and I looked into my eyes. But as soon as I did I immediately regretted it.

I saw terror, fear, pain, anger, hurt, and worst of all, I saw evil. I backed away from the mirror quickly, and I knocked something over while I did. Ms. Ahla looked at me with confusion in her eyes. I looked away from them.

"Are you okay?" Ms. Ahla asked. I shook my head, and I sat down on the bed, covering my eyes. I had a massive headache. I felt Ms. Ahla sit next to me, and she held me in her arms. I started to cry. I never cried before. It made me feel weak. It made me feel vulnerable. But I was weak and vulnerable, and I didn't deny it. Before, I'd pull Ms. Ahla's hands away from me, but right now that was all I wanted. I just wanted to be with Ms. Ahla.

After I had stopped crying, I lay down on my bed. I put my head on the soft pillow, and I closed my eyes. I never asked anyone about what they thought of me, but I decided now was the time. "Ms. Ahla..." I began.

"Yes dear?" she asked. I lifted myself up so I was sitting on the bed. I opened my eyes and was face to face with Ms. Ahla. I moved back a little. I took in every little detail of her that I could.

"Ms. Ahla, what... Do you... Think of me?" I asked, adding the last part quickly. Ms. Ahla looked at me like I was a lunatic. But then she seemed to relax.

"I think you're a wonderful girl. But you've harmed yourself way too much. I think you're a very smart girl, with a wonderful voice and a passion-" Ms. Ahla began, but I started to have a headache and I cut her off.

"Okay okay I get it." I said, but then after a moment, I asked her another question. "Why though? Why don't you think I'm a monster like everyone else does?" I asked.

Ms. Ahla looked at me with shock written all over her. "Don't you dare say that again! You're not a monster!" I looked away from her.

"Yeah, well I feel like a monster." I said. Ms. Ahla came to face me but I turned around again. She put her arms on my shoulders and turned me around so I was facing her. Her grip on my shoulders were strong.

"You may feel like one but I know you're not. I know who you really are, but it seems like you don't." Ms. Ahla replied. I pried my shoulders from her grip.

"Then what am I?!" I shouted. Ms. Ahla gasped, and so did I. I never yelled at her, even if I wanted to. I turned around from her again and faced the wall. I felt her put a hand on my shoulder, but I pushed it away.

"You're a flower, but it hasn't bloomed yet." Ms. Ahla replied in a quiet voice. I rolled my eyes, thankful she couldn't see. I walked over to the nightstand and opened the drawer, revealing a portrait of me when I was younger. I was wearing a green tutu and my hair was tied up. I always hated pink, it made me feel like I was going to throw up, the way it seemed so sweet but it also made you feel like it was a dark secret. I looked at the picture and noticed I was smiling and holding out a hand to show a tooth that had just came out.

"Why can't life just become easier for me?" I asked. I peered into my eyes, ignoring Ms. Ahla's response. I tried to see what I could find in my eyes, but I couldn't find anything, and I gave up. I put the portrait back into the drawer and closed it. When I turned around, Ms. Ahla was gone.

After a month or two, I was adopted into a new family. Penny and Lester Dawson. They had a son who was about three or four years old, and his name was Bryce. They were the sweetest family, but they didn't question me about my cuts or my bruises, which I decided was good. They treated me like I was normal, not like I was an alien from outer space. After I spent a month or two with them, they decided it was best to send me to school again. I ended up going to Marino High as regular old Ally Dawson. Not a monster, not a demon, just a regular girl. Which to me was kind of like a joke, it didn't seem real at all, my life. But it was as real as it could be, and I had to admit to that.

-

I wake up screaming from a terrible nightmare I had. I start screaming for Ms. Ahla and Penny comes rushing into the room. I am sitting on my bed, clutching my blanket in my hands. Penny sits down next to me, and gives me a long hug. I don't push her away, instead I let her hug me. She starts saying soothing words to me until I calm down. When I finally do, Penny smiles, kisses my cheek, and sits on the edge of the bed holding my hand. Bryce walks into the room, rubbing his eyes.

"Why you cryin'?" Bryce asks. I notice that tears were streaming down my cheeks. I smile a weak smile, and I motion for him to come over to me. Bryce walks over to me, and I release my grip from Penny's hand and pull him onto my lap.

"I had a scary dream." I say. Bryce squirms around in my lap, and then looks at me. He fixes his gaze so he is looking directly into my eyes, and I look away. He reaches over and touches my cheek, and I put my hand over his.

"Wanna hug?" Bryce asks. I nod, and Bryce reaches over and gives me a big hug, and I hug him back. "I wuv you." Bryce whispers.

I smile and give him a kiss on the cheek. "I love you more." I say, and I tickle him. Bryce giggles, and then gives me a wet kiss on the cheek when Penny tells him to go back to bed. When he leaves, Penny smiles at me.

"Are you feeling alright?" Penny asks. Her voice sounds so sickly sweet it makes me feel like I am going to gag.

"Yeah, just had a bad dream. It happens." I say casually.

"Are you sure? Because it sounded as though you were dying." Penny replies. I blush.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." I reply. Penny nods her head, accepting my apology.

"It's okay, at least Lester isn't awake. He goes completely crazy if someone disrupts his sleep." Penny laughs. I smile slightly.

"You should probably get back to bed. It's pretty late." I say, glancing over at the door and then back at Penny. It's the nicest way I can think of for asking her to leave.

"You're right. Especially since you have school tomorrow." Penny replies. I nod slowly.

"True. I have a big science test tomorrow." I lie. Penny nods, and gets off the bed and walks out the room, straightening her shirt.

I lay down on the bed and turn to the side, looking at the closed pink door of my bedroom. It doesn't even feel like mine. Nothing does. I don't even feel like myself. I start to feel queasy, looking at the same surroundings that I was looking at before. I pick up a purple pillow and I throw it at the door.

"I hate pink." I mutter.


Let me know if I should continue with this. I'm having writer's block so it may be a while before I update.