Marry me melody here with my first story, I have to admit the fact i love fanfiction and am writing it is kind of embarassing..So if you ever meet me, well i didn't write this. ENJOY XD
Does he always have to make me feel like this? Does he intend to corrupt, and taint my heart? I don't want to be jealous. I don't want to be upset. I don't want to be crying behind a bush right now. I want to go back to how it was before I loved Inuyasha. When everything was simple. It was just school, and my friends. Stop lying to yourself Kagome. You know you would never want that. It may be more painful this way, but you'd rather die than think of never meeting Inuyasha.
Here I am talking to myself in my head. I've hit rock bottom, and someones clearly trying to bury me down here.
The tears kept streaming out of my eyes. I usually would run home, and down the well except, I don't even know how to get home from here. The only good thing I could think of is maybe that Inuyasha hasn't found me yet.
I know hes aware I saw him and Kikyo. Its not as if it's not something i've seen before countless times. Inuyasha always chases after Kikyo. I just happen to stumble upon it in the wrong moment. Like seeing Inuyasha holding Kikyo so intimately.
Kikyo may look like me except she is a billion times more lovely. Even if shes just a shadow of the woman she once been. Inuyasha and Kikyo were perfect together, no matter how painful it was to admit it.
I'm strong about this. I've always been aware I'll never be number one in his heart. The first time I saw Inuyasha kissing kikyo I was aware of this. When I heard him speak of her with so much love. Declaring he still was in love with her.,but after all we've been through.. I almost thought maybe, maybe someday. I'll be number one.
That maybe he sees me as something other than a jewel detector, or just a replacement kikyo. That he seems me for who I am..Kagome.
"I'm such a fool" I sobbed and pulled my legs up to my forehead hiding my tears. Who am I kidding? I don't mean anything to him.
"Kagome?" a voice asked, familiar and rough. Alas it wasn't inuyasha.
"What do you want Koga?" I asked my voice hoarse and muffled.
Koga didn't say anything, but instead leaned down beside me and put a hand on my shoulder and rubbed my back in a soothing fashion.
"Whats wrong Kagome?" he asks in a gentle voice
I didn't reply. Honestly I didn't really have anything to say. Going over the details would be painful. I'd rather not think about this right now. I just shook my head
"Is it that mutt inutrasha? He hurt you didn't he! I'm going to kill him!"
"No.." I croaked trailing off
"It was the mutt wasn't it? Kagome..He hurt you really bad didn't you..You want to talk about it?" Koga says taking a hand and pulling my chin up to look at him in the eyes. Tears swelling in my eyes. We gazed at each other for a moment.
I thought about it. I mean i do like Koga..Somewhat I'm very flattered by him. Inuyasha doesn't care about me anyway. If he can run around with Kikyo I should be free to do whatever I want right?
I broke eye contact and looked at the floor. My heart ached even from saying his name in my mind. It hurt so bad. It felt like someone was rubbing salt and shoving rusty pointy sharp pieces of metal into a blood filled heart.
If you can understand what that feels like.
"Forget about inu-him." Koga said to me.
"Its just you and i here. All alone" he pulled my face up so I gazed at him again. He gave me one short look. He hesitated for a second. His hands tracing my delicate skin. He was very warm.
Sometimes I forget Kogas full demon hes so comfortable to be around. Its funny to think how he scared me at first. Koga leaned in more, but I was uncertain. Half of my mind screaming get out and stop this. The other half wanting to do this to get back at Inuyasha. Well its not like hes watching. What do I have to lose?
Koga apparently wasn't going to let me decide whether I wanted to kiss him or not. He forced his lips against mine anyway. I joined him in the kiss, kissing him back and enjoying it. Suddenly I heard a tree snap and fall.
"Get out of here you mutt face! Stop spying on me!"Koga yelled at Inuyasha who appeared from behind the halfway broken tree.
"I WASN'T SPYING ON YOU!" Inuyasha yelled back and took his sword out
"Get out of the way Kagome. I'm going to kill this rapist once and for all!" Inuyasha says beaming red and angry at koga.
"Wait, no Inuyasha! Koga! Don't fight!" i jumped in the middle. Look what i've caused. He was spying on us? Maybe he..No. I think he just feels like he owns me because I look like Kikyo and can see jewel shards. We'll he'll have to get over that.. He doesn't own me!
