Hey y'all! It's back! I took it down originally because I hit a low spot and ran out of time to think about the story and actively work on it. I've rewritten a bit, but it is mostly the same. Thanks! Enjoy!
Chapter 1
I pushed my car door closed and the sound startled several birds out of their trees. I punched in the code to my garage door, grumbling under my breath that my garage door opener battery died. It was still chilly out, even though it was spring. I ducked under the door as it rose and stepped over the mess of Christmas stuff that took up our garage floor. I made sure the door closed again and called out as I walked inside, "Hey, mom." Her soft snores drifted in from the living room so I eased the garage door closed and crept through the kitchen to grab a snack. Once I had appropriated the food, I padded up the stairs, stepping on the inside edges to avoid any creaks. I made my way into my room and shut the door. I dropped my backpack onto my bed and dropped into the chair in front of my desk. After a moment of relaxation, I grabbed my bag and got out my homework. After a while, bored of math, I got onto my laptop and started scrolling through the comments that people had left on one of the videos I posted a few weeks ago. It was the first act of my high school's very recent performance of The Phantom of the Opera. I had been Christine and the whole process of rehearsals and shows had been very tumultuous, to say the least.
It was the normal mix of compliments and negativity. The comments about the guy who had played the Phantom were many, liberally interspersed between comments about me, the guy who played Raoul, and the chemistry between me and the Phantom. I couldn't look at those for long, though. Too many feelings that I didn't want to confront lay in wait amongst those words.
I closed out of my YouTube account and clicked over to my email. I started sifting through the usual amount of college propaganda that finds its way into senior year high school students' email inboxes around the last few months of school. As my eyes skimmed the page, they caught on an email from the school I had been offered a full ride from. I was so excited to start there for my next semester. It was one of the few things I actually looked forward to in the future.
The Apastron Performing Arts Academy, New York, New York
Jeanine Fields
To: Emily Amare
Greetings Miss Amare,
All of us here at APAA wish you well and hope the final moments of your senior year are drawing gracefully to a close. We look forward to having you here with us this fall. In light of your recent YouTube post, I personally wanted to congratulate you on a wonderful show. I am very much looking forward to getting to know you and help you grow as a musical theatre actor.
On a slightly different note, I have a question for you, Miss Amare. Do you, perhaps, know how I might contact the young man who played the Phantom to your Christine? I think he would be a wonderful addition to our selection of accomplished students, along with you. However, I have found no way to reach him.
Have a wonderful summer, my dear, and see you this fall!
Sincerely,
Jeanine Fields
(Don't forget to audition for any summer stock around you! It's good to build your résumé now!)
I stared at the screen for a moment, not fully grasping what I had just read. If she couldn't get a hold of Ty, what made her think I could?
Well, I thought, you do have a way to reach his parents. Abby.
Did I want to even attempt to try and get in touch with him? Did I want him to follow me to school? Would I be able to reach him if I tried? Did I really think his parents would let him get near me again?
I went back to my inbox. I'd have to try. Just so I could get back to Jeanine and truthfully say I had no idea how to reach him. I could text Abby and ask her if she had anything that could help me. The page refreshed and a new email stared at me. No way. I felt a smile lift my face and I could hardly sit still as I read:
Corona Theatre, New York, New York
To: Emily Amare
Congratulations!
You have been selected to audition for our summer internship program. As you know, our program is highly competitive and ends in credit hours toward AEA membership. Each intern candidate will audition and be considered for an understudy role, or if I deem fit, cast in our summer show. Through this process, those few selected will start to grasp the basic flow and feel of how professional theatre runs.
Auditions will be Saturday, March 4th, 20xx. We ask that each candidate prepare a full song from our show, Love Never Dies by Andrew Lloyd Webber. If you know any of the other candidates, you are welcome to perform a duet. Come prepared to dance as well as sing, so bring character shoes.
