She had lived through a lot in her life; in fact, she had endured more than most people face in a lifetime in only a few short years. But the feeling growing inside of her from the moment Rumpelstiltskin left the room, the moment she was left alone without her son…it was truly the worst feeling she'd ever known in her life.

For a while she sobbed into her hands, huddled there in her bed, hunched over the hallow place between her chest and knees, the place her son should have occupied.

The world around her moved. She could hear the cries of people coming and going into the room she was in, Emma shouting for Rapunzel, the fairies asking what they could get her. She gave them no answers, she couldn't respond to the hands on her shoulders or her back or the faces looking down at her. Their words were incomprehensible. Their questions weren't important, and even if they were, she had no answers. The world was overwhelming and busy and loud. It was everything a place of birth should have been and it was nothing but a reminder that she had no idea where in the world her son, her own flesh and blood, was. And she might not ever.

"Stop, just stop!"

Rapunzel's fierce words broke through the chaos around her. Beside her she felt the bed mattress shift and a body pressed next to the lump that was her own.

"Just back up and leave her alone!" Rapunzel exclaimed wrapping her arms around her. "There's nothing that you can give her that would help her right now, just give her some peace and let us know when the doctor gets here."

There was shuffling and there were words but she didn't know what that meant. All she knew was her best friend pulling her closer against her shoulder and the tears that flowed down her cheek as she ran her fingers through her hair as though she was a small child and not an adult who had just given birth.

Pain was never-ending, but her tears were not. She cried for what felt like an eternity and then, slowly, the tears began to stop. Her back let out small spasms as she fought to catch the air she'd lost. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks felt thick, her head felt too heavy to lift from Rapunzel's shoulder. She could see. She watched Flynn in the corner who stood at the door like a sentry, turning all but one away. Killian. How he managed with a hook she didn't care to know but he brought a tray to her with some broth and water on it.

He spoke, but the words sounded as though his mouth was filled with cotton. Slow and low, unimportant. He told Rapunzel that Emma had gone back to Granny's and left him to look after her and the ladies had prepared some broth for her, since they thought she should eat something.

Everyone else sounded hazy, like she was right back in the asylum stuck in a drug-induced catatonia. But not Rapunzel. She was the only one who was coming through clear as a bell.

"Well…that's nice of you, but it's not necessary. Flynn and I will take it from here and…I don't know that we're that hungry right now."

No. She wasn't hungry. She felt herself falling into that pit where she wasn't particularly anything anymore. She wasn't hungry. She wasn't tired. She wasn't happy. She wasn't a mother. She was insignificant, meaningless. In seconds she'd become nothing again.

She appreciated the fact that Rapunzel didn't force her to eat, but she also imagined that wasn't far away. She didn't exactly feel anything right now but her mind was thinking through things logically as ever. She knew she couldn't stay this way forever, she knew she couldn't exist for months and months and months on end in this state. She would eventually have to eat, eventually have to sleep…just not now.

Killian took the tray away, he said that he'd stay until the doctor came but left the room leaving her once again in silence with Rapunzel, who didn't try to speak or ask her how she was. She just held her against her shoulder and let her be.

Time passed. She could feel it passing. She could feel the distance to her son growing by the second, she could feel the minutes that he was getting older and she wasn't there to hold him or comfort him. She knew the sound of time passing better than anyone, but it had never been as painful as it was now. The silence was only a reminder of the noise that was absent.

Jackie finally arrived close to dusk. Flynn permitted her in the room with the fairy who had helped her give birth only at Rapunzel's bidding. The two women came over to her and stared down at her pathetic form supported by Rapunzel's body. Neither said anything. Jackie offered her a sad and sympathetic smile before she let out a long sigh that she couldn't interpret.

There were a few words exchanged as she found a seat and sat down at the foot of the bed and explained that she had to take a look just to make sure the she was healing all right. She asked Rapunzel if she wouldn't mind leaving the room, but she didn't. Instead she stood up, allowed the doctor to adjust the sheets as she needed to, then stood there and held her hand as she followed through with instruction after instruction and order after order. She went through the motions. She allowed Jackie to poke and prod her. Jackie and the Fairy carried on a conversation about how the birth had progressed, purposefully not including her until she had to, she assumed.

"Well, I suspect you are a little sore?" Jackie assumed righting the bedsheets again and finally stepping away. Rapunzel was quick to take her spot next to her on the bed once more. Sore? She hadn't noticed. The pain in her heart was far greater than what she was experiencing anywhere else in her body, but now that she mentioned it she remembered trying to move and hurting too much.

She gave a small nod as she settled back into Rapunzel, absorbing the comfort she gave off as the only balm, her only reminder that all the good in the world was not gone. Suddenly she had a feeling, a thought that she hadn't had in a very long time and wished her own mother was there.

