Brittany buys Kurt and Sebastian a Legacy Box - a time capsule to convert all of their favorite pictures and videos to DVD. But every time Kurt tries to get Sebastian to work on it with him, Sebastian finds something else to do, and Kurt begins to feel like Sebastian doesn't want to reminisce with him. Sebastian decides to make it up to Kurt by putting the Legacy Box together by himself, including one very special contribution. It comes out better, and a bit more surprising, than Kurt could ever dream.
Unfortunately, they may now have to change their identities and leave the country.
Riiip…
Sebastian flinches, mumbles nonsense, then flips over in bed.
Rip-riiiip…
Sebastian groans, grabbing his pillow and shoving it over his head.
Riiip-riiip-riiiiiipppp…
Sebastian rolls over completely, wrapping himself tightly in his comforter, not at all what he was trying to accomplish.
Rip-rip-rip-riiiiipppppp…rip-rip…
He rolls back in the opposite direction, whimpering from lack of sleep.
Riiiiiiipppppppppp…
"Babe?" Sebastian grumbles through the clamor of boxes being torn open, clear packing tape peeled away slowly, then quickly, as Kurt tries to go for quiet and then gives up. "What are (yawn)…what are you doing?" Sebastian opens his eyes, his corneas burning as he pries his sticky eyelids apart. "It's like…" He peeks over at his iPhone beside his pillow and ughs loudly, "four fucking thirty in the morning!"
"I am busy putting together precious memories to put in our time capsule," Kurt replies, each word of his thirteen word sentence seasoned with a different level of sarcasm and frustration.
"Time capsule?" Sebastian mutters, flipping on to his back, his head splitting when a foot of tape is pried from the seam of another box. "What are you talking about?"
"The time capsule," Kurt repeats with dramatic emphasis, as if that will jog Sebastian's memory.
"Yeah, I got that part." Sebastian rises to a sitting position, pulling the blankets up with him in defiance of waking up, since that might eventually lead to getting out of bed and getting dressed. "Do you mean that Legacy Box thing the lesbian wonder twins gave us for Christmas?"
"Yes. Well, technically, Brittany gave it to us. Santana gave us some Pina Colada flavored edible underwear…which I can't find, by the way." Riiiippppp…
"That's my bad," Sebastian says, rubbing his aching hip. "I ate it. I thought it was a Fruit Roll Up."
Kurt sneers at his husband from behind the box he's tearing into. "There's no way that's true. There was a half-naked guy on the wrapper. Fruit Roll Ups are snacks marketed to kids. There's no way they'd put some bare-chested beef cake on their packaging."
"Says you," Sebastian huffs. "Kids may be their target demographic, but who buys those things? Huh? I'll tell you who – bored housewives, that's who. You don't think some soccer mom would pick a snack with a half-naked guy on it over some lousy cartoon character? Shows what you know."
"Nice." Riiiiiipppppppp…
"Argh!" Sebastian throws a small kicking fit, knowing Kurt did that on purpose. "Doesn't matter anyway. It's gone, and it was delicious. Though knowing I could have eaten it off of you makes my heart sad."
Kurt rolls his eyes and tears off another round of tape, splitting the air with a sound like dulls nails raking down a dusty blackboard.
"Gahd!" Sebastian throws his left hand to his ear, the right hand too asleep to cover the other one. "Do you have to do that right now?"
"Yes," Kurt says. "I do have to do this right now, because we were supposed to send this off weeks ago. You promised you'd do it with me, but every time I bring it up, you mysteriously have something else you have to do first, and we never get around to it."
"I thought you said this was hipster and unnecessary considering your extensive collection of scrapbooks."
"True, but Brittany bought it for us specially. Plus, we promised her we'd show it to them when they come back from vacation in a few weeks."
"So?" Sebastian says, hoping that there's coffee in his future, since he doesn't see himself going back to sleep, and he's pretty sure sex isn't an option.
"So, I don't want to disappoint her." He looks up at Sebastian and makes a face. "I kind of care about people's feelings like that."
Sebastian gets a chill from the look in Kurt's eyes. "I have a suspicion that this isn't just about Brittany's feelings."
Kurt reaches for another box, but Sebastian leaps out of bed and heads him off before he can do any more ripping.
