APRIL :

'' The new start.''

When i wake up i am still sad. I didn't have time to processed with all that happened yesterday night , i still think it's a stupid dream but i can feel it's the reality by the way my stomach was bursting like it had happened just a few minutes ago. I sigh slowly trying to get back from my sleep , i slept while crying. It was pretty usual for me but this time it helps me to sleep like an actual baby.

It was the worst night of my life. I know what people think when someone said that to them but i swear i wasn't overacted. I remember , it didn't meant to be a bad night on the contrary actually. It was the first time my parents authorized me to go outside without being escort with one of my sisters or worse my dad. It was all because it was him. I always had a crush on him , since we were children if i had to be completely honest. Moline wasn't really know for it social areas and i never went to public schools or any kind of schools actually because since i am little my mom always teached us at home with my sisters. It kind of makes since she was a teacher , i was sure she knew what she was doing. So the only way to meet people who had my age was in church , the Sunday.

In the church we went since i am little , they always organized a buffet after the mess. Then you eat and you speak with other people. I still remember the first day , i meet him. I was twelve and he was forteen , i had done a foolish thing and spilled my drink all over him. I apologized and then he laughed at me. At first i thought he was making fun of me like people always did but then he smiles at me and said he was please to finally meet me. His name was , Matthew Taylor. I found him beautiful , around here he was the prettiest man i have ever seen but he didn't surpassed Justin Timberlake. I am pretty sure no one would anyway , Justin had a special place in my heart.

Matthew and I weren't really friends , i didn't know much about him except we have the same religion , that he loves chocolate and that is from a noble family around here. We didn't see each other except at the buffets organized at the church so i didn't expect much. I just thought it would be an other crush that i will fast forget about , but i am now eightheen. It started to be annoying so last Sunday , i gathered my courage and asked him out. He stayed a long time without saying a word , i started panicking knowing he might just had been friendly all this time because he was a kind guy and maybe there was nothing more than politeness but when he said yes...I started having high hopes when i shouldn't have. The moment i was expecting since i am a little girl happened yesterday , i imagined thousands of scenarios but nothing compares to the disaster that happened.

I had make myself prettier than i ever looked. I asked to my older sister to help me , she gave me so many tips from how to avoid be hurt while wearing hills at sexual advices i was to embarass about to even repeat it. I wore a red dress and made my brown hair into curls and i even put make up wich i usually don't because my mom doesn't like it but this night she said yes. She said she was proud that i had find someone worthy of me and my expectations and when she said that , i started having troubles to breath. I felt pressured.

I knew i was the one who wanted this and i thought no one could be perfect to me than him. He had faith like i do. He was surely a virgin like i am. It was important than my boyfriend and my husband if i ever have one had this. Matthew Taylor have this but was it enough ? No matter of my guts told me to stay home and avoid this date ...I didn't listen but i should have. He came picked me up in a weird orange car , it looks like one that a serial killer had on a movie i've seen . This little detail didn't stop the voice inside my head that said to run fareway from him but he smiled and i thought that maybe i was making myself stressed over nothing. I knew him right ? Even it was just at church we talked during at least twenty minutes during six years it has to meant something ?

Well it meant nothing at all. We decided to see a movie and we argued during half an hour about what movie we should see. I wanted to see a old horror movie that i love , Carrie but he wanted to see a stupid war movie. I hated war movies :seeing people dying by the stupid cupidity human was fare way less funny than a lot of bloods and a strong script like Carrie had.

Anyway , i decided to give in affraid to make the scene in front of the cinema during much longer. So we went see his stupid film and during it he didn't even looked at me once , he didn't even shared his freaking popcorns. I dropped this thinking it was maybe because he just really appreciated the movie but i was in a freaking red dress. I deserved much attention than that. Then , when i thought it couldn't go any worse we went back to his serial killer car and stayed in there in silence. I tried to speak about what he liked but he wasn't really into it. I continued to smiled trying to light the mood but he was determinited to make this date my nightmare. When he finally opened his mouth he said those exact words '' Marry me.'' and guess what i said ? Nothing. I was to occupied to thrown all over him. What an amazing first date right ?

I sigh an other time before deciding it was time to stop mourning like a seventy years old. Okay maybe i made myself l the idiot of the village but the guy asked me to marry him when we didn't know each other at all. Not enough to marry him. I was eighteen for god's sake. I am not marrying anyone until i have my degree. I stretch myself when i am out of my bed then i make my bed before looking at my little sister , Alice. The lucky one was still sleeping like a baby.

She looked kind of cute when she wasn't opening her mouth to say bad things. When i feel like it i direct myself into the kitcheen and like i expected everyone was already waken up. My dad was in his favorite spot , on his little couch reading dailynews while my mom was making breakfast. Kimmie and Lizzie weren't there so i supposed they were at the farm doing the work done. I am usualy the one who makes breakfast so i guessed mom let my recover from my night. We didn't talk about it yesterday , when i came back everyone was already sleeping. I sigh an other time and she turns back facing me. I smile a little trying to light the mood. Please don't ask about the date. Please don't ask about the date. Please don't...

