ONE-SHOT #1
A/N: Hello ! Well, I started this story right after the end of season six, and with my legendary positivity, I didn't see it as the end. My "Author's Note" was full of hope and optimism. So I have to change it slightly, but on one side, I want to leave a few words. So, that's what I wrote: « Ok, ok, I know everyone is depressed by the end of this sixth season. Admittedly, it was not what I expected, and if you follow me on twitter, you know it very well, I was in a different perspective, thinking that Gabby would be pregnant at the end of the season and that Dawsey would be the happiest of couples. The next time I'm so optimistic, hit me ! No, I'm kidding, because even after that end, I still have hope, I still believe in my favorite couple, I imagine a lot of scenarios in my head. I know that some don't understand that we can still be optimistic, but the more I watch the episode, the more I am, go understand. I might be totally wrong, but I don't see how they could let Gabby go this way. She just said she was going for a ride, it's not like she packed her bags and took a plane ticket. She just asked a question to get more information, nothing more, nothing less. Their last scene was sad, yes, very sad, but for me it was not a fight, an argument, it was more a discussion with open hearts between two individuals who love each other so much that it hurts. Matt didn't give her an ultimatum, he just made her understand that he was as concerned as she was in this whole story. I understand both points of view, really. But I don't think Gabby is selfish as we can read everywhere. Maybe for her, trying to have a baby on their own, no matter the risks, is a proof of love. She wants to give him everything he's always dreamed of, even risk her life for it. And for Matt, he loves her so much that for nothing in the world, not even for his dream of becoming a father, he would want to risk losing her. There are so many possibilities, I think so many things, my brain goes crazy, so I'm going to write, I think it will be the best solution. »
That's it, but since we had the official announcement of the departure of Monica, and therefore difficult to remain optimistic even if deep inside me, I still believe that there is a way to improve this end. I'm not mad at the writers for Monica's leaving or whatever, I'm angry at the way they did it. Especially when you read Haas' answers yesterday, it doesn't make sense anymore. I have never hidden that I watched only for Dawson, Casey and especially Dawsey, so I don't know what I will do next season. Everything will depend on what they are going to do with this whole bazaar.
Finally, back to the first goal. I have several ideas in mind, I may write them all, I don't know yet, but in any case, everything is positive in my head, so I will give you some hope. And we start today with the first scenario that I have in mind! I think I will continue to write my own Dawsey, so I hope you will always be there! Come on, enough blah blah, I hope you'll enjoy this story.
Have a good read,
G.
« Hey, » Matt came alone to their apartment, where he found Gabby standing in the kitchen, obviously lost in her thoughts. She turned her attention briefly to him, before bringing her mouth to the glass of water she held in her hand. « You left work without me, » Matt added, looking sad. He knew that the situation was delicate, that the tension was palpable between them since Gabby had discovered that he had gone to the adoption agency alone, but they had to discuss. They had to talk about the situation. While this decision concerned both of them, they didn't see eye to eye about it, and this issue was dangerous.
« Yeah, I just needed to clear my head, » she replied as he approached the central island of their kitchen. He put his arms on the piece of furniture, folded his hands and thought intelligently about the words he was going to say.
« What I've said before… about having a baby, it came out wrong, » he began. « I just meant I can't risk losing you. No matter how look the yards… ». He was opening up to her, he finally expressed his feelings, but, she simply nodded a little, before ending her silence.
« It's my risk. Not yours, » she told him, looking at him straight in the eyes. « And I'm willing to take it,» she added, without averting her gaze.
« I guess that's the crux of it, » he simply answered, cracking a little forced smile. The kind of smile in which one can read the disappointment and denote a certain unhappiness. « What I never could understand … », raised his arms, as a sign of incomprehension.
« What? » She asked him.
« When you adopted Louie without me. When you hid from me the fact that you helped Bria, » he gave her the examples. Topics they had discussed over and over again in recent months, but still resurfaced. His voice cracked as and when. His throat tightened. His eyes red. « You make these big, emotional decisions as if my input doesn't matter, » he finishes, his eyes bright and red, on the edges of tears.
« Baby, of course it matters. I care deeply how you feel, » she tries to reassure him. « But I can't be dependent on it. Or on you, » she added, and it was the wrong words out.
