Welcome Home, Leah

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop."

-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


"Leah! Get out of the shower already!" Seth's annoying whine reached me through the door, over the spray of the water.

Shut up, Seth. Go away. I mentally thought, sorry that he wouldn't be able to hear me because we were both humans. He pounded on the door with both fists. Yeah, he was probably trying to be gentle, but the door still rocked violently on its hinges.

Irritated, I yelled to him, "Fine! I'll be out in a sec." Not really, but why not let him enjoy the illusion? Especially since the little punk had been making an honest effort to be nice to me since I came back. Which is more than I can say for some people.

Sue had been very not-understanding about my situation. When Seth told her I had returned (she was living with Charlie now, Bella's dad), she didn't even bother coming to meet me. All I had gotten was a note from her- which she didn't even have the balls to deliver herself. She had Seth give it to me.

I had been gone two years since everyone (but me, of course) had gotten their happy ending. Forks was Volturi-free for two years. Last I heard, they had their hands full of the Romanian uprising. Stefan and Vladmir were regrouping their coven again.

Jacob and Renesmee carried a rather unusual relationship with the compliant Edward and Bella. Quil still baby-sat his imprinted baby. Even Embry had imprinted with some girl who had just moved to the reservation. And Sam…

Sam had gotten married to Emily a year and a half ago. I ran away a month before I had to undergo the humiliation of being a bridesmaid for my cousin. I couldn't stand the thought of knowing I'd be living just a few blocks from the person I loved while he lived with another girl, laughed with her, joked with her, slept with her.

I had tried so many times to feel honest happiness for them, but it always turned into jealousy or anger toward Emily.

I'm the one who loves him. He loves- or at least loved me. I should be with him. Stupid, stupid Emily.

It only made it a million times worse every time I phased and my thoughts were put on display for the rest of the pack to hear. But even that would be bearable if it weren't for everyone's reaction.

I didn't want their goddamned pity.

"Leah? I don't mean to be a nuisance- "

"Then don't be!" I snapped before Seth finished his sentence. Seth fell silent on the other side of the thick oak.

Compromise- I know how much Seth hated it. That's why he had chosen to live alone in the reservation in our old house rather than live with Sue and Charlie in Forks.

Seth started to walk away. Oh, hell. Whatever.

Turning off the water that would feel scalding to humans but barely felt warm to me, I wrapped a towel under my arms and slunk out. I shook my head so loose water droplets sprayed the walls from my short blunt hair. It was the one thing I had scarcely felt regret loosing.

Ducking into my room, I was faced by the mirror. I had always wanted to get rid of it, but never really got a chance. It was the first thing that greeted me every time I entered the room. It showed me the same exact image I'd been trying to avoid for the past years: coffee colored skin, dark hair, bottomless pools of black eyes with circles underneath. Oh, yeah, I had to sleep soon.

And tacked to the board was Sue's letter. I had already read it so many times, it was imprinted (haha, pardon the pun) into my memory:

Lee-Lee,

Decided to come home at last, have you? Good, I was just beginning to get over missing you. I'm glad you've decided you wanted to come back and double the pain when you leave again. If you want to come live with me and Charlie at his house, feel welcome to. If you're going to keep being condescending with us, don't bother. It would only cause us to fight. Stop blaming yourself and start forgiving the ones who deserve it.

Love you still,

Mom

Like I had ever called her "mom" before. It was an abnormal sort of relationship we had. I had called her Sue for as long as I could remember, though Seth did call her Mom. But looking at her letter really made me think. I didn't know who deserved forgiveness. As far as I was considered, they were all culprits. And I'd already forgiven the ones who needed it: Jake, Seth, my father.

I heard Seth close the door to the bathroom just as my stomach growled. Mm, time to go look for chow. I got to the refrigerator before I remembered the Ramen Noodles in the cabinet. When I had three packs of soup boiling on the range, I became aware of footsteps heading toward our house.

Who could it be? The footsteps were heavy- it had to be a male. Maybe Quil or Embry were dropping by. I hadn't phased yet, so unless Seth had told them I was here, they shouldn't know… Suddenly my heartbeat sped up. What if it was Sam?

I was caught off guard by the thought, so I didn't react when the front door was hurled open and Jake came charging through.

