Title- She Was Rating- G Disclaimer- I own nothing.

She was helpless. Consumed by the pillows surrounding her, she looked so small.

She was sleeping. Her heartbeat slow, but she shifted every so often.

She was beautiful. Flawless at every angle, she never looked better.

She loved me. And I loved her. But we can never be together.

**********

I knew it would happen sooner or later. But the realization didn't hit me until it was too late. We were together for years, but never quite together in the sense of her loving me as much as I loved her. I watched her grow into the beautiful young woman she became. She was strong, loyal, a dear friend whom I will never forget.

When she told me the news, I cried. I slumped to the floor and my body heaved with sobs. She held me, in our darkest hour, when I should have been holding her. She was the one who was dying.

Our friends had just entered the lobby when they saw us holding each other, crying out desperately. They stood bewildered, in shock. She looked up to them, and she gracefully stood. She announced that she was going to die, and there was nothing to be done. They collapsed onto each other as I did the floor. Fred cried, bawled actually. Gunn looked defiant, and stood holding Fred in his arms looked at Cordelia.

How could they take away the heart of our family? How could they do this to me? She insisted there wasn't anything to be done. We couldn't call the Powers, we couldn't complete a test. Her heart would stop beating and mine would break. And there was nothing to be done.

When I asked her how long we had left, she looked at me with a sort of sadness that could just kill a man. She shook her beautiful head and replied,

"Days, if that." The look of shock on my face was evident as she grabbed me again and this time we stayed vertical as I cried.

She had accepted her fate, and though it would be hard, in time I would too. But the thing about our situation was, we didn't have time. She didn't have time. She would soon be gone and I would resort to the dark crevices of this grand hotel.

I took her for granted. I never realized how important she was to me. I thought I would be able to go on, but it turns out there's no possible way I could. We had been through so much together, how could it all be coming to an end? I thought it was only the beginning.

It was then I told her I loved her. Perhaps I should have waited. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything at all. But when I saw her smile, I knew I did the right thing. She told me that she loved me too, and I smiled a bittersweet smile. And being that I was already in her arms, she cupped my face, and she kissed me.

It was wild. It was passionate. It was everything I'd hope for.

We were alone in the hotel. And as we kissed, so many emotions consumed me. Why had I waited to tell her the very thing I had felt for months? I felt lost, confused, sad, and happy.

She broke the kiss and then we sat. We held each other for what seemed hours, saying nothing, and just rocking silently. Then she broke the silence as abruptly as she had broken the news. Her plea was surprising.

"I want to say goodbye to my past".

She looked up into my eyes and I nodded in compliance.

"I'll call them". I said softly and I brushed her hair lightly out of her face and kissed her forehead. I stood, ready to make the call I had been subconsciously dreading my entire existence. I would have to tell Cordy's past she was dying.

They were shocked. Utterly transfixed with denial. But they were coming anyway. They would travel by night, and be there by morning. They apologized profusely.

I told her they were coming. And she started to ask me something. And I already knew what she was going to ask.

"Are you sure?" And she replied resolutely,

"I have to see him." I staggered to respond, but I couldn't form words. My past anger rose within me and I almost wasn't able to control it.

"You have to forgive him." She looked to me with those dazzling eyes that overtook my soul. How couldn't I give in to her plea.

"I want this family back before I go. And when I'm gone, I expect it to be together."

God she was so beautiful. I could not argue with her. Some could say that was her last dying wish. I knew it was just Cordy. Ever the one to piece things back together. I moved swiftly to the telephone.

"No." She called from the lobby. I turned to her.

"Go to him." I was going to contest, but she was right. I couldn't call him.

"Are you going to be okay?" She nodded, but I knew she wouldn't be. She was going to die in a few days. She would never be okay.

**********

It wasn't hard to persuade him to come. When he opened the door the look of desperation in my face must have alerted him something was deathly wrong. I wasn't going there to apologize. And he wasn't going to apologize to me. I wasn't invited in, he simply stood there. Staring at me with icy eyes. There were only a few words to be said before he decided to come with me.

"Cordy's dying." I hadn't expected him to be so upset. His icy exterior faded and he could only produce an "Oh God." He looked down to the floor and then up to me.

"How long?" He asked simply. Fearing the worst and expecting the worst.

