A/N: Yeah, I'm making Atem awesome-er-er-er than usual! It's Lolita, Mana, Elizabeth Taylor, Angelina Jolie, whatever you want to call me! Lol
-grins and flashes peace-
Summary: Atem and Seto are married, but Seto doesn't appreciate Atem at all. In fact, he becomes an alcoholic and abuses Atem verbally, physically and even sexually. Finally, after three and a half years of suffering, er, I mean 'marriage,' Atem takes full custody of Mokuba, divorces Seto, takes more than half his money, three of his private jets, 4 helicopters, half his mansions (the ones in France, Italy, Indonesia, Germany, Barbados, Trinidad and Tobago, England, Egypt, Australia and America) and of course half his cars. Yip, he's going to live his life like he was suppose to all those years ago, before Seto, before Zork and Bakura, Pegasus, before any of it. He's gonna live his life like its golden! But can he ever forget Seto and what he did? Can he forget that he still loves him? And can Seto get over alcohol and get back to Atem? And if so, will Atem forgive him? Things get complicated when Atem discovers he isn't travelling alone…-hint hint-
-grins evilly-
Oh! Btw, this is in dedication to my sister Yaharah. She got dumped by her boyfriend of I don't know, 3-4 years?
Y.Y Poor Onee-sama!
Idiot James!
Seto: 20
Atem: 20
Mokuba: 16
Warnings: Violence, Gore, Death, Abuse, Rape, M-preg, Angst…BEWARE!
It starts off happy, I guess. But as I said, it's angst. –shrugs- Oh well, the romance will have to wait for a lil' while longer I guess…
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! And I don't own the song 'Golden.'
----Life & Death----
Atem's POV
Hey Oh Hey Yeah
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I help Rowland and Mokuba lift all Mokie's and my things and put them into the trunk of the awaiting white limo I bought yesterday. I choose this one specifically because the crimson interior and golden touches. I plan to tour the world. Mokuba won't be travelling with me though. He plans to start college in the fall, about 6 weeks from now. I'll put my little adventures on hold till so that he can get all that he needs for the semester and get settled in, and I'll settle for awhile in my new mansion in England and you know, 'Temmify' it, so to speak until after Christmas, in January.
A little crimson paint here…A golden pyramid model there…Burn Seto's picture in the fireplace and hope I don't change my mind in the process and save it...
I sigh.
I want to hate him, but I can't.
I just can't.
I wish I could though; it would make things so much easier.
Maybe I should try harder.
Oh, wait.
That's right.
I'm trying my hardest now.
I'm trying my hardest not to run right back to him.
To fall at his feet and beg him to love me again.
I'm such a pathetic waste of space…
I suppose it would benefit me a lot to be close to Mokie and aibou (who is almost finished with college), right now. Speaking of which, I think I might want to go back and get a PHD in Business. I know I already have one in Science and another in Archeology, but I just have this renewed thirst for learning. Anyway, Seto is not happy and is clearly stating that by shouting at me exactly how much of, and I quote, 'ungrateful little bitch,' I am. That, amongst other things… But I couldn't care less. Right? Of course! I'm finally free of this hellhole! And I'm never coming back!
I'm taking my freedom
Pulling it off the shelf
Putting it on my chain
Wearing it 'round my neck
I'm taking my freedom
Putting it in my car
Wherever I choose to go
It will take me far
I'm…
I'm dressed in a pair of what use to be my trademark leather pants(I haven't worn them in about two and half years because Seto said I looked like a hooker in them), a silk crimson shirt, a long, black leather trench coat and a pair of black, studded boots. I'm wearing my multiple belts and traditional leather accessories too. There's a large, circular, golden locket with a lovely and slightly complicated rose design around my neck. Inside are the pieces of our (Seto and mine) marriage certificate. Those thorn pieces of paper represent the thorn pieces of my heart and the ropes I've severed to earn my freedom.
