The first night was hell. Opening the door, smelling that gunpowder that Mum tried so hard to hide, seeing the twin beds. You remember those beds, right? When we were little, we'd always switch, and see if mum and dad could tell us apart. We could keep it going for days.

If Ash hadn't stayed with me, I wouldn't have made it. Your bed was like a void, sitting there empty. When Ash was there, it wasn't as bad.

She cried herself to sleep, or at least I think she did. I remember how much she cried in those years when Voldemort was around. You were always the one who held her until she cried herself out. There was a time when it got me mad as hell, but not anymore.

I know just what you would have said to me, had you been there that night.

"Don't be a git, men don't cry!"

Yeah, easy for you to say.

I cried myself out that night, I really did. I'd finally start winding down, and then some other memory would show itself and I'd start all over again. I think I fell asleep on the windowsill. All I know is that I woke up on the floor and Ash was sitting next to me. The first thing I asked when I woke up was, "Where's Fred?"

Thick, right?

Then, Ash started crying and I remembered what happened, and sure enough, that got me going too. That first moment when I looked in her eyes, that was horrible. I'd never seen anything like it. You'd have known what to do. You always knew when it came to Ash. Another thing that used to get me mad as hell.

I stayed in our room for nearly a month. Ash stayed with me, but she snuck down occasionally. I felt bad for chaining her to me like that, but I'd do something mad and stupid if she left for more than a few minutes.

I just couldn't face it. I couldn't go down there and see Mum and Dad and everyone else. I couldn't stand their pity. I'd loose it if they tried to hide their pain for my sake. Maybe Ash needed company to deal with her grief, but I needed solitude. Ash was the only person I could stand, because she at least had a vague understanding of how I felt.

Most of all, I couldn't see your empty chair. Another void.

Those weeks after you left were the worst in my life. I'm not exaggerating. I've never wanted to die more than I did in those few weeks. After you left, it was one bad thing after another. You came back only to be torn from me again. I figured out how I felt about Ash, but the price was too great for me to ever tell her. And through it all, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't control it, it just happened. I was all mixed up; one moment I was sad, then angry, then depressed. The only thing that stayed constant was my death wish; I wanted to die, so badly I can't even explain. I didn't want to stay with all these lying people who said they understood even though they couldn't even begin to fathom what I was going through. I didn't want to live with the pain of knowing that I was in love with my best friend. I couldn't stand that the only one who could save me was the one who could destroy me.

Ash was… there. She stayed with me through all of it, even when I was horrible to her. Me, I would've given myself a good kick in the arse and told myself to haul my lazy carcass to Diagon Alley and get to work.

Nah, that's a lie. I'd be too busy crying.

Anyway, the fact that she stayed meant loads. She'd let me alone when I wanted to be let alone, and she'd drop everything when I needed her. Which was a lot. It was like she didn't matter. Like her grief wasn't important compared to mine.

Not to say that I wasn't there for her. Our shirts have permanent water damage from all the crying.

We fixed up the shop, you know. It's not really fair. I get the girl and the highly successful shop, and your… well, you know. You deserve it. The shop, the girl, everything. You planned most of it; I just sat and flirted with the girls half the time. But no matter what, it'll always be our shop. And I promise you, my first son is gonna be named Fred Weasley the second.

'Cause I know you'd do the same for me.