I lay there, eyes open, starring, worried.
He should be better by now. It's been 3 hours. They've never lasted this long before. They're getting worse. I have to hurry to collect all the souls in time. To save him. Alan. My Alan.
I see him hurting, so much. I hate this. Why did it have to be Alan?! Why couldn't the thorns have infected someone else?
I know that I must sound selfish, but he's my only light in this otherwise dark world. I need him to be here with me, safe, and mine.
I hold onto the smaller shinigami. I watch his anguished face, wishing that there was something I could do to help him through this.
I feel so helpless. There's nothing I can do to help him. I'm powerless to the thorns. They're hurting the one I love and I can't do a thing to stop them!
All I can do is stay by his side and make sure he knows that I'm here, and I'm never leaving him, ever. I take his delicate hand in mine and intertwine our fingers. "I' m here Alan." I say in a calming voice, completely opposite of what's going on in my head.
He opens his eyes a little and for a moment nothing registers. He just stares. Then I see him smile. That same smile that makes me melt inside. The same one that I would do anything to see.
"Eric…" He whispers.
"I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." I answer.
I wrap my free arm around him, holding him close to me.
I hear him gasp again and cry out in agony. He squeezes my hand that's holding his and grasps at his chest where his heart lies underneath with his other hand.
I hold onto him a little tighter, but being careful not to hurt him.
"Alan!"
I hear a choked sob escape him.
When will this end?!
I look up and across to where Alan is at his desk, working on paperwork.
I can't stop worrying about him. I had spoken to William this morning, begging him to not assign Alan to anymore soul collections. He agreed to put him on strictly paperwork. I'm thankful to him for that. I just wish Alan would take some time off work to recover after his attacks. But he always refuses.
I fear the day that he will have a major attack at work when I'm not there. So far he has had only minor attacks at work, and I've always been there with him. The minor ones can be shrugged off by other Shinigami as just something small. Not many of the other Shinigami know about Alan's illness. Only William, Grell, Ronald, and I so far, with the exception of a few nurses in the infirmary. Alan doesn't want anyone else to know. He doesn't want the others to see him as weak or incapable of working. I can understand, but I don't agree with him wanting to keep working right after an attack. I wish he would take some time off, but I know he won't unless he's forced to. He's stubborn sometimes, but that's part of who he is and part of what make me love him so much. I try to do anything I can to make his load a little lighter at work. I've taken to sneaking a few of his papers and finishing them myself so he doesn't have to. I wish there was more I could do though.
It's all starting to wear me down, slowly. The regular work, seeing to and taking care of Alan, and then the nights of secrete soul collecting. I try to get out every other night, slowly working my way toward my goal of 1000 pure souls. All to save Alan. My love.
I've collected 112 so far, but that's only a fraction of what I need. I need to work faster. The attacks are getting worse each day. I know it's only a matter of time until the thorns reach his heart. His precious heart. I just hope it's later than I think.
I look over at Alan, sleeping peacefully. Good. At least the thorns are leaving him be for the moment. I lean over and gently kiss his forehead before carefully getting out of the bed we've taken to sharing. I'm careful not to wake him. He needs his rest, as much as he can get. I put my suit jacket back on over my shirt and tie. I grab my scythe from next to Alan's and leave the room. I go out the back, careful to shut the door quietly.
I'm in downtown London, looking for any pure souls. I travel by rooftop, careful to not be seen. I notice a group of young women walking on the street below. I wait until no one else is around and jump down to meet them head on. I approach them. One looks scared, but the rest look calm, not realizing that their lives are about to end. I talk casually with them for a moment. The scared one seems to warm up to me. After a little while I pull out my scythe, watching as the fear comes to all their faces. I quickly dispatch each of them, collecting their souls into my scythe.
That's 5 more souls.
I continue soul hunting the rest of the night, until about an hour before Alan is usually awake. I head back to the Shinigami world and to our house. I slip in through the back and discard my jacket to the couch. I put my scythe back where it was before I left and get back into bed with Alan. I watch his sleeping form for a moment and then fall asleep myself, the screams of the innocent rattling in my head.
I try to keep myself awake. It was another long night of soul collecting last night. I see William come into the room. He gives Grell an assignment, causing the flamboyant red-head to squeal with delight and attempt to hug Will for the millionth time, which Will quickly avoids. Grell falls to the floor with a disappointed "humph". I suppress a laugh, but it makes me wonder what the assignment is. I try to listen closer without them noticing. Suddenly I hear "over 100 deaths, and no souls collected." My eyes go wide for a moment.
"Eric? Are you alright?"
"Um…ya, I'm fine Alan."
He looks at me uncertain for a moment and then goes back to his work. I silently sigh with relief. That's the last thing I need, for Alan to find out what I'm doing.
But I know he'll thank me someday, later on when we are both living happily and free of those terrible thorns. But not just yet. I need to get closer to my goal, but I need to be more careful now that the dispatch knows about the 'missing' souls.
I smile as I walk down the street. I have a surprise for my Alan. I know it'll make him smile. They're his favorite.
