Okay! This is my first fan fiction ever so, be nice!

I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim unfortunately. Sniff

Summary: When the Tallest refuse to supply Zim with the tools he needs, he resorts to visiting an Earth DIY store…

The rain poured down from the polluted sky, smashing against anything in its path. All the while, Zim's dysfunctional SIR unit, GIR, frolicked about in the garden, tearing at the soaked grass in an unusual fashion.

"GIR! Get in here! And don't bring any of that filthy earth substance with you." Zim called, tapping his foot impatiently at his doorstep. GIR spun around and waved ecstatically fleeing into the house as fast as his small legs would carry him. The water dripped from his black, felt ears as he pulled back the hood of his disguise. He grinned and stood before his master.

GIR was probably one of the most idiotic SIR units Zim had ever came across. He never did as he was told and if he did manage to register a command he'd do it insufficiently or prove to be no use at all. But he was good company, and the little 'bot didn't seem to mind listening to his new plans to destroy the Earth.

"Okay. GIR, I have a new plan -"

"Woo!"

"Ahem, anyhow, to ensure this plan reaches it's maximum effect, we need tools!"

GIR began to hop from on leg to the other laughing for Irk knows what reason at this new announcement. Zim shot the robot an irritated look; "I need you to be on your best behaviour. GIR! I'm going to call the Tallest and I don't want any interruptions. Do you understand that?" He waited for GIR to show at least some acknowledgment of this order, but he found he wasn't paying any attention at all. "GIR!" he shouted, and the robot immediately rose to his feet and saluted smartly - "Yes, my master!"

"Just stay out of the base, okay?"

"Okey dokey!"

- - -

"So…enlighten us, Zim. You want us to send you more tools for this new "plan"?" Red asked, looking at Zim's exceptionally long list that was held out in front of him. "Jeez, how long is that list?!" Purple exclaimed pointing at the large piece of paper. At that request, Zim unrolled it to an even longer length to what it already was…

Somewhere in China

Random Chinese Dude: (Insert Chinese writing here)

Translation: What on Earth is a dynamic mechanized spanner?

Back in Zim's base!

"But my Tallest! This plan will be successful, I promise -"

"These doughnuts are great! Who made these?"

"The drones in sector 13, I think. Hey you!" Red shrieked, throwing a half eaten doughnut at the nearest drone. The small drone jumped in surprise and turned to face his Tallest. "Yes, sir?"

"Get us some more of these doughnuts."

"Right away, sir." Red turned back to face Zim who had in fact been ranting throughout and was just finishing off his sentence; "And I'm pretty sure that all the humans will be destroyed and crushed!" he said excitedly, pounding his fist onto his open palm. "Yeah yeah, that's great, Zim, but the truth is, we don't have those things!" Red lied, nudging his co-leader for some support. "Nope, we don't have any of the things on that list and these doughnuts are in order of…an…uhh…"

"FOOD INSPECTION!"

"Oh yeah! A food inspection, sorry Zim!" Purple concluded, allowing Red to tell the drones to cut the transmission.

Zim frowned and watched as the screen before him went blank. "My Tallest don't understand the importance of this plan!" He fumed, kicking the air in front of his foot. He took the elevator to the upper floor and entered the living room. GIR was happily eating a jar of jam and wiping it on the floor around him, giggling gleefully. Zim sighed and watched him do this for a while, when a commercial on the television caught his eye.

There was no volume but it was advertising many tools and gadgets. "DIY?" Zim sounded out, looking to GIR who was now proceeding to cover the couch in jam. "GIR! Tell Zim the meaning of this…DIY"

"Do it yourself!" He chimed, smiling at his master.

"Do it myself?! GIR! That was an order!"

"Do it yourself!" He sang again. He saw Zim shoot him an annoyed look and quickly rectified his mistake, "Noooo! It means do it yourself" he said, displaying a moment of intelligence which was an extreme rarity. Zim pondered on this new information for a second before breaking the silence. "GIR, we must go to this "do it yourself" store and access some of it's AMAZING tools!"

"I like jam"

- - -

Okay, I know this wasn't exactly terrific for a first chapter, but it gets better! Please R&R so I know if you guys want the next chapter. Constructive criticism is fine

I need to hear your opinions on this.