Notes: Meidani and Silviana are two underrated characters in WoT, in my opinion. Both have excellent canon stories and I wanted to develop their characters a bit more, particularly together. I completely acknowledge that this is a crackship, mostly because these two have never interacted in the series, but I love it and have no problem spreading my Meidani/Silviana disease.

Big spoilers from pretty much every book, so don't read this unless you're done with the series. Trigger warnings: mentions of rape/non-consensual sex and suicide.

Takes place early in Towers of Midnight. Constructive criticism is always welcome.


Teacups

Chapter 1

In the silence of her room Meidani lay awake, staring hopelessly at the whitewashed ceiling as she wondered how everything in her life turned so sour. Too many thoughts grappled for her attention, and too many memories resurfaced in the darkness when she was alone. She could feel Leonin through the bond, sensing the he was not only awake, but tirelessly watchful, worried, brooding. The Arafellin Warder was making his rounds beneath her room on the Tower grounds, vigilant and prepared to face any shadows that sprang to life, wishing he could slay his bonded's darkness with a simple, well-placed arrow as easily as his enemies.

Meidani rolled to her side, weaving a familiar barrier between herself and Leonin. She didn't need her messy emotions blunting his focus, and she certainly didn't want him to come check her quarters again. He wouldn't leave her alone even when she insisted I don't want to see you any more. The reflection of her own pain on his face, bells tinkling softly as he shook his head at her repeated denials, only compounded her guilt. She'd once thought of ending it all, but could never leave Leonin to such grief and madness, or so she told herself. He would know if she transferred the bond before taking her life, and would fight like a mad dog to prevent losing her. It seemed the Pattern was conspiring to keep her alive.

Spy, coward, traitor, whore. The world needed no more of what Meidani had to offer.

She sat upright, slippered feet settling on the cool tiles, fighting the dizzying sensation that accompanied her lack of appetite and hours of laying prone. She couldn't recall when last she'd eaten, and couldn't muster up the energy to care in the first place. Food no longer appealed to her, it tasted too empty in her mouth, and sleep evaded her until the foggy hours just before dawn when her body could no longer sustain itself. It was surprising how rapidly she became a skeleton.

For months, Meidani had tried to internally reconcile her new role in the Tower, justifying that she did what needed to be done for the sake of the greater good. She clenched her jaw. The Grays had no business behaving like Blue seekers with their single-mindedness and bullheaded determination. Grays were meant for politics and diplomacy in wartime, meant to stay behind the scenes releasing information and secrets. Then, when the time was right, they were meant to mediate for peace. She scowled. How ironic that she couldn't find the harmony within herself she was so gifted at finding for others.

But Meidani had been thrust back into the Tower as a ferret from Salidar, then commanded back into Elaida's bed and given a task at which she could never succeed.

To think that she'd once longed for Elaida's touch- once believed her aloofness was a facade and not a genuine lack of tenderness for her- made her skin crawl. She had wept inconsolably as a novice when Elaida had been raised to Accepted and told her so unkindly that their relationship had to come to an end. Dalliances, she had sneered. Meidani had called it love, she'd called it rapture, and had been bluntly informed that she was wrong. Now, all these years later, the Gray had been reduced to the favored prostitute- no, even prostitutes were paid- of the power-crazed Amyrlin. She was found out, betrayed, and was punished with the fervor of a woman who'd once enjoyed knowing her intimately. Her body was bruised and cut with teeth and fingernails, but the lasting damage of words like razors would never show on her skin.

Meidani was diminished now, a slave only valuable for bringing her mistress pleasure, and felt a depth of shame she had never believed possible. She closed her eyes tightly, willing the memories of Elaida's bed away. If only the Seanchan had taken them too.

Rising, she trudged out of her room into the corridor, shoulders slumping pathetically on her tall frame. Lately she had not bothered to change into a night shift in the evenings, and her skirt and shawl were wrinkled unbecomingly. She felt nothing like an Aes Sedai should feel: powerful, in control, levelheaded, clean. Meidani shuffled along with her blue eyes lowered, her mind lost in another cycle of self-shaming.