« Why not, Gabby? », he began to raise his voice, letting his frustration escape, feeling the emotions invade him. « What's wrong with being dependent on someone who loves you with everything he has? », he struggled to finish, his voice broken. They looked at each other, both had sad eyes, trembling lips, heavy hearts. They loved each other so much. They love each other so much. « This is one decision you can't leave me out of. Either we're in it together, or we're not in it at all,» he ends up adding, broken. Gabby watched him, stared at him, his words echoed in her. She tried to swallow them, to understand them, to digest them, but she was too shocked by what had been said, she would never have thought to hear those words.
« Uh… » she swallowed her tears. « You know who I am. You knew it when you married me. I haven't changed, » she explained to her husband. Touched. He stared at her, ready to burst into tears. « It used to be the thing you loved about me,» she added, knowing full well that he loved her more than anything. He looks at her but doesn't answer. His look meant it was not true, but she didn't pay attention. « Uh… I'll come back in a little while, » she just said, before going behind him without a last look, grabbing her keys and her jacket, and leaving the apartment, leaving Matt alone in the kitchen. He took his head in his hands, rubbed his eyes, and nodded. No, it was not possible. It was a nightmare he was going to wake up.
Matt stayed there for long minutes, trying to figure out what had just happened. He loved Gabby more than anything in the world, from the depths of his soul and being. He wanted to start a family with her, but not to lose her. He ended up finishing the water that remained in Gabby's glass, as a symbol of everything they shared. He took off his jacket and swung it on one of the stools. He hesitated to get a beer, but it was way too early in the day for that. He thought better of it, poured some coffee to help him gather his ideas and get his spirits back, and settled down on the couch. He took the green plaid in his hands, and remembered all the little hugs shared under this plaid. He carried it to his face, smells it and collapsed. He wanted to start a family with his wife, he wanted it more than anything, but it was out of the question to risk losing her for it. Life would not make sense without her. Have a family, have a child, yes, but not at the cost of losing the woman he loved the most.
Gabby wandered an hour in the cold streets of Chicago. The last days, the last hours, the last minutes resounded in her head. Why was everything so complicated? She wanted to start a family with the man of her life, more than anything in the world. She wanted to create their own baby, their biological baby. A baby who would make their love come true, a baby with caramel skin and blue eyes, a baby that looks like them, a perfect mix of their love. She knew that Matt had always dreamed of being a father, she wanted to give him what he wanted, she wanted to fulfill his most precious wish, the most expensive in the world. She wanted to be the one who made him happy, no matter the risk. It was worth it, it was worth taking the risk.
She finally reaches her destination, in front of the headquarters. Everything was confused in her head. She didn't really know what she was doing here, but she needed to know all the ins and outs. « Excuse me, am I looking for Chief Hatcher? » She asked.
« He's right here, » the man gestured. Hatcher went down the side of the car.
« Are you looking for me? » He asked Gabby.
« Yeah. Tell me more about Puerto Rico, » she just said after having taken a deep breath.
« Are you sure? What has changed since the other day? » He asked, surprised by her request.
« Uh... it's complicated, » she replied evasively.
He frowned, but after all these years, he knew Gabriela Dawson. She was stubborn, strong, determined and single-minded, but she didn't talk easily about her feelings. She didn't show her weaknesses. « Alright, follow me, » he told her, opening the way to the building's interior. At the start of the day, it swarmed, there were people everywhere, especially since it was today that the new Commissioner was going to be announced. She thought of Boden, that paternal figure who had always been there for her, who had always encouraged her, that he had also helped her to get up sometimes. She was out of her thoughts when Hatcher told her she could sit down. « Everything is fine? » He asked, surprised by the behavior of this woman with a strong temperament. He had never seen her act like that.
« Uh, yes, everything is fine. I'm ready for this new adventure, » she pretends with a fake smile. Hatcher watched her, frowned.
