A/N: I don't usually like writing in first person, at all, but when I write my #1 goal is always to get the reader into the headspace of the character(s). Since I wanted this story to focus on Dude, and I felt like third person didn't properly do that, I went with first person. Getting into a dog's mindset is kind of hard, haha.

I basically watched my guinea pigs and beagle for a few hours trying to figure out what was going on in there. Plus watching Secret Life of Pets (what can I say, it gets the personalities down perfectly) because I wanted Dude and Carlos's relationship to basically be Max and Katie mixed with Ash and Pikachu, with my own touch thrown in.

So, basically, what I'm trying to say is this fic was a challenge for me, and I hope it worked rather than just being a melodramatic mess.

Well, time to find out! Please read and review!


My human is sick today.

See, you might look at him and think he's fine. And you'd be half right because there's nothing wrong with his body. He looks fine. Great even. His body is small but healthy.

But his body's health can't tell everything, you see, because Carlos has a really weird sickness. It's not the kind of illness that makes you cough or throw up, or even get a fever. It's a kind of… a kind of sad-sickness.

I was confused the first time I saw him get like this. He refused to get out of bed and go to class, even though he usually loves school more than anything.

(I, for one, hate sitting still for an entire hour at a time, but I suffer through it because it is my job to keep my human safe and happy.)

At first I thought he was just sleepy, so I licked his face, which usually gets him right up because he thinks I need a walk, and he always, always tends to my needs. But that day, he just rolled to his side and whispered, "not today, Dude."

I whined, hopping up to cuddle against his side, and he let out a sigh as he tangled his fingers in my fur. "I don't feel good, Dude." I let out another whine, pressing closer, and Carlos explained, "I just… I get really sad sometimes. And it makes me sick. Sometimes I get scared, too. And… And I can barely move or do anything because it's all too much." He held me tighter.

Now, I'm a little dog, so I really wouldn't stand a chance protecting my human in a physical fight. That's not what "keeping him safe" means for me. Keeping him safe means protecting him from his nightmares and anything else that hurts him. So for me to hear that there's something inside him that's making him even more afraid, well… it was really upsetting and scary to me.

I resolved to give him extra kisses and cuddles, but it wasn't enough. It got me some tiny smiles, but it didn't get Carlos to class. It didn't even get him out of bed.

Thankfully he got better, and it was a long time before I saw him like that again. But eventually I did; a day here and there, at first, the same frequency you'd expect a human to get a cold or flu.

But lately, it's been happening more and more. He's been sad-sick for a few weeks now. Sometimes he's well enough to make himself go to class. Other times he refuses to get out of bed and pretends to have a tummy ache or something else.

Usually, it starts with him getting scared-sick. A nightmare will leave him tossing and turning and I won't be able to wake him no matter how hard I try (and oh, do I ever try, even when it makes me so scared I start to cry). And then he'll scream in terror and jolt awake, and he'll be jumpy and distant most of the day, but he'll still be… well, there.

And then the next day he won't get out of bed at all. Or even if he does, it'll be like he isn't really there at all, even though he is. But he hides in plain sight so well that no one, even Jay or Mal or Evie, think anything is wrong besides him being tired or something.

I can always tell he's suffering on those days. He's in pain, probably even worse than if his body were hurt instead. I can see that he's thinking a lot of awful things, but I don't know what they are, and I can't even ask him because I can't talk anymore.

Sometimes, on those days, I consider trying to convince Mal to make more truth gummies so that I can ask him. But I also think if I could talk again, he wouldn't trust me enough to tell me things anymore. There are a lot of things he tells me (like that he's sad-sick at all) that he won't tell the others, not even Jay, because I couldn't reveal his secrets even if I wanted to. And they can. Not that they ever would, but see, Carlos always has to think of the million-to-one chance. Because in his life, it's always that million-to-one, overlooked thing that ends up coming to bite him.