In a break from tradition, this audition will be held in the theater from the house and on stage. Yes, you will all be performing in front of everyone else. Simply come prepared to sing, dance, and act, as we will have our brilliant new accompanist, Cue Reynolds, there to play for you. He will be playing for us throughout rehearsals and the show, so no need to bring an accompanist with you. Know the title and lyrics to your song and you will be set.
Robert Simmons
Director/ Casting Associate
"I don't believe it." I whispered, in awe. I had been selected as a candidate! I had applied for this a couple of months ago when I was filling out college apps, but I didn't think I would hear anything! I jumped up and spun around a couple of times, dancing in excitement. I felt more in this moment than I had in weeks. "Mom!" I yelled. "Mom, mom, mom, mom!" I ran out of my room and down the stairs. "What?" I heard her call. "Guess! You'll never guess, oh my gosh! I'm so excited!" My mom sat up from where she had been napping on the sofa in our living room. "What?" She demanded, grinning in confusion. "Guess who got an audition for the Love Never Dies internship in New York at Corona!" She bolted up, her mouth open. "No. You did? Oh sweetheart! I'm so proud of you!" She crushed me in a hug that had me coughing for breath. She joined me for a bit in my silly happy dance, then she got serious.
"But, Emily, if you got this internship- where will you live? Baby, it's great and I'm so, so proud of you, but honey, I don't know if I want you out there in an apartment on your own. You're not even really a freshman yet. You're not even really graduated yet. Isn't this a little- I don't know, quick?"
"Mom, it's summer stock theatre, so housing's provided there. I checked before I submitted anything. Mom, please. Please. This is like, the best thing that could happen to me right now. I'm eighteen. I can do this."
"I don't know. Wouldn't you rather have a job where you get paid? So you can have some spending money during the school year other than the allowance we give you?"
"No, mom, it's a paid thing. Not much, but it also helps count toward hours for equity. That's why it's such a big deal. Please, mom? I need to do this. I have to. I'll be okay."
She looked at me for a long time. Finally, with a look of resignation on her face, she sighed, "Okay. But you'll have to call me every day. We don't need a-," I interrupted her as I threw my arms around her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She chuckled as I hugged her. After a moment, she said, "But, Emily, listen to me. Call me every day. Or your dad." The worry lines on her face deepened, "We can't go through another event like- like the one that happened with- Nathan." Her voice was soft, but incredibly hard as she forced his name out. Her eyes flew to mine. "I mean it."
"Yes, ma'am." I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I looked at her, my excitement at its boiling point, although slightly tempered by the mention of Nathan's name. The lines around her face softened as she finally let another smile light her face. "Okay, gonna go." I said. "I want to go tell Ja- Jason." As I left her in the living room, I wondered at my thoughts. He'd been the first person after my mom that I'd wanted to tell. Interesting. And promising. Were my feelings returning? I wasn't sure I wanted them to, but I had no one better to tell.
Immediately, I felt guilty at such a thought. If anything, they needed to be somewhat present. I was going to marry him. Because I loved him. Loved. But I was pretty sure I didn't now. Not in a romantic way, at least. A lot had changed the past few weeks, and not all for the better. I knew the right thing to do would be to try and convince him that the charade should end, but somehow, I couldn't see him listening to me. He hadn't the two previous times I'd brought it up, so why bother again? I already knew what his reply would be. My phone buzzed, breaking me out of the dismal direction my thoughts were leading me. "Hello?" I answered.
"Hey, babe!"
"Jase." I grimaced. "No. I will smack you. Again."
He laughed and continued on talking, "Okay, sorry. Hey, did you get an email recently?"
"Maybe. Did you?" I asked, my excitement starting to bubble again in the pit of my stomach, making me giddy. "Yep. Did you get accepted?" He asked.
"Yes! And I'm assuming you did, too, otherwise, you wouldn't have called me."
"You're right." He laughed, "How awesome is this? We get to go audition in New York, first thing outta high school. Want to rehearse together? Want to do a duet?" I heard the cheeky grin in his voice. I snickered a bit as I answered him, "Have you even seen the show?" A pause.
"No."
"Then don't you think that'd be a good place to start? Hmm?"
