Manpain Delite
By A. Memer
A/N: THIS IS MY VERY FIRST STORY AND I WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT! PLZ R&R 0-;;;
IF HE WERE THINNER, KAKASHI WOULD LOVE HIM, IRUKA KNEW. EVERY NIGHT, WHEN KAKASHI CAME HOME SO LATE FROM THE BAR RAGING AND STINKING OF BOOZE, WHEN HE TOOK THE GIANT ICHA ICHA ANTHOLOGY AND BEAT IRUKA WITH IT FOR HOURS, HOURS, HOURS, ALL THE WHILE CURSING HIM, HE KNEW JUST HOW MUCH HE DESERVED IT. IT WAS DOLPHIN-CHAN'S OWN FAULT THAT KAKASHI TREATED HIM LIKE THIS. IRUKA MADE HIM DRINK, IRUKA MADE HIM LOSE HIS JOB--IRUKA WAS WORTHLESS.
HE NEEDED TO BE THIN, HOLLOW, PURE. HE NEEDED TO BE PERFECT, SO THAT KAKASHI-SAMA WOULD LOVE HIM. EVERY NEW RIB HE SAW WAS ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS HIS GOAL. EVERY DAY IN THE SHOWER HE TOOK THE RAZOR TO HIMSELF AND WATCHED THE BLACK BLOOD FLOW FROM HIS WRISTS TO THE DRAIN AS TEARS FLOWED FROM HIS EYES TO HIS CHIN.
"WHY AM I SUCH A USELESS LOL FATTY, KAMI-SAMA?" HE WHISPERED ROUGHLY, CLOSING HIS EYES AND LETTING UNCONSCIOUSNESS TAKE HIM.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, IRUKA?" ROARED KAKASHI IN HIS MANLY MAN VOICE. "WE HAVE FUCKING WATER BILLS, YOU KNOW, AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T FORGET, YOUR BITCH ASS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE KITCHEN MAKING ME SOME FUCKING PIE."
"KAKASHI-SAMA, ONEGAI--" GASPED IRUKA, BLUSHING AS HIS BIG STRONG SEME RIPPED THE SHOWER CURTAIN OFF THE SHOWER BAR.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BEND O--" BEGAN KAKASHI, BUT SUDDENLY HE STOPPED.
"I'M SO SORRY!" SOBBED IRUKA. "I KNOW I'M FAT AND UGLY AND NOT WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE, KAKASHI-SAMA! GOMEN NASAI!" BUT KAKASHI DIDN'T LOOK THREATENING, RIGHT NOW. THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE IN HIS EYES--BUT WHAT COULD IT BE? "KAKASHI-SAMA?"
"... DOLPHIN-CHAN," SAID KAKASHI HUSKILY, USING HIS PET NAME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES. HE TOOK IRUKA'S FRAIL LITTLE HAND IN HIS BIG MANLY ONE, "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN CUTTING YOURSELF?"
IRUKA LOOKED DOWN, BLUSHING.
"EVER SINCE KAKASHI-SAMA CAME BACK FROM THE WAR," HE WHISPERED.
KAKASHI PRESSED HIS LIPS AGAINST THE RUBY GASHES. IRUKA COULD FEEL HIS HEART BEATING.
"DOLPHIN-CHAN," KAKASHI SAID SOFTLY, "I'VE BEEN A TERRIBLE LOVER, HAVEN'T I?"
"NO, NO!" GASPED IRUKA. "KAKASHI-SAMA HAS BEEN PERFECT! IT'S NOT HIS FAULT THAT THE WAR CHANGED HIM!"
"DAMNIT, DOLPHIN-CHAN!" SCREAMED KAKASHI. "LOOK AT HOW THIN YOU ARE, DOLPHIN-CHAN--YOU LOOK LIKE MARY-KATE-FUCKING-OLSEN! LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE BRUISES--BRUISES I'VE GIVEN YOU! HOW CAN YOU STILL DEFEND ME?" SPARKLY TEARS WERE STREAMING FROM HIS CRIMSON AND ONYX EYES. "HOW CAN YOU STILLLOVE ME?" HIS HANDS SHOOK AS HE RETRIEVED A KUNAI FROM HIS HIP POUCH. "I SHOULD JUST KILL MYSELF NOW--EVERYBODY WOULD BE HAPPIER AND BETTER OFF IF I WENT TO SLEEP AND NEVER WOKE UP." HE BROUGHT THE KUNAI TO HIS BEAUTIFUL WHITE THROAT AND STARTED TO PUSH IT INTO THE FLESH, BUT SUDDENLY IRUKA'S DELICATE, GIRLISH HANDS GRABBED HIS. GENTLY, IRUKA PULLED THE KNIFE AWAY.
"YOU CAN'T KILL YOURSELF, MY LOVE," HE SAID. "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU." KAKASHI BLUSHED.
"D-DOLPHIN-CHAN!" HE SAID.
"KAKASHI-SAMA!" CRIED IRUKA. THEY EMBRACED, TEARS AND BLOOD AND MOUTHS MINGLING.
SOMEWHERE DEEP IN THE FORESTS OF KONOHA A BLACK BIRD BEGAN TO SING.
