AN - The quotes at starts and ends of chapters are song lyrics. I will put a song list at the end of the story if you're interested. There are also some scenes inspired by classic gothic literature, like Frankenstein, etc. As well as that, there are some small bits of dialogue inspired by the old movie 'The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.'

I had an idea to do four different spin-offs which focus on each of the four main characters, so if anyone is interested afterwards, let me know and I'll try to start working on them.

Illustrated Chapter 1 is viewable on archiveofourown

Warnings: Character death, graphic violence, adult language, smut


Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realized that it was you who held me under


Ikkaku was a screw-up. He could admit that easily. He'd basically been a screw-up since the day he was born, having caused his own mother to die giving birth to him because he'd been facing the wrong way. From there, he'd gone on to be the poster child for a street-urchin, having made it through sex-trafficking, drug-dens, gangs, and other relatively unpleasant things. He'd been a bad kid, a jerk, a thug, he admitted it. He'd fucked up big time, nearly making a living out of failing. He'd dropped out of high school, hadn't been able to find a good job, and had basically only gotten skills at fighting, shouting, drinking, running from the police, and… well screwing things up.

Ikkaku wiped his brow, leaning against the rusty cast-iron fence of the cemetery. He now worked for a funeral home in a dreary, rainy, little town with a population of about five thousand. The sun hardly ever shone for more than three days at a time, they never had summer days warm enough for swimming, and everything was rather drab and sluggish, with an overwhelming theme of grey. Drake's Glen was gloomy and stagnant, but Ikkaku was getting used to it, starting to like it.

Burying coffins wasn't so bad. It was hard to screw up digging a hole, and Ikkaku hadn't done so yet. There actually wasn't that much burying going on. Only occasionally, when one of the older citizens finally croaked, did Ikkaku have to get out the shovel. Most of Ikkaku's job involved landscaping, and upkeep of the funeral home and cemetery, which included vacuuming the carpets, fixing the flickery lights, trimming bushes and watering flowers, sitting at the desk and taking calls when the owner was out, and fighting back the thick woods at the borders of the property. A few graves had already been swallowed up by the brambles and dark trees, but Ikkaku was dealing with the usually-creepy surroundings quite well. He thought of it as a garden instead of a field of bones.

Of course, he wasn't a trained mortician, funeral director, or undertaker, so he actually didn't have to touch any dead people very often, only when they were short-handed. He did the dirty work, literally, the dirty work of making sure the pit was six feet deep and perfectly sized for a casket.

It wasn't so bad. He kind of liked it. Life was so slow and unchanging here that he was glad to finally have a break from his fast-paced unsafe life. He finally had found a place that was nearly wholesome, and he actually felt comfortable walking around at night, which was akin to suicide in the inner cities. This place was so liberating to Ikkaku.

Sure, he did miss the city, his few friends, the bright lights, but out here he could see stars instead of helicopters, he could hear crickets instead of sirens, and he didn't have to feel paranoid about locking his doors and windows. He could breathe, he could sleep, he could feel unashamedly safe.

He'd heard that somewhere around here were a few familiar faces, a few people he'd gone to high school with. His best friend and part-time kid-brother, Abarai Renji, was following his good decision to get away from his bad past, and had agreed to also move out here. What worried Ikkaku was that he was taking a job at that place.

Ikkaku hadn't even bothered trying to talk him out of it, because Renji had that way about him, being bull-headed and stubborn about what he wanted. There was no point, in fact, it would make things worse to voice his concern, because that would just make Renji want to spite him to prove that he was tough.

Still, he was worried, because Renji was headed to the mansion on the hill, the manor of Aizen Sousuke. To put it bluntly, the place was downright creepy, and that was coming from someone who worked in a graveyard at night, burying corpses. Ikkaku had never even gone up there, knowing well enough to stay away just from the way people reacted to it when it came up in conversations.

Everyone seemed to have agreed that they didn't talk about 'that place', and that if anything bad ever happened in Drake's Glen, it probably had to do with that blasted house. The house on the hill had always been an ambiguously abandoned, undiscussed subject. Honestly, it reminded Ikkaku of that mildly disturbing movie where there was a man with scissors for fingers found in an empty mansion.

As far as Ikkaku knew - taking information from an article online, written by someone who had done long hours of research in an archaic library - Sousuke Aizen came from a long line of killers, rich killers, all of which looked eerily similar. Apparently he was rumored to have some sort of mafia ring going, and hired people on to work for him as servants/baddies who would carry out his evil deeds in other areas and towns. More than once there were mentions of people disappearing after going up to deliver packages or sell cookies. Ikkaku knew well enough to leave the place alone, and he hoped Renji would decide to do the same.