So, even though I want to know more, I have to be happy with what he's giving me. It's like when I can smell a bag of treats and I want them all so badly, but he only gives me one, except, this isn't like a treat at all. Treats make me happy. The things he tells me make me want to howl away my sorrow all night. It makes me wonder why humans can't seem to find anything better to do than torture each other.

I like humans, really. They do a lot of cool stuff. They make things (like treats) and they're usually pretty great to be around. They give great belly rubs, and they play a lot of games, and they really do make the best friends. But there's so many who are just so evil that it's beyond a dog's comprehension. Like Cruella de Vil.

If you talked to me a year ago about Cruella, I would have had a lot to say about the vile woman, for sure. I would have told you what a monster she was for trying to kill so many puppies all in the name of fashion, something utterly meaningless.

But see, I would have thought that was the worst thing she ever did or could do. But I would have been very, very wrong.

She did dozens, maybe hundreds, of worse things, and every single one of them were done to my human.

She hurt him in ways I never knew were possible until Carlos told me.

Really, I understand why he's scared-sick and sad-sick so much, because I feel scared-sick and sad-sick sometimes just thinking about what happened to him, and I can't imagine living through it all. I probably would have died of heartbreak in a quarter of the time.

And the saddest thing of all is, if Carlos knew how upset I was at his pain, he'd probably apologize for making me feel that way, and then he'd stop telling me things- putting me before his own needs, like always.

(Carlos de Vil loves me more than anything or anyone on the planet. It makes me feel so happy and so lucky, but, it scares me sometimes too. Because I worry what will happen if he decides he has to sacrifice something for me.)

Carlos puts more energy into taking care of me than himself. And that, ultimately, is why I take my duties so seriously.

When I was just the school mascot, I didn't have a job. I ate, I ran, I played with some of the kids, and that was it. But then came Carlos. And he needs me as much as I need him. I don't think either of us could survive without the other one.

So, it's really important that I watch out for Carlos when he gets sad-sick.

The problem is, I really can't seem to do anything more than watching. I can't fix things. But he always tells me I don't have to fix, that no one can.

But I'm determined to find a way to cure it anyway. Carlos deserves that much. Well, he deserves a lot more than that, but, I have to do one thing at a time. It would be like trying to fit both a toy and treat in my mouth at the same time… it can't be done and I'd probably end up dropping them both.

Suddenly, Carlos's voice interrupts my thoughts. He sounds so tired and sad as he says, "hey buddy," wrapping an arm around me and stroking my fur just the way I like.

I let out a whine. It's kind of happy, because I'm happy any time I'm with Carlos, but it's sad too because I hate Carlos's sick days. Moving under Carlos's arm, I settle myself on his tummy, knowing that he loves feeling my warmth and weight there. Like a heating pad, he always says, and if that's what comforts him, then I'll become the best heating pad ever.

"Dude?" Carlos scratches behind my ears, looking down at me. He looks so exhausted that it sends a pang through my heart. It makes him look so much older. Nothing like the carefree teenagers I was used to as school mascot. He looks more like a harried teacher, except, not even they know the stress this boy carries on his shoulders every day.

(What would the adults do if they knew? Would they try to help? Would their efforts even accomplish anything? There's been a lot of adults around Carlos, and none of them have ever seemed able to fix the things inside him that got broken. It isn't fair. Why can't Carlos have a Roger and an Anita like all those Dalmatians did? Why does he have to be bound to Cruella while the rest of us get to forget her cruelty?)

I tilt my head and paw at his chest, prompting Carlos to continue, and he does. "Do you ever… do you ever just wonder what the point of all this is?" His voice breaks, and his eyes fill with tears. I ready myself to move forward to lick them off his cheeks. "Why should I even try anymore? Nothing's ever going to change, Dude."

I whine and shake my head, touching his chest with my paw. You're wrong, I want to tell him. You're the bravest boy I know. If anyone can change anything it's you. You can do anything. You lived with Cruella de Vil for fourteen years and didn't let her corrupt you. You can do anything you set your mind to.

Oh, what I would do for another truth gummy.

