This story will take place right after "It's Not Right, But It's Okay" from Dance With Somebody, but I will elaborate a tiny bit on some original back story and events. This story actually was inspired by the song I will use here in Chapter 1, and hopefully some more songs can inspire continuations at a later time! Anyway, review if it suits you, suggest improvements or ideas if you have any, and enjoy!
Stop Crying Your Heart Out: Chapter 1
Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis
(Blaine)
I am tired. This whole deal with Chandler had me up at all hours and it took all my strength to make it to school the next day. I can't remember when I started to notice it, but I think I was beginning to understand that Kurt wasn't in this as much as I was a few weeks ago.
A few months had passed since Karofsky and Quinn had their accidents. It was a tough time for Kurt, and learning that Karofsky was leaving not only Lima, but the state as well, to build a new life with his parents in Washington was a turning point. I always suspected that even after all Karofsky had done to him, he still felt strongly for the life altered ex-bully. Once he left, however, Kurt took to being incredibly focused on his career and college prospects. He never texted or called me and when we did talk he always wanted to talk only of his plans or what Rachel and he were planning for their auditions or how life would be better in New York City.
That is what hurt the most, almost like he couldn't wait to get out of here. His life was moving on, and his plans never involved me. Sure, I am still a junior and cannot follow him realistically, but I always thoughts his hopes and dreams would involve what we had together, even when apart. After my outburst yesterday, I noticed that while everyone supported me in song, no one stepped up to help me afterwards. Sure, I stormed out, but the truth is they are all Kurt's friends, and I never really meshed well into this family.
I was always Kurt's tag along and no one was close to me at this school who wasn't close to Kurt. That is why when I stepped out of my car this morning, I was already planning on skipping Glee Club and going to meet with Speech and Debate or some other club in this school where I could make some friends of my own. I had made it to third period before I ran into any of the glee kids; A benefit of being one of the few juniors in glee, I guess. Tina was always pretty soft spoken, so I wasn't surprised when all she did was smile and say a quick hello before she took her seat next to me and class began.
It went by pretty quickly, but I had no clue what we learned becuase, as it had been for the last few days, my mind was fixed on Kurt. I had just made the choice to seek him out before lunch when Tina finally broke me out of my daze.
"Blaine? Come on let's go. Class is over." She seemed conflicted about something and I figured she was fighting over her loyalty to Kurt and whether or not being friendly with me was allowed.
"Huh? Oh. Thanks Tina. I'm not really with it today." I shook the thoughts from my head and gathered my books. Tina was still waiting for me, and I knew I'd be forced to talk as we walked to our next class, one we also shared.
"So..." She paused. "Do you want to talk about what happened? Kurt says you are overreacting about saying he cheated on you." I knew this is why I wanted to skip this day. Everyone would be already in Kurt's corner. His story was already told. Real or fake concern, I couldn't tell, but they'd offer to help but they couldn't. No one knew how to fix this. I was convinced the guy I love lost all interest in me and Tina thinks she can help. On top of that, he can't see everything he has done is wrong. How frustrating.
"Tina, ya know what? Sorry. I am skipping class today. Can you cover for me? Thanks!" I didn't wait for an answer.
I turned around and went to the only place I could think of, the auditorium. I stood near the back looking at the stage. I put in my headphones, hit shuffle and tried to lose my thoughts in the music. Instead the emotion just crashed down over me. Why wasn't I good enough? I changed my life for him. What did I do wrong? Why couldn't Kurt see what he was doing was wrong? Or did he know it and not care? All of these questions ran through my head and no answers were found.
I took a moment to glance around me. I would not cry, not here. Glee and the stage have been a place of joy. No tears are acceptable here. This has always been a happy place. What changed? What happened to all the cheery optimism about the future? What happened to "I'll never say goodbye to you?" What happened to me finally being important to someone? What happened to my confidence?
I am amazed at how easily the answer came to me. Kurt. I left happiness. I left safety. I left it all for him. The prospects were enough to do so. Love? Forever after? The future was so bright, but now everything I loved was shattered. Kurt ruined this all for me. Kurt changed! Why did he do it? Did he ever care for me, or was I the only gay man to show him support in his life? He finally caught the eyes of a random stranger and his ex-bully was finally accepting himself and I am left with a broken heart. I don't think I deserve this. Have I really done so wrong to have this happen to me?
Finally, I cried for a few minutes, not noticing when I sunk down into the closest chair and buried my head into my arms. Every memory and every choice I made came back to me over the next however many minutes I spent releasing the blocks I put up in my head. The tears finally came to an end, and as if my iPod sensed how I was feeling, the perfect song came on, and I started to sing.
Hold up... hold on... don't be scared...
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile, shine on
Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm
I started making my way to the stage. Kurt won't ruin this for me. He can try, but I won't allow it!
Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Get up... come on...
Why you scared?
You'll never change what's been and gone
I stopped halfway down and admire the setting. I am here now. Everything is different but I can still make this a place of happiness, right?
Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Just take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
I don't want to be the easiest option. I want to be the only option! I imagine an audience out there as I finally reach the stage. Anger replaces whatever optimism I had left and the cheering audience turns into the emptiness that I am feeling. I will find that again! I have to.
