Life's Little Edge
Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
"Almost…there!"
Cat thrust the final spike explosive home and wrapped the detonator cord around
it. "Finished. How's your side, Steel?"
"All wrapped up and waiting for you, slowpoke,"
Max's voice came through her earpiece.
"Race you to the bottom. Last one down has to buy
dinner."
"You're on," Max chuckled. "Better hustle,
Horton, 'cause I'm hungry!"
Cat double-checked the attachment of her safety line then
pushed away from the cliff face.
"Cat! What are you doing?" Berto's voice rang in
her ear.
"Rappelling. What's it look like? There's no way I'm
letting Steel win; I've seen him eat."
"Your safety line isn't meant for this! It could…."
His voice cut off as she tore off the earpiece.
"Sorry, Berto. You just don't understand."
I need this every time,
Take your lies, get off my case
She pushed off
again, feeling the slight burn of the cord against her gloved palms, the jar as
her feet touched the cliff then pushed off again. The wind whistled past her as
she flew down the cliff face. An almost orgasmic rush of adrenaline flowed
through her, setting her tingling.
Just what you always needed, eh, Catherine-girl? Hits the
spot, doesn't it? Did the right thing, throwing science-boy's cautions to the
wind. He doesn't understand what it's like to have a hole that needs filled. But
you know, don't you, Catherine-girl?
"Go away," she mumbled, concentrating on the
descent. Push, fly, hit…repeat. Without her earpiece, she couldn't keep track
of Steel's progress. It didn't matter anymore. Only the adrenaline mattered.
Keep the emptiness at bay.
Someday I will find a love
That flows through me like this
She pushed off again, leaning back to accelerate towards the nearing ground. Caught up in the spell of the adrenaline, wanting more, always more, she closed her eyes, focused inwards towards the singing of her soul that only happened when she pushed the edge. In that moment, she lost it. Her hands passed roughly over a weaker spot in the line. Her eyes shot open in time to see the cord fray and snap. Then she was falling.
This will fall away
This will fall away
Cat watched as the cord
separated. Now it's for real, she thought, spreading her body out to
marginally slow her descent. No more competing…final rush time. Final
silence. Accepting, she closed her eyes and prepared to meet the ground.
Her body betrayed her mind. As she reached peace, her arms
shot up, fired the grappling line attached to her wrist. The jolt on her
shoulder as her fall was abruptly stopped shocked her into reality.
No easy way out for you, Catherine-girl, the voice
whispered in her mind as she lowered to the ground.
"Damnit!" she howled into the wind. Why couldn't
you just let me fall? She rubbed her aching shoulder as her feet touched
ground.
"Cat, you okay?" Max asked, rushing to where she
sat. "I'd just hit ground when I saw your line snap."
"I'm fine," she bit out. Leave
me alone.
"Listen, forget about the bet. It was stupid."
"No way, Steel. I made the damn bet, I'm keeping my
deal."
You're getting closer to
pushing me
Off life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later
You know I'll be dead
"I heard about the
accident," Berto said, approaching her.
Cat looked up from her lunch, eyes blazing. "Here to
say, 'I told you so'?"
The young scientist blinked. "No! I just wanted to know
if you were okay."
"If you call having a wrenched shoulder and having to
wear this damned sling for a week okay, then yeah, I'm just peachy." She
jabbed left-handed at her pasta.
"You could have died out there! I'd say a wrenched
shoulder was getting off easy."
"You would." Cat threw down the plastic fork and
pushed her chair back angrily. "Later."
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope
I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser, yeah
That's it,
Catherine-girl. Keep him at arm's length. Push him away. You know you don't
deserve the little science-boy. You could never make him happy. You can't make
any man happy. You tried, didn't you? Oh, how you tried…
"Leave me alone," she
mumbled, fighting back tears in the corridor outside the cafeteria. "Just
leave me the hell alone!"
He's not for you. He's too sweet, too trusting, too innocent.
You'd break him in a week. Go back to your adrenaline, Catherine-girl. It's
the only thing for you, now.
This is getting old
I can't break these chains that I hold
"Up for a rematch,
Steel?" Cat asked, looking down the side of the skyscraper they were on.
"I don't know, Cat. You just got that sling off a few
days ago."
"Afraid?" She cocked her hip, one foot on the side
of the building, challenge radiating from her.
"Cat, just wait for Hawk," Berto's voice told her.
"It'll be there soon."
