Clue: an Unknown Alias Parody

Chapter 1
The Guests Arrive


New Jersey, 1958

A black car silently drove on the road, the driver inside struggling to control the power on the accelerate pedal. He slowed to a halt once he arrived at a locked gate. Off on the side was a small box with a keyhole. He rolled down the window and inserted a mahogany colored key. He turned it a few times until the gate before him opened up.

He continued the car up to a driveway, the overhead moonlight adding an ominous feeling to the situation. He parked, turned off the car, and got out of it with two things in hand. One was his coat draped on his right arm; the second was a lumpy and wrapped package. He went to the door of the mansion, all the ground floor lights on. The manor was huge and complete with a cellar, and second floor for bedrooms and an attic.

The figure stopped as he neared the entrance to see something off to the side. There were two dogs, growling and on guard. Well, the large brown one with an 'SD' dog tag on was. The smaller, pink dog just stood there with shaking knees as he tried to growl. What were their names again? Scooby and Courage was it? Oh well. The figure continued on, only to jump back as the dogs pounced forward, snagging the boy's coat. The boy then unwrapped the package to reveal two legs of raw lamb. He tosses them to the dogs who take them back to their doghouse.

The boy quickly grabbed his coat and went to the chains that held the dogs. He shortened them so that they couldn't get anyone that didn't want to be caught while the dogs just nibbled at the meat. The boy got up and smiled in triumph. He then stepped once before his smile fell. He looked down to his foot before turning his head to glare at the dogs. They just stared back until they chuckled silently. The child just glared as he began to scrape his shoe on a pillar.

He entered the house and hanged his coat, revealing his butler outfit for the night. He had short and curly brown hair, a mole the space above his upper left lip. He seemed to have a scab on his left cheek and sideburns that were getting way too long. He looked about the hall to take in the Victoria style glory and beauty of the manor. Listen very carefully and you could even hear a record player playing 'Shake, Rattle and Roll'.

He followed the music into the library where a maid was waiting. The maid outfit seemed like something from a Playboy magazine as the girl was bouncing a little to the song. She was of Spanish descent and was polishing one of the few glasses. Her figure just screamed a word that doesn't even fit the rating of this story. Her name was Paulina. The boy then turned off the radio to her surprise.

"Is everything ready?" the boy asked.

"Si senor," she answered.

"Do you have your instructions?" he insisted.

She only nodded as the boy left. She then stopped and sniffed the air. She checked her shoes to see if she was what she smelled. Meantime the boy crossed the hall and into the kitchen where an elderly man was sharpening a knife.

"Everything good on your end Mr. Ichiraku?" he asked only to have the knife pointed to him.

"Dinner will be ready at 7:30," he reported.

That's when the doorbell rang. The boy left to it as Ichiraku continued to sharpen his knife. The boy opened the door to reveal a dark skinned man in a blue suit. He had dark hair that was slicked back into a ponytail and had a serious air about him.

"Good evening," the boy welcomed with a smile.

"Hello," the other began, "I don't know if I-"

"No no no, don't worry," the boy interrupted. "You are expected. Do you mind if I take your coat colonel? It is Colonel Sokka, correct?" he asked as he took Sokka's coat.

"Well not really," Sokka replied. "My real name is-"

"Ah ah ah ah ah!" the boy interrupted again, "I'm sorry Colonel Sokka, but I'm afraid that you'll have to agree to my employer's terms for the use of an alias."

The boy hanged the coat in the nearby closet, Sokka in the meantime made a grimace as he sniffed the air. What smelled like poo? He quickly hid his facial expression as the boy began to lead him through the hall.

"So what's your name?" Sokka asked.

"My name is Alias sir. I'm the butler around here."

As they arrived at the library door, Sokka couldn't help but look up to the elegant chandelier. Little would he guess that he was to have an unfortunate experience with it later. They entered the library just as Paulina poured the first glass of brandy. Alias stood to the side as Sokka entered behind him.

"Paulina, please tend to the colonel here and give him anything that he needs. … Within reason granted."

Alias left while Sokka stared at the Hispanic standing before him.

"Uh, Alias? I was wondering if you-"

He had turned to face Alias, only to see the shelves of books that made up the door. MAN! What I wouldn't give to have a room like that! Meantime, the doorbell rang again and Alias made his way. The door opened to another tanned girl with black and a dress that seemed more for a funeral than a dinner party.

"Ah please, come in," Alias gestured.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked cautiously.

