I'll Find You
Defiance
Pain. That was only word that registered to Commander James Shepard. His N7 armor was in melted tatters. Save for the faded "n" on the breastplate, it was impossible to imagine the grey matter fused to his body was ever a full set of armor. Standing up straight was beyond him at the moment. Any motion even the thought of motion sent shockwaves of pain running up and down his body. At least what was left to feel of his body. From the waist down he wasn't sure if there was anything left at all. But the fact that he was somehow still on his feet and not crawling meant something was holding him up. His vision had blurred to the point that he could barely make out his own hand clutching on the major wound on his ribs. Shepard glanced down at his hand and despite his vision he could still see the large amount of crimson red seeping through his fingers tips and dripping onto the chrome floor. He could feel blood ooze out from his ears as well. Not a good sign. In all honesty he probably didn't have much time left. But it didn't matter. The walkway before him split into three forks, all he had to do was walk down one and it would all be over. Destroy, fuse, or control. It all boiled down to this.
"You must choose quickly," the boy or rather the Catalyst said. "The Conduit won't last much longer."
Shepard inched forward, his body feeling as though ten krogan had piled onto his shoulders. In only a few steps this war would be over, all they sacrificed all the deaths he saw, it would all be over in only a few steps. It would all end with one final sacrifice. His. In the back of his mind, he somehow knew to end the war would require his life in exchange; try as he might to convince his friends that he would make it out. It made sense. After all, the beacon on Eden Prime that he activated to save Ashley was what started everything. For it to end, he had to go. It was only fair. Shepard smirked at the thought of Eden Prime. If he had been a few seconds slower, Ashley would have been the one to receive the visions. She would have been the one at the head of this war. And she would most likely be here, walking towards the final sacrifice.
"Hurry," the Catalyst urged. "There isn't much time."
Shepard turned his head to face the translucent figure, an action that took all his effort. Impatient little thing, he thought. He hobbled towards the center of the walkway, his choices dancing around in his mind.
Destroy. All synthetic life would eradicated, the reapers especially. But also EDI and the Geth. Shepard closed his eyes and could see Joker and EDI sitting in the club on the Citadel, talking, laughing and dancing together. He remembered Joker's final plea to him to keep EDI safe. He saw the countless times EDI had singlehandedly saved their asses and given them crucial information. He thought of Legion who knowingly sacrificed himself for the sake of his people and the Geth's promise to honor it. He remembered the joy in Tali's voice as she listed off just how helpful the Geth were in helping their people readapt to the planet. He even remembered Legion's final words, the question that set off the entire morning war.
"Does this unit have a soul?"
Yes, they did.
Shepeard took a sharp breath as the pain pulled him back to the present. No, he couldn't destroy everything Legion had sacrificed for. He couldn't betray Joker's final plea to him.
He glanced over at the blazing red platform. Control the reapers. Make them leave. Make them stay in dark space and never terrorize the galaxy again. But the thought of control brought back the image of the Illusive Man. Everything he and Miranda's father did to figure out a way to control the reapers. All those innocent lives destroyed. And for what? A few husks that he, Garrus and Ashley so easily disposed of? Shepard suddenly found himself back in the Collector's Base where the Illusive Man attempted to sell Shepard on the idea of keeping the base for further "study."
"I won't let fear compromise who I am…." Shepard repeated and turned away from the platform.
That only left the emerald green of synthesis. Fuse synthetic and organic life together to create a new species. It was the best option, the best of both worlds. He betrayed no one and left his morals and ideals intact. The reapers would leave because there would no more use for them. All it took was his life. Something he was all too willing to give in exchange for peace. Shepard limped towards the luminous light, mentally listing off goodbyes to his crew mates, his friends, his family. All they went through, all they saw, all they accomplished, he thanked them for it.
"Goodbye, Miranda…" he muttered.
The platform was within an arm's reach.
Don't say goodbye, he had said to her. Everything will change, but it'll be on our terms.
The emerald light consumed his vision. All he had to do was touch the handles to activate the sequence.
Then finish this Shepard, her voice whispered in his ear. He could feel her warm breath dance on his ear drum. And find me.
His arms reached out for the platform.
I will. I promise.
His arm froze. Inches away from the green light.
"What wrong?" The catalyst asked, its voice rising to the familiar pitch of panic. "You're so close, active the sequence."
"No…" Shepard whispered to himself. This was wrong.
Sense began to flow into his mind, like light clearing the fog on a gloomy day. No matter what he chose, the Mass Relays would be destroyed, stranding everyone who came to help him on Earth. He would be cutting off the galaxy. Earth could not support all those species and people even in its prime, let alone the ravaged world that remained. Starvation would lead to anger, which would lead to violence, which would undo all the good he and his friends had fought so hard for.
"Activate the sequence!" the catalyst exclaimed.
And why was this thing so eager for him to sacrifice himself? Shepard curled his hands into a fist and turned to face the figure.
"No," the spacer said.
"What?"
"I won't choose anything you have to offer. The price is too high." He hobbled back to the center of the walkway.
"This is the only way to end the cycle! This is the only way to stop organics and synthetics from destroying each other!"
