I was milking a cow when the hero in green strode into our farm, demanding a horse.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the green pasture grass bright and crisp, even the smell of cattle manure was not without its charm, for there are worse things that offend the nostrils than the digested material of a gentle creature that only chews cud and grain.

I was singing to myself as I pulled udder, as I always did milking Momo, our prizewinning Holstein, dreaming of a day when I could rise from my lowly state and find a nobler station, perhaps an encounter with a valiant knight who bested dragons, but didn't mind a little manure on his boots now and then.

I sang to myself a hero's ballad, the story of Epona, legendary warrior of the north, who slayed creatures of great evil with a whip and trident, all the while wishing my cow could allow herself to get milked outside on such a lovely, beautiful day, as it was, instead of the darkened barn.

The squirrels chattered down a tree outside the window in the straw filled cattle stall, engaging in the wild sorts of lovemaking I could only speculate upon as my hands became more and more udder calloused.

"Excuse me, ma'am."

The voice shocked me so terribly that I dumped the milk and hit my head on the lip of the open stall door.

In rushed the most handsome elf I'd ever laid eyes upon.

Lovely angular features, so characteristic of his race, long blonde hair, and those adorable little pointy ears. His build was slight, but he wore the garb of a hero, a broadsword strapped over his shoulder, and a shield with the crest of Hyrule on it. He wore a tunic well.

"I'm sorry," he stammered as he righted my milk bucket. "I didn't mean-"

"Sorry for what?" I blurted absently.

"Your milk. I surely ruined at least an hour's labor."

I blushed. "It didn't take that long."

Actually, it took longer, but I wanted to make a good impression.

I offered my hand, but I was so shy that by the time a syllable came out, he was already moving on to the next subject.

"I wonder if you can help me. You see, the Princess Zelda has been captured, and I would like to borrow a certain mare I see standing in this barn..."

For a brief moment, I had the bizarre fancy that he spoke about me. My heart pounded with excitement. "And what would you be doing with...this mare?"

"Riding it, of course."

I think we did not share the same picture of...what he meant. "Riding! Well! I-"

"Hello, young man!" my father called from the doorway. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes," the tall stranger said. "I would like to borrow your horse."

My stomach sank. I blushed furiously now, out of embarrassment.

"Epona?" I said. "You want her?"

The stranger nodded.

"I see you've met Malon, my daughter," dad said.

"Link," the boy replied.

I whispered the name to myself like an incantation.

"Talon." Dad shook his hand.

"About the horse..."

"Well. Epona's the family mare. She's been around with us for a long time. We'd hate to lose her."

"I'd only be borrowing her," Link said. "I seek to rescue the Princess Zelda from the clutches of a foul fiend."

Father took a deep breath. "I seek 300 rupees for it, and the additional task of rounding up all my goats into this barn."

Father and I gasped as Link reached into his belt pouch, handing over the required sum. Rarely did we see this amount of wealth all at once.

"I gathered this while fighting a giant octopus in a dungeon."

I blushed anew at the unintended meanings.

"I expect to pay you a hundred more once the princess is rescued from the evil one's clutches."

Dad laughed. "Yes indeed, Mr. Link! Let's see how you handle our favorite horse!"

He was amazing. Father set up an hourglass and told Link to bring the horned brutes into the barn within the space of six minutes, and the boy did what was asked after only three tries.

I confess I spent more than a few of those minutes admiring his well muscled legs, bare beneath his tunic, secretly wishing him to fail a third and fourth time, so I could get another peek.

"I must have wanted you to fail," father said as he put away the hourglass. "Epona will be sorely missed."

"Epona..." Link said. "Like the hero?"

Dad nodded. "The same. In fact, Malon here has taught her to come whenever she sings the hero's ballad. I've had to steer her away from taverns a few times. The horse, I mean."

He and Link had a good laugh at this.

I wanted to ask if Link went to any taverns, and if he liked a girl who...kept gravitating toward them. I really don't, but for him I would have considered it.

The two shook hands. "It's been very nice to meet you...Mister..."

"Bridlemaid," he said.

I cringed. That name was so embarrassing. When I went to school, the other kids would often tease me about my name. "Bridlemaid but never a bride" they'd say, or "Looks like someone needs a Bridlemaid" when I spoke out of turn.

Link tipped his hat to me and mounted my horse, riding off into the sunset.

I cried.

Dad, misunderstanding the situation, set me down on a tree stump, put a hand on my back, and said, "Malon, dear, there will be other horses."

This made me cry louder.

"I miss her too, girl, but you need to be a grown woman about this. It's just a horse!"

"I'm not crying about the horse, daddy," I whimpered.

He recoiled somewhat about this. "Then...what were you crying about?"

Not wanting to delve into my pitiful excuse for a social life, I glanced back at the barn and said, "Spilled milk."

But when he looked in my eyes, he seemed to know.

Rubbing my shoulders, he muttered, "I'm sure one day you'll be able to find milk that is just as good."

I blushed. "But what if I mess things up again, like I did this time? I'm so shy!"

"Shy or not, the right cow will respond to your touch, if you really try."

"I don't want a cow, father, I want a stallion."

Father laughed. "That boy was no stallion!"

I returned to my chores. Another humdrum day in my boring humdrum existence.

I milked, I hayed, watered, weeded, helped father plow with the plug horse, seeded, then helped him peddle milk at the market for the rest of the night. I fell into bed exhausted, leaving the window open. I didn't even trim my lamp.

My bedroom was tiny. In the summer months I pushed the bed toward the window to feel the cooler air. This night it worked to my disadvantage.

At first, I had the most exciting dream. The boy entered my bedroom window and whisked me off to a dungeon, where he ravished me with his mouth.

His mouth plunged into my blouse, dampened it, then moved down, down, nosing between my legs, exploring my secret recesses.

He whinnied loudly, threatening to wake up everyone in the house, which just so happened to be above the dungeon.

My head hit the headboard, and I awoke at once, rubbing my head, feeling moist all over.

When I saw the big dark shape in the moonlight, I suppressed a scream.

The big thing whiffled at me, snorted, then stomped.

I put the lamp on, and saw it was the horse.

"Epona!" I cried. "You're back!"

The horse nodded, its eyes looking wild and urgent.

"Why are you back? What happened to the boy?" Look at me, too shy to even let his name pass my lips!

The horse jerked its head to one side, stomped its hooves, neighed.

"Can you take me to him?"

The horse nodded.

I didn't think, I just climbed on her neck and let her take me away.