Summary: Simon knows he screwed up. Bad. Because a fledgeling cannot live without a clan and Clary had caused him to lose everything. The rune still burned on his shoulder, the rune that had forced him to obey her every command. The rune that she had used to destroy his home, his life. His love will never forgive him.

Main Pairings: Simon/Raphael, Alec/Magnus

Editor is BlueStar1937 on AO3


Chapter One

Simon felt the sun go down. He was currently curled up in an empty warehouse down by the docks sleeping under tarps to keep the sun off himself. It wasn't ideal but nothing was these days. He was hungry, so damn hungry. He would have to go to the butchers tonight, they sold him the animal blood for cheap. It was something Raph had taught him though the older vampire hadn't meant it to be a sustainable food source. Raphael had only told him about it as a supplement to human blood in case there was a need.

Simon pushed the tarps off himself and stood. Like always he checked everything he had in a ratty messenger bag. Wallet, noteboosk, pen, flash drive, star of David, switchblade, pepper spray. The last two had become necessary after he had had a run in with a werewolf and found that he was too weak to properly fight. He was dying a slow death but that was the death he deserved.

Unconsciously he fingered the rune on his shoulder. It had a nasty scar through it, a nasty self inflicted scar that had pussed up for days after he had made the slice but the cut had done its job and made it so that the shadowhunters couldn't control him through the rune anymore. It didn't matter though, he had done enough damage under its power.

Once he knew he had everything, he shuffled out of the warehouse and onto a empty street. He would have to hit up a ATM to pay for the blood but hacking ATMs had become second nature to him. A necessary evil in the long run. He shuffled through the streets, head down and shoulders hunched making him look like any other homeless person in the city. His hair had grown out and now hung clumped and matted down to his shoulders. He was sporting just as gross facial hair which he supposed kept people from recognising him. He knew Magnus had been tracking him, had seen him and Alec around but had always avoided them. It had been almost half a year since he had betrayed his family, betrayed Raphael who had just started to trust Simon with his heart.

He pulled the flash drive out of his bag when he reached an ATM and plugged it into the slot on the side. The program ran and he withdrew six hundred dollars before unplugging the drive and scuttling off. The ATM wouldn't raise any alarms, to it it was like he had had an account and used a card. The program had been Simon's first priority when he had first become homeless and had taken him three weeks to finish.

He took the subway to the vampire friendly butcher in Astoria and bought enough blood to gorge himself since he couldn't store it. The butcher didn't even blink when he paid in cash just passed him five bags of blood and told him to get out. Simon took the blood to the small park on the river and dug in. He was sitting there wondering where he should stay the next day. He had noticed an old apartment building that had a faulty lock on the cellar that he might be able to break. As long as he didn't make too much noise he would be fine.

"Simon?" A voice said and he jumped. Spinning around he saw Jace standing twenty feet away with a reusable grocery bag in his left hand.

"Hey." Simon said skittishly. Jace grimaced

"What happened to you Lewis? You look like shit." Jace said and Simon looked down with a shrug

"Clary happened." Simon said and Jace nodded

"Yeah. I get that." He said shifting his weight. Simon thought he was just going to walk off until he said, "You got a place to live? I've got an apartment five blocks from here."

Simon blinked, "You don't live at the Institute anymore?" He asked and then mentally cursed himself. Jace just shrugged. "Left that business. Well, more like got told to leave or they were going to execute me. I'm a judo teacher at a gym now." Simon felt a flicker of hope ignite in his chest.

"If it's really okay with you, I'll come." Simon said grabbing his bag and shuffling towards Jace. They didn't talk until they reached the apartment, a nice one bedroom place, and Jace set the grocery bags down in the small kitchen

"Go take a shower and wash up. I doubt you've been able to do that for a while. Have you eaten recently?" Jace said as Simon stood hesitantly by the door. He didn't want to answer Jace's question about his eating habits so instead he asked a question that had been on his mind since they had started walking to the apartment

"Can...Can I shave?" Simon asked and Jace nodded.

"Sure, I'll get you a pair of clothes while you're in the bathroom. Doubt anything will fit well but we can go shopping tomorrow night." Jace said without looking at Simon.

Quietly Simon made his way to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom and started the shower making the water as hot as he could. He stripped out of his layers, too many layers, and stepped under the spray. The water felt so good and he stood under the spray for at least five minutes without doing anything but soaking up the warmth.

One thing he had been grateful for was that he no longer felt the heat. Summer on the streets were hot and August, his first month on the street, had probably been the worst month. Not that January was much better. He couldn't tell how many times the cops had picked him up and taken him to a mundane homeless shelter during snowstorms. He had always tried to leave when he thought no one was looking, knowing that the below freezing temperatures wouldn't affect him like they used to.

He had always feared those homeless shelters because they packed people in like sardines on the nights were there was a lot of snow. Too much blood calling to him. Too much temptation.

