I was starting to seriously hate 9.00 am. I'd always disliked it because it meant I had to start work but now not only did it mean that I had to go to work but it meant that I had to spend another full day of looking at Jim and Karen being together. Another day of looking at Jim and realising how much of an idiot I was for letting him go, rejecting him in the first place. How the hell had this happened? When Jim had started working here I really had adored him, but at the time it seemed like I adored him only as a friend. He'd be a little to flirtatious with me from time to time, he always seemed awkward around Roy … and Roy. There was another thing. I'd always though I'd been happy with him. Sure we'd had our arguments but we were in love, right? Wrong. After Jim confessed his love to me at Casino Night, I'd realised that what me and Roy had was about comfort … not love. The way Jim had kissed me. It was like the whole world was ending and this would be the only chance he would get to show me truly how he felt. His lips were so soft, so sweet. In that moment I had forgotten about everything else the world held. All I knew, all I wanted was Jim Halpert. After that night, even though I'd decided to stay with Roy, all I ever saw when I closed my eyes was Jim. Why had I still insisted on rejecting him when I knew after that kiss I could never go back to Roy. I sighed as I pushed open the door to the office. I was one of the first ones there. Angela and Dwight, always insanely punctual, seemed to be in some kind of argument. When they saw me though, they returned to their respective desks. Of course Michael was nowhere to be seen, he was either here already terrorizing somebody out of my line of sight, or he would roll in late proclaiming he was the boss and would come to work at whatever time suited him. I sat down at my desk and got a game of solitaire ready. Someone would wander in every so often. I hoped I was sneaky with my glances to see who it was. It turns out I had been right about Michael. Well sort of. He had somehow managed to get himself trapped in the annex with Kelly, as he made his way back to his office she was following him, obviously continuing their conversation, twittering on about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. The next person to enter was Karen, I expected Jim to be right behind her as always. But he was no where to be seen, come to think of it Karen looked really pissed. She stalked off to her desk and threw herself down in her chair. Without warning Jim came flying into the office. He threw his bag at his desk and sat in his chair and proceeded to sit with his head in his hands. I'd never seen him look so angry. Jim was so laid back. What the hell had just happened? I wanted to go and talk to him, console him, but I didn't think that would be such a great idea. Just then Michael appeared, shooing Kelly from his office, proclaiming that we all had a lot to do and should get to work. The morning seemed to last forever. I continued to keep sneaking surreptitious glances at Karen and Jim, neither one let up their angry stances at any point. I was in the break room making coffee when I heard the door open behind me, I whipped round, my heart thudding, I knew who I wanted it to be. But it was just Karen.

"Oh, hey Karen." I said smiling at her, trying to hide my obvious disappointment. She mumbled hi, and walked over to the coffee machine, I decided to make my escape.

"Pam?" Shoot. I got caught.

"Yes?"

"Do me a favour? And stay the hell away from Jim!" Well that caught me off guard. Jim and I had hardly spoken since his return from Stamford. It had just been amused glances, but I hadn't properly been near him in months…even though I longed to be.

"W-what? Why?"

"Just do it. You have nothing to do with him anymore, and I don't know if your doing it on purpose but you're really starting to screw up our relationship!"

"But Karen… I haven't done anything I…"

"Exactly! You had your chance with Jim and now he's with me. And we were happy before I knew about you two. We were just fine and now everything is fucked up and I will not tolerate it." with that she stormed from the break room back to her desk.

I caught Jim's eye as I watched her go. He still looked angry, not shocked by the obvious confrontation. He must have known it was coming. What the hell? Why didn't he give me some warning! Yeah we weren't as close anymore but we still had each others backs. We would play the occasional prank on Dwight or Andy! So since when had I become the enemy? I stormed back to the reception area and sat down in my seat, I felt so angry. How dare he. How did I end up getting the blame for his dysfunctional relationship? I pulled up the IM component on my computer. I was going to ask him what was going on and seeing as I couldn't properly talk to him, due to the fact that Karen would probably rip my head off, this seemed like the best solution.

Receptionitis15 : What the hell was that about?

I saw the IM pop up on his monitor, but he closed it almost instantly.

Receptionitis15 : Jim, don't ignore me! You have to tell me what's going on!

Again he closed the window. What the hell was his problem?

Receptionitis15 : Jim, if you don't talk to me this way I will come over there and make you talk to me, and that won't end well for either of us with the mood Karen's in!

This time he didn't close it. He placed his elbows on the desktop, and once again buried his head in his hands. I decided to try and be patient with him. Finally he looked up at the screen and began typing.