Renji had been depressed for years now. Ikkaku hoped that coming here would help him out of his funk. Renji had lost a lover a while back, and a friend as well. Ikkaku was sad about it too, but he hadn't taken it quite so hard as Renji had. The poor guy had just been heartbroken when Ichigo had left.

He'd just shown up missing one night, gone with all of his things, leaving Renji with no warning or explanation. He'd vanished, seemingly out of thin air, so quickly that Renji hadn't even found out until after he'd already gone. Ikkaku was starting to suspect that Ichigo hadn't left Renji willingly. He was even starting to think that Ichigo was dead somewhere, erased from the world by a higher-up because of the shit Renji had gotten himself into, but he didn't tell Renji this, of course. The guilt would eat the poor guy alive.

Hopefully Renji would be alright, working up there on the hill. Renji could take care of himself, but Ikkaku still worried. He supposed he should be grateful that Renji finally had it in him to do something. It really was sad, how upset Renji still was, so lonely and empty inside. There hadn't even been any point in talking to him for a while; Renji had been so miserable that he wouldn't speak or eat. Any mention of Ichigo would send him on a downward spiral. He'd even gone so far as to punch Hisagi in the face when he'd suggested that they should go out drinking to help him 'get over' Ichigo. Ikkaku grimaced. Grief made people do crazy things.

Ikkaku looked down the road, peering through all of the dark overhanging branches, trying to see all the way down the road which rose up onto that hill, far, far in the distance. The house was enormous, and was probably lavishly decorated inside, but he had no desire to see it any closer.

Ikkaku just sighed, clapping his dirty gloves together. With the copious amounts of rain that this town provided, there was an abundance of flowers and greenery, but weeds grew like the devil, and Ikkaku liked to have nice, soft, even grass. Crab-grass and clovers were just no fun to walk on bare-foot. That kept him quite busy.

He really had his work cut out for him. Apparently, before he'd come along, they'd just let nature go nuts and left the graves like they were. It was a veritable jungle when he'd first started here. He'd already uprooted a few saplings that were growing too close around some graves, and he'd moved on to the front gate, intending to go back later and patch up the holes in the ground. The bushes he'd been planting along the front of the fence looked alright to him. He just needed to trim them a little, and then he'd take a break.

That was when he turned around and saw him.

"What ugly bushes."

Ikkaku's eyebrow twitched, and he grit his teeth. Ayasegawa Yumichika had always had that kind of effect on him, but God, did he love him.


Renji couldn't feel more conflicted about this job if he had tried. Sure, he thought being a groundskeeper would be nice and fun, a good opportunity, bla bla bla, but he'd heard bad things about his employer, and you know what they say about first impressions.

It had been that way the first time he'd seen him. He'd been so perfect, so real, so trustable. Renji had wanted to be his best friend immediately after they'd first spoken. He'd wanted him so badly, and they'd been so happy together for so long. Their first meeting had told him nothing of how swiftly his lover would disappear, not leaving a trace other than the huge void left behind in Renji's heart, in Renji's life, in his whole world. It got him choked up just thinking about it, remembering how handsome he'd looked the time they'd met.

'No, no, no. Sh, sh.'

If the rumors about his employer were true, Renji wasn't sure that this would work out. He was moving here to get away from his bad past, his old life. He couldn't afford to get into trouble that deeply ever again. He needed to grow up and be responsible for once. It was probably why his lover had left him.

Renji had probably stressed him out so much with needing to be bailed out of jail, the huge amounts of money he'd owed to violent crime lords, and having to hide from those people following him from his bad past. It had probably been too much for his lover, too much for his perfect angel who always worried about safety and money. It had been so much that he hadn't been able to take it.

Ichigo had left him to drown, cutting his ties so that he could survive and live on, leaving Renji to fend for himself. Renji understood that he was a tramp down to his bones and that he wasn't good enough for someone that perfect, that golden. He was nothing.

'Hush. Just let a few seconds pass without thinking of him.'

The drive up here had been interesting, to say the least. The roads weren't set on a rectangular grid like the city was, so there were many turns, tunnels, hills, and mountainsides to go through as he made his way past the continually thickening forest. A car only passed by him once about every twenty minutes, and for once, he hadn't sealed all the windows and doors out of caution of dark violent streets. He liked the feeling of freedom here.

The sky grew more and more grey and dreary as he went, completely clouded over in an even shade, making it look like the color saturation had been taken out of the sky, leaving it a wispy smokey color. It wasn't as if there had been a blue sky back in the city, so he could hardly complain. At least these were rainclouds and not noxious fumes from all the factories.

