Summary: Maryse has a secret, one she would never dare speak aloud but one she never regreted.
Alec is Luke's son Au.
She'd always known that Alec would be great, ever since she first felt him squirm inside, she'd known.
Watching him she felt proud, prouder than any moment that had come before.
He was her first born, her eldest son, but she'd felt guilt when she'd first held him in her arms after his birth, guilt that she'd never be able to explain, not to her son, and not to her husband.
She'd always noticed his differences, the things that made him better, the things that he recieved from his father.
Alec's laugh, the way his smile lit his eyes, his heart.
It was that heart that Valentine had taken advantage of when they had decided to follow him all those years ago, that heart that he'd broken and betrayed, the same one she had destroyed when she had turned Alec's father away, had cursed and insulted and insulted him instead of standing beside him as she should have done.
She'd married Robert within the month at Valentine's assistance, she'd led him into the fold, it was only right that she marry him.
She'd known then, known what she carried inside her, a reminder of the love she'd thrown away and tried to forget.
There had been a moment, a single moment of weakness after she'd discovered the tiny, new life she had created from a love destroyed, that she had found herself outside of a Mundane clinic. It would have been so easy, she remembered thinking, so easy to ride herself of that small life, the thing within that needed and depended on her for it's very existance, so easy to just make it go away.
And then, and then she felt it move, a tiny little flutter of movement, almost like the butterflies it's father had given her whenever he'd smiled at her before, before she'd refused to accept his new status. That Alec's father still gave her when he smiled at her just like that, like she was the most important thing in the whole world and that nothing could ever change his love for her, not even the betrayal she'd given him.
She'd almost fallen to the ground sobbing, leaning heavily on the wall behind her and she'd covered her mouth, not in horror for what she'd almost done but in awe for the little thing she'd been given by the Angel's grace, the little life that was a remainder of what she'd lost, a last little piece of the man she'd always love and had had to give up for their cause.
And so she had kept the life she carried, she'd grown it from it's little flutter into the child she birthed, early by the timeline she'd given the Clave and her husband, but she knew, she knew that her little boy wasn't early, and she'd never, never reveal that, not to anyone, not even Alec's father, it was a secret she'd take to her grave and only she and the Angel would ever know that the man who had brought forth Alexander was the same man who had been Parabatai to Valentine, the man who was now a werewolf.
It would be foolish to tell them now anyway, as Lucian laughed at something Magnus Bane said, as the little warlock Madzie began falling asleep on Alec's shoulder, Alec who was in turn leaning into Magnus. What was there to gain for any of them really, Maryse wondered, what else but guilt and sorrow for a life missed and anger at her, where it was rightly deserved, and so she'd keep her secret, she'd take it to her grave.
Let Maryse Lightwood bare the guilt and sorrow for a missed and loving relationship between a father and his son, let her cry into her pillows for never telling Luke that she'd carried his child, that he had a blood-born child that existed that he'd never seen grow up, let her silence lay heavy on her tongue and weight down her heart whenever Luke spoke about the changes Alec brought to the Downworld and the Clave's relationship with them, the ideas he and Magnus proposed during the Downworld council meetings. Let her secret damn her to an eternity in darkness, alone and cold, but don't let it touch them with sorrow or grief, with regret for missed memories.
Let the regret and sorrow, and guilt be hers and hers alone, for a secret kept in silence.
But Maryse would never dare regret giving birth to and raising Lucian Graymark's child, and perhaps... perhaps if she had been braver, less taken in by Valentine, more open to following her heart, she would have dared to raise Luke Garroway's son.
A/N: I said I was going to write a fic where Alec was Luke's son not Robert's, I just didn't know it was going to be Maryse's point of view.
I may do a follow up where Alec knows that Luke is his father but do not count on it.
This is based on the whole Shadowhunters love once and that before his turning Maryse and Luke had a relationship and that the relationship between Jocelyn and Luke was Platonic or perhaps it was the Parabatai bond leaking through or whatever.