JIM9334 : What do you want me to say?

Receptionitis15 : I want you to tell me why Karen just bit my head off in the break room for something that has nothing to do with me!

JIM9334 : Pam, it has everything to do with you.

Receptionitis15 : What? How? Apparently I'm ruining your relationship. I haven't been near you in months, so please explain to me how that is even possible!

JIM9334 : I can't explain it here. Karen is going out for lunch today. Meet me outside in the parking lot at 1.

Receptionitis15 : Fine. But you better give me some answers.

I saw him close the window again.

One o'clock couldn't come fast enough. I needed answers. It was quarter to one when Karen stalked past my desk to Michael's office.

"Hey Michael, I have a lunch meeting with a client, can I head out now?" Michael was unusually sedate.

"Sure, Karen. C'ya later, alligator."

As she turned to the door she shot a kind of death glare at me and then pointedly looked at Jim and shook her head. I understood this to mean "you so much as look at him and I'll know and believe me it won't end well." I just looked back at my computer and ignored her exit. At five to one, Jim got out of his seat and headed for the door. I guessed I should wait the extra five minutes so as we didn't look suspicious, but it was driving me insane. I wanted to be out there with him now, finally getting the answers I deserved. But it was more than that. I wanted to hear him talking to me again, even if he was angry. I wanted to be close to him, even as strained as things were between us. I sighed as I stood up and headed out the door. All of a sudden I was nervous. Even though only moments before I'd been anxious to make my escape and meet with him, I now felt nervous I could feel butterflies ramming against the wall of my stomach, so I decided to take the stairs to give myself some time to calm down. I was half way down when someone shouted at me from the top of the stairwell.

"Pam? PAM! Wait!" It was Dwight. What in the world…?

"Dwight what is it? I'm kinda in a rush."

" I know Pam, but I think you should hear this." I eyed him worriedly, waiting for him to continue. " Karen enlisted me to make sure you and Jim didn't talk while she was away. She knows I am no friend of Jim Halpert's. But I like you. So I'm not going to tell her about this. But this is a one off Pam, and you owe me!"

I stared at him with a shocked look on my face. This was confusing. Karen had actually asked someone to report back to her about Jim and I. And Dwight, DWIGHT, was being nice. I hugged him. I couldn't help it. He was saving my ass. He awkwardly patted me on the back. I yelled a "thank you" over my shoulder as I all but sprinted down the stairs. I pushed through the door and searched the parking lot. There he was. Leaning against his car, I couldn't keep in the sigh that escaped me as I looked at his gorgeous long body. His face was still so angry. I hated seeing him like this. And then I remembered that I was supposed to be angry, and then I remembered why … and then I got angry. I stalked over to him, and stood in front of him with my arms folded across my chest.

"Dwight's saving our asses by the way."

"Dwight? Why, what's he doing?"

"Karen recruited him to spy on us, but because he likes me, he's not going to say anything."

"Oh … well that's nice." We were silent for a while just staring, glaring might have been a better word, at each other. I finally spoke.

" So, are you going to tell me what this is all about?" He sighed and looked down at his feet.

"Karen knows about … that whole mess with us. She's mad because we have to work with you, and because I have to see you everyday and she's worried that it's going to stir up my old feelings for you. Are you happy now?"

"What? Jim? How do you think that could even make me happy? That hurts me, so much you couldn't even imagine…" He cut me off.

" I couldn't imagine? I couldn't imagine? Pam do you even have any idea the amount of pain you've put me through over the years? Every day I would come in here, the only reason I did it was to see your face. And then Roy would appear and you'd be all over each other or you would have an argument, and I would watch you being systematically torn down by him. I had to watch that every single day and all I wanted to do was make you happy but you wouldn't let me. Every time we seemed to get closer you would push me away again."

"Because I didn't know how I felt about you! Until that night in May I had no idea about the feelings you had for me, I knew you'd had a crush on me at some point but you had sworn to me that it was just a crush and that you were over it! What was I supposed to do when you all of a sudden profess your love for me just mere weeks from my wedding day? I will be the first person to admit that I made a huge mistake in picking Roy over you, but I was so confused and taken aback! All I knew was that I had made a commitment to Roy and I couldn't take that back because of one kiss."

" How blind could you be? How could you not see the way I looked at you? Hell, everybody else seemed to notice! Why couldn't you see it. Everything I did was for you, all the idiotic crap I did, putting up with Michael and Dwight day in and day out. It was all for you, all of it. Just so that I could be near you. So it wasn't one kiss, it was countless years of showing love and adoration to someone who was so ignorant they couldn't even see it."