He was enjoying himself, liking that he couldn't hear a trace of the beeping of car horns or catcalls emanating from groups of thugs harassing passing women, or even worse: screaming, gunshots, or sirens. It was so peaceful, and it seemed like he wouldn't have to be cautious or get jumpy when he was driving through rough neighborhoods. There weren't any out here. Everything was so serene and nice-seeming. This was great.

At least it had distracted him, just for a moment, from thinking about him.

'Shush, Renji. No more of this.'

Where was he? Where could he possibly have gone? Why had he left him? Renji didn't know, and he didn't allow himself to sink back down into the gloomy thoughts that had been haunting him for years, instead thinking of Ikkaku and how he had sounded less than thrilled to know that he was going to be working up at the 'night palace'.

Shade Manor was just one more place that Renji had yet to tackle. He'd made it through drug dens, prostitution rings, child molestation, arrests, dog fights, and rogue gunmen grabbing him in back alleys. He could totally handle a creepy house in a practically abandoned town. He needed to be here.

He needed to come to a place like this so that he could settle down for a while and stay out of trouble. He was so tired of being afraid, so tired of his heart jumping every time he saw a police car or someone standing menacingly on an opposite street corner. He was so tired of having to carry a knife with him everywhere, always walking with his hands in his pockets, head down, face hidden under a hoodie. He just wanted to be able to breathe, to think.

Ikkaku probably didn't know what he was talking about. Shade Manor could be nowhere near as bad as Khargal City. Renji had lost track of how many times he'd barely escaped with his life, and he understood how it may have become too much for his lover. It was too much for him too, and he was finally leaving it behind. He should have done this years ago; maybe if he had, he wouldn't have lost Kurosaki Ichigo.

Ikkaku probably thought that he was delirious from grief, maybe unable to handle coming out here and working for creepy strangers. Renji wasn't scared, just lonely. That was all.

He understood - looking around as he came closer and closer to the town limits - why Ikkaku seemed to like it so much here. Ikkaku had come here for the same reason he had: to escape his bad life.

The place was peaceful, maybe a bit drab, but peaceful all the same. Yumichika and his fiance had even decided to come live here, to take a break from their fast-paced life of fame and fortune. Life was slower, maybe repetitive and boring, but the people were wholesome, and violent crime was nonexistent. Security was what Renji needed right now.

He was actually looking forward to seeing the place, Shade Manor, up on its supposedly foreboding hill. He'd already been hired on for a trial period after a phone interview, and he supposed he just got to live in the house if he was a worker, so he had packed up all the shit he had in the world and carted it with him. It wasn't like it was a lot.

He was to be a non-descript groundskeeper, gardener, and a general repair-man, just another of the various servants and workers that were needed to keep the estate running. He had no idea how his workdays would be like or how his coworkers and boss would be, but he'd heard that a lot of infamous weirdos lived there.

Old houses, especially large ornate ones, fascinated him. He loved architecture and the layout of gardens and rooms. Sadly, there wasn't much greenery to be had back in the city. Somehow, he'd managed to get his degree after Ichigo had left him, knowing that it was what he would've wanted for him, to have a better life. Ichigo had been the one who had convinced him to go to college in the first place, and he'd been the reason he'd decided to pursue his dreams.

He had hoped that by the time he'd finished school, that he and Ichigo would be living together somewhere nice, maybe get married and have a cat or a kid.

Here he was now, finally with that degree he'd slaved over, but Ichigo was gone and his motivation had died. Ichigo would've been so proud of him, but he'd never know for sure now that he was gone. He was all alone, still trying to crawl his way out of the pit he'd been born in.

'Stop. Don't think of him. Just stop.'

He couldn't wait to see if the house was overrun or covered in ivy. It felt like being a kid pretending to be a treasure-hunter, but he didn't care. It would be fun to mill around and take care of a crumbling old home, turning the brambles into rose bushes, fixing up broken steps and tiles, cutting back weeds until things didn't look quite so gloomy and forgotten. If the place was a mansion like the name suggested, he assumed there was a huge garden and a lot of lawn space. Even though his real passion was working on cars - his degree had been for auto-body mechanics - he still was excited nonetheless.

He'd have time to himself, time to think, and most importantly, he'd just have time.

For a while Renji had thought that Ichigo had maybe died, gotten tangled up in all the shit he had gotten them into. Maybe Ichigo had been caught by a mob-boss and erased from existence. Maybe he was dead. Maybe he'd moved as far away from him as possible to leave all that darkness behind. Maybe their relationship hadn't been worth it to Ichigo anymore.

