"Hobbies"

by Agar

Rating: PG for some mild language.

Summary: Alucard has picked up some strange hobbies in the past 500 years. A week long "slice of life" in the Hellsing household.

Disclaimer: Hellsing is the creation of Kouta Hirano and belongs to various publishers and producers who are not me. I am not making any money from this.

Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by an oekaki called "Alucard-The hobby knits" by meso-moq at DeviantArt. Her artwork is rough, but quite beautiful and often humorous. Please go take the time to look her up.


Monday - Knitting

Every step Integra took down the basement stairs echoed with her anger. She's been calling that damned vampire for ten minutes and he still hadn't bothered to answer.

If the mansion had been under attack, they could already be a smoking pit in the English countryside. Luckily, it wasn't anything that dire, or even very important, but it was the principle of the matter. She was the master and Alucard the slave; he came to her, not the other way around. Yet here she was dragging herself away from some very important research because her servant was ignoring her. If there was one thing Integra hated more than undead freaks, it was being ignored. It was deeming. What good was being a bloody knight if no one gave her the respect her position deserved?

She didn't bother knocking. It may have been Alucard's room, but it was her damn house and she'd go where she pleased. The door opened so forcefully it knocked into the stone wall with a loud crack.

"Alucard! I've been summoning you for fifteen minutes!" A slight exaggeration, but who was counting? "Why have you not responded?!"

Fully prepared to drag him upstairs by the collar, she crossed the room, pistol in hand, but froze in her tracks. From the door, she hadn't seen the tangled mass of string in his lap, or the two long needles in his hands. He was looping the string around them in a rhythm she vaguely recalled from her primary school Home Economics class, the one she'd failed.

The No-Life King looked up from where he was lounging in his throne. "Hm? Master, I must have been absorbed in my work. Forgive me."

Though her eyes could plainly read the situation, her brain was in denial. It seemed so...domestic; completely out of character for a creature whose primary joy in life came from devouring people in the most violent ways possible. She could no more have stopped the words coming out of her mouth than a train with her bare hands. "...What exactly are you doing?"

"Knitting," he replied, with the same blasé tone of voice one might use when discussing the weather. As if he wasn't a 500 year old, gun-toting, shapeshifting Nosferatu passing the time with a craft better suited for little old ladies.

"You're not very good."

He shrugged, not bothered by the criticism. "I haven't been doing it long. So far I can only make rectangular things." He held up the foot long knit square dangling over his knee. It's edges were uneven, and there was a small hole in the middle big enough to put his finger through. "Would you like a scarf?"

Wondering if she'd stumbled into some surreal alternate dimension, she decided it couldn't hurt to say yes. "...Sure."


A/N: Well, what do you think? Hopefully it's not too crack-ish. There will be 6 more installment, each for a different day of the week and featuring strange new hobbies for Alucard to scare Integra with. See you then...