He opened the door and called out, "Hello? Anyone in here?"
When no one answered he entered the restroom and locked the door behind him. With a sigh he pulled something out of his pocket and unfolded it. Clearing his throat, he straightened the paper and started reading.
"Ladies and gentlemen it's our pleasure to congratulate Robert and Cora on the renewal of their vows. We've all got so much to learn from their flawless example of love, devotion, and…" He dropped the paper on the green granite countertop. "It's bullshit."
"Ow."
He turned to the line of stalls, "Hello?"
"Shit." One of the stalls opened and a small blonde woman emerged, holding a pair of high heels in her hand. "Sorry."
"What…" He took a breath, "What are you doing in the men's room?"
"I was attending the party upstairs but then one of the guys I went on a few dates with awhile back got himself invited and then got himself pretty drunk before the party started only to keep drinking during the party so he's a little…" She waved a hand, "Let's just say I'm willing to put out the idea that hiding away in this men's room is better than being up there."
"But…" He turned toward the door and then the stalls. "Why not just say you're in here when I asked?"
"I thought you were only going to use the restroom and that maybe you were just someone who didn't want anyone to hear you. Like a stage fright kind of thing." She cringed, "I didn't realize you were going to recite a speech and since I didn't know how long you were going to be I didn't want to get stuck in here forever but you'd already asked if anyone was in here and I didn't say anything. And I realize, now, that I probably should've said 'hi' or something but when I didn't you started talking to yourself and I was in no-mans-land so I thought might as well come out."
"And that's when-"
"That's when I slipped on the seat and banged my shin."
"Sorry I made this difficult for you." He shrugged, "I guess I didn't realize that someone else might use this as a way to escape."
"The men's room?" He nodded and she whistled, "Guess the evening's not been great for you either."
"Not really."
"Mind telling me why not?" She hopped onto the counter, her bare feet dangling toward the floor. "If you want to, of course. I've already invaded your private moment and I wouldn't want to ruin the rest of your already shitty evening."
"No I," He scratched at the back of his head, coughing out a bit of a laugh. "I think actually telling someone might actually be a good thing."
"Then I'm all ears."
He opened his mouth a moment, letting out a sigh, and then spoke. "I'm supposed to give this speech for my friend's anniversary party where he and his wife are renewing their vows and I can't do it."
"I heard the moment you said, 'it's bullshit' but I don't want to assume that you said the speech you wrote is bullshit because I only heard a few lines and they seemed alright."
"The words in the speech aren't the problem." He leaned on the counter close to her. "It's more the intention behind them that is."
She tipped toward him, "How so?"
"My friend and I go way back, like a decade or more, but I can't get up in front of all those people and tell them that he's loved his wife passionately or unconditionally or perfectly for the whole thirty years of their marriage."
"Not everyone does."
"But everyone wants everyone to believe they do." He shook his head, "Maybe it's just my jealousy coming out."
"About what?"
"My own marriage took its own spin around the toilet bowl, as it were, and is now no more."
"You seem more resigned than upset about that."
"Vera and I were…" He frowned, "You don't want to hear the sad tale of that."
"Maybe I do." She shrugged, "I told you I ran to a men's room to hide from someone trying to snog me on the dance floor."
"Well then I guess you'll consider it a highlight of your evening that the first man you met had a will for life while I don't."
"Not sure I count sexual harassment as desire for life."
He shrugged, "I guess it's what men who get led around by their dick suppose it means when they accost a pretty girl."
"You think I'm pretty?"
"In another situation I'd go as far as to say you're beautiful and I'd like to offer you a turn on the dance floor." He sighed, "But tonight's not that night."
"Because you've got to give a speech you think is a lie?"
"Because I'm planning on killing myself at the end of tonight."
Her jaw dropped, "Excuse me?"
"I've got nothing to live for and it's the-"
"That's the bullshit." She hopped off the counter and he turned to her.
"Excuse me?"
"I don't know you, sir, but-"
"John Bates."
"What?" She frowned.
"My name's John Bates." He shrugged a shoulder, "If you're going to berate me might as well use my whole name like my mother used to."
"Fine, John Bates, I think that's bullshit and you need to yank your head out of your ass before I do." She let out a breath, "Wow, I guess motherhood's easier than I thought. I was all convinced it had more to do with praise and punishments in equal measure before worrying about whether or not your son's got porn in his room or your daughter's skirt's too high."
"My mother always said it was about love."
"And what would she say to you telling a complete stranger in the Grantham men's room that you'd planning on offing yourself?"
"That I was being a coward." He held up his hands, "I surrendered to that belief a long time ago so it's really not something that'll keep me up at night."
"You wouldn't tell me if you meant it."