Maybe Ichigo had just stopped loving him.

'No. He loved me. He did. He had to have loved me. He said so.'

Renji rubbed a hand over his mouth, swallowing hard, not wanting to sink deep enough that he would cry. His heart could hardly take this, even though it should be used to the pain after so long. Fuck getting over Ichigo. He couldn't get over him, and he wouldn't. That kid was an asshole, a real jerk, but Renji had fallen so in love with him. If he couldn't have Ichigo then he'd rather be alone, even if it hurt like this for the rest of his days.

It was better to be in pain than to lose his heart all together. If his heart was hurting, then at least he knew that it was still there. That was the one thing that he wouldn't let this horrible world take.

As he thought of his lover again, his sweetheart who had left him without a trace, his baby who had gone up in smoke in the blink of an eye, he knew in the pit of his stomach that Kurosaki Ichigo had not died and was still out there waiting for him, if only he would think to look.


"Oh," Yumichika said with a little confused frown, as if he knew that he recognized Ikkaku and was searching for his name.

Ikkaku just stared back, a little subdued, smiling somewhat shyly at him and the beautiful glow that the guy had always had. Ayasegawa was a complete brat, but Ikkaku loved him, even after all this time.

"It's Ikkaku," Ikkaku said flatly, turning back to the bushes a little bitterly. Frick. His heart was pounding like crazy, he was so excited. Yumichika was on vacation here? Maybe he had moved here.

'Crap, act natural.'

Yumichika gave him a strange look, but then started grinning. Ikkaku scuffed his toe on the ground, scowling. "What, you don't remember me?"

Yumichika gave him an unimpressed look when he saw his dirty wheelbarrow and tools.

"Of course, how could I forget someone like you? Your name was just eluding me for a moment." With a sigh, Yumichika gestured to the cemetery and the crows landing all over the place. They had landed on Ikkaku while he worked more than once, but he didn't mind as long as they didn't bite.

"Scary looking things," Yumichika murmured at the sight of a particularly large bird. "And such ugly singing voices."

"They're not singin'. They're bitchin' to each other," Ikkaku answered back, trying to control the flutters in his stomach. Maybe along with this new start, he could be brave enough to ask Yumichika to come over, to eat lunch with him or something. They could be happy together, just maybe, even though there was no way he deserved someone so perfect and beautiful. Fuck his stupid soft heart. He'd forgotten that it was in there, but damn, it was still his weakness.

He was a screw-up. He was bad. He kept reminding himself of that and backed off of the idea of trying to get Yumichika involved with him. It was a bad idea. They could be friends, maybe, but Ikkaku knew that all he could bring Yumichika was misery. Ever since his luck had turned sour, so did everything he touched, almost like Midas. So as sad as it made him, he kept his feelings in, wanting so badly to just reach out and touch him, to make these feelings real.

He looked up into those beautiful purple eyes, those of which he had never seen an equal, and smiled a little, heart pulsating irregularly. Damn those stupid sparkly eyes of Yumichika's. Fuck them. What a jerk, making him blush like this.

"You're working too hard. No hurry, right?" Yumichika quipped, giving him a sunny grin that showed that Yumichika did remember him and had missed him. Ikkaku wondered how close by Yumichika lived and whether he'd be able to see him often.

"Heh'," Ikkaku laughed at the joke, "Yeah, they're not going anywhere, an' it's not like they can enjoy the view." He looked through the rusting iron bars at the familiar tombstones. He'd try to scrape off some of the mold and lichen later, make everything look a little fresher, just in case Yumichika ever stopped by to walk around with him, maybe catch up. He knew that Yumichika liked flowers. Maybe he should plant some more. "Haven't seen you in a while, whatcha' been up to?"

"Oh, You know. Acting, traveling, fooling around," he said with a little shrug, crawling his fingers up Ikkaku's stomach in some harmless flirtation. Oh, how Ikkaku loved that free tone of Yumichika's, so vibrant and inviting. It made Ikkaku want to touch him back, but he let Yumichika's advances warm him and nothing more.

Yumichika had a life and dreams, and Ikkaku was not going to risk wrecking that with his contagious bad luck... He was fooling himself. It wasn't just bad luck; he was a bad person, plain and simple. He got into horrible crap because he was a dumb idiot who couldn't control his temper. He would completely fuck up Yumichika's life.

Still, he had a bad feeling that his emotions were showing on his face. Fuck his stupid heart!

Ikkaku didn't scream, but only for the sake of being able to hear what Yumichika was saying.

