Note: Umm...I wasn't really sure where to post this, so I guess here works. ^_^
Okay, this is the script to an actual tape that my best friend (Dee) and I made for my boyfriend's christmas present-my boyfriend is all too depressed and so we hoped to cheer him up with this. And it worked! He actually laughed! :::looks all smug and proud::: Just so you know, Chia Pett is the nickname of my best friend, and mine is Chia Dom (heh heh......if you don't get it, don't ask. You probably don't want to know that about us. O.o). Yeah, we can get pretty phychotic, I know. ^_^ Anyhow, here you are. ;P


Chia Pett and Chia Dom present:

Anger Control and Depression Relief Techniques




Anger Control Technique #1
Chia Dom: Whenever I get stressed out, it always helps to take some time to yourself. Try counting to ten, nice and slowly. Here, watch me. One.....((sound of someone hitting something followed by a shriek)) Two......((sound of someone hitting something followed by a shriek)) Three......((sound of someone hitting something followed by a shriek))
Chia Pett: Hey, stop hitting me you-
Chia Dom: Shut up, bitch, I'm counting!!!!!

Depression Relief Technique #1
Chia Pett: First thing every morning, just when you wake up, go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and say WHOSE YOUR DADDY?! I mean, I mean, I am happy to be alive, I am happy to be alive.

Anger Control Technique #2
Chia Dom: Whenever you get mad, try thinking of all the people that make you angry and how you'd like to stab them repeatedly and then squeeze their heads until their brains leak out. Woohoohoo!!!!

Depression Technique #2
Chia Pett: Whenever you get depressed, instead of locking yourself in your room and moping*, get out there and kill something. I garrentee that it will make you feel better.

Anger Conrtol Technique #3
Chia Dom: And now for my favorite anger control technique: Torture! ((evil chuckle)) When you get mad, try one of these torture techniques: Whipping someone repeatedly until they beg for mercy. Hanging someone upside down from the cieling by hooks through their ankles. Stepping on a man's genitals and twisting until he's passed out from the agony, or a number of other creative, wholesome techniques.

Depression Technique #3
Chia Pett: When your depressed, try thinking of all the things that make you happy, such as blood; sex; drugs; loud music; murder and so on.

Chia Dom: And now as a final anger control and depression relief technique, we leave you with some soothing music.

((the rest of the tape is filled with Nine Inch Nails; System of a Down; Slipknot; Static X; Arachne's Thread; Rob Zombie; Marilyn Manson etc))

Chias together: This has been a Chia Pett, Chia Dom production.


~_~

Yup, it's short, but we had limited time to make this. We're currently in the process of making a wieght loss tape, which ought to be just as frightening, considering it's us. Hope you liked it. ;P

Disclaimer: None of the bands belong to me (well, Arachne's Thread is partially mine, but not entirely....).