Simon scrubbed his hair, taking his time to get all the tangles and grime out before washing it several times with the Head and Shoulders shampoo and conditioner just because he could. Once his hair was clean he scrubbed his body down twice with the soap that was in there, an Old Spice brand that smells like citrus, clove and something he couldn't place.

He stepped out of the shower and grabbed the electric razor that lay on the counter. He switched the blade so that he wouldn't mess up Jace's and began to shave the jungle that had grown on his face. It took longer for him than he would have liked to leave the bathroom once he looked at himself in the mirror without all that hair. His face was all sharp edges and matched the rest of his body quite well. His ribs stuck out from skin that was pulled far to tight along his body. Animal blood might have kept him from killing humans but it didn't give him the nutrients that he needed.

He ran his fingers through his wet hair before wrapping a towel around his waist and leaving. The bedroom was empty, thankfully, and there was a pair of jeans, a black button up, a belt, and a pair of socks on the bed. Simon quickly got dressed and noted how the shirt was loose around his ribs and that he needed to tighten the belt to the smallest it could and it was still slightly loose on him. He slipped the socks on even though the cold floor wouldn't have bothered him. When he left the bathroom he found Jace cooking something in the kitchen. It smelt spicey which made Simon think of Raphael. Raphael's blood had always had a small kick to it like the fajitas that Simon had always gotten at his favorite Mexican restaurant

"You headed out?" Jace asked as Simon came around the bar.

Jace was cooking what might have been spanish rice in a skillet on the top of the stove and Simon waited until Jace was looking at him before responding with a shrug as he fingered the edge of the shirt.

"Probably. There's an internet cafe that is Downworlder friendly in Sunnyside but most of Dumort's occupants don't know about it or don't care that it's there." Simon said and Jace hummed.

"Well I can't make you come back but always know that this is a safe place for you should you need it." Jace said and Simon let a small smile slip onto his lips.

He moved back to the bathroom and gathered up his old clothes, picking out the best ones to wear and tossing the rest into the trash. He grabbed his bag, slipped out of the apartment and headed towards the cafe.

Raphael stalked down the silent streets of Sunnyside. It was quiet here, something he was grateful for with all the buzzing in his head. He had been avoiding his clan for the past week due to the fact that he couldn't get the damn traitorous fledgeling out of his head. How Simon's eyes had been dilated and the fact that the only Shadowhunters that had been there suddenly had a secrecy rune on them making it impossible for them to talk about anything to do with Camille's rescue.

He was only going back to the hotel for sleep and a quick meal earning concerned looks from his second, Lily. He ignored them and the paperwork piling up that needed to be signed. Lily could take care of most of it but he still had to sign the shit. Maybe he should get one of those stamps with his signature. Most nights he wandered, following a scent he thought was only in his head, the paths were random enough for them to be just a figment of his imagination.

He saw a tall familiar figure slip out of a small 24/7 cafe and the scent that he followed every night hit him; the scent of sugar, cherries, and a hint of cinnamon. There was also a sharp sour tone that nearly washed the mixture away. Raphael wrinkled his nose but moved closer to the figure he knew was Simon.

He was nearly on top of the other vampire before Simon spun and sprayed something in Raphael's face. Whatever it was, it burned and he dropped to his knees with a shout of pain. It cleared up quickly with several rapid blinks and lots of scrubbing. Looking up, Raphael was treated to a view of Simon running away. With a growl, Raphael gave chase. Simon was moving slow for a vampire and Raphael was quickly gaining on him when Simon swerved into a 24/7 bodega where there was three mundanes shopping. Raphael growled deep in his throat and slowed to a stop in front of the store. It became apparent after twenty minutes that Simon had found an alternative exit and he stalked away. He pulled out his cell and speed dialed one for Magnus

"Hijo? Is everything okay?" Magnus asked and Raphael let out an unnecessary sigh. There was the sound of pounding music from Magnus' side of the line and Raphael assumed that he was at Pandemonium.

"I found Si today." He said and there was a sharp inhale on the other end.

"Was he okay? Where is he staying? Is he eating okay? Where is he now?" The rapid fire of questions made Raphael feel a shot of guilt go through him.

"I don't know the answer to any of those questions. I found him in Sunnyside, started following him and he sprayed me with something before I could stop him. He ran, I got pissed and chased. He lost me in a bodega." Raphael said sounding and feeling put out.

He heard laughter on the other end of the line.

"He's gotten smart. I'll use a tracking spell again tomorrow night. We'll find your wayward fledgling and get answers. Clay and Isabelle are still under that rune of secrecy but Simon wouldn't have been able to wear it." Magnus said. Raphael hummed before hanging up. There were too many unanswered questions about the night that Simon had helped the Shadowhunters break Camille out. He looked up at the sky and imagined what the stars would look like.