"Days." I didn't elaborate. I didn't know what to say to this man. This man who stole my child. This man who defied me. This man who turned against his family.

He followed me to my car and he got in after I signaled to him it was all right. And as we drove wildly through the LA highway, I spoke to him. I had to do this for Cordelia. I had to do this for me.

"She wants her family back. The only one she's had. We need to work past this." I waited for him to answer me, and when he didn't, I continued.

"I won't apologize to you. I don't think you expected me to. And whether we need you back or not, you will come back. For Cordelia. You will come back for Cordelia." That's all I cared about. It's all he cared about. And then he spoke. Roughly, and hoarsely, he spoke.

"I tried to protect her from so many things. We've been through so much together, but that doesn't seem to matter now, does it?" He said bitterly, and then continued. "I don't expect an apology, you're right. And I don't even expect forgiveness, but it's what I can hope for. Last year you turned against us. You turned against her. And I was all she had. A bit of her past that she didn't want to forget. We stood together, and we fought together. And so did you and I. I was wrong. I'm sorry. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I regret it. My soul aches because of what I've done. And all I want now is to be accepted again. I need to be forgiven by you. By her. Or I cannot live with myself." I froze. Not knowing what to say to him.

Though it did not compare, I had forgotten what I did to Cordelia last year. I abandoned her. I left her with the visions. I left her. How could I have left her? We pulled up to the Hyperion and I looked at him.

"She will forgive you." I paused, not sure whether what I was about to say was true or not.

"And so will I. Given time. I will forgive. But don't think I'll ever forget." He nodded, unbuckling his seatbelt. And as we walked though the hotel doors I saw her. She was waiting on the couch. Staring right through us.

She looked at me.

"Give us a minute." I nodded, and flew up the stairs after she smiled at me. And though I wanted to know what they said to one another, I couldn't bring myself to listen. It was Cordelia's time to talk to him. It was her time to forgive him. And that's when I heard it. The loudest smack I had ever heard. I ran to the banister to see the sight below me. Cordelia had punched Wesley straight in the nose. Blood was gushing everywhere. And despite myself, I smiled.

I saw her rush to get the first aid kit, and Wesley took a seat on the couch, holding his head back. I expected her to flap her arms around and apologize to him, but she didn't. She knew what she was going to do. And she knew she wouldn't regret it. They started to talk, and I left for my room. As much as I wanted to, it was her time.

**********

After what seemed to be enough time, I slowly crept out of my room and headed downstairs. I saw Wesley on the couch, seated by Cordelia and they were crying. The sight brought tears to my eyes, but I forced them to stop. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. They saw me and Wesley stood. Cordelia stood up and embraced the man that had betrayed our family. She had forgiven him.

"You are an extraordinary woman, Cordelia Chase. You will never be forgotten. I swear to you that." She smiled sadly towards him and she patted him on the back.

"Thank you for everything. And remember what I said."

"I will never forget." He turned to go and I looked at him. And before he was out the door, I was compelled to hug this man. This man who had helped me through so many toils. This man who had jumped through a portal to save Cordy with me. This man who tried to protect my family. And as hard as I tried to resist the temptation, I couldn't. I embraced him, and the look of shock on his face was replaced with that of bittersweet joy.

"Be sure to come back." Wesley nodded at my plea and he left the hotel. I watched him go and then I turned to Cordelia who was now bawling and smiling simultaneously.

"Thank you." She whispered. I held her. Then we were interrupted by a quiet knock at the door and then it swung open. We looked to see who the intruders were, and we were pleased with the sight before us. The Scoobies had arrived and in full force. And if it had been days before, it would have been a joyful reunion, yet awkward, but today it was simply a tragic reunion, and more awkward.

Cordelia released me and looked at her past. Buffy was leading the entourage. And what I had never expected had happened. Cordelia and Buffy hugged. And with tears in my past lovers eyes they embraced. No words were exchanged, but none were needed. I saw some red hair and knew that Willow was present in the group. She moved to Cordy and gave her a hug as well. The moment was tense, and silent, but not awkward as expected. It was all very natural.

