Cannot; Could Not
by janis

(Square owns my soul, let alone Xenogears.)

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I thought I understood you,
apparently I'm wrong.

We don't speak about it,
I want to scream everything to you.

But I cannot.

I knew the stories behind your laughter,
I knew they hid your haunted pain.

I knew where to go when you were alone,
you knew when I needed a hero to save me from myself.

I wanted to repay you, but I just seem to fail.
I wanted to banish this needless sense of needing your approval.

I could not.

I saved you, but the throbbing goes on, and
nothing has changed for me. But for you?

I know everything isn't what it used to be...
Our words are gibberish, our actions are lame.

Everything changes, you have and so has the world.
But I am different, I've tried to change.

But I cannot.

So before you left to face death, I wanted
one more chance. I wanted to be like we used to.

I would be satisfied as your best friend, I wouldn't
need your love if you always could squeeze my hand...

But you laughed at my simple request. Did you fear
that maybe I loved you? I do, but I'm not foolish.

I know my love for you won't be returned. What hurts
me the most that you no longer want me as your friend.

I won't say a word, I laugh along with my joke. There is
stinging pain in my eyes and my breath clings to my lungs.

But will I cry?

I could not.

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*Author's Notes: Blah. I got bored. Poem about unrequited love and
unrequited friendship. Want to guess who it is? *