« Dawson, listen to me, I'm not used to socializing, and you know it. I never take tweezers, especially not with you. But I feel that something is wrong. A few days ago you refused my proposal, not even my proposal, you even refused to listen to me about the project, giving me a negative answer, which seemed firm and definitive. That's the Dawson I know. And the one I have in front of me today is not her. You seem fragile, feverish. I want to talk about Puerto Rico, I want to explain the project, as I told you, you would be perfect for that. But you have to really want it, that you are 100% in the project, and not that it's just a way out, a way to escape what's going on in your life right now, » Hatcher had read in her, and Gabby remained speechless. She would never have thought that of him. She was short of words, silent. She began to open her mouth, but no words came out. « Your lack of response makes me understand that I am not wrong. So, that's what you're going to do, for once you're going to listen. I will explain the project in full, but I don't think you are able to give me a thoughtful answer now… ». He explained briefly the organization of this voluntary and humanitarian mission, what was expected on the spot, the housing conditions, the duration of the mission. Gabby listened, nodded from time to time to make him understand that she listened to him, but didn't say a word. « Here, now unless you have questions, you get out of this office, take the documentation, take these forms, and take the time to think and take the time to discuss with your entourage, » Chief Hatcher stood up, opened the door and invited her out of his office, watching her one more time. Something was wrong, she had not come by determination, but out of spite. « Dawson, one last thing, » he stopped as she headed for the exit.
She's turning around to face him: « What? »
"I don't know what you want to flee, but flee is never the solution, » he simply tells her, like the advice of a father figure. She then pinched her lips, a way to swallow the emotions and tears that invaded her again, before turning around and running down the long corridor. She was suffocating, her throat was tied, her emotions increased tenfold, she lacked air, she suffocated. She accelerated her pace. At the turn of all these corridors, she met more or less known glances, some stared at her, others gave her a small smile. But she finally lowered her head and only looked at her feet, until she ran right against someone's chest.
« Uh, um, I'm sorry, » she stammered, before feeling two firm hands on her shoulders. She raised her head, and recognized that look she knew so much, that of the father figure who had always been there for her since her debut at the 51. This familiar face, this presence made her crack immediately, she could not contain her tears, she had been strong for too long. These last days had been a real rollercoaster.
« Come on, kiddo! Let's go get some air, » he took her by the shoulders and showed her the exit with a nod. The trip to the outside was silent, he knew her well enough not to ask questions.
They sat outside the office building, on the few steps. He never let go of her shoulders.
« What are you doing here, Hermann? » she finally asked him, breaking the silence.
« I ask you the same question," he smiled, hugging her. « I was there with Boden for the election... But I think that at this moment there is more important than politics, right? » He winked at her and managed to get her a small smile. « Listen, Gabby, I've always told you, and I'll tell you as much as you need to hear it for the rest of your life. You are like my daughter, I love you as my own. I know that you have your weaknesses, your breaks, that you are not the type to discuss it, but rather to escape everything inside you. But it's not good, Gabby, not good at all. I have seen for some days that something is wrong, and I have a bad feeling to have crossed you here today... What's going on? »
« Uh… » she rolled her tongue between her lips. « Uh... I... I... It's complicated... A mission proposal to Puerto Rico... Everything is jostling in my head... All my life is a mess at the moment... Matt… », that was the name that was needed not to speak, she burst into tears, and Hermann pressed her tightly against him, her head against his chest, his chin on the top of her head.
« It's okay, kiddo, it's okay… » he caressed her back in comfort, caressed her hair. « It's okay, everything will be okay, » He continued to repeat. She clung to his beige jacket, as she used to do with her husband's jacket. « Let your emotions out, go ahead, kiddo, everything is fine, everything is going to be fine… », he repeats until she begins to calm down.
« I... I'm sorry, » she said, her voice broken.
« Hey, hey, look at me, » he said, lifting her chin up. « Never apologize for letting your emotions go out, never. And especially not with me. I'm here for you, I'm not going anywhere, » he wiped her last tears. « What a mess to ruin that pretty face with all those tears, right, » he laughed, also moved to see his beloved daughter in such a state. « We'll have to talk now, kiddo… » he looked at her tenderly.
« Everything is so messy, right now, you know… » she simply said
« What is this thing in Puerto Rico? Don't you dare to leave! »
« I don't know, I don't know anymore... It's complicated in my head... I didn't even think it was possible to create such a mess in your own life in such a short time! »
« I'm sure it's nothing Gabriela Dawson can't overcome. You're the strongest, you're single-minded, you're a badass Gabby! »
« Obviously, it doesn't please everyone... At least, not anymore, »
« What do you mean? »
« Matt… »
« What, Matt? »
« That's what he used to love about me, but this is not the case anymore, » she says, sadly.