We're all of the stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry, you'll see us someday
Just take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out...
The tears flowed freely, and I could only kick myself for letting everything fall apart here, of all places. Clapping? Someone is here? I turn to see Sam walking towards me after putting down his guitar. I wipe my eyes and continue to stare in a mix of amazement and embarrassment.
"Blaine, that was amazing!" He clasped his hand on my shoulder and had the hugest smile across his face. I managed a sad grin before I lost it again. I didn't know Sam that well. In fact, we got off to a really bad start and we never really recovered from it. Maybe that is why breaking down in front of him was so easy. He pulled me in for a hug and I forced myself to pull it together. His smile was replaced with genuine concern.
"What's going on, man? Sit down, talk to me."
"No, it's ok Sam. Go back to whatever you were doing. I don't need to waste your time."
"Sit down right now, and let me have it." I chuckled a bit at his orders and wanted to walk away, but I found myself sitting on the edge of the stage with him instead.
"I don't know Sam. What am I doing here? Kurt is more interested in people he doesn't know and people who tried to ruin his life then he is in me. I changed my life for him. I don't have any friends here. We were at each others throats the day we met and have barely talked since. Why am I even telling you this, and why are you even willing to listen?" I sighed and rubbed my eyes, trying to keep myself busy and my gaze away from Sam. This was a little awkward.
"Blaine, what you did yesterday was brave. Most people think what Kurt did was wrong, but he still has them in his corner. I don't think anyone is upset with you, but most of us don't really know you."
"No one called me yesterday. No one texted. Not one of you cared how I was doing. Not even Kurt! Some of you could have at least tried! One day has made me hate this stage and hate glee. And yet here you are, pretending to care? I'm sorry Sam, but this is ridiculous." I got up and started to walk away. I notice the shock on Sam's face but it isn't important. I've made up my mind.
"Isn't that song about moving on?" He shouted at me, just as I reached the door, and I stop. I turn to see him still sitting on the stage and I shrug. "I mean, you sang a song about not giving up, learning from your past and being strong enough to learn from it all. It doesn't sound like giving up on these people and this school was what you should have gotten from that."
"It means I don't need Kurt and I shouldn't be held down by this place and the crap I've been through. Do you even understand what this place is to me now? It is where I came to ruin my life. I took a chance, and it backfired. All you all saw was my outburst in glee yesterday. None of you saw how he distanced himself from me. None of you see how his life is moving on and away from me without a care for me or an attempt to keep me in it. None of you see how I changed everything for him to have it end like this. So yes, the song is about moving on, about being stronger, and learning from the past. It is all of those things, and I will do that with a new setting, away from glee and hopefully back at Dalton next year." I had made my way back to stage and was on the verge of tears for the third time this hour as Sam got up and stopped in front of me.
"Blaine. Do you realize how incredible you are? Mercedes and I were just talking about you. You command attention when you perform. You are right, you didn't deserve what Kurt did to you. I feel terrible that no one was concerned for you. But I am now. I am trying to help and you are pushing me away. I know we didn't get off to a good start this year and you don't have to believe me. So if you want to give up, that is fine. I know you aren't that weak though. I know you aren't one to give up this easily. But should you still feel this way, just know you are not alone, and however much you think you aren't friends with these people, a lot of them still think highly of you. Now, this period is almost over and we both have lunch next, right? You and I are going to go get some food and you are going to talk to me. Let's start being friends now, even if its only for the few weeks you have left here. No weaseling out of it!"
"Fine, Sam." I was annoyed, but his speech had me convinced that he at least was marginally concerned about me. I guess it wouldn't hurt to give him a chance, and it honestly felt nice that he seemed to want to, not felt like he had to.
As I walked to my locker, the glee kids I wished would stay away all started to appear. Sugar came up and gave me a hug and a brief pep talk before walking away. Mike told me to call him if I needed anything or wanted to hang out. Tina found me again, and told me that if I ever walked away from her again she would have to follow and missing class wasn't ever a thought in her head. I chuckled and thanked her. Mercedes told me that just because she was close with Kurt didn't mean she wouldn't be there for me too.
Rachel and Finn were avoiding me however. The two people besides Kurt that I was closest to and they wouldn't talk to me, or even look at me. I knew battle lines had been drawn, at least with them, and Kurt and I weren't even broken up yet in reality. Of all the people I knew, Tina and Sam were the only two I found myself wanting to give time to.
Before long Sam and I were sitting outside and talking about random stuff to pass time. I managed to pull myself together and was actually feeling a little better for reasons I couldn't explain. It wasn't long though until Sam dropped the small talk and took on a more serious tone.
"Alright Blaine, look. Kurt thinks you are breaking up with him. Are you?" Right to the point, isn't he?
"I don't know. I don't want to but every time I think about how he shows no remorse for what he has done I lose a little respect for him. That just makes me upset with myself for not standing up for myself and pushing him away immediately. Why am I still considering giving him another chance?"