'' Hey sweetheart ! How went your date ?'' she asks a big smile on her pretty face.

Of course she asked. She wouldn't be my mom if she hadn't. I force myself to smile at her even if i don't feel like it. I wasn't sure what i should lie. It was a little area and the family of Matthew was living in twenty minutes from our farm , it wouldn't take long before the news spreads. I should be honest right but i didn't want her to be disapoint of me :

'' Well , it couldn't have been better. '' i lie still smiling.

I feel bad for lying to my mom but i needed time to processed. Seriously who asked to marry you in the first date wich was bad , very , very ,very bad. She smiles before kissing my forehead :

'' I am happy for you. I knew both of you would get allong well. '' she says optimistic.

I shrug my shoulders not sure i should say more. One lie was bad enough no needs to add one more. I take one banana and a orance juice before sitting on a chair in front of our brown table. It was a gift from my grandpa to my parents for their weddings. This table was pretty like the love my parents sheared. I would lie if i never expected some kind of love story like my parents had. They meet each other near there , they knew each other since kidgarteen and hated each other since highschool. Then they became friends and eventualy , they fall in love and they never stopped to do so since it. I thought , Matthew would be the one. Actually i wanted him to be the one so hard. It would have been so easier like this :

'' I knew Matthew would be perfect for you. I hope you won't break up then you could marry him after you have your degree right ?'' she asks before sitting next to me.

I left the rest of my banana of the table , i wasn't hungry anymore :

'' We'll see but no marriage with anyone until i make my place out here.'' i answer sincerely.

This time i wasn't lying. I worked so hard to be the best in every thing because i knew it wouldn't be easy to me to make a place outside. I was a girl from countryside , we didn't have much money and the only thing i could count to make my way to college was a scolarship and i had to be the best to have the best one. My mom knew how my future was important to me and it was also important for her she was the one to learnt me all i knew since i am a child :

'' Oh and...I know you weren't expected an answer anytime soon but...'' she starts before giving me a letter.

I furrow my eyebrows curious and worry when i see who sent me the letter. It was the highschool in Boston which i had sent my application four months ago and we were in august. I clear my throat before taking the letter from the hands of my mother , i stare at it during a long time before taking a deep breath. Be a yes. Be a yes. Be a yes. I repeated to myself during what it seemed forever. My mom was still next to me smiling at me like she already knew i was accepted. We made an agreement last year that i'll do my last year of highschool in a real highschool with actual people and after searched all the schools , i found the Simone Highschool in Boston. It was a great public highschool. Half of the people on it were going in great college so i was optimistic :

'' April , don't be sully and open it. You will burn the paper with your eyes if you continue to stare it like this.'' she jokes.

I smile back at her before gathering my courage and opening the letter. I stay a long time reading the letter , analyzing every words. When i am sure of what i read i can't contain myself to cry and hug my mom. She hugs me back and stroke my back :

'' Oh...Sweetie...I am so sorry...'' she starts.

I laugh a little before looking at her '' I've been accepted ! '' i reassure her.

She hugs me again and i giggle against her neck trying my best to wipe my tears. Then full of joy i can't help but jumping on the kitchen while my mom is still looking at me :

'' I am accepted ! I am accepted ! Who is accepted ? Me ! '' i repeat laughing like a fool.

I didn't felt so happy in a long time. I direct myself to my dad who was looking at me with a sweet look , this kind of look didn't need any word. He was proud of me. I kiss his forehead he smiles at me :

'' Your daughter is a genious ! '' i add laughing before accidentally hitting my head against the shelf.

But i don't stop laughing even if i knew i will have a pretty big bruise i don't care i am too happy to do so :

'' Be careful !'' warns my mom.

'' Mom i've been accepted i can allow to loose some of my precious brain cells '' i joke smiling.

One week later i am all about finding an apartment in Boston not to fareway from my highschool and cheap , very , very , very cheap. Seriously one room will do the trick. I had some money that i earned because of the jobs i had done on the summer during all my teens but it would never be enough. I didn't want to ask my parents to give me money , they did pretty much everything to make my life easier i didn't want to be a burden. I sigh closing my computer.

I am screwed i can't go in a city i know nothing about without having a home. I lay down trying to found a more comfy position. Then i look at my sisters. For once , we were all here in the same room. They insist to have kind of girl's night. So here we are in the room of Alice and I. Kimmie was talking about her husband , Gustave. I only meet him a couple of times and he seemed weird , like really weird. I didn't really like the aura around him but it seems like my sister was happy with him so who i was to say something about ? She decided to spent a few weeks with us because she missed the farm and us. Libby wasn't married yet but she had a boyfriend , i knew him because he was a part of the church choir. His name was Andrew , a kind boy but if i had to be honest i always thought he wasn't into girls until Libby. She doesn't talk much about him but i guess it's because everything goes the way she planned.