"Sounds good!" He said. "I'll be over at eight to pick you up. We can watch it at my house, so don't forget it."
"Oh, yeah? What makes you think I own it?" I asked, and yes, I flirted. Heavily. I'm trying, okay?
"Em. You are the biggest fan of this stuff I've ever known. I'd honestly be shocked if you didn't. Plus, I think you told me you had the movie when you found out about this thing in the first place."
"Touché."
"See you at eight?" He asked.
"See you at eight." I replied, actually looking forward to the date. It surprised me. It shouldn't have, but it did. I couldn't wait.
I went upstairs back into my room to re-read my email again, to make sure I hadn't missed anything. After that, I grabbed a book from the large bookcase that sat in my room and lounged on my bed, reading. I enjoyed my momentary journey to another place, far from Earth. By the time I sat it down to get ready to head to Jason's, it was around 7:40. I dug the DVD out from under a stack of other movies and sat it out on my dresser. I glanced in my mirror and shrugged. Good enough. I had worn makeup to school that day, so I looked presentable. I grabbed the movie, a jacket, and my book and went downstairs to wait for Jason to come pick me up.
After another quick journey to another world, a quick knock pulled me back to reality. I opened the door to Jason standing on the porch, hands in pockets. "Hey, Em. Ready?" He asked with a grin. I nodded, "Yeah." I stepped out, movie in hand, and shut the door behind me.
The car ride over to his house was mostly quiet. After a few questions relating to the school day and upcoming graduation, silence pervaded. When we arrived, he put the movie on and we sat there. I loved listening to the music. I didn't find the plot quite as riveting as Phantom, but I still enjoyed it. And, knowing my personal preference of shipping a couple, the way Love Never Dies starts to draw the Phantom and Christine together made me pretty happy. Okay, maybe not the actual way, because that's actually pretty awful. (Gambling and alcoholic hubby who is starting to show signs of abuse- pretty dang bad. And threats of child abduction? Not the best plot, but I'm a romantic.) I just like that they end up together. Or. Would have, had she not, spoiler alert, died at the end.
Anyway, after a few minutes into the movie, Jason tried to surreptitiously slide his arm around my shoulders. When I didn't move, he whispered my name. I glanced over at him and he caught me in his gaze, his eyes smoldering. Crap. "Jason-," He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine. I didn't reciprocate even though the slightly unexpected gesture created warmth that radiated from his lips. I shivered and tried to back up a little. He couldn't hide the hurt as he asked, "Em?" I attempted to remedy the situation by saying, "You're supposed to be watching the movie, dummy. Character building. Preparation. For the audition."
"Right. That." He kept his arm around me and turned back to the movie. I was really starting to hate feelings. Why did they have to be so complicated? They could change far too much and too quickly. However, I suspected that these were simply echoes of what had been. I was trying, though. For him. I did care about him. I just wasn't sure in what capacity my feelings for him originated. I stared at the television screen not really seeing it. When it ended, I only realized it because Jason stretched and said, "Well that was depressing. Why did Raoul have to be such a jerk? And she dies? Really?"
"It wouldn't be truthful, otherwise." Jason looked at me. "What?"
"If she hadn't died, then making Raoul sort of opposite than how he had been in the first one would have been just to appease the fans. It wouldn't be truthful to the story."
"Ah- um. Okay." I sighed at his awkward response. Why did I think that the only one who would truly understand was miles away, somewhere far from me? So far away. My heart gave a lurch, and with a pang, I stood. "I- I think I need to go home now, Jason. I don't feel well all of a sudden." I grabbed the DVD and replaced it into the case. He drove me home in silence. I could practically feel the frustration coming from him. When he parked in my driveway, just as I started to open the door, he grabbed my arm. "Emily." I looked over my shoulder at him. "Explain something to me." I knew this would be coming. "What?" I asked. I knew. He was going to ask why I was acting this way. "Why are you acting like this? Did I do something?" I would tell him what I had told him already. But he wouldn't listen. I knew it. "I've already told you, Jason."