Have you ever noticed how beautiful the world outside Kaiba manor is?
I have. The grass is lush and soft under my feet. The skies above are calm, refreshing and delicate. The air of itself that fills my lungs also fills my soul with a sense of certainty that I am indeed free of the burden of love.
At least, I hope that my love for him is gone. You have no idea how much I hope that it's so. For if I can't lose this love, I'll forever be damned to his side. I just know it. I-if I can't get rid of these feelings, I know what will happen. I'll come back. I re-attach the chains just to be with him. I'd do anything for him.
But the time has come for me to forget such things. Love is a terrible fate to submit to. At least, in my case…
I suppose I'm just unlucky that way. Oh well, such is life. Well, my life. I've always gotten the bad or idiotic end of life and I suppose it's all I'll ever get. Perhaps I deserve it…
No!
Get a hold for yourself Atem!
You need to live more.
You need to live for yourself now.
Seto does need you.
Seto doesn't want you.
Seto doesn't love you.
If he did, he wouldn't have done those terrible, terrible things to you…
Now Atem, don't go there or you might just breakdown in tears.
Again…
I put all my bent-up frustration and pain and sadness into one breath and sigh.
My kohl rimmed eyes (Ra I missed the smooth yet slightly chalky feel of kohl on my eyes!) look at the bitter man yelling at Rowland to stop helping me or he's fired. Rowland didn't miss a beat.
"Mr. Kaiba, I've known you for years. I've watched you and Mokuba-sama grow up into fine young men. I've watched as you were miss-treated by Gozaburo Kaiba, molded into a superb businessman, and eventually become the CEO of KaibaCorp. I watched as Mokuba-sama hacked his first mega computer, became Vice President of KaibaCorp, and graduated High School two years earlier than all the other children in his class and year group."
"I've watched as you dueled your way to the top, Mokuba-sama always at your side. I've watched as you got your first rival. I've watched as your feelings about said rival clashed over time. Feelings that I'm sure you thought you'd exterminated a long time ago. I've watched as you accepted your feelings and the fact that you were still very much human. I've watched as you acted on those feelings and then as you claimed the exquisite beauty beside me," He nodded in my direction and I blushed ever so slightly over my returning tan (The sun feels soooo gooood!), "…as your own and even found the courage to bring him before the altar of eternity, love, devotion and joy, and swore to him that you'd do your best to protect him, serve him and make him happy. I watched as he promised the same. I've even watched as he kept his vows and as you broke all of yours one by one…"
"I've watched and watched and watched, to the point where I know you all better than I know even myself. But, I'm tired. I'm tired of just watching one wealthy and powerful man after another do as they please and not deal with the consequences!"
Everyone, all the maids, butlers, Mokuba, everyone is surprised. Especially Seto, Rowland doesn't ever let his emotions control him! He's always so business like, but there he is head bowed and shoulders racking with sobs. It was quite hard to befriend him. And as a friend, his friend, it pains me to see him like this.
"So, I'm done. I quit Seto Gozaburo Kaiba," he concluded, raising his head and exposing his tear streaked face and equally tearful ash-brown eyes.
That's it, I have to do something, and I have to do it now.
I walk up to Rowland and place a hand on his shoulder.
"If you want," I say softly, "You could come to England with Mokuba and I. And while Mokie's away at college and I'm on my Le Tour du Monde [A/N: It means World Tour in French], you'll have the choice to come with me all expenses paid, or stay as the head of all my households! What do you say?" I end cheerfully.
Well, at least I know I'm an okay actor. For I most certainly don't feel 'cheerful.'
He turns to me and smiles. It's only a little one, but it's beautiful. And I feel proud that I was able to spark such a reaction from anyone at this point of my life.
