Disclaimer: I really don't own anything, and the song 'What About Now' has been used without permission.
A/N: This was inspired by 'What About Now' by Daughtry. I suggest listening to this song, it really does sound like DL. I love that song. Anyway, check this out and let me know what you think, please? (:
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?
She would watch him occasionally. Of course, each time she would make sure he was so engrossed with his task that he wouldn't notice her. She thought she was being discrete, she thought she was being smart. With him doing his work, she would be able to sneak a glance at him and appreciate the way his biceps flexed under the too tight polo shirts he had started to wear again. She wondered if he wanted to tease her, which she was sure he had been doing when he wore them all those months ago.
She liked having the chance to glance up from her work and see the way he wrinkled his nose when something didn't make sense. She liked watching the way he would stretch his arms out in front of him, making her feel warm inside at the thought of those arms, so protective and powerful. They used to be secured around her every night, and now as she watched him, she wished she could have that again.
Lindsay shook her head at the way she was ogling the man across from her. It was crazy, why couldn't she stop looking at him? She would hate herself if he caught her. She wasn't meant to watch, she wasn't allowed to let her eyes trail slowly over his body in longing.
Not anymore.
At one time in their lives, when everything wasn't as messed up, she would happily watch him from across the lab. He would carry on with the DNA profiles before him, hiding the fact that he knew she was watching. He could always feel her eyes on him, her heated stare that burned into him–his soul–every time.
Once, he had looked up and caught her red handed. The deer-caught-in-headlights look her face adopted was extremely amusing. He loved the fact that she thought she could outsmart him. Of course there had been times when she did, more times that he could remember, but whenever he caught her, the dangerous look still present in her eyes, it made him swell with desire.
He did that to her. No-one else. It was him that she wanted, desired, craved. The look in her eyes told him that every time.
He would smirk at the look on her face, the crimson colour that tainted her pale skin, and raise his eyebrows before turning back to his work. Whenever he caught her at work, he would turn up at her apartment the same night, intent on not letting her forget the fire she felt when she looked at him.
She would tease him, saying that she wasn't looking at him, but at the new lab tech behind him. He would give her that look that made her roll her eyes. They both knew that she wasn't looking at any lab tech, she was watching him.
Lindsay hated the fact that he could read her like a book. It wasn't fair. For so long she thought she was closed, that no-one would be able to figure her out. But then she got transferred to New York, and there he was. The guy, who somehow pissed her off, melted her heart and would always know when something was wrong, even though she denied it every single time and carried on smiling.
Now, as she watched him from across the lab she wondered if he still felt it, if he could feel her presence around him, even though it had lost its intimacy. She wanted to know if, although he had distanced himself after the Reuben incident–telling her that he needed space, that he needed a break–he still felt the electric spark that crackled anytime they were close.
It was still there. She knew it was.
Whenever Lindsay looked at him, she could see beyond the tough guy façade that he insisted on displaying. She knew more about him than anyone. It was her that could look at him and instantly know what was wrong. He may be able to read her, but she could read him just as well, and she knew that it terrified him. Hell, it scared her too at times. Being so close to a man frightened her because she too had never felt this way before.
Lindsay looked back down at the trace in front her, trying to concentrate at the task at hand. She wouldn't watch him anymore. She had to let this go, just like she promised herself she would. She wouldn't love him anymore.
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Danny looked away from the computer screen and watched as she stared at whatever she had in front of her. He had felt her watching him, he could always sense her looking at him, and probably always would. One part of him knew that it came with the territory of them being partners; they had to have each others backs, especially out in the field. The other part of him, the more persistent part, told him that she still watched him since she still cared about, still loved him.
The idea of her loving him still seemed crazy to him. How could she even consider loving someone as screwed up as him? Of course she wasn't exactly perfect herself, but he certainly knew that she deserved better than him and his sordid past. He was sure that she would be able to move on eventually and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
There was nothing he could say.
He remembered the look in her eyes when she told him she loved him. He saw the disappointment in her eyes, whether she was disappointed in him or herself, he didn't know. It hurt him to see how upset she was over her feelings. At that point he wanted to say he was sorry, that he hadn't meant to shut her out, hadn't meant to make her feel like it was wrong to love him.
Danny still wondered what she thought he would say. She may not have expected him to declare his love for her, tell her that she was wrong to want to let it go, but she probably didn't expect him to sit there, his mouth open like a fish. He should have said something, he didn't know what but he should have said something to convince her to hold onto the remains of their relationship.
He should have held on, not tell her that they needed time apart.
Danny looked back at the computer, watching the various fingerprints flash across the screen. What was he thinking? They both knew they didn't need time apart, they needed to be together. Maybe he could blame his decision on a temporary loss of sanity. He doubted she'd believe him.
"Danny?"
Her cautious voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned and saw her standing next to him, file in hand. "Here." He took the offered case file and looked down at her results. "It's enough to call her in for questioning." She paused, looking over his shoulder as he continued to read. "Looks like we have a match too. Meet you at the car in five?"
Danny looked behind him and then at her, nodding slightly. "Sure." He dropped the file on the table and watched as she took off her lab coat. "But I'm driving. You still can't handle those streets."
Lindsay turned back to him, her eyebrow raised. "Like you can do any better?"
He chuckled and took off his own coat. "Cocky, Montana. Very cocky."
Lindsay smiled softly; it had been a long time since she heard him call her that. "Always," she said softly.
For I am right beside you
For all my life,
I am yours.
