(*SANTANA LOPEZ is sitting cross-legged on her bed in a college dorm room, leafing through papers with her laptop on the bed beside her. QUINN FABRAY storms in, soaking wet, and obviously furious about something*)
SANTANA: (*Tosses papers on to laptop keyboard and stands up, looking worried*) Hey! Hey, Quinn, what's wrong? (*Grabbing Quinn by shoulders, forcing her to face her*)
QUINN: (*incoherent babbling*)
SANTANA: (*forcefully*) QUINN.
QUINN: (*Trying to calm down, but still crying*) You know, I'm just so sick, of Rachel-fucking-Berry, and her shit! (*Crying turns back into sobbing*)
SANTANA: (*Confused now*) What? Hey, Quinn, calm down, 'kay? Look at me. (*Holds QUINN's face and makes her look at her face*) Breathe. Calm down.
QUINN: (*Nods with a shudder, and sobbing begins to calm*)
SANTANA: Now tell me, what's going on with Rachel? And why are you all wet? (*Looks down at Quinn's dripping clothes with the classic "Santana Face"*)
QUINN: (*Shaking Santana's hands off, flops down on Santana's bed*)
SANTANA: (Sits down beside Quinn, and puts a comforting arm around her shoulder*)
QUINN: Well, I was walking across campus, ya know, on my way here, (*Takes a deep, shuddery breath*) when out of the blue, Miss Bistro Italiano Nose comes out of absolute nowhere, screaming all this shit at me about "you and Finn", and "late night kiki's"- I don't even know what the hell a kiki is! And everyone was staring, and, and pointing, and just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse, she pushed me! That schnozzy, preppy, bitch pushed me straight into the fucking fountain thing! (*Breaks down, crying into Santana's shoulder*)
SANTANA: (*In head*) Well… were you with Finn? (*Out loud*) It'll be okay, Quinn. (*Rubs Quinn's back reassuringly*)
QUINN: (*Looks up into Santana's face semi-sarcastically*) Somehow I doubt that.
SANTANA: (*Smirks*) Don't worry. I promise.
QUINN: (*Raises eyebrow*)
(*Scene switch to HANNA MARIN and MERCEDES JONES, kicked out on the rug in Hanna's apartment bedroom, flipping through Cosmo magazines and chatting*)
HANNA: (*Flipping through magazine, blowing on freshly painted nails distractedly*) Hey 'Cedes?
MERCEDES: Yes?
HANNA: Would you consider me "classy but flirty", or "stylish but sensible?
MERCEDES: Hmmm… (*Considering*) I, would, say….
BOTH: (*Together*) "Classy but flirty!" (*Both laugh, and Hanna circles something magazine*)
(*HANNA'S cell phone rings*)
HANNA: (*With an overdramatic sigh, she looks at the the screen, then answers it*) Yes?
MERCEDES: (*Gets up, walks into the adjoining bathroom, and begins fixing her hair*)
HANNA: (*Heard from other room*) She did WHAT? Oh my God, Mercedes is totally gonna flip. (*Laughs*) Yep… Uh-huh, Okay Bye! (*Enters the bathroom smiling and leans on the door frame*) You will not believe what I just found out.
MERCEDES: (*Looking slightly worried*) Hanna, if this is about another "free" trip to Amsterdam, I'm not interested.
HANNA: Hey! That was totally not my fault! That website was really believable! (* Walks over to mirror, and begins brushing her hair, peering intently into the mirror*)
MERCEDES: (*Incredulous*) It was called !
HANNA: (*Stops mid-brush*) So?
MERCEDES: (*Shakes head*) Never mind, Han.
HANNA: (*Resumes brushing hair*) Well, do you wanna hear the news or not?
MERCEDES: Okay, shoot.
HANNA: Okay, so that was Artie on the phone. You know that one kid, Toby Cavanaugh?
MERCEDES: (*Confused*) Yeah? What about him?
HANNA: (*Excitedly*) Well, he's having a party this Saturday, and guess which two hot chicks just got invited to it!?
MERCEDES: (*Drops brush*) Oh my Lord, are you serious?!
HANNA: YES!
(*The two girls hug each other and begin bouncing in circles, cheering*)
(*Below them, someone begins pounding on the ceiling *) SHUT UP!
MERCEDES: (*Happily*) HELL TO THE NO!
(*Girls resume cheering, while in the bedroom Hanna's cell phone rings*)
(*Scene switch to next day, EMILY FIELDS and MIKE CHANG, walking through a park, Emily's cell phone pressed to her ear*)
EMILY: (*Puts phone into purse, looking slightly irritated*) She isn't picking up.
MIKE: I'm sure she's fine, Em. Don't sweat it. When in history has Hanna Marin ever picked up her phone on the first try for anyone but her mom or Artie?
EMILY: I'm almost certain she only picks up for Artie because he's her brother. (*Sighs*) She can be so frustrating sometimes.