It wasn't until she came to the Amyrlin's study that she realized where her sluggish feet had taken her. She gulped audibly, aware of the dangers of traveling alone at night; even now that things were on the mend, Sisters rarely walked about by themselves in the dark, constantly questioning, what's out there? Fearing that her carelessness would put her in peril, she turned to leave in a rush. Leonin was too far away to help her now, and she'd blocked him for so long that she doubted he'd want to rescue her in the first place. She was a worthless Aes Sedai.

Why had she gone to Egwene? The young Amyrlin Seat had far greater problems with which to deal: impending war, famine, the Forsaken, Seanchan captives, Darkfriends, the Black Ajah, assassinations... and she needed her rest besides. What would she care for the emotional distress of a Gray of middling strength?

Still, Egwene had been so strong in the face of mind-numbing, body-breaking adversity. She'd seen the pain on Meidani's face in Elaida's quarters before the attack on the Tower, and, in that moment, Meidani couldn't decide which was worse: that Egwene was mockingly dressed in novice white, or that she had worn the lascivious gown with the distastefully plunging neckline that Elaida had chosen for her. Despite their despicable costumes and circumstances, Egwene had given her hope and encouragement when all else was lost; when Elaida forced her, helpless, onto her silken sheets. When Elaida broke her because she couldn't break her oaths to Yukiri and the others.

"Meidani?" a woman's deep voice asked behind her.

She whirled, dark-circled eyes wide, desperately grasping at the Source. Silviana Brehon stood in the doorway to a smaller side study, clutching a pile of papers against her chest. The Keeper of the Chronicles wore her brunette hair in a bun, still impossibly neat and tidy after a long day's work, and stared back at Meidani with a startled expression. "Are you well?"

Oh, Light. What will she think of me standing here like a maniac?

Immediately releasing the Source, Meidani automatically began to respond in the affirmative before the words died abruptly in her mouth; the Three Oaths would not allow a lie. She smoothed out her clothing, unsure if she was more embarrassed by her presence or appearance. A warm, red heat flushed across her neck and cheeks.

"I... had bad dreams."

Stupid, childish answer, she chided herself. It was only a matter of time before her careless distractions, moving about the Tower without purpose or thought, would catch up with her. She didn't necessarily predict a bizarre midnight encounter with the new Keeper of the Chronicles, but, still, she spoke a partial truth. Waking dreams were still dreams and they certainly haunted her like nightmares.

Let her judge me if she wishes.

Though they'd never spoken directly, Meidani had seen Silviana about the Tower on several occasions prior to its breaking. She was tall for a woman, not as tall as Meidani herself, and always appeared statuesque and strong, especially now with the Keeper's stole laying on her shoulders. Her penetrating hazel eyes sat above sharp cheekbones and a pointed nose. She was gorgeous, but clearly didn't spare a second thought about her appearance.

As she stood before Meidani, Silviana's angular face gave the impression that she was every bit as stern as the novice's rumors claimed, but she merely tilted her head to one side and answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. Unless you think you need to see the Amyrlin about it now, I'd ask that you wait until tomorrow morning. It has been a trying day and she's already retired."

"No, thank you," Meidani murmured, wrapping her rumpled shawl tightly around her shoulders. She slowly shook her blonde head before turning away. "It was nothing important."

Even the Oath Rod couldn't stop that statement.

"It woke you and brought you here in the dead of night," replied Silviana. "It must be something meaningful, however unpleasant." She readjusted her stack of papers before thoughtfully catching Meidani's eye. "Would you like a cup of tea? It may help you sleep. My room is nearby, much closer than the Gray Ajah's quarters."

Regarding the Keeper with parted lips, Meidani's mouth worked silently for a moment. The last thing she'd expected from a Red, particularly a Red who stood higher in the Power that she didn't personally know, was an invitation for late night tea. Silviana watched her expectantly, seeming every bit the patient but strict former Mistress of the Novices that she was. She looked genuinely concerned for the disheveled Gray standing before her, wandering the Tower in the dead of night and jumping at monsters in the dark. Elaida had never shown kindness for its own sake, nor given a modicum of sympathy for the feelings of the woman she regularly bedded.

Why am I thinking of her now?

"Yes," Meidani blurted, wishing with every fiber of her being that she had managed to display some shred of her former confidence instead of the cowering shell she'd become. She noted with visible relief that Silviana curtly nodded and turned away without acknowledging the awkward silence.

Composing herself, Meidani quietly added, "That would be lovely."