"Yes," she finally spoke in a small whisper, aware for the first time that her throat was dry and sore. "A little." Next to her Rapunzel shifted and fiddled with something on the dresser beside her.

"You're going to be for a while. You should probably take it easy here a few days and then go home and be on bed rest for a week or so."

"Here." She glanced over and found Rapunzel holding out a glass of water for her. She wasn't thirsty but she drank anyway and let the cool water soothe her sore throat.

"I want to take her home. Today, if I can," Rapunzel added as she drank.

"I understand, and she's not in bad shape, no swelling in the abdomen, probably because the dust didn't give the pregnancy time to wreak it's havoc, but she really shouldn't be going anywhere given her circumstances coupled with her condition."

"Please, she shouldn't be here, there must be something. Celeste?"

The fairy who had helped her give birth snapped to attention and she watched as she looked her over. She didn't have much of a will, but she used her eyes to plead with the girl. If there was anything to be done then she would do it. Being here, in this room, the only place she'd ever held him in her arms…she wanted to be gone from here. If she had the strength then she would have been fighting for it herself. Instead, she was just as happy to sit back and let Rapunzel do it for her.

"We have spells, but I'd need to get permission and with the Blue Fairy gone-"

She felt herself wince and her body curl into Rapunzel's again at the mention of the Blue Fairy's departure. Just thinking about the memory was like something cutting her open and watching her bleed.

"Then find the next highest ranking fairy and get the permission," Rapunzel insisted wrapping her arms tighter around her. "I'm taking her home tonight, with or without your help, but it will be a lot better for everyone if we have it."

"Sounds like we're getting into a question of magic, and I can't help with that. I have another patient back at the hospital that I have to check in on," Jackie sighed rising from her chair and moving it aside again. "Let me know where you land and I'll come by and check on you in a few days, until then…" suddenly the look on Jackie's face lost it's formality and returned to one of sadness. Though she was glued to Rapunzel and looking forward to the room being empty again, Jackie took a seat next to her on the bed, leaving her pressed for space between Jackie and Rapunzel.

"I've seen a lot of sadness, a lot of tragedy in my life. It comes with this job. The price I pay for seeing some of the most joyful times in life is seeing some of the most unpleasant, to say the least. But the women I meet…their courage never ceases to amaze me. I know it doesn't seem like much now, but things will get better, and you will learn to live again. That is something you owe not just to yourself, but your son."

She was sure she had cried all the tears that she had for a lifetime. But with her words she felt more begin to drip over her eyelashes as her grip on Rapunzel's arm tightened.

"He was beautiful," she whispered, her voice cracking.

Jackie nodded her head slowly and a small unsure smile spread over her face. "I'm sure he is. And he will be again the next time that you see him."

Jackie reached out a hand for her, but Rapunzel took it when more tears prevented her from lifting her hand or head or anything. Jackie left, taking the fairy, Celeste, with her, and Flynn followed the pair of them out so that she could cry against Rapunzel for a few more silent minutes. When he returned, he let them know that Killian had left after a positive report from the doctor and the fairies were talking amongst themselves about getting her out of this place. No sooner had he given his news did the door open up and Celeste returned carrying a glass of something purple.

"We discussed it and if it had been anyone else I don't think they would have been willing, but since it's you and you've given us so much help over the years…" she reached out to hand the glass to her but her body was moving slowly and Rapunzel grabbed it first for her.

"What is it?" Rapunzel asked for her giving it a smell.

"Old fairy magic," Celeste answered. "It'll put her to sleep for about an hour but when she wakes up, she'll be healed and can go home but…I'm sorry…it only works on the body, not the heart," she said looking down at her with sympathy.

No.

She didn't understand.

That pain was fine. The pain in her heart…it was worth having. She would rather feel it now than never know it, she would rather feel pain than know that Rumpelstiltskin had their child.

She didn't want to give up this pain she felt up for as long as she lived. If she couldn't live with her baby, then she would live with the pain. She would live.

Just not here.

With a weak hand she reached out and took the glass of purple liquid from Rapunzel. She swallowed it down in three gulps, neither smelling nor tasting it. It's magic worked fast. Rapunzel only had a second to remove it from her hand before she surrendered to the oblivion it brought her.


Hi! For those of you that are just checking out this fiction, welcome! For those of you who are a fan of the Moments Series, welcome back! I hope you'll enjoy this fiction. It's the 14th in the Moments Series, a series that is an attempt at an accurate portrayal of Belle's perspective during the Once Upon a Time series. This fiction features everything that happened in Storybrooke from the moment just after Belle let Gideon go in "Changlings" up to the moment that she and Rumple find him again in the cavern in "The Final Battle Part II".

If you enjoy this fiction, please review! I always enjoy those wonderful gems waiting for me in my inbox, and I love writing back to thank you personally for reading! It helps me know that I'm doing a decent job! Peace and Happy Reading!