« You lost me, kiddo! You will need to tell me more. Matt loves you with all his heart, he would be ready to give his life for yours, Gabby. We should not talk about the same Matt, » he was surprised by her words.
« I want a baby, » she told him.
« And that's great news! You will make wonderful parents! »
« But the Doctor said there could be a 10% chance that it will be fatal for me. You remember, a few years ago, when I lost the baby… » he nodded and urged her to continue. « Well, that caused an aneurysm, and it could break during the pregnancy or the delivery... The risks are low, but Matt doesn't want to take them, » she summed up the situation.
« Oh, Gabby, I'm sorry, » he said, taking her in his arms again.
« He always wanted to be a father, we decided to try again, we were happy to create our family, and everything was ruined in a minute. Once again. »
« Nothing is ruined, Gabby. It's just an obstacle, but you're strong. You have overcome so many things together… »
« I'm not sure that we can overcome that... It's an important topic. I want a baby. My baby. And he doesn't agree. But it's my body, it's my risk, it's my life that I'm jeopardizing, not his, » she said coldly.
« Gabby, pardon my french, but I know you. You tend to jump to conclusions. From what you're telling me, I just understand that there are risks for you and that Matt is not ready to take it. Who can blame him? Who would say 'yes' to his wife knowing that there is a possibility that it will be fatal? Gabby, you have to understand his point of view, »
« But, he always wanted a child! » She protested, louder than she wanted, drawing eyes to her. « Since I know him, he has always wanted to be a father. We are married. This is the moment, it's our time, » she began to cry again. Hermann circled her back while choosing his words carefully.
« Gabby, listen to me. He wants a child, he never hid from it, of course. But you are all his life, Gabby. He loves you more than anything in the world, everyone knows it. He will sacrifice everything for you, Gabby. Every-thing. Even one of his dearest dreams. Did you listen to his point of view? Did you understand what it meant for him to risk losing you by giving birth to your child? »
« But, I want to give him what he always wanted! I want to be the one who realizes his dearest dream! Why is this so hard to understand? I want my own baby. I want our own baby! It's not that hard to understand, damn! » She jumped up, her head in her hands. « I want a baby, my baby. I want a baby with my husband, a baby that we both create, a perfect mix of both of us! » She emptied her heart.
Hermann stood up at his turn, and put his arms on her shoulders to calm her. « And it's the most beautiful proof of love, Gabby, really. But, think on the other side of things. You never know what can happen. If it goes bad, you will not have a baby, Gabby! »
« But Matt will! » She almost shouted.
« And what's the point of having a baby if you're not here with me? » A small voice burst into the conversation. She didn't have to turn around to know who it belonged to. Even at the edge of tears, his voice broken, she will recognize him at the end of the world. She closed her eyes, pinched her lips, and ran her hands over her face. « What are you doing here? » She murmured, barely audible, without turning around. Matt is down the stairs, hands in his pockets, his face defeated.
« About time somebody cleaned up that mess! » Hermann tried to relax the atmosphere, approaching Gabby. He put his hands on her neck, and put his forehead close to her. « Open your eyes, Gabby, » he ordered her. « Look at me, » he insisted. She complied, and they settled for a few seconds. « You're strong, Gabriela Dawson. You're stubborn, you're single-minded, you're a nightmare for all of us, » he laughed, catching her a small smile in tears. « These are qualities, that's what I love about you, that's what your husband loves about you too, but sometimes you have to let people in. You have to listen to the positions of others and do your best to understand them. I understand your point of view, I understand his, but you need to sift your points of view, and not to stay stuck on your positions, especially you, kiddo. This man loves you more than anything in the world, more than life itself, to the point of sacrificing some of his dreams, some of his feelings for you. Never forget that. And, I don't have all the details about this thing in Puerto Rico, but I'm just going to take those papers out of your hands and tear them up, » he did it immediately. He tore them into pieces and threw them into the air. « You will not leave, not like a thief, not because it would simplify things. Life is not easy, but you have us, and even more importantly, you have him. Never forget that. You have him. He told you "yes" for better and for worse. There are always twists, there are always cruel moments, but you two, you are stronger. when you're together Be stubborn, be single-minded, don't change, but don't spoil everything, » he finishes, hands on her neck, head to head. « I told you once, and I'll tell you again, your day is coming, Gabby. It does not matter when, no matter how. You are the strongest person I know, everything will be fine, » he raised her head and placed a tender kiss on the forehead of his daughter of heart. She smiled at him as he started to walk away.