He nods happily and hugs me! Maybe, just maybe, I'm not that unless after all…
Living my life like it's golden
Living my life like it's golden
Living my life like it's golden
Living my life like it's golden
Living my life like it's golden, golden
(Repeat)
Getting into the limo with Mokuba, the door is closed behind us by Rowland. Once he's in the passager seat, we drive-off, leaving a very stunned Seto Kaiba in his own driveway.
My Seto…
No. Not mine anymore.
"Ya-Atem," Mokuba. He slipped on my name. I suppose it's because I had everyone call me Yami for the past three and a half years. Why? Well, it was because Seto said he disliked it. That Yami turned him on more…
Well, I'm never gonna have to change anything about myself to please him ever again!
I'm bent on doing what I want; when I want! And no one, I mean no one, is going to stop me!
This is my life, not Seto's, not anyone else's.
I plan to live it like it's, it's…GOLDEN!
I'm gonna live my life like it's Golden!
I'm gonna tour the world, just like I always wanted to all those millennia ago when I was a child. However, it was my place as a good son to obey and learn from my father. It was my duty as prince to stay within the limits of my kingdom and study as hard as I could to learn all that I could, so that I would have been able to rule over them properly.
To rule over them justly, wisely, mercifully and lovingly was my calling in life and I was bent on doing well.
I sigh.
We all know how that turned out.
Perhaps I didn't study enough…
Anyway, there was no time to travel then, and do as I wished just for the sake of relishing in feelings of freedom and independence. However, I can be selfish now. And selfish I'll be. If only to forget about him…
My love.
My joy.
My confidence.
My heart, my mind, my soul all mourn the loss.
Oh Seto!
Why?
Why?!
Why!?!
What did I do to you, or say to you to deserve the way you treated me?
What did I do to earn your scorn?
What was it about me that made me lose you?
Why did I lose you?
Why do I even care?
Why is it that I still love you?
You properly don't.
Scratch that, I'm positive you don't…
…Though,
I wish…
I wish that you do.
I wish you still care and love me.
But I won't fool myself any longer.
You don't care Seto-koi…
You don't love me.
And I…
I think,
I think I accept that.
I accept that this time I've lost.
Seto Kaiba has finally beaten the great King of Games!
To you, oh dear, sweet, loving, compassionate, Seto Kaiba, I've lost the game of love.
And by extension, my heart...
"Temu-chan…" Whined Mokuba. Wait, was he talking all this time? Speaking of which, how much time has passed?
"Had I spaced again?" I questioned myself quietly.
"Yes."
Apparently, Mokuba heard it.
"Temu-chan," inquired Mokie.
"Yes," I answered.
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm crying…?" I mutter shocked. Touching my face I feel the seemingly endless moisture.
I try to blink it away but the stubborn water droplets refuse to stop their assault on my face. My endlessly deep feelings of anguish, despair, pain, love and…hate? (Hopefully!) They've decided to ambush me now! Why?!
I turn my face and mutter Egyptian curses under my breath as the tears bombard my senses.
"Damn," I say, "They refuse to stop."
Just then I feel two hands on my face.
I turn my face. Oh. It's only Mokuba.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Inspecting your face," he states as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
It properly is I'm just too stupid to know it.
"Oh," I mutter.
Suddenly, the unexpected happens…the car rides over speed bump and your lips are crashed together!
Our eyes widen as the momentum pushes us off the seat to the crimson carpet covered floor.
Mokuba pulls away from my bruised lips quickly, a bright red blush adorning his cheeks. Immediately he starts spitting out apologies. He does not notice however, that he has yet to get off me. In this position he is straddling my waist.
I'm too shocked to respond. I do notice though, that he still isn't getting off.
Now, don't get me wrong, Mokie's not heavy or anything, no. It just brings back unwanted memories of what happened when I was in this position or similar ones. I shiver.
"Temu-chan," asked Mokie, "Are you okay?"
Obviously, he noticed my discomfort. Still, he's oblivious as to why exactly.
~His hips are violating my waist, just like Seto's…
"Temu-"
"I'm fine Mokie," I interrupt.