MIKE: Well, she's the one who'll be missing out on the ice cream. (*Nudges Emily's arm with a smile*)(*The pair exits the park and cross the street towards a small café*)
EMILY: Oh please, I don't even know why I bothered calling. That girl would never eat more than 10 calories at a time.
(*Both laugh*)
MIKE: (*Innocently*) Well, why don't you try Marley?
EMILY: (*Sideways glance*) For none of your own personal gain, I'm sure. (*Smiles*)
MIKE: What! (*Laughs*) She did just break up with Jake. I'm sure she could use some ice cream.
EMILY: MmHmm... (* Looks up, considering*) You know what? I think I will.
(*Scene switch to MARLEY, TINA, and CALEB. Marley and Caleb are playing video games on Caleb's living room floor, while Tina watches, eating cheese puffs*)
TINA: (*Looking around dirty room distastefully*) Caleb, may I ask why your apartment smells slightly like a Swedish strip club?
MARLEY: (*Covers mouth, attempting not to laugh*)
CALEB: (*Laughs*) Dude, I'm a guy. Guys don't clean.
TINA: I can tell.
CALEB: Hey, unless you're volunteering your services, I suggest you hush.
TINA: (*Laughs, and shrugs, staying silent*)
(*MARLEY's cell phone rings*)
MARLEY: Crap, uh, Tina, could you get that for me? I'm kinda busy killing zombies here.
TINA: (*gets up with a groan, headed towards phone *) Why me? Is it because I'm Asian?
MARLEY: (*Laughs*) Entirely.
TINA: (*sighs*) That's a hate crime. (*Looks at phone*) It's Emily.
MARLEY: OOH! Answer it. I need to talk to her anyway. (*Puts down controller*) Sorry Caleb, I got take this.
CALEB: Don't worry, I totally got this.
MARLEY: (*heads over to Tina, sidestepping a pile of dirty clothes with an old plate of half-eaten nachos on top*) Dude, Tina's right. Your apartment's gross.
CALEB: (*Grunts distractedly*)
MARLEY: (*Shaking her head, takes the phone from Tina*) Hello? Hey, Em! I have totally got to talk to you. Do you have a minute?
TINA: (*Sitting down beside Caleb*) Um, H-H-Hey, Caleb. Need some help there?
CALEB: No.
TINA: Oh, ummm… okay, then. (*Turns very red and stands, walking away towards the bathroom*)
MARLEY: (*Covering mouthpiece with hand and whispers*) Hey, Be nice, Caleb.
CALEB: (*Loud whisper*) But Dude! Last time, she shot 3 teammates and blew up all our ammo! All without killing a single zombie!
MARLEY: Caleb.
CALEB: (*sulkily*) Fine. (*Louder*) Hey Tina! I need you out here! These zombies are relentless! (*Mouths to Marley*) You owe me.
MARLEY: (*mouths back*) Thank you. (*Uncovers mouthpiece*) Hey, Em, you still there? Yeah. Where? Oh, you mean Luigi's? Sure. I'll be there in 10. Okay. Bye! (*Hangs up*) Hey guys, I gotta go meet Em and Mike at Luigi's, but I'll call you later okay? (*Gathering up her stuff*)
CALEB: Sure. Bye. (*Focused on Zombies*)
(*TINA re-enters the room just as MARLEY is leaving*)
TINA: Hey, w-w-where's Marley going?
CALEB: Out. You gonna help me or what? (*Smiles*)
TINA: (*Smiles back*) Sure. (*Sits down beside Caleb*) I promise not to kill you this time. Well, at least not on purpose.
(*Both Laugh*)
(*Scene cut to QUINN, walking down a street talking on her cell phone*)
QUINN: No. I'm serious, I really have no clue. Well fine, then. But I thought-
(*Quinn's conversation cuts off as she bumps into another woman walking down the street with her arms loaded with random odds and ends, knocking all of her things to the ground*)
WOMAN: (*Oddly familiar voice*) HEY!
QUINN: Hey, I gotta go! I'll call you later! (*Hangs up and kneels down to help the woman gather up her scattered objects*) I am so sorry; I didn't mean- (*Looks up at woman's face*) –Oh.
RACHEL: Yes, Oh. (*Begins muttering to herself angrily*)
QUINN: (*Looking at ground*) Sorry, Rachel. Here. (*Holds out Rachel's things*)
RACHEL: I'm sure you are. (*Takes things and adds them to her pile*)
QUINN: (*Crosses arms*) Look, Rachel, you don't have to be such a bitch!
RACHEL: (*Sweetly*) And you don't have to be such a nasty little whore.
RANDOM GUY: (*Walking past*) Ooh, burn.
(*Both glare at him*)
QUINN: Listen to me! I honestly have no idea what you're talking about! I did NOT hook up with Finn!
RACHEL: Sure, Quinn, sure.
QUINN: Look bitch-
SAM: (*Walking up*) Hey, hey, hey. What's going on here ladies?
QUINN: Honestly? I have no clue. Why don't you ask Sunshine Hitler over here? (*Walks away angrily*)
SAM: Rachel?