"You're wrong!" Shepard yelled. His body convulsed at the effort but the specter pushed forward. "Look around you! Look at what organics and synthetics have accomplished by working together! The quarians have their home world back with the Geth assisting them by bring their immune systems back to speed. My ship's A.I., EDI has done more for the sake of my crew and I than any organic I know! She's had countless chances to betray us but she hasn't. We're her crewmates, her family, she said so herself!"
"You don't understand-!"
Shepard shot an accusatory finger at the floating figure. "The only one who doesn't understand is you! Who the hell do you think you are? You say it's inevitable that organics and synthetics will battle each other and that organic life is chaos, so what do you do? You create an entire army of synthetics to wipe out all organic life? What sense does that make?"
"It was the only way to insure-."
"Insure what? That organics will never be able to figure out how to coexist with synthetics? Insure that synthetics will always be feared by organics? That we'll always be dependent on your little solution because you thought so little of us?"
"That's not what I-!"
"We've proven today we can all fight and die together. We've proven that through all this so-called chaos, harmony between the species can coexist! We've proven that we don't need you or your script! We're free to make to our choice!"
"Shepard!" The catalyst's voice began to deepen to an all too familiar bass. "YOU MUST CHOOSE!"
"Then, I-Choose-FREEDOM!"
At that moment the luminous lights surged, blanketing the room in a mixture of crimson, turquoise, and emerald. The lights flew about the corridor bouncing in every direction Shepard could think of. They quickly branched off into countless individual rays that Shepard almost instantly lost track of. But in a matter of seconds they all converged upon him. The soldier squeezed his eyes shut anticipating worst.
A scream filled the chamber.
But it wasn't his.
Instead of pain, all his felt was warmth.
Shepard slowly opened his eyes and saw a ray of white light shooting out from his body like a prism. The light struck the boy-catalyst who screamed like the Wicked Witch. The boy's image began to melt away, true to form. What was left was the blood red outline of Shepard's favorite Reaper.
"Harbinger," Shepard managed to growl, despite his wounds.
"D-damn you Shepard!" In a flash the image of Harbinger shattered covering the room in a blast that knocked the battered soldier off his feet.
Blood poured out from his wounds, covering the chrome floor in red. From the amount of blood he felt, he didn't have long until he bled out. How he managed this far was a mystery to him. His vision began to fail. All he could see was the bright light that emerged from his chest float closer to him.
The light at the end of the tunnel, the end of the line. Shepard could feel himself chuckle. And here he thought there wouldn't be one.
"Commander Shepard," a low voice muttered.
God?
"Commander James Shepard."
It had to be, no one else would call him by his first name.
"You must rise."
"I….can't….do that…."
"You must."
Find me.
Shepard let out a groan and managed to push himself to sit up. In front of him stood not God, but the transparent image of a prothean. Or at least what looked like a prothean.
"Commander Shepard, you have done it," it said. "You have unleashed the true Catalyst."
"The what-?"
"The image you before you, is the true Catalyst. It has taken the form of the species of the previous cycle for your convenience."
"That's….great….?" he managed. He couldn't get a clear view of the image before him, no matter much he squinted, his eyes refused to focus. But sight wasn't important now. "What…just happened? Who…was…that kid…? And more….importantly….can you….destroy the Reapers?"
"That boy was Harbinger's final defense against you Commander. Your….Illusive Man's betrayal of your species gave Harbinger the warning it needed to create this final attempt at indoctrination. It took control of this platform and arranged for the entire scenario you experienced. By playing into your need to save others and guilt of leaving that boy to die, Harbinger attempted to have you kill yourself under the guise of saving the galaxy from the Reaper threat."
"That…was…indoctrination….?"
"Correct. It comes in various shapes and sizes," the image replied. "For you to put up such resistance, you must have a strong will and strong ties holding you to this world."
The image of his crew mates waiting for him flashed before his fading eyes.
"Yeah…something like that." Shepard laid back down on the floor. Sitting up made the room spin. "Can you destroy the Reapers?"
"Yes."
"Good….that's all that matters."
"I have never encountered anyone like you Commander Shepard," the image said as it began to fade away. "I truly hope you are not the last."
The light began to consume him as Shepard closed his eyes once more. Anderson had been right, it felt like years since had just sat down. No Reapers, No Collectors, No Saren to worry about, just laying back and enjoying the quiet.
It felt…nice.
He had to do it again sometime.
But not yet.
There was someone he needed to find first.
AN: So if you're like me, you finished Mass Effect 3 and was very satisfied with the game until the last five minutes which pretty much derailed everything you and your Shepard accomplished. And if you're like me you wondered why the hell it ended the way it did after all the good Shepard had done and accomplished. And so this fanfiction was born. This is Shepard/Miranda because well, her romance arc was always my favorite in the games and really wished she had a bigger role in ME3. The "Find Me" bit of dialogue is from the game, it's right before you make that run to the final mission and have a chance to talk to your squad to say goodbye. There's a comm channel somewhere that allows you to talk to your old ME2 squad. I missed it on my first play through and found it on youtube. The dialogue between Shepard and Miranda tugged on my heartstrings so much and there's so little /Miranda fics that I had to write this bit.
I hope my version of the end didn't Jump the Shark or was too over the top. I just found it ridiculous that the final three choices were the only ones available. Plus I've read a lot of "it's all a dream/indoctrination" theories that it seemed to work for the story.
Anyways might make a second chapter to show the aftermath and everything. After that not sure. But anyways, thanks for reading and please let me know what you thought it.
