The annoying alarm clock beeped for a minute before I started to move, I didn't want to be late. You always hated it when I was late, guess it doesn't really matter anymore, but still I shouldn't be late.
You would be there today, we always used to go there, I was never on time but I would be today, for you. Not that you'd notice. I wish you did.
I left my too big bed, that felt empty without you. You should be with me. I rush my breakfast and get dressed quickly, I can't deal with the silence I feel when I'm in my own house. The car journey is the same, too much silence and too much of you. I even think the radio was mocking me as it played a song, our song. But it isn't our song anymore, it's nothing, it's lyrics mean nothing to me anymore because I know they mean nothing to you anymore. I parked up, I had to leave the confined space that I call my car.
The cafe was half full, as usual, but you weren't there, why weren't you there? I searched a few more times but still no sign of you. I sat at our usual table, hopefully you would see me and talk to me, unlikely but I still hoped. Please talk to me.
You finally enter the cafe, you don't notice me, you don't even look my way, it's probably for the best. You find a table on the other side of the room, you get your phone out and fiddle with it, texting maybe. I unconsciously feel my pocket for my phone but I know it isn't me your texting, you probably deleted my number, I wouldn't blame you.
You don't move to get a drink, a chocolate cream - your favourite, but you look up and smile towards the counter, I want to look to see who deserves your smile, but I can't take my eyes off you.
Your hairs down, I haven't seen it down in months, your eyes are the same - beautiful and wide. I try to keep my eyes from your lips, the ones that I used to kiss. You look wonderful, happy. You didn't look happy the last time we spoke, you haven't looked happy in ages.
I want to walk over to you, it's been so long since I've heard you speak. I want to put my hand over yours and stop you from fidgeting, but somebody beats me to it.
A man. Someone I've never seen before. He puts drinks down on the table and you smile at him as he sits in the seat opposite you. I feel the jealously , the uncontrollable fire fly through my body to my fists, making me clamp them onto the table to stop me going over to you and him. I have no right to be jealous, you used to say that to me but only now is it true.
He says something and you laugh loudly and it makes my heart squeeze, you never laughed like that with me, and you sounded too lovely to be true.
I should stop watching, it's only hurting me but I can't help but look at you and him. He still has hold of your hand and I look at mine, I never held your hand. It never seemed appealing to me, but now I would give anything to be the one holding your pretty little hand.
He reaches into his bag and your eyes are wide with excitement, he hands you a single rose. You laugh as he tries to put it in your hair, you take the rose from his hand and sniff at it and you smile again. I look down shamefully, I never gave you flowers. I didn't see the point in them, I never thought you would want flowers, damn why didn't I think?
Your food comes, we never got food here. I was always to busy, I knew that you wanted to spend more time with me but I didn't have the time. Now I have too much time without you.
I look away to see your best friend enter the cafe, I don't think she ever liked me, none of your friends did. She looks around, searching for you, she must see me but she doesn't give me a second glance. She walks over to you, her boyfriend walks into the cafe and notices me straight away, he gives me a glare. He never scared me, I was bigger than him, but he always had that air around him that he could kill you with a look. He follows his girlfriend and pats him on the back in a friendly gesture while she hugs you. They like him, I can tell. You used to say they did like me but couldn't get to know me because they never saw me - you were trying to make me feel guilty, but only now do I feel the guilt welling up inside me like the jealousy did before.
I see two other people enter, a woman who could have been a model and a mountain of a man, I've never seen them before but they must know you because they walk straight over to your table and greet everyone like they are all life long pals. There his friends. You never liked my friends and you like everyone. You said they were a bad influence, I should have listened.
You go to the toilet with the other girls, you're laughing again and your whole face is light up. While you're gone your best friends boyfriend points me out, subtlety but I knew they were talking about me. I hear the massive man, who I don't know, shout, "he's the one who hurt our Bell!" I know that they are defiantly talking about me as does most of the cafe, probably. They all glare at me and I gulp, I'm scared because I deserve whatever they plan to do to me and it hurts knowing I hurt you. They look away and I take in a shaky breath.
Your back before I know it but I can't look at you, it's too much. I play with my phone for a few minutes. I'm about to leave, I wish I had left, when you and everyone around you stand up. They all leave as you put your jacket on, he's waiting for you, I sense a few glares but I'm too enthralled with you, this might be the last time I see you for a while. Your leaving but he pulls you back, you fly into him.
"Edward?!" You exclaim, so his name is Edward, stupid name.
"It's our song." He says to you and you melt, and suddenly your swaying and then dancing. People are watching but for now I don't think your bothered about the attention your getting. It's like your too lost in being with him to even care about the rest of the world and what they think. You've never been so carefree, and I'm jealous again.
I realise that we never danced, even though you love to. I never started dancing with you simply because of a song, I never took you to dance. Why didn't I? It's clear that you love dancing.
You stop dancing as the song ends and you kiss, I look away. I can hear cheering and I know that you'll be blushing and I can hear your slight giggle that makes my heart ache. Then my world is silent again and I know you've left.
I know I should leave now, you were the only reason I was here anyway. I get up out of my chair, I'm on autopilot as I get to my stupid car. I hit my head on the steering wheel.
"Are you okay there?" I look up to see a girl, she's pretty but she isn't you.
"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks." She looks as if she wants to say more but she doesn't and she leaves.
As I'm driving back to my empty house 'our' song is playing again, and I'm starting to get angry that we had such a popular song.
Im so sorry, Bella. I want to be yours again, I need to be yours again. But your happy. I'm sorry I didn't do the things I should have done when I was your man. I'm so sorry.
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