I felt like I was dying inside. The pain in his voice was so potent, it felt like my heart was breaking for him all over again. I didn't know why I hadn't seen it. Like he said, I must have been blind … or ignorant. Or just a bitch. I hated myself so much in that moment. There was nothing I could say to fix him, to fix us, to fix what I had done to him or what I'd put him through. I wished I could go back. I wished I could go back and see it all from the start, and realize that I was meant to be with him. Because I was, I had never been more sure of it than I was in this moment. I was meant to be his, and he was meant to be mine. But now it was too late. So I said the only thing I could think to say.

"I'm sorry." It was just a whisper, and tears filled my eyes threatening to fall down my face.

He sighed. I looked up at him, his expression was pained. He made a movement with his arm. Like he was about to reach out to comfort me. I could see it in his eyes, that all he wanted to do was to take me up in his arms and tell me everything would be ok. I knew that was what he wanted, and I was sure he knew that's what I wanted too. But in a split second he seemed to catch himself and kept his arm in place.

"Sorry is not good enough." I could see the tears sparkling in his eyes as he said this. "It's too little, too late. What's done is done. There is nothing we can do about it now. I am with Karen. And damn it I am happy with her. So just stop. Stop it all. Stop looking at me, stop talking to me, stop walking by me. Just stop and leave me the hell alone."

With that he walked away from me. I turned to watch him go, but he didn't look back at me once. I stood in parking lot for what felt like a long time. I didn't know if I could go up there and face him again after everything that had been said. But I knew I had to. As much as I hated Karen, and loathed her for being with Jim, I knew he would get hurt if she suspected anything had gone on between us. So I had to go back up there and sit at my desk for the rest of the day and act like nothing had happened. The last thing I was conscious of was starting to walk towards the building, the next thing I knew I was at my desk and in my seat. Jim wasn't there. He was probably in the break room getting something to eat. Karen reappeared at some point. I hadn't even noticed her come in until I glanced around the office and saw her propped on the edge of Jim's desk talking to him. She seemed to have calmed down a bit. Hopefully due to Dwight telling her that Jim and I hadn't so much as looked at each other in her absence. She ran her hand over Jim's hair and rubbed his neck, then leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. I felt physically sick. I got up and walked to bathroom. I could feel her glare as I walked past clutching my stomach. I walked into one of the stalls and locked the door. I pressed my back up against it and slid slowly to the floor. I put my head in my hands and finally let the wave of grief I'd been feeling since my confrontation with Jim in the parking lot crash down over me. I don't know how long I sat there sobbing. The tears stung my face but I didn't care. I deserved any pain I felt. I heard the door to the bathroom open and I tried to stifle my sobs, it didn't work. They just came out in more broken moans.

"Pam? Sweetheart? Are you ok?" It was Phyllis, she sounded so worried. I wondered again how long I'd been in here for.

"I'm f-fine." I hiccoughed. I pulled myself to my feet, my legs were numb and I felt so unsteady. I unlocked the door and walked over to the wash basin and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a mess. I'd have to sort myself out before I went back out there. I'd just turned the faucet on, when Phyllis started to rub my arm, I couldn't help it. I turned to her and hugged into her. She felt so motherly. Her smell was so warm and comforting.

"It's ok, it's all going to be ok." She said rubbing my back gently, trying to sooth me. It wasn't going to be ok. Everything had gone to hell and my life had been flipped upside down. I didn't know what I was going to do.

"W-what time is it?" I mumbled into her cardigan.

"Five to five." Oh God! I'd been in here for hours.

"Oh… I'm not feeling very well. Shoot I didn't mean to be in here for so long."

"It's ok, everyone's just worried about you that's all, I came to check on you. I'll give you a minute to clean yourself up and I'll go tell them you're ok, just not feeling well." I nodded and uttered "thanks" as she released me. I slapped some cold water onto my face and grabbed some paper towels to dry myself off. I looked in the mirror and realised I really didn't look well. I'd just play it up a bit when I got back into the office so no one would suspect anything. Clutching my stomach I walked out the door and back towards my desk. Jim caught my glance as I passed, he looked worried. I sat down in my chair and put my head in my hands, I could feel several pairs of eyes on me.

"Pam?" It was Michael, oh great this was just what I needed.

"Yes, Michael?"

"Are you ok, Pammy?" He sounded genuinely worried, which was odd for Michael.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just not feeling so great."