« Hermann, when? » She asked, finally turning around. She had not seen him contact Matt during their conversation.
« Mystery! » He gave her a wink as he reached Matt's level. « I'm sure everything will be alright, » he took his Captain in his arms.
« Thank you, Hermann! » He patted his back. Hermann moved away, leaving them both face to face. Gabby was a few steps higher, she looked at him. Matt was at the bottom of the stairs, he looked at her. They both stared at each other for a long moment, before Matt pulled his hand out of his pocket and handed it to her, as a sign of peace. She smiled a little, and went down the few steps that separated her from him, and squeezed his strong hand in hers. They took the direction of the truck parked below, hand in hand, without saying a word. They returned to their apartment in silence. Each thinking about their words, their actions, what could have hurt the other.
Once in the apartment, they put down their jackets and they sat face to face on the couch. Gabby had her hands on her lap, Matt approached to take them in his.
« Don't leave me, » he murmured simply as their hands took their place in the other's. « I made you the promise that I will always come back to you, you must do the same, Gabs, » he says, moved. « You can not disappear overnight, like that… »
« I'm sorry, » she bit her lip. « Again, » she added, embarrassed. « It's just who I am, » she said.
« Gabby, that's what I loved about you, and that I still love. You didn't let me finish earlier. But to love that does not mean that I always accept it. I am your husband, there are decisions that we must take together, like a couple, as a team. We are a team, we are two. I love you more than anything in the world, but there are decisions you cannot take without me. We are married, of course we are dependent on each other, whether you like it or not. A child is two, it's a couple project. We are supposed to tell everything to each other, to share everything. We had our ups and downs, we always overcame, we always forgave ourselves. A few months ago, we swore that there would be no more distances between us, and if there is one topic for which a couple must be closer than ever is the family's one. I want a baby, I want a family. With you. But more than anything in the world, I want you. YOU. Only you. I can not live without you, I cannot risk losing you. I'm not ready to take that risk, » Gabby was silent, she listened attentively, moved. « Don't take my words wrong, I misspoke earlier and I regret it. I cannot risk losing you, I don't want to lose you. It's not being selfish. To want his wife by his side for the rest of his days is not being selfish, » he looked at her tenderly. « Look at the situation from another point of view, » he tried to convince her from his point of view. « Last year, with the fire at the factory, when I thought I was never going to make it out alive… » she closed her eyes at the mention of that day. "You had trouble managing the fact that I go back into the flames, knowing that only a small part of our interventions may run the risk of going bad... Well, it's the same, except that this time around it's your life which is in danger. I understand your point of view, there is more chance that everything is going well, that we could have our baby in full health, but if everything did not go as planned? If you carry a baby nine months to never meet him? If I stay alone with this baby? What will have been the point of all this? » He asked, tears streaming from his blue eyes.
« I didn't see that from this point of view, baby. I just want to make you happy, give you everything you've always wanted, have lots of little Casey running around the apartment, full of little blue eyes doing what they want from us… » she cried.
« And, I would have liked that more than anything in the world too, but not at the cost of losing you, Gabby. Never. You and me, this is for life. Forever. I want more, but with you. Without you, it does not make sense, do you understand that? » He asked, wanting to be sure that his words were well interpreted.
« Now, yes… » she replied, embarrassed. « I'm always spoiling everything, » she sighed.
« No, baby. You just put your heart into everything you do, you invest, you give a lot. But at times, you have to listen to others, let others, and especially me, enter this little corner of you that is totally closed, » he caressed her face tenderly. « I love you, I can not live without you, I can not tell you better, I cannot prove you any more how much I love you. »
« I love you so much too, and I almost ruined it all, » she burst into tears.