"Wouldn't I?" He snorted, "Part of me wonders if you're not a figment of my imagination already."
"Why's that?"
"No chance in hell I'd meet someone like you … in a men's room no less."
"I don't think you put enough faith in God."
John gave a snorting laugh, "That's easy since I don't really believe He exists."
"The universe then?"
"Not one for fate."
She stepped closer, "Then what do you believe in Mr. Bates?"
"I used to believe in psychiatry. I used to believe the study of the mind was the key to all the problems in the world, that it could explain things, but then I watched my marriage crumble before my eyes and knew its failure was my fault."
"And now you're just going to kill yourself?"
"I've got nothing to live for."
"What a selfishly permanent solution to a temporary problem." She flailed a hand in the air, "You've got someone depending on you to give a speech upstairs and you'd kill yourself."
"I was going to wait until after."
"I'm sure that'll be a great comfort to them." She shook her head, "I think you've let yourself get bogged down by all that's shit about life and forgotten there's actually a lot to live for."
"Is there?" John folded his arms over his chest, "Like what?"
"Love, laughter, li-"
"Please don't recite those trite phrases people stencil onto their kitchen walls when they're DIY-ing something."
"Haven't you ever considered there's a reason people actually listen to those phrases?"
"Because the hipster mommy blogger they follow posted it with a nature background a nice typeface?"
"Because there's truth to it." She took a step closer to him, poking a finger in his chest. "Personally I think if anyone here is full of shit it's you."
"Me?"
"Yes you. Going on about how you've got nothing to live for, talking about the lies of your friend and his marriage, and bemoaning your ex-wife to a stranger in the toilets." She paused for breath, "I think you just need someone to listen to you. Someone who'll try and understand."
He met her blue eyes, cracking a bit at the emotion there. "Will you?"
"I'm still locked in the men's with you aren't I?" She smiled, "And while you don't believe in God or the universe I do. I don't follow any hipster mommy bloggers and I don't really save nature photos with trite phrases in nice typeface but I do have two words I received from an author I trust."
"And what words are those?"
She grinned, "Don't Panic… usually written in large, friendly letters."
John snorted, listening as she joined him in laughing. "That's really what you're going to give me for advice?"
"It's what I'd got and it's gotten me through." She put a hand on his shoulder. "I don't know if there's anything I can really tell you that'll change the situation in which you find yourself and I doubt I should. But just know it's not always as bad as you think it is."
"You seem confident of that."
"I'm confident in quite a few things, Mr. Bates, as I hope you learn." She jumped at a vibrating on the counter and checked her mobile. "Dammit."
"He find you?"
"No, my friend did." She typed back furiously. "Making sure I haven't left before the speeches because she's planning on getting herself smashed and needs to make sure I save her from herself when she's had a bit too much tequila."
"A woman after my own heart it seems." John sighed and pointed toward the door, "Best let you out then?"
"Needs must."
They made it into the hall, walking leisurely toward the stairs, her heels clacking occasionally in her hands. John stopped them where the lift met the stairs and turned to her. "I hope you don't think me incredibly weak Ms.-"
"Smith, Anna Smith, and no, Mr. Bates, I don't." She bit at her lip before speaking again. "I think we've all got to stare into the abyss just once and remind ourselves that we've not fallen in yet. There's hope still out there for us."
"You believe that?"
"I'm religious. More than that, as another one of my favorite givers of advice once said, 'I am ever and always shall be an optimist. The hoper of far flung hopes and the dreamer of impossible dreams'."
"What a lovely thought."
"Yes," Anna looked to the ground a moment, "More to the point, I know that you've seen your share of good and bad things. The best advice I ever heard about it is that life is a pile of good things and bad things and the good things don't outweigh the bad just as the bad things don't outweigh the good."
"Take it all in stride then?"
"Every day's a battle but tomorrow's always fresh."
"You're possibly the most cinematically educated person I've heard met."
"It's a hobby." She gathered her breath, and he suspected her courage, "Best go and save my friend from herself."
"And I need to deliver a speech." He held out his hand. "Thank you, Ms. Smith, for meeting me in the men's room."
"Not the kind of interaction I hoped I'd have in the men's room but I enjoyed it all the same." She gave him her hand and gasped slightly when he kissed it.
"I'll forever be indebted to you Ms. Smith."
"Just call me 'Anna' and we'll call it even." She took her hand back, using it to pull her skirt up so she could ascend the stairs. "And give the speech. People need hope and the fact they've been together this long means they're doing something right."
"Like closing one eye and not really looking out the other?"
"It's all about perspective Mr. Bates." She called back, giggling up the stairs.
"Yes I rather think it is." He hit the button for the lift, hearing her continue up the stairs. "All about perspective."