They had sat in silence for the entire journey so far, and now as they came to a halt in the midday traffic, Danny couldn't help but close his eyes at the thought of having to make pointless conversation.
The heavy traffic should have been expected and Danny sighed, leaning back into his seat. He knew they would be there for a while, no matter how hard others were honking their horns, they would all be stuck on the same road for a long time. Now it was up to him whether or not he chose this to be the right time to try to talk to her about them.
Lindsay looked at him from the corner of her eye. She couldn't help but feel the heat rise inside of her as she watched the way his arms flexed as he stretched his arm out in front of him. Licking her lips, she turned her focus on the yellow cab honking in front of them. With them stuck here, she realized that they couldn't carry on in silence. She considered turning on the radio, maybe some background music would prevent them from having to talk.
She didn't want him to start discussing their situation. She was trying desperately to get over him, if he decided to bring up their feelings for each other; she would probably break right there and then.
Danny coughed slightly and spoke first, "How 'bout some music?"
As if reading her mind, he reached out and flipped on a station. Soon enough, the first few chords of 'What About Now' filtered through the static. Danny looked ahead as he listened to the piano softly play before he heard Chris Daughtry's husky voice come through. He wasn't a major fan, but wouldn't switch stations since he knew Lindsay liked him. In the beginning he had put her down as someone who would listen to country, seeing as she was a country girl. Now that he knew her better, he knew she liked just about everything. Her iPod consisted of everything from contemporary rock to jazz to even some rap. Danny smiled, she would never cease to amaze him.
Lindsay looked over at Danny, seeing his fingers lightly tap against the steering wheel in beat with the song. She smiled at him, "Thanks for not switching."
Danny turned to her, taking in her soft smile. "No problem." He watched as the faint blush rose in her cheeks at his stare. His smile widened and he turned back to face forward. "I still don't understand why you like him," he said, his voice light, as if challenging her.
"I like his voice," she said simply as she turned to look out the passenger window. "I like the fact that he actually sings about real things." She paused, listening to the lyrics for a moment. "I like that I can relate to his music," she said, her voice soft.
Danny nodded as he listened to the chorus; at least he could understand that. It didn't matter that he didn't care much for the music; the lyrics spoke to him and made him think. "Do you think that's us?" He turned to look at her, her eyes remaining steady on the row of buildings outside. "What if that's us?"
Lindsay tried to keep calm even though her heart had sped up. "What if it is?" She shook her head, refusing to look at him. "So what, Danny?"
"Don't you think it changes everything?"
Lindsay shifted in her seat, moving to look at the yellow cab in front of them move ahead. "The traffic's moved."
He looked up and sighed, moving the car forward before hitting a stand still again. He turned to look at her, her body tense in her seat, her eyes focused ahead. Maybe this wasn't the best time to talk about it, maybe he was acting like an idiot trying to talk to her now, but damn it, he had had enough. Inspired by the lyrics floating between them, Danny decided that even though this may not be the best time, it was the right time. He needed her back.
"Linds." When she remained silent, he looked down for a beat before reaching out and touching her thigh. Her face remained unfazed, though he felt her muscle tense under his hand. "I'm sorry. I never meant to shut you out. I know I was the one to call a break, but…Fuck, I didn't mean it."
Lindsay frowned slightly and looked down at his hand. "If you didn't mean it, then why did you say it?"
Danny sighed, "Honestly? I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking, Linds." He squeezed her thigh gently, urging her to look at him. "But now I just think what if you were the one? What if you're the one that makes me who I am, and I just threw that away?"
Lindsay shook her head, her fingers slowly reaching out to carefully skim over his fingers. "Then you're an idiot."
Danny chuckled and nodded, "Yeah." He looked down, smiling at the sight of her smaller hand on top of his. "I don't want to be an idiot, Linds."
"That's too bad," she commented, idly running her finger over the veins in his hand. "Because you really are an idiot…" She missed the feeling of his hands. "A big idiot," she mumbled, refusing to enjoy the heat coming from his hand on her thigh. That was a sensation she never thought she'd experience again.
When she continued to look down, Danny took encouragement from the song that was dying down in the background. "We've come this far, Lindsay. We can't let go now." He ducked slightly, trying to catch her eye. "I won't let you go."
Lindsay sighed, finally raising her head to look at him. Her bright eyes searched his own, trying to see whether or not he was being honest. The sincerity she found scared her. "You let me go once before, Danny. I don't want to put myself through that again. I'm trying to be strong, but if we start again and you decide to just up and leave because things get hard…" She shook her head, "I don't know what I'd do…"
Danny sighed; he wouldn't dare make her feel that way again. He wanted her so badly. He loved her so much that it was starting to hurt.
Slowly, Danny took his hand from her thigh and moved it up to cup the side of her face. Her eyes fell shut as he lightly rubbed his thumb across her cheek. She hadn't felt like this in a long time, and was scared it wasn't real. She thought at any moment she would wake up, alone and lost. Once she opened her eyes, and saw that he was still there, watching her with intense blue eyes, Lindsay realized that this was real.
They were going to have their second chance.
"When things get hard," he said as he leaned in. "I'm coming to you, Linds." Lightly, he brushed his lips against hers, relishing in the feel of her. "I'm not gonna let you go," he whispered against her lips.
They moved closer and their foreheads touched. His heart swelled at the feel of her hands slowly wrapping around his neck. They watched each other, eyes sparkling with hope, and Danny nodded gently, his voice low but strong. "I'm holding on."
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