"Leah!" He stopped short, taking in my attire. "Uh, you usually hang out in nothing but a towel?" Oh, shit. I remembered just then what I was wearing. But I figured it didn't matter much. The pack had seen me in a lot less when I lost my temper.

"Jacob? Wow, Jacob." I repeated, at a loss for words for a moment. Our alpha still looked the same. White, grinning teeth standing out from the dim skin, tall and imposing, hulking, shirtless, he stood there in my kitchen.

Automatically, instinctively, we reached forward to embrace. This was comfortable. It sounds odd to say, but I really had become close to Jacob. His bare skin against my cheek was familiar, even if it did stink of vampire in a distant way.

"What? I don't get a quirky comeback or something, dear Beta?"

"Oh, shut up and enjoy the silence. I missed you, fearless Alpha." I admitted, smiling.

"We all missed you, too. I mean, Quil is certainly enjoying being the temporary Beta and all but we can all feel the empty spot where you should be. Now I know what you all felt when I ran off. So, li'l lady, where've you been?" He asked, studying me at arms length and waggling his eyebrows.

Turning away to break more noodles into the pot (since Jake was obviously going to be hungry), I replied vaguely, "Oh, here and there a little bit."

"What? You don't trust me anymore? We don't have to be wolves for me to tell you're hiding something." Jacob huffed. I knew he probably felt hurt that I was keeping something from him, but I couldn't give this up.

"I trust you, Jake. Completely. There's no question about that. It's just that when I disappear again, I know you'll come hunt me down if you know where I live now."

"Leah! What the hell is this? You just got back, and now you're talking of leaving again?"

"Don't be silly. I don't belong-"

Jake took hold of my wrist and whirled me around before I could finish. "If you say 'don't belong here', I'll slay you myself. This, as a matter of fact, is exactly where you belong, surrounded by your pack, your brothers. Did you know Embry imprinted?" Jake's voice slowed a notch. "You weren't there when he phased and we could all hear that he wanted Leah to meet her and tell if she was cool enough or not. Then it hit him you were gone.

"Leah, it kills us every time we realize you aren't running with us. Our pack was already undersized to start off with and you made it smaller. Can you believe Quil said he'd gladly give up being Beta if it meant you were coming back? I don't have enough people to boss around anymore, its starting to get boring being Alpha." He chuckled as he finished his speech.

I was stunned. Seth had told me the pack missed me, but with such intensity, I never realized. It was actually kind of nice to be wanted, all this jazz really made me feel a little better about myself. Maybe I should come back to my pack.

Not ready to face the sentimental subject quite yet, I tactfully changed it by discussing Jake's favorite thing- err, person, "How's Nessie?"

Jesus H Freaking Christ, that smile. The sudden unadulterated adoring, passionate, worshipping love that sprang to his eyes at her mention seemed cruel from my view. I used to be like that with Sam. My heartbeat became a little unsteady as Sam's face involuntarily appeared before my eyes. I quickly turned away to pour the soup into two bowls, burning my hand.

Jake didn't notice. He said, "She's fine. She's about fifteen years old now. Leah, you should see her. She's beautiful. Starting to look more like Bella than she used to. Actually, I came here to talk to Seth about that. Where is he?"

"Here." Seth replied, bounding into the kitchen still wet, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. The redness where I burned my hand was healed by the time I handed Seth a bowl. He was eyeing my cuisine hungrily.

"Good. I already talked to Em and Quil, and its excellent I caught you both together so my whole pack is complete." A lopsided smile appeared on Jake's face as he accepted his bowl. "The deal is that Edward and Bella are going to Europe, Nessie's going with them, I'm going with her, and you're all coming with me."

"What!" Seth and I demanded together.

"Chill," Jake commanded, winking. "We're meeting up at the big house to discuss it today at six. You're both coming, kapish?"

"Sure." Seth obeyed while I asked at the same time, "Whose 'we' and what's the Big House?"

There was an awkward silence and an exchanged glance between the males before Jacob finally broke it, "We is the packs and coven and the House is the Cullens place."

Oh. More silence.

They were waiting for my permission. Seth had this pleading look on his face, as if he didn't want my sour mood to kill the peace. Jacob was just boring his eyes into mine, somehow combining a question, a request, and an order into a single, hard gaze.