"Oh ok, well you can leave just now if you'd like. The days pretty much over, so there's no point in just hanging around if you don't feel well."

"Thanks Michael, but I actually have a lot to do. I hadn't meant to stay in there for so long and there's a lot of filing to get done…" He interrupted my ramblings.

"Nonsense, just go home and get some rest, you can finish all this when you're feeling better. Do you need someone to drive you home?" Oh God, I had to say something fast before he insisted driving me home himself.

"No, no I should be ok, thank you though." I gave him a weak smile, and he leaned over the desk and patted my shoulder. I got up, grabbed my coat and left without a backward glance.

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I slammed the door to my apartment behind me, I was so glad to be home. At least here I didn't have to feel everyone watching me like a hawk, but I still had to feel my pain and heartbreak over Jim. There were no distractions here … so that was all I would be able to think about. I showered and changed into a t-shirt and my comfy jeans. I curled on up the sofa with my arms wrapped around my legs. Today had been one of the longest days in my life. I was so glad it was over. Well the part that mattered was over. I thought back over the events of the day. Everything had started out so normal. Then Karen had to appear being all pissed off and up on her high horse. I don't think I have ever hated someone so much as her in my life. If it hadn't been for her, when Jim came back from Stamford we could have started something. We could have been together like we were meant to be. I let my mind wonder, wondering what that would be like. Then something came back to me. The way he had told me to stop. He had told me to stop talking to him, looking at him, walking by him. How dare he. It was all him! I rarely ever initiated any kind of contact with Jim anymore. I avoided it because it made me feel so sad, and nostalgic for the way we used to be. He was always the one that asked if I wanted to play a prank. He was always the one who'd spin around in his chair and raise his stupid eyebrows at me over Michael, Dwight or Andy's antics! Who the hell did he think he was talking to me like that? I got so angry again. I started chewing on my fingernails. Then I made my mind up. I was going to Jim's. And we were going to sort this out without any intrusion from anyone else. It would be just us and we could shout and scream and cry for as long as we wanted.

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I sat outside Jim's apartment, banging my forehead against the steering wheel. How much of an idiot was I? What if Karen was there? She'd kill me! She'd kill Jim!

"I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this." I muttered in between thumping my head.

But I had to. Even if she was there. I would say what I had to say and then leave. I wasn't quite sure what it was I had came here to say. But I knew it would come to me.

I'd been standing outside Jim's door for about five minutes, raising my hand to knock, but then stopping myself, wandering around the hallway and then repeating the motion. I hadn't heard any voices from inside, so I guessed he was in there alone. Maybe he wasn't in there at all. Well, there was only one way to find out. I knocked. Then I considered running. But before I could get my mind process to speed up and help me move my feet I heard his voice.

"Hang on. I'll be there in a minute." It froze me in place. He was there. On the other side of this lump of wood. I was so close. I considered just barging in, but then remembered the possibility that Karen could actually be there. Bad Idea, I thought to myself. Finally he opened the door. He was standing there in just plain jeans and a sweatshirt, but he still took my breath away. He looked confused. I felt confused … why was I here again? Oh yeah, I was angry.

"Can I come in?" I tried to say it as normally as possible. I didn't want him to hear what I was really here for in my voice and then slam the door in my face. He just nodded and stood aside to allow me entrance. As I walked past him, I could smell him. He smelled of Tea Tree shampoo and some kind of manly body wash. I looked up at him and noticed his hair was wet. Then I realised I'd just taken a shower too. I hadn't done my make-up or my hair. I must look an absolute mess.

"So… why are you here?" For the first time today he didn't sound angry. Just confused. He was about to be angry.

" I'm here because of you. The way you treated me today was just unacceptable and I'm sick and tired of being walked all over by everyone. I never expected that from you of all people. I thought you would always be on my side no matter what, and you just turn around and act like a prick. How dare you tell me to stop! When you know it was all you! If anybody should stop, it should be you. I'm not on this earth for you to vent your anger on just because your relationship has hit a bad patch. You can blame me all you like but you damn well are never going to talk to me like that again. Ever since you came back from Stamford things have been different with us. I understand that. I hurt you and I know that. But one thing hasn't changed Jim. The fact that I love you hasn't changed. Even when you were gone. It was still there in my head. I knew it was the truth and I knew I was an idiot for letting you go but I had to give you space. It was the right thing to do. So don't you dare beat me up for being the bad person in all this. I know I am and I've been beating myself up over it for months, I don't need you and Karen adding to that."

