imagined moments that might be the potential spark between these two. Takes place after 5X06
A tenuous calm came over the ruins of Polis. The nervous tension building over the night had dissipated as Diyoza's ship disappeared back over the horizon, carrying the defectors who had miraculously avoided getting caught in the gunfire.
And with that moment passing, it was as though a tight cord of tension had snapped, a bone weary stillness settling over the remaining denizens of the bunker and its surrounds.
Clarke had returned Madi to their tent, hand disinfected and bandaged, hiding the secret that Clarke was fighting so hard to protect. After that, despite her exhaustion, Clarke found herself wandering outside in the dark a few hours later, taking a seat in front of the smouldering embers of a desserted fire pit. She found herself reflecting on the last few days, processing a little of the emotion she'd been pushing down into the pit of her gut during all the stress and activity.
After six years, to have so many people back in her life in almost a single day… she felt exhausted from it all. With Madi asleep, and without any fast approaching crisis to be handled, she felt a cold, heavy dread begin to churn inside her. A part of her felt foolish, after letting herself daydream for so long about what reunions awaited her when everyone returned. The imagined looks, embraces… touches. She'd imagined fingers carding through her hair, tracing along her neck, brushing against her lips. It had warmed her heart through long cold nights, thinking about what might come to be….
Those same images made her bristle with embarrassment now, ashamed that she let herself get so carried away, to entertain such romantic notions. But as much as she could, she refused to dwell on those thoughts. Everyone was home on the ground, that was what mattered. The heartache she could feel threatening to topple her, that was manageable. Never mind that she could see the way her friends had filled in the spaces once meant for her. That was all ok, because for the next little while at least, everyone she cared about was alive.
Everyone had their feet on the ground. Most importantly, Madi was safe. At least for now, she reminded herself, as she wrapped her arms around her stomach tightly, staring blankly into the fire.
And that was how Bellemy found her. Looking at the fire with unseeing eyes, brow furrowed slightly; pouting, for lack of a better word. She didn't seem to notice his approach, deep in thought as she was, and he found himself taking her in. Basking in the sight of her. Despite the way it made him feel off balance, untethered to the ground below him, like he was back in space.
He cleared his throat softly as he moved closer, hoping to gently shake her from her reverie. It seemed to work, and he noticed the moment Clarke became aware of his presence, relaxing and tensing at the same time as she turned her head to watch him sit next to her.
"How are you going?" he asked, voice rumbling in that scratchy pitch he took on when trying to be gentle. Their eyes connected for a moment and then Clarke was looking back into the fire, a humourless smile on her lips.
"I should really be the one asking you that. You've got people out there. Raven, Murphy, Emori…" she could feel the lump in her throat as she finished her list, "…Echo." She swallowed it back down, hoping he didn't notice the hesitation in her voice. "It must be tough being away from them like this after so long."
It's not a question. Clarke didn't know what she expected him to say back. She found herself scared of the answer; and unbidden, felt something like a sob welling up underneath her ribs. Focusing on the fire, she pushed it down, desperately trying not to give anything away on her face. After a moment, she could feel her brow furrowing deeper from the effort and that allowed her to feel angry at herself instead of torn apart.
All this passed in a moment while Bellamy looked on, waiting for her to focus on him again. He sensed she was holding something back from him, and was tempted to push at what ever it was, but then realised he didn't know how. instead, he turned to face the fire. It was cathartic, he noticed, being close to the chaotic warmth of the flames after so long in the cold of space.
"It's hard to get used to," he found himself nodding. "After so long on the ring, always knowing where everyone was. It's - It's not a good feeling, to be apart." His feet shifted in the dirt as he leant his elbows on his thighs, letting his shoulders slump as some of the tension from the last few hours left him. He felt Clarks's eyes on him, and looked back at her from the corner of his eye. For a moment he thought he saw a look of pain on her face, her nostrils flaring, mouth tightly drawn in a line. Then the next moment it was gone, schooled back into a concerned frown. But it had been there, Bellamy was sure of it, thinking again about what she was holding back from him. Another moment passed and Clarke was looking at him with determination, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his forearm. Then, all he could focus on was the feeling of heat blooming from the place her fingers touched him. It seemed like days since he'd last felt her touch, and he was surprised how much relief he felt seeping through him at the contact.
"They'll be ok. Raven will figure something out. She always does. And- And Echo-," there was that horrible lump in her throat again. Clarke felt a physical ache as she continued. "Echo's smart and strong, she'll… do what needs to be done. And," the words felt like stones in her mouth, "she'll come back to you. You'll get her back"
His eyes lingered on her hand a moment longer. She'd given his arm a squeeze, and he felt his body flush at the contact once more, startling him. He pulled his gaze up to meet hers again, faltering as he took in the bare skin of her collarbone, her neck, her lips.
He felt something pulling at him as their eyes connected. It was familiar and alien all at once, like the flames from the fire had jumped into the pit of his belly. He felt his lips parting but whatever he'd intended say fell away as his mouth suddenly dried.
Then the moment was over, his arm cold as Clarke took her hand away suddenly, as though burnt. Bellamy came back to himself and drew up straighter in his seat and he watched the startled look Clarke gave her hand, and then him. She blinked, shaking her head, and then she was standing, backing away from him and the fire towards her tent.
"I'm going to check on Madi, her hand. Ah. She might need the bandage changed." She gave him a small smile. "Try to get some sleep."
And then she was gone, ducking into the safety of her tent. Bellamy looked on, staring at the space she'd filled a moment before. His forearm still tingled from where her hand had rested. His chest ached. And there was a dull warmth spreading throughout his limbs that had nothing to do with the fire.
It frightened and thrilled him all at once.
I have been emotionally compromised by this show for the last few weeks, so I thought I'd be productive and share my angst. Thinking of writing more vignettes and missing moments from this season. Potentially Interconnected. All forms of feedback encouraged!