"Don't tell me your defending him again! He was forcing himself on you!" Inuyasha stared at me with a mixed of betrayal/anxiety/hurt.
"Inuyasha, have you ever thought maybe I wanted him to kiss me? I like attention from guys to you know. Kogas a nice guy. I don't see why it should or would concern you. Considering all the fun you have with KIKYO today" I said Kikyos name with a little extra venom.
"Koga at least sees me as Kagome, Koga at least cares about only me! You know! Forget you Inuyasha! FORGET IT ALL! FIND A NEW JEWEL DETACTER. I'M GOING HOME!"
I storm angrily off not before sitting him a bunch of l times and running to search for the well. At least Koga would be pleased with this day.
What did I just do? I don't even like Koga that much. I just..wanted to get back at Inuyasha didn't I? Forget it all. Tears threatened to stream angrly my eyes again while I jumped through the magical well back to my era.
Maybe Inuyasha will come back for me. I'm sure he will eventually. I just need some time to cool off and think about somethings. It'd be nice if this got him thinking too. It'd be nice if he decided to choose me over Kikyo. How I wish..
When I woke up the next day I was still in my clothes from yesterday. I can't imagine I smell very good right now. My hair was in a total mess. When I looked in the mirror I had slight dark circles under my eyes. I spent half of the night crying. Some of the night sleeping. I didn't have any dreams I could remember. I got a little less depressed when I remembered that this place had a shower. A real shower. A real bathtub. Yes..this will be relaxing.
I glanced around my room. My window was open. Silly me, I must of left it open before I went to sleep. I got up and swiftly shut it.
I headed for the bathroom. Nobody was in there as of right now. I tip toed in, and shut the door behind me locking it. Last thing I need is someone walking in on me.
I didn't want to look in the mirror. So I just ran the bathwaterm and stared at the tub as it filled up with gushes of water flowing from the fosset. I turned it off when it filled up all the way.
I stripped quickly, leaving the clothes on the floor, and pulled my hair up in a hair binder. I put my body into the water one limb at a time until eventually falling into the whole tub.
I closed my eyes, and tried to go to sleep and not think of what happen last night. But everytime I closed my eyes inuyashas face stared at me. Inuyashas so handsome...
Whoa, did I really just think that? No way, I didn't.
I hate Inuyasha.
I wish I could totally hate him. He makes my heart physcially hurt. It drags heavily on my chest like its going to fall into my stomach acid and get burned alive. I wish my heart would just fall in and die so I don't have to worry about feeling it sometimes.
Inuyasha truly was a dog. I could feed him and take care of him. He would be stupid enough to treat me as if he was all mine. But as soon as his first owner shows up suddenly I don't exist.
Loyal and stupid, is what Inuyasha is.
Even after betrayl and being seprated by death and a 50 year sleep. They would never forget each other. If it wasn't for what happen Kikyo and Inuyasha would have grown old together. Inuyasha was going to become human for Kikyo. The jewel would have been destroyed, and I would be a typical middle school girl. There wouldnt be anything extraordinary about my story at all.
If it wasn't for evil I wouldn't of even met Inuyasha..
If things went how they were suppose too. I wouldn't be in love with Inuyasha right now.
A couple days pass. Inuyasha still hasn't come to see me. I went to school desprately trying to catch up, but I couldn't even think about math right now. I didn't really care about what my friends were talking about. To tell the truth i've been thinking about Inuyasha the entire time.
I bet Inuyasha barely thinks about me. I know he still thinks about Kikyo all the time. It sickens me but its true. He even makes a sort of dreamy serious face when he thinks about her.
Hell i'm probably making the same face right now.
I felt my fist tighten automatically clutching onto my skirt. I put my head down. I feel tears coming on..
"Kagome? Kagome!" One of my friends said to me in this fast food place we were hanging out at.
"Huh?" I replied hazily
"I said do you want to split some frys?" She replied
"Sure, I guess." I said giving a half hearted smile. Well I better fake it to make it.
Later
I came home too tired to do any more homework. I told mom I wanted to skip dinner, than i went straight to my room to take a nap.