"You wanna tell me what this is all about?"
Kurt sighs, debating whether or not it's worth discussing with Sebastian. This Legacy Box thing is kind of inane. Sebastian is right – Kurt did say so himself.
But, he's right about another thing, too. Kurt has feelings about this.
Feelings that have been bothering him for a while.
"I got to thinking," he says, toying with the tape on the box, picking at the loose edge, "and…you know, when it comes to recording our relationship, that responsibility falls on me."
"You know I can't scrapbook," Sebastian explains, taking Kurt's hand in his since his constant picking at that strip of tape is making Sebastian nervous that he'll yank it off. "The cutesy flair and decorations, coming up with captions for the photographs…it's a little…mind-numbing."
"You were going to say stupid," Kurt says, pulling his hand away.
"Babe, if I wanted to say stupid, I would have said stupid." Sebastian grabs Kurt's hand back before his fingers can reach the tape. "I'm just not into it the way you are. I'd rather do the stuff we take the pictures of, not put them into albums and stuff."
"I understand that. Scrapbooking isn't for everyone. I just thought it would be nice to…you know…reminisce. I'm not asking you for a lifelong scrapbooking commitment or anything." Kurt picks up the box in front of him and moves it off to the side, losing the steam he had when he first popped up in bed and remembered that they were on a deadline. "We've been married five years, and I thought it might be nice to sit down with a glass of wine and remember the good times. Talk about all the things we've enjoyed so far, all the things we hope to do for the future. At least you can make it seem like there's some memory of the two of us that you want to preserve for the rest of our lives."
"I didn't know this meant so much to you," Sebastian admits, tugging Kurt's hand until he gets the hint and climbs into his lap. "I know I've been a big goober about this, and I'm sorry. But don't worry. I have the perfect thing to contribute to our Legacy Box."
Kurt looks at Sebastian with a tentative smile. "You do?"
"Yes, I do. So, I'll make a deal with you. Shelve the crazy for now, come back to bed, and tomorrow, I'll finish the whole thing by myself, slide in my contribution, pack this shit up, and send it on its merry way. Deal?"
Kurt's tentative smile becomes a more joyous one. "Deal."
"Great," Sebastian says, lifting his husband off the ground. "Now, you're going to have to hold me while we sleep so I don't have nightmares about you ripping any more tape."
"Sebastian…"
"Also, when your girls come over, we have to find out where Santana bought that underwear. That shit was good…"
"So" – Brittany rushes into the penthouse, vibrating with excitement – "how did it turn out?"
"I don't know," Kurt says, skeptical, but equally as excited. "Sebastian had it sent to his office. I haven't even seen it yet."
"Well, we're not going to watch the whole thing," Sebastian says, shutting the door behind their guests. "We put a lot of stuff on it. It runs pretty long. I don't want to bore you both with our fairy tale love affair…or, you know, make your life feel insignificant in comparison."
"Very funny," Santana says, sitting on the sofa next to her wife and taking a glass of wine from Kurt. "Just let's get this started. I've been constipated for weeks eating out of hotel rooms. I'm hoping this'll do the trick - get things moving again."
Sebastian ignores her remark and heads for his office to retrieve the Legacy Box, while Kurt stares at his friend in disgust.
"Why would anyone ever want to know that?" he asks, rethinking his seating choice and picking the loveseat opposite the sofa.
"You wouldn't." Santana winks. "That's why I said it."
"Okay boys and girls…and Santana," Sebastian says, setting the box down on the coffee table in front of Kurt. "Let's get this show on the road."
Sebastian rips off the packing tape (disappointed when it doesn't make an obnoxious tearing sound the way all that packing tape Kurt used to torture him did) and opens the box. Inside, hidden amongst a slew of navy blue raffia, sits a smaller box, narrow and brown, with the words Legacy Box written in blue script on the lid. Sebastian lifts that box out, puts it beside the first box, and shimmies it open. There's only two items inside this box - a DVD in a clear jewel case, and a thumb drive, both lodged inside specially fitted grooves. Sebastian plucks out the drive and hands it to Kurt.
"Here you go," he says. "For your own personal viewing pleasure."
