So! My second story ever! Let's see how this turns out...
This story is rated M for under-age drinking, swearing, violence, depressive themes, sexual themes, and lemons. You've been warned!
This story is also based off of Depeche Mode songs chapter wise. And title wise. iFeel Loved(I Feel Loved) is actually a Depeche Mode song. As well as all the chapters. (Special thanks to eleanorr1gby!) I'm gonna try and make this 40-60 chapters, with longer chapters each time. Tell me what you think of this! I really need the feedback! So review! I can't read your mind ;).
I love you...
I love you too.
-Sam-
...What just happened? Me and Freddie are breaking up, but we're stopped in the elevator kissing. My brain went dead. My body was thinking now.
I pulled him closer by grabbing his collar. He kissed me sweetly, and for the first time in a long time, I actually felt like a girl. Last time being our first kiss.
I'd gone so crazy about it that I had to make somebody up about it at first. But, that was just my girly side(that is nonexistent) thinking. After what I did to Freddie, I started realizing that there's more to him than just a nerd. He had feelings that deserved to be appreciated. So, I slowly began to appreciate him more. Even without him knowing. No, I was hellbent on never letting him know.
I mean, come on! I'm Sam Puckett! People would describe me as vicious, aggressive, and violent. Freddie even used to call me blonde-headed demon. Which, was funny the first time I heard it. But, when you're trying to gain a boy's attention, it weighs down on you.
Yeah, that's right. I hurt him, caused him mental pain, and put him in the hospital more than 5 times just to gain his affection. When he said that girls who constantly rip on a guy usually have a crush on him, he was right. I was doing that because I had a crush on him. But, it got deeper than that. A lot deeper. I started liking him, and before I knew it... My infatuation with him turned into love.
That night in the lock-in, when everybody thought I was in love with Brad, was the scariest night of my life. At that point, the goal was to not to let anybody know it was Freddie. But, it got out. When Freddie started talking serious about love at that moment outside... It just hit me. When he was saying those things, about it being 'scary to put your feelings out there', it just felt right. It felt like I had to do it. Before I knew it, my lips reached for his lips. And my mind tried so desperately to pull away, but my body wasn't having it. And for 12 seconds, my mind was in pure bliss. Until I finally pulled away to see the shocked look on his face.
So, after that, my body started taking things into it's own hands. I ran away, and I signed up for Troubled Waters Mental Hospital. The 3 days away from Freddie was absolute torture. It made my case even worse when I realized I needed to be with him everyday. I finally came to terms: I lost my mind. A long, long, time ago. And I was okay with that. As long as I lost my mind for him.
When he kissed me live on the web, I couldn't believe it. I really did think he was going to humiliate me in front of a million people. But, maybe while I was busy plotting my next move to get his attention, he had some hidden feelings for me too. But it just didn't make sense to me. I hurt him on a daily basis. How could he ever feel the same way about me? And why were we breaking up?
I pulled away from his kiss, and his chocolate eyes stared at me with confusion. "Why?" I asked out. I was going to ask a real question, but I guess my lips just wouldn't speak the rest. I thought the rest, sure. But, no. "Why what?" He asked as he lightly leaned me against the wall of the elevator. I bit my lip. "Why do you love me?"
He gulped. "I love you because you're you. Vicious, violent... but loveable at the same time." He kissed a trail along my neck, which made me moan. "You're everything to me. In just the right amount." His voice became lower. I couldn't react. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I could only feel how good he made me feel. I felt loved.
After midnight, we exited Carly's apartment. It's a good thing that she left for Brad's, because she probably would've kicked us out for being all 'love-sappy' and such. But we weren't saps! Her and Brad were! Spencer was... well, being Spencer. Somewhere.
We walked outside the door slowly, and were right outside Freddie's door. My stomach was literally twisting into a knot. I was so nervous, and I didn't understand why.
"Sam..." I looked up at him. "Yeah, nub?" He looked down to avoid my gaze. "I've thought about it for the past ten minutes but... Carly was right." Crack. "I think we should break up. For now at least." CRACK. "We were forcing something that wasn't there..." And now my heart's broken. "But I still love you." He still loved me. Pfft. I had hope! I hoped that we wouldn't have to break up! I had my doubts towards the break up! But he still decided to do this to me! I thought that... I thought that I knew him better than that.
When he was about to hug me, I pushed him away and ran for the stairs. I could hear him call out to me. "Sam! Come back!" He yelled out. But I ignored him.
I didn't know why I ran, or why I felt so heartbroken. I was the one who brought it up in the elevator. About us not 'clicking' like a couple usually would. And, I knew this was coming. I knew midnight was coming.
But, somewhere in the depths of my mind, for whatever reason, I could only feel one thing: Betrayal.
All this running around
Well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
;O! Okay! I hoped you liked it! I should be updating either tomorrow or day after, so check soon!
Oh, and heads up... next chapter might be very depressing. Hence the "depressive themes" at the top for the rating. ;) but! It's only temporary! Sam'll get over it :P.
Hate it? Love it? Review it!