Ariel once traded her voice for a pair of human legs; maybe I can trade something for a voice. I don't have much, but whatever they wanted, they could have. I'd give them my tail in a heartbeat.

Carlos looks at me with pain in his eyes. "I know, buddy, I know you're trying to tell me it'll all get better and… whatever else." He closes his eyes. "But I don't think there's any fixing this, you know? What's the point?"

I frown, and then jump off the bed. Carlos looks at me in surprise as I trot over to the other side of the room, use my jaws to pick up something small sticking out of Jay's backpack, and then return, showing it to him.

It's a picture of Carlos and his friends. I drop it by his hands, the message clear- they're the point, Carlos.

Carlos sighs, and I tilt my head in confusion as he says, "they'd be better off without me. They're always tied down… always trying to protect me and…" The tears start to flow down his face. "I'm worthless, Dude. Everyone I know would be better off if I'd never been born."

I let out a cry at his words, because not only are they untrue, but it hurts to listen. I try to put my words into my whine, even though I know he won't be able to understand. Not because he doesn't understand me- he always does- but because he's so far gone, he can't understand anyone saying nice things about him. How could you say that, Carlos? Me! I'm right here! I didn't have a purpose in life until I met you! If you'd never been born I never would have had a human of my own, I never would have known what love feels like! Everything good in my life is because you're in it!

I want to scream it, but my voice box betrays me by only letting out those wordless cries.

I have to find Mal soon. I can't do this anymore. I can't! I can't let my human sit there with those painful thoughts. How could he even think he should never have been born? Where would that idea come from?

Unfortunately, I know exactly where, or rather who.

I hate Cruella. I never met her, but I really, really hate her. And I'm a dog, I don't hate anyone usually. But her? I'd love to chomp on her leg, and take a chunk out of it like her bear traps did to my boy.

I'd trade every treat I have and ever will have for a chance to avenge Carlos.

But there's no sorcerer or witch or any other magic user anywhere near me, let alone one who could offer that kind of bargain.

Licking as much of Carlos's face as I can possibly reach, I try to make him see, make him feel all the love I have for him. He has to know, he has to! He has to know the day I met him was the best day of my life.

But Carlos just lifts me up and gently places me down away from his head, looking at me with those sad eyes again. He looks like he's trying to find words, and I wait, even though I know I won't like them.

"I love you, buddy. I do," he says. And I start to perk up. Maybe I will like it after all.

"But… I don't deserve you."

My heart shatters.

"You deserve an owner who isn't a worthless, insane, selfish failure."

The pieces of my heart break into still smaller pieces.

"I ruin everything. I ruined my mom's life just by being born and I'm doing the same with you and Jay and Mal and Evie."

And now those pieces are being ground up into dust.

I start to howl in pain, and Carlos looks so guilty. Like this is his fault and not his demon mother. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'll stop, buddy."

I rest my paw against his hand, telling him he's done nothing wrong. But he doesn't believe me.

"I'm gonna lie down for a while, okay?" he says, and rolls over, back facing me, before falling asleep again, leaving me alone with this hopeless feeling in my belly.

I must have fallen asleep too, because the next time I open my eyes, Carlos is humming a soft song and writing something in a notebook. I climb into his lap, and he gives a tiny smile as he looks down at me. If it weren't for earlier, I could almost pretend he wasn't sad-sick today at all.

"Hey, buddy. Have a good nap?" he asks, scratching my ears, and I nod. "Good. I'm glad you're feeling okay, at least." Carlos looks at me with such love that I feel angry, not at him, but at… well, anyone who's responsible for making him feel this way. How could they not see how beautiful this boy is?

Except, really, when I think about it, I think they did. I think that's why they did it.

Most people see a beautiful thing and want to protect it and take care of it. But the kinds of people Carlos grew up with want to destroy instead. They're the kinds of people that would stomp on a flower just because. Even though flowers never do anything but smell nice.

It's really mean, and I hate it.

I wish I could take away Carlos's sad-sickness and scared-sickness and make Cruella have them instead. She should be the one struggling with bad dreams, not him.