"No you haven't-," He started. I blew up. "Yes, I have and you know it!" I turned to face him, all the frustration with him and his refusal to understand overflowing. "I don't love you-,"
"Yes. You do. You might think you don't, but you do. The spell's still just wearing off. You do. The rose is gone, right? You said it was gone. Emily, you can't love him!" His eyes pleaded with me, and the guilt I had so effectively pushed down rose back up to consume me. I tore my gaze away. "Jason- I- you're right. I'm sorry. I really don't feel all that good, so-," we were kissing again, but this time the warmth returned and I ventured so far as to gently kiss him back. I didn't not like it. And that was a major improvement from the past few weeks.
Eventually, we broke away and Jason managed to ask me a question. "So, Emily. If I were to- maybe- um- ask you something to do with you and me and life and- well, um, would you say yes?" I could feel it slipping away. My will to resist. It would just be easier to pretend. I didn't know of any way out. "I would." I whispered, and got out of the car. I unlocked my front door before Jason could catch me and ran up to my room after locking the door behind me. Why is this so hard? Why can't he- why won't he see? Why can't I break away? I let a few tears fall as my fingertip traced my wrist.
It wasn't gone- the rose. It was still there and I could swear that it had gotten more vibrant. It was more tangible and not as hard to see. I'd had to resort to using foundation to cover it up. I didn't want my parents asking questions. Or Jason seeing it. I'd been convinced that it had been fading and had told him so. But the opposite had been true and for some reason, I couldn't find a way to tell him. So I lied. It was becoming a very bad habit that I couldn't seem to break. I collapsed onto my bed and fished a journal out from behind my mattress. I grabbed a pen from my nightstand and opened the book to the last page I had written on. I tried my best to write down everything that had happened today, from the smallest detail. I struggled to find words to accurately describe my feelings towards Jason, towards anything really. I was having a hard time doing that. Feeling. I was slowly going numb without Ty. I didn't know how to stop it. It was like I'd had a taste of life and now that he had left me, I was dissolving back into whatever grey ordinary routine I'd come from. It was awful. By the time I got to the movie, my pen was moving frantically across the page.
I watched LND with Jason. I was bored. The music was beautiful and for a moment, I felt like myself. But then he tried to kiss me and it startled me and I almost liked it and it hurts too much. I don't love him. I don't. I don't. I don't. God help me, I don't. I don't know how to make him understand, but somehow he keeps pulling me closer and he knows how to make me feel something other than this nothing that has consumed me since Ty he left me. But it isn't good. It hurts. Makes me feel sick. Like I'm trapped. And I can't get out. But when he kissed me again, later when he took me home, I almost wanted more. Almost. I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don't want to hurt him, but he won't let me go.
After that, I started jotting down everything about me that I thought made up my identity. It was a way to keep me sane. Grounded. I would write down who I thought I was and then I would look at it and it would help. Just a little.
Abby answered my inquiry about Ty. In short, she didn't know where he had gone and when she asked his parents, they wouldn't tell her. I answered Jeanine Fields with an apology, but it seemed that I had no way to contact him either. He seemed to have vanished.
Graduation came and went. I was engaged to a man I didn't love. A man I couldn't escape. His grip on me was too tight. The ring Ty had given me helped, though. It comforted me. How he had gotten away from wherever he was, I didn't know, but it helped me. I started to wear it on a long chain around my neck. The grey started to fade and some color returned to living. I was starting to work up the courage to talk to Abby and Jason together. Abby would understand and help me convince Jason that he needed to let go and leave me be. Those musings were almost swept away by preparing for the internship audition. It was one of the few things that gave me life other than the small piece of music that I carried with me. When I sang, it was like I could breathe again, but I still had a hole inside. I didn't know how to fill it.
Okay, so for this last paragraph, it coincides with the end of the last story I wrote and basically this chapter, except for the final paragraph, takes place before graduation- which happens in the other story. The final paragraph is a catch up for when the story really begins. Which will be... next week!