"Okay," Kurt says, looking the little black thumb drive over before sticking it in his pocket for safe keeping. "Thank you very much."
Sebastian pulls out the DVD, takes it from its case, and puts it into their Blu-ray player. He takes a seat beside his husband, rubbing his hands together in excitement.
"Now have a glass of wine" – Sebastian pours a glass of the chilled white wine Kurt's been serving to their guests and hands it to him – "and let's press play, shall we?"
The Blu-ray player switches on, the word PLAY showing in bold blue letters. The TV screen goes black, and suddenly the song Love Changes Everything starts to play as the words Legacy Box presents - Kurt and Sebastian Hummel-Smythe appear on the screen. Santana rolls her eyes, makes a remark about another cheesy Andrew Lloyd Webber love song, but Kurt's eyes open wide.
"Oh my God," he says behind a soft chuckle. "I can't believe…did you pick that song?"
"A-ha," Sebastian says, watching Kurt carefully.
"I don't get it," Brittany says. "Is that song important or something?"
When Kurt doesn't answer, eyes glued to the screen as the title dissolves into the first picture, Sebastian answers for him.
"Contrary to popular belief, a certain gel haired ex-boyfriend who will remain nameless isn't the only one who sang to Kurt in a public place."
"Really?" Brittany says, heart eyes aglow.
"Yeah," Kurt replies. "It took me most of the afternoon to bail him out of jail." He turns to Sebastian with tears in his eyes. "But it's still an amazing memory."
"Don't start with the water works now," Sebastian says, lifting a finger and nudging Kurt's cheek, directing his gaze back towards the screen. "We're not even up to the first photograph yet."
It's not one picture that comes on screen, but two. Baby pictures – on the left, Kurt, and on the right, Sebastian.
"Awww," Santana and Brittany say in unison.
"Oh my God," Brittany squeals. "You guys were the cutest babies."
"Yeah," Santana agrees. "But isn't it a little creepy that the two of you look almost identical? I mean, you guys could be brothers."
"Santana," Brittany says, scolding her wife with a gentle tap on her knee.
"Seriously, though," Santana insists. "You guys should check that out."
"It wouldn't matter if he was or not," Kurt says, watching the baby photos segue into pictures of Kurt and Sebastian on their first birthdays, the images of both children, sitting in high chairs, with plates of chocolate cake mostly on their faces, nearly the same. "It's not like we're going to have any kids to mutate, and I'd still want to fuck him."
Brittany gasps.
Santana says, "Wanky."
Sebastian chokes on his wine.
Set after set of pictures scrolls by, year by year of their lives, each duo chosen as a perfect parallel of Kurt and Sebastian's formative years – Christmases with their parents, both boys baking with their mothers, both boys fixing a car with their fathers, learning to ride a bike, both of them dancing (Kurt ballet, Sebastian jazz – a secret he originally swore he'd take to his grave, but dug the sole remaining photo out for the sake of his husband), singing in show choir, performing in school musicals.
"Did they…did the company do that?" Kurt asks. "Sort the photographs together like this?"
"Nope," Sebastian says, taking Kurt's glass of wine out of his hand when it starts to shake. "I made the sets. They just transferred them to the video."
Love Changes Everything switches to Because You Loved Me as the first of their wedding pictures comes on the screen.
"That's…that's the song we danced to at our wedding." Kurt turns awe-filled eyes on his husband. Sebastian shrugs.
"What? Did you think I wouldn't remember?"
Kurt shakes his head, struck dumb by disbelief. "I don't…I don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything." Sebastian pulls his husband close and kisses him on the forehead. "You were right. You're important to me, and I want to show you how much. I want to do my share."
"I…" Kurt raises a hand to his face when he feels his nose begin to run. Sebastian searches his pocket for a napkin, but he doesn't have one. "I need to get a tissue," Kurt says, standing from the couch and walking toward the kitchen. Sebastian puts the video on pause, watching his husband go with a satisfied smile.
"You done good, horse teeth," Santana says, raising her glass of wine to Sebastian in a toast. "You done good."
"Thank you," he says, returning the gesture.
Sebastian hears Kurt blow his nose and laughs. Santana was right. He was worried when he took this on that he might screw it up, but he hit it out of the park this time.
