Prologue
It was in this moment I knew I was going to die.
Exhaustion had long overtaken my body. My legs refused to hold my weight any longer.
I heard a grunt from my captor behind me as he took on my full weight unexpectedly. While my body started to fail me the one sense that was left unobstructed was my mind.
I feel my body crumble and fall past the unknown abductor's fingers and then I am on the cool autumn floor. Crackled leaves surround me like a bed of roses. I blearily open my eyes and see a blur of colors yellow, orange and red. The colors of sunset. I smile and relax feeling more at peace then I have been for the longest time.
In the distance, I can hear murmuring and then yelling surround me but I am no longer paying attention.
My time is up. My race has been run.
The funny thing no one tells you about dying is the overwhelming clarity that becomes you. Fear and adrenaline that surge simultaneously through my veins like wild fire despite my complete exhaustion.
My fingers twitch and my legs shake, a rock the size of a quaffle settles in my stomach. But with no more fuel left in my body this is the extent to which I have left to fight.
Regret fills my mind about the words I left unsaid and experiences I have yet to live.
I hear the blood pumping past my ears towards my stuttering heart. I can taste sweat and tears intermingling as they fall past my lips. My skin feels clammy and cold in the cool autumn breeze.
My thoughts turn to all the people I leave behind.
I think of Gabby and Spencer and wish despite their betrayal I could tell them how much their friendship and kindness had meant to me in my greatest moments of darkness.
I think of James, Albus and Lily. The siblings I simultaneously would have died to have and at the same time died to have given back. I wonder how my passing will affect them. Will it be easier the second time around? Will they fall back into the familiar routines they developed in my absence.
I think of my Mother and Father and wish things could have been played out differently in our stories. My presence in their life had been as destructive as a wrecking ball and I had resorted to every tactic to evade their love but they remained steady, never faltering, never giving in.
Finally, I think of my family. Those who raised me, nurtured me and took me in when I was seemingly alone. Even though I have known for the longest time it was all an illusion it makes them no less real to me and I will forever be in their debt. Whoever they are. Wherever they are. The choice to take in a raggedy four-year-old may not have been the easiest choice for many. For them there was no other choice in the world.
My thoughts are focused and steady. I am ready to submit. I am done fighting.
I close my eyes and I am at peace.
