If you don't wanna read something sad then don't read this. I don't know what possessed me, but I felt I had to write this, even if I usually like fluff best. I also think I made a good job with this, so I think it's worthy, even if it's heartbreaking.

I wrote this as a one-shot, then I decided to write more of this when someone asked. I'm very slow at posting this because not a lot of readers are interested in sad stories and because the plot isn't what matters the most. It's mostly about feeling and family.

Part 1- Realization

Alex looked around him. He was in the Drovers master bedroom, his room from the day Claire had agreed on becoming his wife. Three months later they were married. The best day of his life, started with the last touches for the wedding and ended with the best marriage gift he could wish for. His newlywed wife had told him they were going to be parents again. But this time they were going to live this pregnancy together, without lies or secrets. This time they were real and nothing could tear them apart.

Or so he thought.

And then…

A car accident. She was just going in Gungellan for party supplies. She had even laugh at him because he wanted a proper kiss, even if she would be gone only for a few hours.

And now she was gone.

But for good.

Yesterday it was the first anniversary of their marriage and today he had to bury her.

Why life was so unfair?

They were happy… the last year had been the happier in both their lives, and now he didn't know if he could be happy again.

But life goes on. And he had to live. He had to fight for the family he and Claire were building together. He had thought her death was the worst thing he could think of, but lose that family would be even worst. There was more involved than just Claire's life now…

He had to fight for Charlotte, just one year old, because he knew that Claire wanted her to grow up at Drovers, where she had grown up with her father, and he couldn't let Peter have his little Bom, even if he was her biological father. Charlotte was HIS daughter, not Peter's, he was the one beside Claire when she was born, he was there when she had been bitten by a spider, he was the one she had called Dad for the first time, making of him the proudest man alive. A month ago they had just started legal proceedings to let him adopt her… He had to fight to make this adoption legal, even if Claire wasn't with him anymore, because he was Charlotte's father in every way that counts, not Peter. He had seen her just a couple of times, right after she was born and at her first birthday, a few months ago. Drovers was her home, was the place she was supposed to live in, with him and her Aunty Tess and Uncle Nick, with her family.

He had to fight for his little sunshine too, for Elisa Marianne McLeod-Ryan, barely four months old.

Their younger daughter.

He remembered like it was yesterday the discussion about her middle name… or better fight, especially when Claire had suggested "Marion" as middle name… But there had been no discussion when the first name was pronounced, they both knew this was it. It was Prue's middle name, and part of her other grandma's name, Elisabeth. This way she would be named after both her grandmothers. At that time Alex was just trying to rebuild a sort of relationship with his mother, also because she was the only grandmother his daughters were going to have.

Even if it had happened just a few months ago, Alex felt like it was a time so far…

Claire was by his side then, so it actually was another life for him. Now everything was going to be different.

When he and Claire got together he was sure his life couldn't but be beside her, and now his life were his little babies, Bom and Ellie. They were still so young, so innocent, so fragile, and they were never getting to know their amazing mother, apart from what he or Tess or everyone else could tell them.

He was the only parent they were going to have…

This thought had scared him when the realization first hit him, but now he knew that this was his strength, they were his strength. His daughters were his fingerhold and toehold, his reason to woke up every morning and to work hard everyday. His reason to keep living there.

He couldn't sleep at night without Claire. Even the night before the wedding, he hadn't been able to sleep. And now he couldn't just wait for her to come back, because she was not coming back never again. The only way he had to fall asleep for now was sleep with his babies on the same room. Their light breath was the only sound that could set his mind at rest these days, so he had placed their tiny beds on the master bedroom. But he would have to move on sooner or later…

Maybe later…

"Alex, do you need help with the girls?" Meg asked him from the door, waking him from his thoughts.

Ellie was sleeping peacefully beside him, on the big bed, under his thoughtful eye, already wearing her little dark dress for the ceremony. Charlotte was definitely more quiet than usual. She was playing in her playpen with her favourite stuffed toy, obviously a horse (she was still Claire McLeod's daughter after all…). It was his gift for her when he had married her mother. Bom was a part of Claire, and he felt like he was going to marry the both of them. Actually them both and the little one already on the way…

Pity they had to wear in black today, it definitely didn't fit them. Charlotte was a calm girl, but she always had this worm smile that could lighten a room, and Ellie… she was still a little baby, but already feisty and spirited like her Mum. But it was only for today. Then he didn't plan on having his daughters dressed in black never again. He was sure Claire didn't want this, she wanted them to be happy, and he knew he could make them live a rather happy life, he could make it. Besides he was not alone, he had Tess, Meg, Nick, Jodi, Stevie, and even Harry and Liz. The older Ryans weren't exactly the best parents of the planet, but they loved both their granddaughters, and played their role of grandparents rather fine after all.

"No, thanks Meg. They are both ready"

"Yeah, I can see it." She said smiling. It was so hard even for her to picture this house without Claire, she couldn't even imagine how hard it could be for Alex. She was his soulmate, everyone could see that. Still they had had so little time to enjoy their life together…

"Time to go?" Alex asked, seeing that Meg was still leaning on the doorpost, watching him intensively.

Meg just shrugged her shoulders, motioning to come out. "Almost."

In the meantime Ellie stirred a bit and was almost starting to cry. Straight away Alex gently tickled her tummy, making her giggle, and reassured her with his voice. "Hey little sunshine, you can't be hungry again, I just fed and changed you, so, please, stay quiet for a while now. We're going to say goodbye to Mummy, ok? And you wanna be a good girl for Mummy, don't you?"

He had started quite calmly, but he barely managed to finish what he was saying because his voice broke and tears made his eyes swollen. His heart was so broken. He knew he would survive, and he would even be happy again… How couldn't he, with such lovely things to live for? But he knew that a part of him was gone, and this was going to hurt him forever. His loss probably would lessen a bit everyday, but would always be there whenever he thought of what a life with Claire AND their daughters would be like.

How could he be their mother and father, how could he replace Claire's role in their young lives?

"Alex?" Meg interrupted him again.

"Yeah?"

"You're going to be such a great father for them, you already are" She comforted him with a supportive smile. He just sighed at first, but before she could turn on her toes he stopped her.

"Thanks Meg. I guess it was what I needed to hear right now. You know, it's easier when I've somebody to fight and to live for…"

With a last look at the room he picked Ellie up from the bed and placed her in the baby pack carrier, then collected Charlotte from her playpen.

"Come on, let's go. We can't let Mummy wait for us, can we?"

Like that, with Charlotte wrapped around his neck on his right side and gently encircling little Ellie with his left hand, he left the room where he had been the happiest man alive and went downstairs, to face the new unexpected life he had to live, the life of a single Dad.

Have I mentioned before how important it is for me this story? So, please, if you want to make me really happy then R&R. Even if it's just to say it's really sad (which I already know :P).