But I'm just a dog, and no one asked me about justice. As a matter of fact, no one but Carlos ever asked me anything at all.

Carlos lets out a sigh, holding me in his arms and looking out the window. He looks so faraway, like even though his body is here, his mind is somewhere else.

(It scares me when he does that. What if he goes away one day and never comes back?)

"I know she's not here anymore," he says, and his voice sounds just as far as his face looks. "I should be happy. And I am, kind of. But… there's just so much… hurt. I hurt, Dude. I don't know how much longer I can keep pretending everything's okay when every time I fall asleep I hope I don't wake up."

Finally I decide I have to get help. I can't get through to him on my own; I need backup.

I look from Carlos to the door, and finally hop off the bed, standing beside it. On days like this, Carlos knows that means to just open it and let me go out on my own- I know where to go and where to come back to. So he heads to the door, using as much energy to get out of bed and walk five steps as most people do to run a marathon.

But, I'm kind of lying, in a way. Or at least deceiving. I'm not going on a walk at all; I'm actually going to the Tourney field.

If I can't help Carlos, there's only one other person who can get through to him, and that's Jay. Mal and Evie can help sometimes too, but, Jay seems to have a different effect on him.

I think Jay and Carlos love each other. Not the way their entire group loves each other, but the way that makes humans want to hold hands and kiss and other things. I don't know if they know, though, or if they want to do anything about it. And I can only meddle with so many things at a time. That one will have to wait until my human's sad-sickness is cured.

So I head to find Jay, hoping he can help somehow even if I can't. Maybe he knows something about sad-sickness that I don't. After all, they all grew up in pretty much the unhappiest place on the planet. So surely he knows more about sadness than I ever will. It's both a blessing and a curse, really.

The only problem is, I'm not sure how to convey the problem to Jay, since I can't talk anymore and he never understood me the way Carlos did. With Carlos it's like he can understand my thoughts most of the time, the general idea if not the specifics. But Jay and I don't have that link.

(If we're a family, Carlos is kind of like my mother, ignoring that he's a boy. He takes care of me and protects me and knows me better than anyone. Jay is more like an uncle to me [and Mal and Evie are like my aunts]. I love him a lot, and he loves me, but it's a little more distant. Not like the love I feel for Carlos where it's like he's the center of my universe.)

Still, I have to try. So I enter the Tourney field, where practice is just finishing, and the boys are fist-bumping and two are wrestling each other. I sprint over to Jay, ignoring the rest of the team wanting to greet their old mascot, and bark urgently at him.

"Hey Dude, what's up?" Jay asks absently, scratching my ears. I don't dislike when Jay pets me, but he always does it too hard and I usually try to move away after one or two touches. Jay is kind of like that in general really, rough on the outside but gentle on the inside.

I allow Jay to pet me, and then let out another bark, turning to the dorm building.

"Is something wrong?" Jay asks, looking from me to the building, and I nod before barking again. That's all he needs to hear, and he hurries to the locker room, grabbing only the essentials before following me to his room.

That's one thing I like about Jay. When Carlos is involved, he moves fast. He cares about Carlos almost as much as I do. (Almost. But no one does as much as me. I take pride in that.)

So we run back to their room, and Jay looks at Carlos with a frown and then back down at me. "He's just sleeping, man," he whispers to me. I shake my head, leaning attentively on my back legs, so Jay asks, "is he sick?"

I nod. And then Jay quietly walks to Carlos's bed, setting a hand on his forehead. Then he looks back at me, mouthing, "he doesn't have a fever." I nod again, because I already know sad-sickness doesn't cause a fever.

"Then what's wrong with him, Dude?" Jay crouches beside me, looking into my eyes.

I try desperately to think of a way to explain it to him, and finally I set a paw on his cheek, tracing imaginary tear tracks.

Jay frowns and thinks, before guessing, "he's… sad?" I nod. "But you said he was sick, too…" And I nod again.