"Okay. I'll come."

Both of them sighed in synchronization. "Well, I gotta run. See you, Seth. Leah, come with me?"

"Umm, okay." I slurped the last of my soup before hurling the bowl in the sink with perfect aim. I took a step ahead and Jake started.

"As much as I'm sure La Push will enjoy the view, I'm sure someone is bound to object to your towel sooner or later."

Feeling a hideous red flush creep up my cheeks, I ran off to my room to change, berating myself. Oh, God. How forgetful was I becoming? I forgot to get dressed? This was pathetic. I had to pull myself together. Even if I was back in town, it didn't mean I had to give in to my nerves.

Even if you have to meet Sam tonight? Shut the fuck up, I commanded my brain. Pulling on yesterdays shorts and a fresh tank top, I rejoined Jake outside, calling an instruction to Seth, "Be good, baby brother." I heard him grind his teeth together in frustration. What? Did he think just because some time had passed, I'd ease up on the teasing? Think again.

We jogged together until reaching the edge of the woods. Jake hesitated. "I was going to phase. It'd be easier." He cocked an eyebrow and turned to look at me.

"Nuh-uh. Not going to phase. Keep it human, Jake." He swore under his breath.

"Ooh, I'm gonna tell Billy. You said a bad word."

"Hey, technically speaking, you are a bitch. You just won't phase and prove it." We laughed together, increasing pace and speed together. I'd always been faster than Jake as wolf. But we had never tried to race as humans. I picked up the rhythmic movement of our feet. Suddenly, Jacob stopped.

I pulled myself short and twisted around, "What?"

"Leah, talk to me!" Jacob growled, finally letting the frustration inside him show on his expression.

"Whaddya mean? We were talking." I stalled.

"Sit." He commanded, himself curling up against a tree.

I was going to crack a joke about treating me like a dog, but thought better of it when I saw his serious face. Uh-oh, I was in trouble. Narrowing my eyes, I plopped down and crossed my legs Indian style. Looking up at him, I whispered, "Okay, now what?"

Jacob heaved a sigh and closed his eyes, "Are you joining the pack for good, Leah?"

I felt tears sting my eyes. Dammit, I hated crying. Especially with an audience. I closed my eyes, too. "I can't come back. I can't join you. I've gone too far ahead. Jacob, you have Nessie. You're happy here. I can't stay with the pack in La Push when the other pack is here, too."

"This is still about Sam, isn't it?" Jacob spoke more to himself then me. He already knew. "Leah, you're keeping location and everything else a secret- but just let me ask one thing. Give me that?"

I nodded, unable to articulate words.

"Did you find someone?"

"I'm dating this guy on and off. We're not serious. I only used him to see if I could get over Sam- but I can't. So, no. I haven't found anyone."

"Yeah, I tried that, too. With Bella."

"I know. When you took the bloodsuckers Vanquish to the park in Seattle. We shared a mind back then, remember?" I tried to make it come out light, but even my words seemed to be weighed down with sarcasm.

"Um, no. I'm talking about another situation. Even farther back. Before we even found out Bella was pregnant. I hid my mind considerably well since you obviously don't know about it. And we shared a mind back then, remember?" He mimicked me.

"Very mature." I rolled my eyes. "Who was the girl?"

"I'm surprised you don't know."

I reflected for a moment. Honestly, there weren't many girls Jake would try on without me getting a hint… who would Jake turn to for his escape from Bella? "I give up." I sighed.

"You." Jake's grin seemed far too sanguine for the information he just revealed.

"Liar."

"You don't believe me?"

"Why should I?" I retorted.

"Because, silly, its true. You were pretty, stubborn, single… well, after Sam anyway, and I knew you were protective of Seth. It seemed good enough to me. I figured I'd be happy if I fell in love with you. But you and I didn't really get along so we didn't fall for each other like I desperately hoped. Simple as that." Jacob shrugged, seeming comfortable enough discussing the topic.

"You know, I think I'm kind of sad it didn't work out." I mused quietly.

Jacob digested that in silence before earnestly saying, "Leah, don't go."

"Jake…" I trailed off.

"How about you come to the meeting tonight? Just that, I leave the rest up to you. Please, Leah, for me?"

I glared at him. "Fine. For you."