And lastly, Xander emerged. He looked defeated as he moved towards Cordy. His hands in his pockets and with a deep furrowed brow, he was embraced by Cordelia. And he cried. Silent tears of pity and grief, he cried as Cordelia held him. I saw some blonde in the distance and noticed Spike was there. I nodded to him and he nodded back with a solemn expression. He moved towards Cordelia as she and Xander parted. Spike then grabbed my seer and hugged her.

"Thought I'd follow the trend." He spoke with his accent. Cordy laughed, and that made me smile. She had laughed. In this incredibly weak moment, she had laughed.

"Thank you all for coming. This isn't exactly how I wanted to be reunited with you guys. But, I guess there isn't much we can do about that. Why don't we get Gunn and Fred and go out for breakfast. I'm sure they know of a good diner at this hour." She looked to me and I simply nodded back. And that's when I realized.

Why be so depressed and sorrowful? Or as Cordy would like to put it, broody? We should make these last hours of her life as cheerful and fun as possible. Cordelia wouldn't want to go with everyone remorseful.

"That sounds good, Cordy. But, I've got to talk to you for a moment." He motioned towards the office and she nodded.

"You all make yourselves comfortable. We'll be right back." She told our company. She was so nice. And I'm sure that was a shock to the Scoobies, but that's how I knew her.

I started right in, "I am going to be so utterly lost without you here, Cordy." Her expression quickly changed to one of misery, so I continued. "But for now, I think you'd want to be happy, right?"

"Of course!"

"Well, let's be happy. I know you want to say goodbye to them, and you will, but before you-before you-"

"Die." She said it so matter-of-factly,

"Yeah, before you die, I think we should just be together. With Fred, and Gunn, and just us. Your family." She smiled.

"My family." She repeated. "I like the sound of that."

**********

So we had eaten breakfast at a local diner that Fred and Gunn had chosen. And instead of gloom and doom, we laughed. We were enjoying ourselves. We talked about the past. And we even talked about the future. And when I looked to Cordelia knowing she wouldn't be here to fulfill her future, she was still interested in our future. In fact, that's all she wanted to know. She wanted to be sure we would be okay. She made me tell her my five-year plan. And I figured it all out with her. And she told me something incredibly loving and sincere,

"I will always be with you. Remember that, Angel. I will always be fighting by your side." I nodded and a tear ran down my cheek. The group from Sunnydale watched in silence, and I kissed her hand which I held so close to me.

The group from Sunnydale was preparing to leave and Cordelia said her goodbyes. And instead of shooing me out of the way, she wanted me by her side. She had decided she didn't want to be alone. Xander took it the hardest. And when he hugged her he chocked out

"I will always love you Cordelia. Always and forever." She had trouble breathing after that, but she regained her composure and kissed his cheek.

"Good luck, Xander. You are-you are a great man. A great one." He thanked her then hurried to the car and got in, shedding some more tears undoubtedly. Willow then approached her. Willows big eyes had tears rushing out.

"Oh, Willow, don't cry. You never liked me much anyway." Cordelia giggled.

"That's not true!" Willow replied.

"I know. I'm sorry for what I put you through in high school. You have really turned out to be such a wonderful person, Willow. You are loving, and caring, and everything I wanted to be."

"But you are all those things, Cordy, and much more." And Willow was right. And as the two girls hugged, Buffy came to me and started to say her goodbyes.

"If you need anything, anything at all, you call me. One of us will be here in an instant." She reached up and hugged me briefly and kissed my cheek. She then moved to Cordelia who was waiting for her.

"I know we were never really friends, but, I'll miss you." Buffy said thoughtfully.

"I'd like to think we were. And I know that must be some crazy observation, but I think we were. We could have ruled that school you and I. But I'm glad we didn't. We were different, but now I think we're pretty similar." Cordy paused during her little speech, and then she whispered to Buffy as they hugged, and I heard her,

"Enjoy life, Buffy. Enjoy it!" They smiled and Buffy got in the car.

"Well, this was nice." Spike said walking towards Cordy flicking his cigarette to the side of the road.

"You really shouldn't smoke, it's bad for your health." She stated simply, and he looked a bit taken aback.

"I'll keep that in mind." He kissed her cheek and waved a goodbye to me.

"You two hug, you never know when you'll see each other again!" I sighed, and then reluctantly hugged Spike. And he patted my back affectionately. He turned to go and I heard him sniff.