He doesn't look convinced.
"Are you sure…?" He persists, "Because you look upset."
~He's forcing me to respond, just like Seto…
"I'm fine," I say.
"You don't look fine," he states.
~His legs are pinning me down, just like Seto…
"I'm. Fine."I repeat. Punctuating each of my words in order to try and make him drop it.
~He's pressing into me, just like Seto…
"Atem, don't lie to me. What's wrong?"
~His thighs are caressing my skin as he moves slowly at first, then faster, just like Seto…
"Atem?"
~He's accusing me, just like Seto…
" 'Tem?"
~He thrusting…
"Hello…"
~Faster
"You 'kay, man?"
~Faster!
"Atemu!"
~Faster!!! Faster!!! FASTER!!!
I begin to struggle, scream.
"Let go!" I beg.
"Wha…?" Questions Seto.
"Please let go!"
"Dude, what's up with you?"
"STOP! LEMME GO! PLEASE! STOP IT! SETO! PLEASE STOP!"
"Wait! What?"
"SETO PLEASE! I'VE BEEN GOOD! I SWEAR! STOP!"
"Atem, it's me!"
"STOOOOOOP!"
"ATEM! IT'S ME, MOKUBA!"
"NOOOOO!!!! STOOPPP!!!"
"ATEM! IT'S MOKUBA!"
"PLEASE SETO, STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! I SWEAR I'LL NEVER LEAVE! I SWEAR!"
"TEMU-CHAN! IT'S MOKIE!"
"STOOO-Mokie…?"
I blink.
Nani…?
"Temu? Are you better now?"
"Mo-Mokie?" Is that really him? But-But I thought…
"Yes Temu-chan. It's Mokuba."
I though…that…Seto…Shit.
I thought those stopped![A/N: Panic Attacks]
DAMN IT!
I feel the tears spill over.
"Shhh…"
I'm so frustrated!
A feel a sob escape me.
"Shhh…"
It's like one step forward and ten steps back!
"Shhh…It'll be okay."
No it won't, I want to say. All that escapes is another sob.
"Everything is going to be okay…"
"I'm sorry…" I'm finally able to mutter.
And I am.
I'm sorry I'm such a mess.
I'm sorry you had to choose between your brother and I.
I'm sorry I'm such a head-case.
I'm sorry I'm so tainted and stupid.
I'm sorry I failed you and aibou.
I'm sorry that I can't return to being the 'old Atem.'
I'm sorry everyone had to get so caught up in my problems.
I'm sorry, okay!?!
SORRY!
But it's too much for today…I can't seem to keep my eyes open.
"I'm sorry…"I whisper as I slip into beautiful unawareness.
Mokuba's POV
I sigh, still stroking Atem's hair.
This is bad. I thought that those had stopped. It's like two steps forward and ten steps back.
It must be frustrating.
I can understand why he broke down when he realized that his attacks are back.
Poor Temu-koi…
Humm…
I like the sound of that.
"Temu-koi…"I mutter under my breath.
It feels amazing to say it.
And after all these years of keeping all my love for him bottled-up and hidden away, I can express them freely with feeling neither guiltly that I'm trying to get him away from Seto, nor as though I'm betraying either of them, or their trust.
I feel so alive with him in my arms like this. Seto has no idea what he had. He was so ungrateful. I still can't believe what he did to Atem. What he did to my love…
Looking down at Temu-koi, I wonder how my own brother could be so cruel to an angel like this.
And yes, though he's the 'yami' or darker half, he's most definitely and angel.
He's my dark angel.
And I know he won't give up 'til he's whole again.
I promise to be there for him, and to help him through rough patch in his life.
"I promise I'll help you live the rest of your life like it's golden," I mutter to the sleeping angel of darkness.
----Love & Hate----
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-PUPPY EYES OF DOOM-
Sayonara,
Lolita