"Come on, sexy," he calls out. "There's a few more pictures I want to show you before…" Sebastian turns and catches Kurt fiddling with his open laptop on the dining room table. He gets a peek at the screen, a sent email notification, and his face turns sheet white.
"Uh…babe" - Sebastian chuckles, hoping his husband didn't do what he thinks he did - "what are you doin'?"
"I'm sorry." Kurt sniffles. "I was just…it's so beautiful and…I couldn't help myself." Kurt ejects the thumb drive and shows it to Sebastian. "I sent it to a few people. I hope you don't mind."
"A few people?" Sebastian swallows hard. "Wh-what do you mean, a few people?"
"Oh, you know - my dad, Carole, your parents, your brother and sister, the New Directions, the Warblers, I…" Kurt watches Sebastian's eyes grow to half the size of his face and he frowns. "I get the feeling I did something wrong."
"Is there any way you might be able to unsend it?"
"That's a silly question. You know I can't." Without even knowing why Sebastian looks mortified, a knot of dread churns inside Kurt's stomach. "Why? What's wrong?"
"Um…I think that's what's wrong…"
Both men look at Santana, and not the TV. She's pointing the remote at the screen, having fast forwarded to a part in the video that had been only minutes away. Apparently the image starts before the sound, and suddenly they hear moaning – distinctly Kurt moaning…moaning and, in some cases, screaming, "Sebastian! Yes! Oh, God! Just like that! Give it to me! Harder! Oh, God!"
"Oh God!" Kurt repeats. He turns towards the screen slowly, horror shining in his eyes, but when he finally sees it, he throws a hand over his stopped heart. "Sebastian! You…you had our sex tape put on the video?"
"You said to share one of my fondest memories," Sebastian argues, launching for the remote that Santana holds out of reach. At the rate he's going, he'll have to vault over the coffee table to get it, and he's prepared to do just that. "Something precious that I wanted to preserve forever. I didn't think you were going to email it to everyone we know! In fact, I was gonna stop it in time so Brittany and Santana here didn't see it, either, but…"
"You were going to cut us out of the fun?" Santana huffs, holding the remote behind her head. "That's rude."
Kurt has sense enough to walk around the back of the sofa, grab the remote out of Santana's hand, and switches off the DVD. With the movie turned off and Kurt's cries of ecstasy now silent, they hear the faint sound of music coming from Kurt's pocket. He reaches in with a frantic hand and pulls out his phone. He looks at the screen, and his face goes solid marble white to match Sebastian's sickly pallor.
"It's my dad!" Kurt exclaims.
"Well, that was quick," Santana remarks, finishing off her wine.
"Wh-wh-what am I…what am I going to do!?" Kurt yells, staring at his phone as if it's about to bite him.
"It's alright," Sebastian says, trying to be the voice of calm for his distraught husband. "Just hold on. I'll take care of it." Sebastian grabs Kurt's iPhone and walks with it to the kitchen, presumably to handle the situation. Kurt doesn't follow him. He doesn't move. He doesn't even look at the kitchen for fear that he might hear a smidgen of their conversation. Sebastian returns a few minutes later, but without Kurt's phone. He sits wordlessly on the loveseat and grabs the bottle of wine. The three people in the living room watch him, confused, waiting for word of a resolution.
"Well, w-what did you tell him?" Kurt asks, his heart lodged so far up his throat he can probably touch it with his finger.
"Tell him?" Sebastian laughs as if that's the most ludicrous thing Kurt has ever said to him. "I didn't tell him anything."
"So…you just let him yell at you, then? You didn't defend yourself? Or me?" Kurt asks. "What did he say?"
"I didn't answer it." Sebastian relaxes into the cushion, one leg crossed over his knee, bouncing madly, as he gulps down the rest of the wine.
"Then…what did you do?" Kurt asks, arms crossed over his chest.
Sebastian pulls off the empty bottle, puts it down on the floor, and grabs a second one that's been sweating profusely on the coffee table…the same way Sebastian is sweating now. "I put your phone in the freezer. My phone, too." He stabs the cork with a corkscrew, twists it in, then pulls the cork out, intent on drinking the bulk of this bottle, too. "That way we can act like we didn't know he called until after we've left the country."