"Damnit, boys, I'm not made of glass." Cat hooked
her grapple firmly on the ledge. "I'm going down." Down, down, all
the way down. Her skin sang with anticipation. "See you on the
ground." She pushed off, aiming for the ground so far below.
My body's growing cold
There's nothing left of this mind
Or my soul
"Always push it…push
it," she whispered. "No room for anything else. No need for it. Just
the rush. Rush…."
She felt the familiar sensation of the adrenaline pouring in.
"Who needs love?" she muttered, playing out the line.
Liar.
Addiction needs a pacifier
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
She could feel the
adrenaline building, slashing her nerve endings to a million tiny stars. It was
all she had, the only sure thing in her life, the only thing she could count on,
could rely on.
Lovers are too easily tired of, Catherine-girl. And they tire
too easily of you, don't they? Sex doesn't fill you anymore. Lordy knows you
tried, didn't you? Have to get your jollies off a cord and a fall?
"Go away!" she screamed, pushing off harder. If
I get enough adrenaline, the voice will go away.
You like the little science-boy. He's not for someone like
you, Catherine-girl, not someone with your past. He'd probably pass out knowing
half of what you did to meet your needs.
"Go away! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" The
adrenaline filled her body with a hunger she recognized, a hunger she'd danced
with all her life…a hunger that brought out her demon.
"Cat? Cat, is everything all right?" Berto's voice
in her ear, like a lover's…like a lover she'd never have.
"It will be."
The knife's keen edge sheared through her grappling rope with
ease.
"You don't control me anymore," she whispered to
her demon, closing her eyes and reaching peace again.
This will fall away
This will fall away
You're getting closer to
pushing me
Off life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later, you know I'll be dead
"You should
have let me fall," Cat whispered.
"No way. You're my partner. Just got you used to me, I
don't want to train another one," Max quipped. His blue eyes grew serious.
"What made you cut your line, anyway?"
She tried to look away, winced at the pain as her neck
refused to move. "Maybe I'll tell you someday."
"Fine." Max shifted his weight, eyes darting around
the room, looking at anything to keep from looking at the elaborate harness that
kept Cat still.
"Go, Steel. I know you're excited about getting Leeds
back as a partner while I'm in here."
"It's that obvious?"
"She looked excited, too, when she stopped in."
"Really?"
"Go."
When Max had left, Cat was alone with the machines, ticking
away increments of her life. They lulled her into a trance-like state, barely
aware of her surroundings. She dozed, startling awake at the clink of glass
against metal.
"Owww," she moaned, having moved too quickly when
she woke.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Cat opened her
eyes and looked up to see Berto standing by her bed. On her table was a vase
with a single flower.
"Why are you here?" she asked.
"If you don't want me here, I'll go."
"No…no, stay. Please?" She held her breath,
waiting for her demon to speak, to ruin the moment. "I'm sorry for sniping
at you."
"You're in pain; it's expected."
"There's more. I…I can't talk about it now, but maybe
someday…."
"I heard you over your earpiece when you fell."
Cat blinked. Oh, yeah. "Oh…yeah," she said
weakly.
"Who were you arguing with?"
My past. My demons. "It's…a long story."
"I have time."
"Berto…not now. I can't talk about it now. It's still
raw."
"Okay." He seemed to accept that as an answer.
"I just…just wanted to bring you this, and say, I hope you heal
quickly." He moved the vase closer to her bed so she could see the flower
better.
A single rose, pale pink with deeper color at the edges sat
in the fluid-looking glass. "It's beautiful," she admitted.
"Thank you."
"Team Steel won't be the same while you're gone."
Berto hesitated, then quickly dropped a fleeting kiss on her forehead.
"I'll miss you." Just as quickly, he was gone.
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope, and
I'm taking the fall
Cat moved the one
arm she was allowed to move, took the rose from the vase and brought it to her
nose. Closing her eyes, she waited for the demon to surface, to tell her she
wasn't worthy. It never came.
She fell asleep holding the rose close to her cheek, and
holding Berto's quick, hesitant, sweet kiss close to her heart.
Author's Note: No, I don't know
Cat's real last name. I gave her Horton because...well, it's really a long
story, and sort of an in-joke mainly for me. If you really want to know,
drop me a line and I'll explain my convoluted reasoning. Also, I know the site
calls her Kat, but I'm sticking with the "C" spelling for now; you'll
find out why in a later fic. Again, I don't own Max Steel or any
characters or situations in that show. I don't own the song
"Loser," by 3 Doors Down.
This fic was mainly my anti-Valentine's Day feelings breaking
through with a touch of redemption at the end.