« Come on, come here, » he opened his big strong arms, and she posed her head in the crook of his neck, as she used to do. « Shhh, that's okay… » He squeezed her tightly against him, he needed to feel her body against his, as if they were one. « We're in this together, Gabby. Together. Forever. Never forget that, » he whispered in her ear before putting a soft kiss on the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and tilted him against the handle of the sofa, so they stretched out in each other's arms. Gabby changed position, and put her head on the chest of her husband, at the level of his heart. She found some comfort in hearing his heart beat. He stroked her hair and played with her braid. When they had both calmed down, he asked the question that was itchy: « What is this story about Puerto Rico? »
She let out a nervous laugh. « Gabby Dawson going all Gabby Dawson. Making decisions without thinking. Fleeing because it always seems easier. »
« You really would have left without telling me? »
« Honestly, I don't know. I can not give you the answer you want to hear by being 100% sure of me. I don't know anything anymore, I'm lost, Matt. I love you, I have always loved you. But in recent days, everything seemed so complicated. We both said things we didn't think, we tore up because we cannot speak for fear of hurting each other. Our communication is still not at its best, and I know that I am largely responsible for it. Maybe putting a little distance between us would have allowed us to see things more clearly. I don't know, I don't know anymore. »
« I thought we didn't want any more distance between us, Gabby. We must be able to talk without tearing each other apart. »
« We love each other so much that we end up hurting each other… » she said, her voice broken. « I don't want that anymore, I don't want to hurt you anymore... I... I... I didn't realize how I was acting, Matt. Of course your opinion counts more than anything for me, but I have always been so independent… »
« And I don't want to take that superpower away, Gabs. I just want you to include me more, especially for the things in which we are both concerned. Having a child, it's two, Gabby, no matter the way. So, that's what I propose to you… », she stands up to look at him. « We're not going to rush things, we're not going to throw body and soul into all this, we'll let a little time pass, we will clear our minds and our hearts, and we will study all options. Together. Maybe there is a way to remove this aneurysm. Maybe there is a way to adopt a baby at birth. Maybe there is a way to call a surrogate mother. There are so many possibilities, my love. You are strong, you must believe it. We must believe it. Together, » he smiled at her, and she nodded. « Deal? » He held out his hand.
« Deal, » she shook his hand. « I'm sorry for all my missteps and blunders. I'm sorry if I hurt you, it was not voluntary... Still… » she finally opened her heart. « I was just scared… »
« Of what? »
« Surely afraid of losing you if I could not give you the child you have always wanted. Afraid that if we start an adoption process, we still suffer once again. I could not stand it… »
« Everything will be okay, my love. I can promise you that. Remember? As long as we do it together, we're the luckiest souls around, » he winked at her, remembering the night they celebrated their wedding. « You are the love of my life. Being with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't want to lose you for anything in the world. Nothing in the world, do you hear me? » He took her face in his hands to force her to look at him. «You and I are for life. Forever. Always and forever, » he said as he gently approached his lips and kissed her gently.
« I love you, Matt. I love you so much, » she whispered against his lips.
After an emotion-filled day, neither Matt nor Gabby was hungry, and they continued their open-hearted discussion in their bed. They were facing each other, letting the tension go down and their communication skills improve little by little.
« Matt… »
« Yes, babe? »
« About Puerto Rico… »
« Let me guess, you want to go? » he smiles. She bit her lips again, but smiling this time. He did know her by heart, he understood. « On one condition, » he said, putting his hand on her hip, pulling her closer to him.
« Tell me, » she smiled at him, her face a few millimeters from his.
« I'm coming with you, » he smiled at her, and she kissed him passionately. Happy. « No more distance between us, remember? » And they hugged each other, kissed each other, evacuating all the bad memories of their minds, ready to take a break from this ever-so-complicated daily life, but this time together. « We're stronger together, never forget that, Mrs. Casey, » he adds between kisses.
A/N : That was one of my first ideas. I have always loved the Hermann / Gabby relationship and all the feelings that that entailed. I hope it was not too bad. I don't know if I continue this one as a full story (you know our own season seven lol), or if I keep it as a one-shot. I don't know, I also have other ideas with the end of the season to write. Tell me what you think, and don't forget to leave me a little review. Love, G.