Even our little sister had a crush , she was still young but that was cute. Kimmie couldn't shut up about the way his husband takes care of her and makes all the work at home. I shrug once or two times when i thought she was talking to me. I sigh and this time i draw the attention of all my sisters except Alice who was already sleeping in her bed , it was already past midnight :

'' What's the matter Duckie ?'' asks Kimmie glass of wine still in her hands.

'' I can't find an apartement in Boston...So i guess i am not going.'' i complain feeling beaten.

Libby comes next to me taking one my hand '' It's in Boston right ?''

I nod way too discourage to use words. Kimmie and Libby shares a strange look for a long time before one of them decide to start talking :

'' You're going.'' says Libby smiling.

I furrow my eyebrows not sure i was understanding their sudden optimism :

'' You don't listen i didn't find an apartment.'' i answer.

Kimmie smiles at me '' Guess who's living in Boston with her perfect husband ?'' she asks me.

When i finally understand what the girls were implying my face breaks into a big smile and i hug both of them. Seems like i was going to Boston living with my sister Kimmie and his weird husband.

Highschool will start in a week so we decided with Kimmie it was time to go , she says it will be better to go now to get used to the new city. I've never been outside Moline and Ohio so i was scared. Plus , even if living with my sister didn't botter me it's completely different about living with his weird husband. I didn't really like him and i am not sure Kimmie noticed that. I am pretty sure my poker face will do the trick every time he will try to talk to me. I was packing my bag and a suitcase when my mother pops into my room. Kimmie and i will go tomorrow had a fly in 12 PM and i was nervous, it was the first time in my entire life i'll take the plane. I was kind of excited too. My mom comes sitting next to me on the floor :

'' Do you need help ?'' she offers with a soft voice.

'' Nope. I have everything under control.'' i reply smiling a bit.

She makes a sad smile. I knew how she felt for me it was sure the biggest opportinuty of my life but she was kind of loosing one of her many girls again. Kimmie will go with me , Libby had to return to Canada for work. The only one who still lives here was Alice. The house will sure feel empty and thinking this way makes me sad. This house was full of memories and all of them were a part of who i am today :

'' Mom i'll come back you know ? I will come back here for every holidays. I am not going to war you know that ?'' i say making fun of her.

She laughs '' I know sweetheart. I know. I am proud of you but it always hard to see one my children leaving home.'' she explains tears in her.

I stroke her back gently before hugging her with all i have. We might have our differences in a lot of things but she was my mother , my model and the only person in the world who would want my hapiness above anything else. It was hard to let me go but she will do it because she wants me to be happy and that's why i can only be sad to leave her , to leave home :

'' I love you.'' i whisper against her shoulder.

She was stroking my hair but i knew she was crying '' I love you too.''

We finaly were arrived to Boston. Taking the plane was scary but i manage this quite quickly wich makes me proud , i was enjoying every little victory. I was following closely Kimmie affraid to getting lost inside the airport. When we are outside she turns at me and smile saying she will makes a quick call phone to let him her husband know that we here and it was time to pick us up. So she goes inside the airport to have some privacy i guest.

I stay outside watching the people , some were hugging happy to found each other , some were talking about their amazing holidays and it makes me smile. It's the first time i see people talking so many languages , looking differents but beautiful at the same time and it makes me feel good. I smile when suddenly someone jostle me making myself fell on the ground with my suitcase. I feel on the butt so i am not hurt but my suitcase is now opened and all my clothes are on the floor. The man who jostle me looks at me a moment before bend down in front of me :

'' Fuck'' he curses '' I am sorry. Didn't see you.'' he apologizes while helping me putting my clothes on the suitcase.

I am annoying because i would have to do laundry when we will go to Kimmie's home. I avoid eyes contact not feeling comfortable with talking with someone i don't know :

'' I can do it on myself. You don't have to help.'' i insist uncomfortable.

'' I am pretty sure i do.'' he replies.

When i thought the situation couldn't get any worse , he takes one of my underwear a blue panties with a bunny who was eating a freaking carrot. He furrows his eyebrows before burst into laughter. I close my eyes way too embarass to looking at hiù making fun of me , for my defence i didn't buy this pantie but Kimmie did before gave it to me like a gift.I had to thanks her later to my humiliation. I take my panties from the hands of the stranger who by the way was still laughing :

'' Fuck.'' he splits between two laughs '' You really wear that shit ?'' he asks amuse.

I roll my eyes '' Not you business.'' i snap.

'' Jeez. Okay grandma , relax.'' he says.

He stands up and i do the same when i am done closing my suitcase. This way we have a better view at each other and i can see what was looking like this annoying stranger. The first thing i see is his magnificient eyes , i've never seen eyes like he had. I didn't know what color they were exactly blue or green but anyway they were hypnotic and shiny might be because he laughs at me like crazy. He had little black curly hair and he had dark skin. I clear my throat while i am staring at his pink full lips.

Well , i guess i found someone who was surpassing Justin Timberlake after all...