When I got in my room I was hazy. I avoided processing anything, and went straight to the unconscious state of mind.
I fell into mountains of mattresses comforters and pillows. I closed my eyes and let myself drift asleep.
One nap later
I woke up, and saw two gold eyes staring down at me. I couldn't exactly process what was going on at the moment so I just stared at them. They were pretty...and..inhuman.
Suddenly my brain started working again.
"INUYASHA!" I jumped up in a rage.
"SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT. SIT SIT." I kept saying as Inuyashas body slammed into my floor.
"KAGOME-OUCH-I-OUCH-TALK-STOPP!" Inuyasha said inbetween my sits.
Fine. I'll give you a chance to talk and explain. If you're going to be like that Inuyasha. I'll give him one chance. I stopped yelling.
"Okay fine. What." I crossed my arms waiting for him to talk.
"Now before you go all crazy with the sits again hear me out. I came back to say i'm sorry for yelling at you about Koga and that you need to come back so we can find the jewel shards." Inuyasha explained.
I stared at him. Should I just forgive him and come back? Hes going to run off with Kikyo again. Hes just going to keep hurting me. But I don't want to not see the others again. I love them, and I need them. I was torn. I'm at a rock and a hard place.
He stared back waiting for a reply
"Inuyasha..Its not even about that..Koga..this isnt about Koga.." I said sitting on the bed and hiding beneath my bangs
Inuyasha sat next to me.
"Why are you so mad than?" Inuyasha asked softly
"Inuyasha..Its..its nothing..forget it. Lets just go back to the others." I said trying to fake a smile and pretend to be normal. By Inuyashas expression he was not buying it.
"No Kagome, Tell me whats really wrong" Inuyasha persisted oddly caring
"Inuyasha I told you to drop it okay." I said in a cold voice.
"No Kagome..i don't understand. Why are you so upset?"
I bit my lip. What was I suppose to say? I couldn't tell if I wanted to cry or yell at him. How could he not even understand whats wrong. I stayed silent
"Kagome.."
I understand, Inuyashas still in love with Kikyo and all I want is for him to be happy.
"Inuyasha why did you get so jealous when Koga gives me attention?" I asked out of the blue.
"Uh.. I don't know what your talking about?" Inuyasha answered stubbornly.
"Yes you do. Inuyasha, don't lie" I replied with a sad smile.
"Okay..what does that have to do with.." Inuyasha trailed off and I put a finger over his mouth to hus him up.
"Inuyasha, You know how you feel when you see me with Koga? Well pretend you knew I was, or at least use to be madly in love with Koga when you saw us kissing. Pretend that when I met you, I just used you as a replacement Koga. You know all this, but you decide to stay with me anyway. Because you want to be with me, and see me happy. If you knew the entire time, I was always thinking about Koga...always running off to be with Koga...always choosing Koga over you..How would you feel?"
Inuyasha stayed silent. A look in his eyes of mixed pity and regret and sadness. I just stared at him with a knowing smile.
"It's okay..Inuyasha. I really don't mind. Sometimes I just..i don't know what gets over me" I laughed half hearted. Squeezing my eyes shut to block the tears from escaping again.
"Kagome.." Inuyasha places a hand on my shoulder
"It's not how you think..i promise its not. I care about you..Kagome..Kikyo..she isnt even real anymore.." Inuyasha said to me softly.
"But you still love her" My voice was barely above a whisper
"I love y-"
Suddenly my mom opens the door causing me and Inuyasha to both jump
"KAGOME I-oh! Inuyasha! I'm sorry! Am I interupting? Inuyasha do you want me to make you some Ramen?" My mom said,. I laughed.
"Yes!" Inuyasha loves Ramen so much
"Okay. I'll be right back!" My mom said cheerfully shutting the door, and leaving us alone again. Inuyasha looked bak at me trying to get serious again
"But Kagome..i was saying I.." Inuyasha looked at the floor
"Its ok Inuyasha!" I said smiling
"Lets just go, i'll pack and than we can go back to searching for the jewel shards. I'll pack extra ninja food for you?" I said cheerfully
"Okay..sounds good..thank you..Kagome."
"No problem" I nodded.
Everything was back to normal.