"I've been gathering fame and along with that, I find that I seem to be losing time for myself, so I decided to come to a place where time stands still. My career will have to wait for a little while. I have more important things to take care of at the moment. There's so much more life I still have to live." Ikkaku shrugged, not mentioning the fact that he avidly followed Yumichika's film career. "How about you?"

"Gettin' my act together. Doin' shit."

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear it…" Yumichika looked at him, side-slitting his eyes at the graveyard. "Don't tell me you…"

"Yep, I do." Ikkaku nodded, confirming that he was indeed a grave-digger.

"Hm, how morbid. I suppose it's better than before, though," he commented on Ikkaku's past life. Ikkaku cringed a little, rubbing the back of his neck. At least Yumichika sounded pleased that he was finally doing something that would help his life rather than hurt it.

"What are you doing out here anyway?" he asked in interest, hoping he could gauge a little bit more about Yumichika, maybe find out his address.

"Oh, I've been thinking of settling down here, you know, taking a break from my beautiful life."

"Is gathering fame more exhausting than it looks?"

Yumichika rolled his eyes, leaning in and swatting his arm. "You have no idea." Ikkaku laughed, smile lingering a little as he looked back at that beautiful face. The flirtation gave him hope that maybe he could become someone better, that he could become a good man and make Yumichika happy, that he could be good enough for him, good enough to treat him right.

"It's all worth it though. I'm living out my dreams. Everything's just beautiful."

Things didn't seem quite so gloomy or bleak anymore; Ikkaku was excited to know that Yumichika was living here and intended to stay from the sounds of it. Ikkaku's life was finally going in a direction he liked.

"Anyways, I was going to ask you, do you know the way to the post office? I have a letter to mail to my fiance's parents." Ikkaku's heart immediately dropped, disappointment taking him over like a tidal wave.

"Ah… yeah, it's that way," he pointed vaguely. "Take Clinton and follow it until you hit the library, and then turn right." Yumichika thanked him, pecked him on the cheek, and pranced off, probably the only glimmer of color and vibrancy in this entire town. He had been Ikkaku's tiny fragment of light, his little chance for hope, for finally having happiness with no guilt or fear, and it had gone out like a candle.

'There goes my heart… Who needs that stupid thing anyways...'

Ikkaku sighed in disappointment, kicking the fence, feeling a little better when it rattled in protest, scaring away a few of the Morrigan's buddies in a big cloud of cawing and greasy feathers. Fuck. Was the universe punishing him some more?

He'd met up with his high school crush, and then found out that he was getting married, probably to some rich handsome guy. Of all the horrible luck… Well, it wasn't as if he didn't deserve this. He'd done a lot of wrong, and he did sort of deserve for karma to come back to bite him. Still, it hurt like a bitch.

He shrugged, getting on with his day. It wasn't as if he couldn't see Yumichika anymore or something; he just didn't have any sort of chance to get together with him, and it wasn't like he'd ever had one in the first place. He shouldn't be selfish about sharing something that had never been his. Whoever Yumichika was going to settle down for must be amazing, and he couldn't compete with that in a million years. Besides, he wasn't one of those dudes who got all butthurt about that imaginary 'friend-zone'. Yumichika's friendship was just as valuable to Ikkaku as his kisses.

Ikkaku didn't realize that he had given Yumichika false directions until later that day, when he was dragging all his equipment back into the shed, locking it for the evening. He realized that the post office was on Fleet Street and was not in the direction he'd pointed Yumichika in. The sun had gone down, and the town was quieter than was normal, even though the place was always pretty peaceful; Even the crows and crickets were silent now, which was odd.

He'd gotten mixed up and had given Yumichika wrong directions. Another screw-up to add to the list. Oh well. He hoped that Yumichika wasn't upset about it and had found his way to the post office anyways. Ikkaku hadn't done that on purpose, after all. It wasn't that big of a deal. The town was small. Yumichika would find it eventually. He'd apologize the next time he saw him.

Ikkaku made his usual rounds back through the funeral home, seeing that the director had gone home long ago. He checked that everything was locked up, shook awake the assistant mortician and the receptionist, and then he went back to his tiny little apartment, crappy carpeting, rickety fire escape, creaky floorboards and all.

He read it the next morning when he got his newspaper out of his mail-cubby.

Because of his new profession, his eyes usually darted towards more morbid articles, and this one seemed no different than the rest at first. 'Head-on collision occurrence, civilian fatality, corner of Clinton and Stonewall, 3:26 pm, September 12, 20-.'

That was when he saw Yumichika's name.

He was reading an obituary.


And if you get to heaven
I'll be here waiting, babe
Did you get what you deserve?