He was staring at me eyes wide, mouth popped open in shock. I was shocked too. I'd just told him I loved him. It was true. But I never thought I would say it under these circumstances. We stood in silence for a long, long time. He just stared at me and I stared right back, waiting for him to yell at me and throw me out of his apartment. Finally he moved. He moved towards me. The next thing I knew, he was kissing me. Like in May, everything else in the world just disappeared for me. All my anger, all my problems, all my worries. It was just me and him. We were all that mattered. He pulled away slightly to catch his breath but his lips were only inches from mine and he whispered " I love you too" and then crushed his lips back to mine. My heart felt like it was about break out of my chest and fly away. It was beating so rapidly and it felt like it was swelling. I was holding onto him for dear life. I could never ever let him go. This was what I lived for. He broke away from my lips again only to trail hot, light kisses down my neck and across my collar bone. My head was so jumbled, and then something floated to the surface.

"Stop. Jim, stop." I pushed against him and he broke away from me, I was still in his arms. I looked up at his face. He looked so hurt. So betrayed. I had to let him know I wasn't rejecting him again. "What about … what about Karen?" He sighed in relief.

"We split up after work today. She said that she had tried. But that she couldn't deal with this everyday. She said she wanted to trust me here but she couldn't. She asked me to move away with her. Go some place new, some place far away from here. I didn't even think twice about it I just said no. I couldn't leave you again. You might be all this place holds for me, but that's more than enough." He had barely finished his sentence before I had pulled his face back down to mine. I was so lost in him that I barely heard the knock at the door but when Karen said "Jim? Are you in there?" I heard that.

"Oh my god" I whispered "what are we going to do?"

"It's ok," Jim whispered back "we're not together anymore this isn't anyone's business but our own. Ok?" He said looking at me pointedly. I nodded my head nervously. "Ok then, go sit down on the couch and flip the TV on or something, and act naturally Beesly!" He half hissed, half laughed at me as I stumbled my way over to the couch. He walked to the door and opened it. I concentrated as hard as I could on the moving colours and pictures.

"Oh, hey Karen." He sounded so surprised. How could he pull that off, I'd have already given everything away, more than likely I'd have looked to guilty. I envied Jim for his laid back attitude.

"Yeah, hey. I'm here to drop your stuff off, have you got mine…" Her voice trailed off. She must have chosen that moment to take her first glance around the apartment and spotted me sitting on the couch.

"Pam?" Crap. Ok calm it Beesly. I glanced over my shoulder.

"Hey Karen." I gave her a little smile that I hoped didn't look too smug and turned back round to look at the TV set.

"What the hell is she doing here!" Karen was yelling. She pushed Jim further inside and slammed the door behind her.

"Whoa, whoa calm down. She's just here to talk."

"Yeah right! Like I believe that! Don't treat me like a fucking idiot Jim. How long has this been going on for?"

"Well she got here about half an hour before you did, so us talking has been going on for about that long." Oh god Jim! Don't antagonize an angry woman! She's going to rip you to shreds! I decided to turn around and watch. If she tried to hit him, I decided I'd step in … not that I would be much help but I couldn't just sit here. Karen just glared up at Jim for a few more seconds, before she turned her attention to me. She glared across the room and uttered "whore" under her breath. That took me back a bit. Why did everyone assume I was a whore?

"I'll get my things myself." She stalked away towards Jim's room. Jim looked at me and raised his eyebrows. I had to bite one of the couch cushions to stop myself laughing out loud.

"Hey! Easy Beesly! Those are my only cushions!" I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. It felt so good. I hadn't laughed, really laughed, in so long. Jim looked at me, again shock covering his face but then he started laughing too. I had no idea what was so funny. All I knew was that it was good to be laughing with Jim again … even if he was laughing at me. Just then Karen stormed out of Jim's room glowering at us both. That just made me laugh more. She had a few silly possessions in her arms and without another word she walked out the door and slammed it behind her. Jim and I continued to laugh for a long time after that. He actually laughed so hard he ended up laying on the floor holding his sides. Eventually we quieted down and he got up and came to sit beside me. He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes, I felt him rest his head against mine and breathe in deeply.

"I really do love you, Pam. I always have."

" I know." I looked up at him. " I love you too. I have done for a long time, I just didn't know it then." He kissed me gently on the lips once, then on the nose, then on my forehead. Finally he pulled me against him again, even in the way he held me I could feel how much he loved me. With my eyes closed and my head against his chest, I knew I was finally were I belonged.