Disclaimer: I don't own Maria+Holic.

Dear Diary,

Nobody understands me. Nobody, except for maybe you. It's the first time I've written in you, or in any diary at all, so let me introduce myself: My name is Shidou Mariya, and I am a 17-year-old crossdre- erm... I mean, boy, in the all-girls school Ame no Kisaki. It's too long a story to write here, so just ignore that strange fact, Diary. I have so many problems. And no one was ever able to understand, or even notice those problems, so I think I'll just tell them to you, that way maybe I'll feel a bit better...

MAYBE...

Mariya looked up from his newly-bought diary, and stared at the blue-haired girl sleeping at the other side of the room. For his luck, Kanako was still sleeping, and his maid, Matsurika, was sick and at the hospital. How that maid would joke about him if she ever found out about his diary... Maintaining her serious expression, of course, which ticks him off even more. It was nighttime, and the only light in sight was the rather dim light of his almost-no-more-battery cellphone, which he was using to see so he could write without waking Kanako. The only sound he could hear was that of her snoring loudly from the other side of the room... At first it had been hard to sleep in the same room as someone so noisy, but with time he grew accustomed. She wasn't a very light sleeper, but it's better to be an alive coward than a "dead" hero(not as if she would do anything bad to him), so he breathed slowly and tried to make no noise at all as he moved his pencil from left to right, up to down.

The reason he was being so careful was because he was going to write in that diary many rather embarrassing secrets, which he didn't want anyone to know about. Especially not Tokyo Tower. He snickered as he remembered all the nicknames he and Matsurika had given her. She grumbled in her sleep, and he immediately stopped moving and held his breath. He sighed, relieved, as she simply turned away from him and pulled her covers over her head. False alarm. He continued to write in his diary.

"Lesbo girl", "stupid lesbian"... Why doesn't she understand the reason why I call her that? What is that Kanako, an idiot? Jealousy is awful, and even more when a particular person doesn't see it. I know it might not seem like it, but I care so much about her... Life's unfair. Why did my first love have to be lesbian? She could be so many things, both bad and good. But she had to be lesbian. Here are my chances with her: 0%. Hell, I'd have more chances than that even with another boy! It could be at least 0.00001%... T_T

I'm tired of her obliviousness. I think I'll try to tell her my feelings, another day. I mean, maybe next month. Next year? Nah, she might get a girlfriend if I wait so long! I'm sooo nervous...

P.S: Wish me luck. I REALLY need it. Some sort of magical potion or genie in a bottle could help a bit, too... Although, I think I'm gonna be rejected either way. What I need is a miracle. No, I'm not being a pessimist, I'm being the most optimistic person in the world. If I were a pessimist, I would've hyperventilated, had a panic attack and then passed out because of how high my chances of being rejected are. Wait, I think that's happening right now. Great.

Just as Mariya finished writing, he noticed something was next to him. He jumped in suprise and quickly closed his diary. "What were you writing about?", Kanako asked as she stared at the frightened boy who looked exactly like a very cute girl. It was rather amusing to see him scared of her instead of the normal thing: her scared of him. "Tha-That... That's...", he stuttered, face all red. "...That's none of your business, tree! Eiffel Tower! Lesbian zombie!". "Zombie? ", she asked tiredly. "That's new. The lesbian part I get, but why zombie?". "Because... BECAUSE YOU'RE NOTHING MORE THAN A BRAINLESS OAF! STOP PUTTING YOUR NOSE IN OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS!", he yelled at her. As soon as he started yelling, her instinct made her panic and run in circles before jumping onto her bed and putting her pillow over her head.

At that moment, Matsurika entered the room, back from the hospital. "You know, Mariya, sometimes I get the impression that you like Kanako.", she said in a mocking tone, somehow without changing her facial expression. "Your yelling was so loud, it could be heard from outside the dorm.". She closed the door behind her. "Eh?", asked Kanako, taking the pillow off of her head. "I didn't hear you straight, Matsurika. What was that you said?". Before she could answer, Mariya "flying kicked" her on the head, making her faint. Kanako only heard a large "THUMP!" noise, since it was so dark she could barely see. "I'll kill you later, bitch.", he mumbled to the fainted maid, as if he hadn't killed the poor thing already. "What was that? It sounded like and elephant fell from the sky.". "...Ah! Oh, nothing, nothing, Kanako-chan! That must've been just some silly pigeon who accidentally hit the window.", he told Kanako in his girly voice, making a pose. Mariya sweatdropped... why the hell did that maid have to say something like that in front of her?

As a reaction to his girly voice and pose, Kanako nosebleeded. He only needed to feel something that seemed to be water but at the same time wasn't hit his skin to know what happened. "Gaaah! Look at what you've done, you pervert! Yuck!", he overreacted. Normally, he would just laugh and call her a pervert, but this time the blood had covered him from head to toe. "Next time you do that, I swear I'll rape you!". He went to take a bath. She sighed... he seemed a bit weird today. Maybe it was that diary he was writing in before? She stopped thinking about that, closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Hello! Haru-chan here! This is my first story, so sorry if it's not very good. Mariya-senpai seems a bit OOC too, but I'll fix that in the next chapters. For now, just imagine that you're seeing his... uh... "other side", the side Kana-chan never saw, so you didn't see it either. ^^;;; I know it's crappy, but you can at least thank me for being one of the "species in risk of extinction" who write MariKana stories. I'll publish the next chapter as soon as possible! [EDIT]; I've decided to put the 1st and 2nd chapters together, since I noticed the chapters were too short.