Author's Note: this is my first (and probably last) fanfic so please be nice. I have tried to get across Jess's naiveté and Becker's military background. I hope it works and that you like it. Of course, I don't own any characters.
Conclusions
It had been a quiet day at the ARC. A lack of anomalies and a long and tedious software upgrade had given Jess lots of time to think, and this is when she had had her epiphany.
Just as her shift ended, Becker appeared behind her bearing chocolate. This was perfect, and she decided that now was the time to clear the air and get her life back on track.
"Hello Becker. I was hoping to see you. I have something really important to discuss with you and I was wondering, could we go to your place as it's too personal to air in public?"
Becker raised an eyebrow in query at the strange request. He was intrigued that the Field Coordinator was being so forward. It was quite stimulating.
"Of course, if you need to talk. Do you want to pick up some wine and a Chinese on the way?"
"Perfect."
When they arrived at Becker's flat, he went straight to the kitchen to get plates, cutlery and glasses whilst Jess headed to the sofa. Becker began to dish up the food whilst Jess poured the wine. They ate in companionable silence.
Becker had never felt so completely at ease in his life. He had never been a great one for social gatherings outside of his immediate family and rarely had guests to his flat. When he did it always felt like an intrusion, like he had failed to secure the perimeter, but this felt different….natural….right.
Just as he began to relax into the situation, Jess suddenly put down her plate, took a large gulp of wine and stared intently at him. Becker stopped eating and put his plate down waiting for what Jess had to say: the reason for her request to visit.
"I've decided that you need a coming out party. I'm sorry it took me so long to realise you're gay. I should have known by the way you check out every guy that walks over to me at the ADD. I'm sorry that I misinterpreted your friendly flirting with me and became so infatuated with you. I know it must have cramped your style and limited your chances with me so obviously throwing myself at you all the time. I mean, I know how difficult it is to date with the job we do, the hours and everything. I mean I haven't dated since I started at the ARC. And I understand the loneliness of not having a significant other, not having love in your life. I mean, I often cry myself to sleep but then you don't have the added torture of Connor and Abby going at it like rabbits in the room next door. So I have come to the conclusion that you need someone in your life. You can't keep living like a monk keeping everyone at arms length in case you get hurt or killed. You deserve a life, companionship and love and you can't deprive yourself anymore. So as your best friend I am going to arrange a coming out party for you and invite some of the most attractive gay men I know to see if any of them grab you fancy. "
Having completed her rambling talk, Jess sat there and beamed awaiting Becker's words of gratitude.
Becker sat with his mouth open unable to initially comprehend what he had just heard. Slowly his thoughts began to form into sentences.
"Let me get this straight. 1) You think I'm gay. 2) You think I'm checking out the guys at the ADD, 3) You're throwing me a coming out party 4) You fancy me and 5) You're so lonely you cry yourself to sleep. Does that summarise the situation?"
Jess thought about it before nodding her assent.
Becker answered as succinctly as he could given his current state of shock and horror. "1) I'm most definitely not gay 2) The only reason I look at the guys is to assess whether they are a threat to you and to see whether you're attracted to them 3) Thank you for your kind thoughts, but it's really not necessary 4) That is a huge relief because I care for you too and 5) I'm sorry, very sorry I've been such an idiot and hurt you."
It was Jess's turn to sit open mouthed. She wasn't entirely sure she'd heard correctly. To be honest she'd pretty much stopped taking anything in when Becker had said he wasn't gay. She was so sure that her analysis of his behaviour was correct. Looking at the facts it was the only thing that made sense, but he had just flatly denied it. Maybe he was covering, unwilling to admit the truth, although she was also relieved that he had denied it so vehemently.
Becker took Jess's hands in his own, looked into her eyes and finally spoke the truth.. "I've always held myself aloof from those in my command, because it was the easiest way to be a good leader. To care, but not get too close. Coming to the ARC I saw no reason to change this policy, and although the temptation to explore a personal relationship presented itself, I felt the distraction was too much of a risk. Distractions get people killed. And I knew that one day this job would kill or maim me and I didn't want someone to have to live with that…. to be left behind. Living a solitary life became a habit, and it wasn't until a certain someone with a penchant for bright colours, short skirts and ridiculous shoes came into my life that I realised that avoiding distractions can also be a distraction. You managed to wriggle your way through my carefully laid perimeter, neutralize all my counter-measures and have completely breached my defences. I was totally unprepared, and now I have no option but to surrender to overwhelming forces."
"Jess, I have never been so completely comfortable in my own skin except when I'm with you. Even cleaning my guns doesn't give me the same sense of calm as sitting with you eating Chinese and listening to you babble away, even if you do think I'm gay. I loved the frisson of you asking to come here to my flat tonight. It was so unexpected and so forward. I hoped that it meant that you cared for me and your feelings were more than a crush. I hope that you can have feelings for me, because I really want…need you in my life."
Becker looked up at Jess, biting his lip in anticipation of what she would say next. His hopes rested on her next words. She had the power to make his heart soar or to rip it to shreds. He hated feeling this vulnerable, but he had no choice. He had surrendered and had placed himself completely in her hands.
Jess blinked, then blinked again. She could see in Becker's eyes and open expression that he had been completely honest with her. There was no deception and nothing was hidden. It was exhilaration and terrifying to think that she had so much power over the strongest man in the ARC. She'd taken in what he said and slowly digested it, her analytical mind processing the information and filing it away.
Becker was sitting, expectantly awaiting a reaction and the longer she took to answer the more worried he became. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps she didn't care that much for him, after all she had concluded he was gay. Contingency scenarios began to filter through his brain. Should he stay at the ARC or resign? Could he continue to work there when he had made himself so vulnerable?
Jess took a deep breath, clasped Becker's hand tightly and smiled. "It took you long enough! I love you completely and have done for ages, I just never thought that you could reciprocate."
The smile that engulfed Becker's face was a sight to behold. She had never seen his face light up as much as it did at that moment. He exhaled the breath he hadn't realised he was holding, leant forward and found her lips with his own.
Some while later they disentangled themselves from their place on the sofa. Jess looked at Becker, an evil smirk on her lips "I still think we should have that party" she grinned, "but perhaps to announce we're together?" Becker heaved a sigh of relief and grinned back.
End