Realization dawns on the human, and he lets out a soft, "oh…" before turning his attention back to Carlos.

I was right- he does understand sad-sickness after all.

So Jay sets about waking Carlos up. He leans forward to talk softly to him, stroking Carlos's cheek.

Yes, I decide, they definitely love each other. I can see it in the touches. The looks. Jay looks at Carlos like… like Carlos being sad is the death of all good things. And as for Carlos? Carlos looks at Jay the way I look at my favorite treats, the way Belle looks at books, the way Chad looks at his own reflection, the way Fairy Godmother looks at all things dull and boring. In other words, like Jay is the greatest thing in the whole world and all the secrets to happiness exist inside Jay.

It makes me happy to see, but kind of sad in a way too. It's not fair that rather than getting to focus on that, Carlos has to have the memories of Cruella haunting him. The woman already terrorized him for fourteen years, why should she get to ruin his day without even seeing him?

It just isn't fair.

I settle back, watching Jay murmur to Carlos, asking what's wrong and what he can do to help.

But then I decide I should give them privacy, the same way Carlos and I had. Even though I probably already know everything he's about to tell Jay, I think it will make my human more comfortable. So I make my way to Jay's side of the room and jump onto his bed, making a few circles around the spot I want to lie on to make sure it's perfect before I settle there.

I watch Jay and Carlos for one more moment before turning my back to them. Carlos doesn't look much better, not really, but I think the fact that he's telling Jay is a good thing. And, well, a good thing is better than nothing.

I want to make Carlos okay. I want to make him forget all the things that are hurting him. But I can't do that. So, I guess this will have to do. I'll listen to him and fetch the rest of his family when he needs them.

It doesn't feel like much, doesn't feel like anything at all really. But what else can I do?

Only one more thing, and that's to hold on to hope that somehow, he'll get better. Maybe one day he'll find a way to get Cruella out of his head and make the scared-sickness and sad-sickness stop.

And until then, I'll keep trying to think of ways to help my human.

My dreams are very, very strange that night.

Usually I dream in black and white, but this time it's in color; at least, what colors I can see. And instead of dreaming about playing or treats or other dog things, I see Carlos standing in our room.

He holds me close and talks softly to me, scratching behind my ears.

"Hey, buddy, I'm glad this worked. I need you to listen, okay? I have to tell you something." He starts biting his lip as he thinks, and I dutifully give him my undivided attention, ears perked and tail wagging. "I have to go somewhere," he says finally.

"Go somewhere?" I ask, surprised to find my voice works again. Well, it's a dream. Anything can happen, I suppose. "Where? You go lots of places."

Carlos shakes his head. "I mean… Not like a quick errand. Much longer than that."

"Like when you went back to the Isle?" I ask softly.

"Kind of like that day. But even longer," he says. He's frowning. Not… not angry or sad. Just serious.

"Can I come?" I ask him.

"No, buddy, that's the thing. I have to go alone. It's… a journey I have to go on by myself. For a very, very long time." He hesitates for a moment. "I just… it's how things have to be. I have to do this."

He thinks that will stop me? Please. I never stay behind when he tells me. Telling me not to go somewhere is like telling me not to eat a treat he dropped on the floor. It's as good as mine. I tell him as much as I remind him, "I flunked obedience class."

But Carlos looks into my eyes and says, "I mean it. You can't come with me, literally, physically cannot."

"Ever?" I ask, my voice sounding pathetically small. "I'll never see you again?" The thought hurts so badly. What am I supposed to do without Carlos? How am I supposed to just do what I did before?

Now Carlos looks upset, and he assures me, "One day though, you can try and find me and we can be together again. I'd like that. But not for a long time. For now I have to do this."

Disappointment floods me, not helped by the fact that I still really don't get it. What could he need to do all on his own? Even when he leaves me behind- or tries to- he still has his the rest of our family with him, at least, so I know he's safe. I don't like this idea at all.

And speaking of them… I frown. "Does Jay know? Mal? Evie?"

"Don't worry, I'll explain to them too," he promises, scratching under my chin.