"I only know that you are to be known here as Mrs. Valerie Gray," Alias replied as he removed her coat and hanged it.

"Yeah, why is that?" she asked. Then she too then sniffed the air for the source of the foul stench.

In the library, Sokka took his glass from Paulina, only to move away with the door's opening swing until he was squished by it and the wall, bringing out a cry of pain. Alias and Valerie entered, with both the ladies in the room flinched at the sight of the other.

"Mrs. Valerie, allow me to introduce you to Paulina, the maid." He then sensed the hate between them. "I see you two met before."

Valerie only went off to the side while exchanging greetings with Sokka.


Out on an open road, there was a red car with the hood up. Its owner raised her head from her inspection, and then kicked the car in anger. She had a blue dress and coat on, blue eyes and bleached blonde hair. She looked off to the side, happy to see two headlights coming down the path. She leaned back into the car to look helpless, remembering at the last second to pop her leg up for good measure. The purple car slowed to a stop as the owner leaded over to look at her. He had a purple suit, grey skin, red eyes and hair.

"Need some help?" he offered.

"Yes," the woman said happily as she got into the car. "Late for a dinner party."

"Yeah, me too. So where ya goin?" he asked as he shifted the car into gear.

The girl then pulled out a white letter and looked at the address on the bottom. "Wilson House off of Route 42."

The man's eyes widen at that. "Hold on, let me take a look at that!" he grabbed the letter and looked at it. "This is the same invite that I got!"

They shared a moment of silence as he handed her back the invite and turned on the wipers as rain began to fall and was rapidly heaving. He stepped on the pedal, leaving the girl's car to rust. … … Okay that was kinda angsty.


"And this," Alias introduced in the library to the guests, "is Mrs. Hinata Hyuuga."

She stood in a white gown, her timid ness showing at the new faces. But she did receive hellos from Sokka and Valerie.

"Paulina," Alias spoke, "please check to see if dinner will be on time."

Paulina nodded and went to the door, handing a glass of brandy to Hinata. She took it while seeming even more nervous at seeing Paulina's not so modest clothing. Meantime, the doorbell rang again as Alias left to get it. At the door a slim figure was taking refuge from the increasingly heavy rain. The man was tall, slim, white, had blonde hair in the style of a Mohawk and mullet fusion and was staring at the angry dogs. The door opened to reveal to Alias that the man was in a classic black suit.

"Uh, excuse me but is where we are to see a Mr. Wilson?" the man asked.

"Yes this is," Alias replied. "And you must be Mr. Demyx. SIT!" he shouted to the dogs while Demyx quickly sat in the nearby bench in fright until Alias saw him. "Ah, not you Mr. Demyx."

Demyx looked in confusion until he remembered the dogs. He let out a breathy chuckle before following Alias inside.


At that time the final car was coming off onto the driveway.

"It should be just off there," the girl directed.

The man drove until the car suddenly stopped at the gates, allowing its passengers to look at the mansion. "This must be it," he said in a scared tone.

"Yeah," the girl agreed, "but why did the car stop?"

"…Because it's frightened?" he finished even more scared, trying not to let her see his foot which was practically glued to the brake.

He finally put the car back into gear and continued. He quickly went to the driveway, parking the car as close to the house as possible. He came out first with an umbrella already opened. He then rushed to the passenger's door and opened it allowing the girl to rush with him to the porch to avoid getting wet. The man closed the umbrella while the girl checked to see if she got wet.

"Man," he exclaimed, "what a god forsaken place."

That's when he grabbed her butt. She got ready to draw her fist when the door opened and the sight that awaited the opener surprised him.

"Why, Professor Jack Spicer! And Miss Ino Yamanaka! I didn't realize you two knew each other!"

"We don't," Ino said angrily as she went inside and shot a glare at Jack at the same time.

They arrived to the library, Alias in lead.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you all to Miss Ino Yamanaka and Professor Jack Spicer. Of course granted as you can tell by these ridiculous names, nobody here is by their real name."

Everyone stared at everyone else, the mystery thick enough to cut with a knife. Suddenly a loud gong noise sounded, shocking Demyx into spilling his brandy all over Hinata.

Alias just smiled. "Ah dinner."

Hinata stood there frightened while Demyx pulled out a tissue. "Uh, sorry about that," he apologized, "I'm a little accident prone."

The others just went into the hall, following Alias and Paulina to the dining room. None of them realized that this night was to change their lives forever, or that seven lives will end tonight either.