In this galaxy fondly known to Earthlings (that's you) as STAR WARS, we all know one thing for certain:

Boba Fett is by far one of the coolest characters to traverse the Galactic Trade routes.

So shall I honor him? Or shall I test his resolve with the most diabolical and twisted creature to ever be born? The second one. Duh.

And so! I give you:


The Fangirl Menace

(star wars theme song starts playing)

The NEW REPUBLIC is in control, peace restored to the galaxy, happiness everywhere and butterflies prospering on Naboo. The infamous bounty hunter, BOBA FETT has miraculously survived the Sarlacc and scorching deserts of Tatooine. Now he returns to his ship and blasts off to new and dangerous encounters. He picks up a bounty on ASTRID MOBOK, a twi'lek girl who is rumored to have contact to a human living on the newly discovered planet EARTH. Obviously, the crime lords called the HUTTS want to control this newly discovered planet and have stolen a SECRET WEAPON from the Earth surface. Mobok knows about the theft, and so, must be quickly silenced. This, is Fett's mission...


Fett stood by his beautiful ship and patted her lovingly. Her batteries were all charged, the weapons all loaded, and the paint chipped to perfection, for it is a well known fact that no bounty hunter can have the same scary factor when his paint is pristine. Nodding with satisfaction, he turned and strode into the cockpit, seated himself in the cushy seat, and lifted slowly from the Anchorhead landing pad. He'd been given a new target , and he couldn't wait to get back into the game. But now was the part of the mission where he called into his 'employer' and got the details. Pulling up the screen for dialing their hologram, he realized he couldn't remember the Hutt's number.

"I know I wrote it down somewhere." He grumbled under his helmet, looking around for his handy dandy notebook. Every criminal needs one. "There you are." He snorted, pulling it out of the very bottom of the drawer and flipping it open. There, scrawled in the worst handwriting known to the Outer Rim were the words:

Vetsoo the Hutt 1-800-555-0928

Another victory for the bounty hunter! He punched in the number and waited patiently as his terminal rang. After the fifth or so ring, a big slimy looking face appeared with a smaller, obviously human face next to it.

"Achuta murishani! Jee-jee killya doe stupa cheeka weeteebah!" Chortled the Hutt.

"Greetings bounty hunter. We will kill the fool woman together." The human translator squeaked, looking like a toy next to the massive slug.

"There won't be any killing without pay, Vetsoo." Corrected Fett, leaning back in his chair. How he loved the cushy padding. So comfy.

"Ah! Gusha nek. Oto doe wermo. Creeda do. Doe mu-moolee?"

"Lucky man. I want the worm. Credits will be yours. The payment?"

"I want 3 million credits for this one."

"Foonta."

"Satisfactory."

Fett felt like that was too easy. "With half up front."

"Jee panwa da wanga!" Laughed the hutt loudly, holding his enormous belly.

"You amuse him." Mused the human. "Half up front is fine. The credits will be sent."

Vetsoo was still laughing when the screen turned off. Fett glared at it.

"What are you laughing at?" He grumbled, still feeling like that was easier than it should have been. Either the hutt planned on double-crossing him, or this twi'lek girl was worth quite a lot. Possibly both. With a sigh, he disappeared into hyperspace, his charts set for Coruscant.


She wasn't too hard to find. A death threat here, a shoot-out there, and he had her location. Strolling down the streets of Coruscant was fun, even for a murderous mandalorian like Fett. He had to stop and admire the new line of jetpacks Holster had just gotten in stock. They were pre-scuffed for the fashionable 'battle hardened' look. He'd buy one later with the hutt's money for a job well done. He got to the senate building and waited a few minutes. Right on time a short, slender twi'lek came running breathlessly up the steps towards the door. Too easy. He readied his dart gauntlets and shot her down. She dropped to the floor, a small knock-out dart stuck in her neck. A few people stopped and looked at her with raised eyebrows, then shrugged. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence on Coruscant. Some rope, a short walk later, she was loaded onto his ship and they were on their way back to Tatooine. He took a moment to examine her. She was pretty (what female twi'lek isn't?), not exotic however. Green skin, very common. Nicely shaped lekku though. She was slender and obviously a dancer, since she was wearing a black jumpsuit sparkling with white gemstones. Her eyes fluttered and opened, brilliant red.

"What th–!" She looked up and froze, her eyes landing on the well known helmet. "Boba Fett!" She gasped, then slumped. "Blast... I guess they really had it out for me, huh?"

"You could say that."

"It's a shame really. I didn't put up much of a fight."

"You didn't put up any fight." Corrected Fett, turning his head slightly in her direction.

"Thanks for rubbing it in." She snorted, wrinkling her bobbed nose at him. "You don't realize what's going on, do you?"

"Don't bother. I've heard it all before."

"No really!" She sat up earnestly. "I have a contact on Earth–"

"That's why you're here."

"–that told me what it was Vetsoo the hutt stole! We are ALL in danger, Boba."

"When did I say you could call me Boba?" Fett snapped, turning around to face her. "I'm getting paid 3 million credits to turn you in. You really think I'm going to listen?"

Astrid glared at him and leaned forward, her face inches from his. "Yes."

"Then you're daft."

"There's an off-shoot race on Earth that is feared even by the other humans. They're extremely dangerous when loosed upon the object of their... fancy."

Fett turned back to his ship controls, attempting to ignore her.

"Boba! They stole a... a..." She gulped, trying to steady herself. "A fangirl!"

(to be continued)