Well, okay then. I still don't like it. But I guess if the others are okay with it, then I should be too.

But I'm not. It doesn't feel right at all. I'm scared. I haven't felt this scared since the day Maleficent attacked us.

Normally Carlos being calm would help me, but this time it just makes me feel worse. It makes me confused on top of everything else.

"I'm sorry, Dude," Carlos whispers, kissing the top of my head. "But this is for the best. I promise."

I cry, licking his face. I want to argue with him or demand an answer or something. But my voice fails me.

And then everything is fading away, and I wake up in Carlos's bed.

Alone.

"Hey, Dude," Jay calls, standing over me, concerned. "You were crying a lot… were you having a bad dream or something? Do dogs even have dreams?"

His question is directed more to himself than me, which is good because it gives me time to focus on more important things. Like the fact that Carlos is gone.

Was the dream real after all? Had Carlos invoked some sort of magic to talk to me one last time?

I bark at Jay, but he doesn't seem to understand what's wrong. Either Carlos talked to him, or…

Or Jay has no idea yet.

Either way, I'm terrified, and whether Jay is or not doesn't matter.

I see the door open and I charge, ready to run to the ends of the earth to find Carlos. Jay doesn't follow, but I didn't expect him to, not if he doesn't know anything is amiss.

Carlos doesn't like strange places, so most of his time is spent in one of four spots on campus. Our room, the Tourney field, his classes, and the library. He obviously isn't in our room, there's no class today on account of it being a weekend, and Carlos doesn't really go to the Tourney field unless there's practice or a game. That means the library is my best bet, and so I hurry there first, quickly panting with the effort. I've gotten a bit out of shape since retiring as Auradon Prep's mascot.

Sure enough, I find him sitting at a desk, and relief floods me. There's something comforting about finding him in one of his favorite haunts. Maybe it really was just a dream and everything is normal.

Except it's not, I realize.

Carlos may like the library, but he likes to read or work there. He doesn't take naps there- he only ever sleeps in his room. So seeing him slumped in his chair, head resting in his arms, worries me. Maybe now his body is sick too. The thought makes part of me feel selfishly relieved. Carlos can't go anywhere, can't leave me if he's sick. But then I feel like a giant jerk for thinking that at all. I don't want him to be sicker than he already is.

I jump into Carlos's lap, hoping for answers, but I get even more worried when he doesn't stir.

And as I press my head to his chest, I realize he isn't breathing.

My human isn't breathing.

And suddenly I can't either, the panic steals the air out of my lungs. Carlos. Not breathing. My human. My brave, kind, brilliant boy, not breathing.

Without me even commanding it, my body jumps out of the chair and starts making a commotion, barking so loud I'm sure the entire school can hear, but I don't stop until I see Fairy Godmother enter.

She takes one look at the scene and clears the library, including me.

And suddenly I think I understand what scared-sickness feels like because my chest hurts from the way my heart pounds and I still cant breathe or think or anything and I think I'm going to throw up.

I sit immediately outside the library, making my terror known. I howl and bark and make sure the whole world knows how wrong everything has gone.

I don't stop no matter who tries to quiet me. I don't even stop when Jay, sprinting into my line of vision, lifts me and bolts inside, only to be forcibly removed by two teachers.

It only makes me bay harder.

My human can't be dying, none of this can be true- surely this is just a continuation of the dream from earlier but it's turned into a regular nightmare now.

But nothing is supposed to hurt in dreams and my heart is in agony, so I think it's real.

But I don't want it to be.

When Jay is thrown out of the room, the door stays open just long enough for me to leap out of his arms and inside. I rush to Carlos, who is now on the floor with a teacher doing some strange thing to his chest that looks like he's pushing on it. I lie down next to my human, refusing to let anyone shoo me out.

If I don't leave, Carlos can't leave me like he told me he would. So I'll stay, no matter what.

If he wakes, I'll go with him to the hospital.

And if he dies? Then my heart will break, and I'll follow him there, too.