Title: Dear Aaron
Rating: K
Pairing: Jate
Author´s Note: Guess the stupid emo mood won´t leave me today either, so instead of studying, I´m making myself cry. Jate, why are you doing this to me? *bawls*
Dear Aaron
Dear Aaron,
when you read this, I won´t be here. You probably won´t even remember me. But that´s okay. I didn´t deserve it anyway. What I did to you...walking away from your life like that, without an explanation, without even a proper goodbye...is unforgivable. And I know that nothing I say will ever make that alright, but I want you to know that I´m sorry. I´m sorry for walking out on you like that. You and your Mo... Kate.
I believe that, by now, you already know everything about it, huh? About Claire being your real Mom. I´m sorry about that too. You must have been so confused when they got back. I´m sorry. We didn´t want that. We only did what we thought was best for you.
I hope you didn´t blame Kate too hard for it later, because she...she loves you so much. She loves you like you are her son. And, in a way, you are. I was stupid to underestimate that. She´s given all her heart to you and I should´ve done the same thing. It´s not that I didn´t try; ´cause I did, trust me. I loved being around you. I loved taking you to the park, loved listening to your excited babbling about how you´d spent your day, loved those moments early in the morning when we would let Kate sleep and go to the kitchen to make pancakes together. But what I loved the most were our bedtime rituals. It was my favorite time of the day: tucking you in, reading stories to you. You loved ´Alice in Wonderland´ so much I almost knew it by heart. Those were really special times for me and it breaks my heart to think that you probably don´t remember them anymore. But, how could you? You were only three when I left.
I´d often lie in my bed at night, wondering if things could have turned out differently. How our lives could have been if I hadn´t turned around, if I hadn´t walked out of that house, out of your lives? But you can´t live out of ´what ifs´. Whatever happened, happened. But I want you to know one thing: you didn´t have anything to do with it and I hope you didn´t think that. I loved you so much, but I had my own demons to deal with. I tried to resist them, I really did. I tried to be there for you, I tried to live a normal, happy family life with you and Kate; but in the end, I just couldn´t deal with them anymore. It all became too much and I...I ran away.
It wasn´t the smartest thing that I´ve done; but it is what it is. I can´t change it. But you can learn from my mistakes. So whenever you feel sad or lonely, whenever you have problems you think you can´t solve; whenever you think you´re alone in something...don´t keep it all inside. Trust me. Talk to your Mom or Kate. They love you and they´d do anything for you.
I, uhm...I gotta go now. I have something important to do. You, uhm...you won´t see me anymore, but I want you to know that I loved you. I loved you and I´m sorry I couldn´t be there for you while you were growing up. I´m sure you´re a wonderful young man right now. Take care of your Mom and...and Kate.
Goodbye,
Your uncle Jack