"You know him better than anyone I think. Maybe you understand his reasons? Personally, I think he knows what he did was wrong. Mercedes laid into him pretty good yesterday after you stormed out."
"She did? I didn't know it was that important to her."
"You know she cheated on Shane with me. She still feels terrible. So do I, actually but that isn't the point. She knows what doing that to someone does, and she hates herself for it. Seeing Kurt deny what everyone else can see so clearly sent her over the edge I guess. Look, I don't know that she felt any strong push to defend you, but it came out that way and she was glad she did it afterwards. I don't know for sure, but do you know why no one called you yesterday? Kurt said he was going to give you time and then talk to you before glee today. It seems a few of us broke down a little to early though." He laughed and I smiled. He really did want to cheer me up, that much was clear. Why would Kurt not want to try and talk to me at all though? All I wanted yesterday was someone's phone call, Kurt's, Rachel's, whoever. Sam was here though, making an effort and making me realize that how Kurt is handling all of this is so wrong.
"Thanks Sam. I'll have to thank Tina too. She caved before you did but I just thought she was being nosey." He laughed at that.
"You really don't know Tina that well then, do you?" The laughter continued until I hit him in the arm.
"Shut up! I thought you all hated me." I sighed. "I wasn't going to come to glee today."
"Do me a favor, then. Please come. I think Kurt does feel bad. I don't know for sure, but I know he wants to talk to you."
"Alright Sam, I will, even though this whole situation is making me sick." I caved. So easily too. Why was Sam able to manipulate me so well? Mental note to stand up to him more if we are going to be friends.
The rest of the day passed a little easier. Kurt wasn't in my mind so much, but was replaced with thoughts of the friends I didn't know I had or could have had all along, like Tina and especially Sam. When glee finally arrived though, they left my mind and nerves wracked my body. I only saw Kurt one time in the hallway and I dashed around a corner before he could see me. I know I was being childish, but I didn't know what I wanted to say, or hear him say for that matter. I was so afraid this was over today and I still wasn't sure that's what I wanted. So when I finally turned the corner to walk towards glee and saw him standing outside the class I froze.
"Hi" he said meekly. It was kind of pathetic and I think I smirked. I finally mustered up enough courage to walk towards him and stopped just outside the class. Everyone else was already inside and I found myself extremely anxious and nervous about being here, more so than I was prepared for. I was about to speak when he interrupted me. "Wait, before you say anything, I have to speak. I thought about your song and given this weeks theme, I found the best way to show you how sorry I am and how I feel, and fulfill our assignment! So come in and listen. Please."
I stepped inside and thankfully found a lone seat in the back of the room. Kurt stepped up to the microphone and began Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing." I was surprised and a little hurt that after all of this he decided to use this weeks theme to express how he feels but, then again, I did the same thing so I have to give him a chance. His demeanor spoke so differently then the words coming out of his mouth though. Is he smiling? Where is the regret and remorse? I thought he said he felt sorry? As he continued the rage was building inside of me. He wasn't taking this seriously at all. I saw Sam and Tina look back at me and they seemed to understand. Tina reached back and grabbed my hand and I was so thankful for her presence or I may have stormed out right then.
Kurt finished and a few people seemed to buy it. Finn and Rachel were smiling and clapping. Sugar, Rory, Artie, and Joe didn't seem to pick up on the tension at all. Quinn, Puck, Santanna, and Brittany all clapped and smiled back at Kurt. I had enough.
"You are smiling? You are happy? Was your performance so grand that instead of feeling sorry about what you did you are happy? I love you Kurt, and you smile through a song that basically says you'd be lost without me as you are fighting to keep me? This song was a lie! You don't actually care, do you? This was just an assignment for you? We are done! I can't believe all of this meant nothing to you." I fought back tears, again, and stormed out of glee the second day in a row. This time however, I was followed out by Sam, Tina, Mike, and Mercedes. I turned the corner and collapsed on the ground.
"Guys, can you give me a minute? I want to talk to him alone for a second." Sam was polite but forceful.
"Ok, but we will be just around the corner." Tina seemed a little riled up. I smiled through the tears at the thought. I'll have to thank her for being her, as cheesy as that sounds.
"Blaine. I cannot believe he did that. He has no idea what he is doing. If he wasn't such a jerk I'd feel bad for him." I shot Sam a disgusted look. "Sorry, sorry! Not the point. You need to know we have your back. Not everyone, obviously, but some of us do. You have friends here. They are right here. We are here for you." He beckoned around the corner.
Tina, Mike and Mercedes rounded the corner, followed by someone I didn't expect. Rory smiled at me and I shot him a questioning look.
"I know ye' are a good man Blaine. I just wanted to make sure ye' are ok." Rory actually looked concerned and it brought a smile to my face.
It was then I noticed I wasn't crying. Five friends, standing around me, making sure I was ok and that fourth set of tears never came. I was sad. I was angry. I felt betrayed like I never knew I could be, but where I always thought I was alone stood a few pillars of strength around me, and for the first time today I thought good of Kurt and the situation for getting me to transfer here and meet these people.
"Thanks guys. I think I'll be okay."
