Disclaimer

Emmerdale, its character and storylines do not belong to me, they belong to ITV.

Jacksons POV

Why did he have to say it? Why now? Why at all? Why does he now feel he loves me? What could he possibly see in me that he loves? I mean...it's not like we can go out to gigs or the movies or anything a 'normal' couple would do...we can't even have, mmpphh! I'm no good for him now! I'm not a man, I'm a boy, a boy who needs feeding and and dressing a boy who needs his backside wiped when I, when I, well you know what I mean!

Every day he comes here and my heart aches, all I want to do is get up from this chair, walk over to him, wrap my arms around him and tell him it's all been a dream, a nightmare and tell him I love him back and get back to being a couple, but I cant and never will and I don't want to invite Aaron into this nightmare it's not his fault I'm like this! I answered the phone and I never buckled up so it's all down to me, and now I've not only ruined my life but my mums and Aarons and even my dad's. Suppose saying that everyone's in this nightmare really aren't they? Why can't they just put me in some unit for people like me? Where there are staff paid to look after me! Then my mum and Aaron can get back to living a normal life? My mum can go back to travelling the world and Aaron can go back to being one of the lads, maybe even going somewhere with my mum, I know my mum would love to go to Lanzarote! Me and Aaron went; okay maybe we didn't do a lot of sightseeing, the only sights we saw where the four walls of the apartment and the undercover of the bed sheets and each other's naked bodies and believe me Aarons is LLLUUUSSSHHH!Ha-ha. See its things like that that make this so Fucking hard to deal with, the memories of the fun we had, I know a lot of people questioned what I saw in Aaron, but underneath the tough hard man act he really is the most loving and gentle man, the way he used to stroke my arms with his fingertips as we lay in bed whilst kissing the back of my neck, and the way he would kiss me and then move on to explore my body with his lips and tongue, and the sex, Jesus the sex was AMAZING, that boy certainly knows what to do and how to move, ooooo it sends shivers down my spine thinking about it, although I cant feel them shivers now coz of this stupid fucking paralysis. Smile I've gotta get used to being the butt of the jokes and fun being poked at me aint I?

I fell for the hard man, but fell even harder when I realised what he was like behind closed doors, he's the most gentle, sweetest, loving person I have been with, it also helps that he's totally gorgeous and got the most amazing blue eyes I've ever saw... okay how camp did that make me sound? Right say it like a man Jackson...Aarons proper fit, gotta proper fit ass AND he's proper packing! Okay that's just not me! Ha-ha

I just want to get back to the way it was, when I was walking and working on Declans place and 'going tu' th' wooleh' to meet Aaron on my dinner and being able to feed myself and drink myself, and being able to cuddle up to Aaron on a night time and have my wicked way with him! But I'll never have that again, so what the point in this existence? I'm just a waste of space! All I've got is this, this body that's failed its MOT and waiting to be thrown on the scrap heap! What's the point?