"Spike?"

"What?" He didn't turn around,

"Are you crying?" He then turned to us and he had tears streaming down his face.

"It's just so bloody unfair, is all! Why is this happening to you? Of all people? You seem so nice! So good! Especially for this bloke! He needed someone to set him straight, and it seems you did it! Why do you have to-" He stopped. And Cordelia, her motherly instincts coming through, went to him and hugged him tightly.

"It's ok. It's all right. I'm ready." She looked at him. And he nodded and went to the car and they drove away. And then I looked at Cordy and she was smiling. I had expected her to cry, but instead she was smiling. I guided her back to the hotel and we walked through the lobby and we were greeted by Gunn, Fred, and Wesley. It seemed they had spoken and understood why he was there. I looked at Cordelia and she looked worn out.

"Well, I'm pretty tired. Angel, can I crash upstairs?"

"Of course!"

"I'll try not to get peanut butter on the sheets." Amazing. She was absolutely amazing. How could she have remembered something as simple as that. It had been years since I had scolded her for getting peanut butter on my sheets. I couldn't help but laugh. She walked up the stairs and I watched her go.

Later on I went to check on her and she was awake.

"Hey you." She said to me quietly wrapped up in my sheets. I'd be sure to sleep in them every time I went to bed.

"Hi. How you feeling?"

"My head is throbbing, but it'll be fine." She looked at me intensely, "It will be fine." I nodded and sat beside her clasping her hand in mine.

"Angel, I'm going to get all mushy now, but bear with me." I nodded and she went on,

"You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I love you so deeply, and that love will never fade. But you have to promise me that you won't brood. Promise me that you won't resort to the dark crevices of this grand hotel," How did she know- "Promise me that you will go on living. And that you will go on fighting. And that you will complete this mission and complete your shanshu." I paused, thinking about what she had revealed, and I answered,

"I promise you. But expect some broodiness."

"Ok, some broodiness, I'd feel a bit left out if you didn't brood over me. But no more than a day, all right? It will break my heart if you mourn over me like that. I want you to be happy." I smiled despite the current situation, she could always make me smile.

"All right. Deal." I held her then and she fell asleep. And when she woke up, she looked to me.

"Can you get Fred and Gunn. And Lorne if he's around?"

"Of course." The time was coming. She could feel it. I stayed with her when the others came in.

"Hey guys. Well, this is so dramatic, isn't it? Well, anyway. Ok, Fred?" Fred looked so upset. Cordy was her best friend, other than Gunn. They did the girly things together, and she'd miss that.

"You have to do something for me."

"Anything, Cordy."

"You have to keep Gunn in line." She winked,

"All right, I'll try."

"And also, be the heart of this family." She nodded, not knowing how to respond. And then she hugged Cordy.

"Thank you for everything. Angel may have saved me from the monsters in Pylea, but without you, he wouldn't have been there. Thank you." She cried and tears fell from Cordy's eyes. Gunn was next, and Cordy looked up to the tall, dark man.

"You take care of Fred, you hear me?"

"Done."

"You're a great friend." It was so simple, but so true. Gunn broke down and cried right then, holding Cordy in his arms.

"I'll miss you, Barbie." Cordy chuckled. They left and then Lorne rushed in.

"What's going on?" He asked worriedly.

"Oh, Lorne." Cordelia said whimsically. He then slumped.

"Oh, no. This can't be!" He knew. Without a reply, he knew. He sat by Cordy's side and held her hand.

"Oh, Princess. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Everything's going to be all right. Now, I just need you to keep an eye on Angel. Make sure he doesn't over exceed his brooding period."

"Done deal, Princess. And you truly are a Princess." She smiled, that gorgeous smile that is only fit for a queen and Lorne stood up and left. I then sat by her side and held her hand.

"I love you, Angel."

"I love you too, Cordy." And she closed her eyes.

She was helpless. Consumed by the pillows surrounding her, she looked so small.

She was sleeping. Her heartbeat slow, but she shifted every so often.

She was beautiful. Flawless at every angle, she never looked better.

She loved me. And I loved her. But we can never be together. Because she died that night in my arms. I mourned her death, and I was devastated. But I was sure not to exceed my brooding period.

~End~