RACHEL: (*Walks away in other direction*)
SAM: (*To both of them*) I'll do my Arnold impression!
(*Neither girl responds*)
SAM: (*Sighs*) (*To himself*) Get down, now!
RANDOM CHICK: (*Walking past*) (*Flirtatiously*) Hey, Trouty Mouth.
SAM: (*Oblivious*) Hey.
RACHEL: Come on, Sam!
SAM: Sam-I-Am. (*Follows Rachel away*)
(*Scene cut to evening, NOAH PUCKERMAN and EZRA FITZ, waiting outside of SPENCER's dorm in a car that only a college kid could love*)
EZRA: What's taking them so long?
PUCK: I don't know, man. (*Laughs*) Why? You tryna score tonight or something? (*Laughs again*)
EZRA: Shut up Puck.
(*SPENCER HASTINGS and ARIA MONTGOMERY emerge from dorm building. Aria is dressed in a short black skirt and a red cami with a jacket on top, looking awesome. Spence is dressed in black dress plants and a gray blazer, looking awesome, but… differently, so*)
EZRA: (*Jaw dropped*) Oh dear God.
PUCK: My thoughts exactly.
(*Girls walk up to car, smiling*)
ARIA: Sooooo, how do we look?
EZRA: Ummm… you guys look great… but, uh…
PUCK: Spencer, what the hell are you wearing?
SPENCER: (*Shocked*) What!? (*Looks down at outfit*) I spent a lot of time on this!
EZRA: Um, what Puck means is, don't you think that's a bit… formal, for a Friday night party?
PUCK: We're going to Toby's house, Spencer, not church.
SPENCER: What- Aria, do you agree?
ARIA: (*Looks down at feet, silently*)
SPENCER: (*Throws hands up*) Fine! Fine. I'm not going! (*Turns and walks away*)
ARIA: Good job, Puck. (*Walks away after her*) Spencer! Spence! Come on, come back! Puck was just being a jerk!
PUCK: (*To Ezra*) See, I'm a jerk now, too.
EZRA: That was kinda mean, man.
PUCK: Dude! You saw that shit! What'd you want me to say?
EZRA: Puck, that's your girlfriend. You could've been nicer about it.
PUCK: I didn't hear you say you disagreed with me, though.
EZRA: Hell no. You saw that shit.
(*Both guys burst into laughter*)
(*Inside SPENCER's dorm room*)
(*Aria leaning on couch while Spencer races around in a tank top and a slip, holding up various items of clothing to her body, then tossing them away*)
SPENCER: Okay, I officially have nothing to wear, Aria! Nothing! I'm going to look like a fool! Everyone's going to laugh at me! I'll- (*Begins to cry*)
ARIA: (*sighs*) Spence... Spencer. (*Yells*) SPENCER!
SPENCER: (*Sniffles*) What!?
ARIA: (*Stands up, walks over to her*) First off, lose the slip. You're not a senior citizen. (*Pulls off Spencer's slip and tosses it into a corner*) Tip #1: Burn that. Now, let's see… (*Begins rummaging through Spencer's dresser*)
SPENCER: (*Standing in the middle of the room uncomfortably*)
ARIA: Jesus Spence, where do you shop? Talbots? (*Tossing clothes over shoulder*)
SPENCE: Sometimes….
ARIA: (*Looks up at Spencer disbelievingly*) Wow. No. Okay, so anyway… (*Holds up a short red skirt*) How about this?
SPENCER: Umm… Aria, I think that's kinda short…
ARIA: Spencer! It's a college party. Trust me, you'll be wearing the most clothes there. Now, here. (*Holds out a skirt and top to Spencer*) Put this on. I'll run to my room and get you a jacket to put on top.
SPENCER: Okay.
(*ARIA leaves, and SPENCER changes into the new outfit, looking a great deal better*)
SPENCER: (*Spinning around in her mirror*)
ARIA: (*Bursts back in with 3 jackets, looking curiously at Spencer, who is now trying to lean "casually" on a chair*) Ummm… dude, I totally saw that.
SPENCER: (*Blushes and sits down to put on her heels*)
ARIA: Here, try these on. (*Tosses jackets at Spencer*) And hurry, before Puck and Ezra leave us!
SPENCER: (*Picks a jacket and puts it on, tossing hair over shoulder*) Okay, Aria, how do I look?
ARIA: (*Looks her up and down, then smiles*) Fabulous. Now come on! Let's go!
(*The girls rush downstairs and outside into the cold October air, hurrying towards the waiting car*)
EZRA: Oh, Bravo Aria! You have performed yet another miracle.
SPENCER: (*Glares at Ezra*)
PUCK: Can we go now? We're already late.
SPENCER: It's a house party, Puck. You can't be late.
PUCK: True that… (*Smiles at her*) You look beautiful, babe.
SPENCER: (*Blushes*) Thanks.
ARIA: (*Smiles*) Dear God, I'm going to puke.
PUCK: Shut up, Aria.
(*All four laugh as the car pulls away*)