I get to the house and go inside. "Hey Alan! I have something for you." I look around. He's not in the living room. I go farther into the house.
"Alan?"
Then I hear it. The short, pained gasping breaths and small whimper. I look around frantically for him. I see him on the floor beside the bed. I run to his side, dropping what I was carrying.
"Alan!"
He's lying, cringing on the floor, holding his chest. "Alan, I'm here. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you alone here!" I apologize, hoping he hears me. I take his hand in mine. "I'm here. I'm here. You're not alone." I repeat over and over again to him softly.
Are they lying to him again? Telling him I'm not really there? Or that I'm someone else, trying to hurt him?
My questions are answered when he starts to flail around. "Get off me! Stop! Eric! Help me Eric!"
I take hold of his arms as gently as I can and hold him down. "Alan! It's me, Eric! I'm here!" I say, letting a few tears fall.
He opens his eyes after a little while and I see his eyes searching. He rests his gaze on me. He smiles weakly. "Eri—" He's cut off by a pained scream escaping his lips.
"Alan!"
He starts to cough violently. Soon he starts coughing up blood. Oh go no! I run quickly for a towel and water. I hold the towel close to his mouth to catch the blood. When it seems that he isn't coughing as much I ask him to drink some water. He takes a little, but starts up again and can't drink anymore. I try to help him. I rub his back gently and speak to him softly, letting him know that I'm still here.
He doesn't stop coughing up blood until a half hour later. When he does, I have him drink more water and he eventually falls asleep. I pick him up gently and lay him on the bed. I make sure he is at least mostly comfortable. Then I pick up the package I dropped earlier. I go get a vase and put water in it. I put the Erica flowers in the vase and put them next to the bed. I wait beside him.
I'm getting closer, but I can't keep up with the thorns. They're getting worse every day. He has attacks at least 3 times each day, if not more some days. And the attacks are more severe every time. Alan's getting weaker. I need a way to get a mass quantity of souls, before it's too late.
I spent almost my entire day off yesterday collecting as many souls as I could. I had to be extra careful to not run into any other Shinigami that were on the job. Alan was working so I didn't have to explain to him where I was.
But last night, when I got back, Alan had the worst attack yet. It left him unable to walk. The thorns are at his heart. I told Will and he had given Alan time off to recover, but everyone knows, deep down, even if they don't want to admit it, that he won't be coming back. I can't say it or even think about it. I just can't. Even though I know it's here, I just can't admit it. He's dying, and I can't stop it.
Unless I get all the souls. Tonight. I have to. I can't lose Alan. Alan has to live, he just has to! I can't live without my light. He's my world now, and I won't lose him.
I leave early that night, telling Alan that I'm going to Ronald's. I make him stay to rest at home. I go straight to my task. I go back to London, but to more populated areas. I start collecting. I don't stop. I keep collecting as many as I can.
Finally, I need only one more pure soul. I had found a shelter for people that gave me the high number of souls I needed. I go back to the Shinigami world. I want to be with Alan when I get the last soul. When I save him. I go to the house. It's pretty early in the morning. I go inside and to the bedroom. He's sleeping. I go over to him and gently wake him. "Alan, I have something I want you to see." I tell him. He opens his eyes and smiles when he sees me. "What is it?" he asks. I smile. "Come with me and I'll show you." I answer. I grab him some clothes and help him put them on. Then I pick him up gently and carry him in my arms out of the house, still holding my scythe with one hand. I take us into London. I watch the street below for someone to come along. I spot an old women walking slowly down the street. She can't have much longer to live; surely he'll forgive me for this. I jump down to meet her when she turns into an alley, with Alan still in my arms. The women smiles at us. I set Alan on his feet next to me. I make sure he can stand on his own before casually moving away from him and towards the women. I speak with her. I think she knows what's coming. She seems to welcome it. "It's my time, finally." She says. I nod slightly. She smiles again and stands there, ready to die. I lift my scythe. "What are you doing?! You're not going t—" I head Alan protest, but I bring the scythe down across her anyway. He cinematic record spills out and I collect her soul. The last pure soul. "Eric!" I turn to look at Alan. He looks angry. "Alan, look at your wrists…" He does. The black that's always been there, the thorns, are retreating. "What the…?" He looks confused at first, but slowly he realizes what happened.
"No…Not that. 1000 souls?! You killed 1000 people?!"
"Alan…I did it for y—"
"NO Eric! I can't believe you! How can I trust you again?"
"But you're going to live Alan. You have your life back." I move back over to him.
"I don't want it! Not like this Eric."
"I'm sorry, but I can't live without you! Our eternal life…is complete darkness! But finally I found a tiny ray of light…" I say, holding onto his shoulders.
He looks at me. His eyes are full of pain, betrayal, but I can see love in them too, and understanding. He knows why I did it, and in time he will forgive me. I know it. He softens his gaze a little. Tears come to his eyes and he throws his arms around me. I wrap my arms around him as he cries.
"I love you Eric."
"I love you too Alan, and I always will."
