November 16th 1983
I went to Missouri today and learned the truth. And from her, I met Fletcher Gable, who gave me this book and said: "Write everything down." That's what Fletcher told me, like this new life is a school and I'll flunk out if I don't have good notes. Only if I flunk out of this school, I'll be dead. And the boys will be orphans. So I'm going to go back to where this started.
Two weeks ago my wife was murdered. I watched her die, pinned to the ceiling of Sammy's room, blood dripping onto his cradle until she burst into flames-looking at me as she died. The week before that we we're a normal family...eating dinner, going to Dean's T-ball game, buying toys for baby Sammy. But in an instant it all changed... when I try to think back, get it straight in my head... I feel like I'm going crazy. Like someone ripped both my arms off, plucked my eyes out... I'm wandering around alone and lost and I can't do anything.
Mary used to write books like this one. Said it helped her remember all the little things, about the boys, about me... I wish I could read her journals, but like everything else, they're gone. Burned into nothing. She always wanted me to try writing things down. Maybe she was right, maybe it will help me to remember, to understand. Fletcher seems to think so.
Nothing makes sense anymore... My wife is gone, my sons are without their mother... the things I saw that night, I remember hearing Mary scream, and I ran, but then... everything was calm, just for a second- Sammy was fine- and I was sure I had been hearing things- too many horror movies too late at night. But then there was the blood, and when I looked up...my wife.
Half our house is gone, even though the fire burned for only a few hours. Most of our clothes and photos are ruined, even the safe- the safe with Mary's old diaries, the passbooks for the boys' college accounts, what little jewelry we had... all gone. How could my house, my whole life, go up like that, so fast, so hot? How could my wife just burn up and disappear? I want my wife back. Oh god I want her back.
I thought at first we would stay. Mike and Katie helped me take care of the boys at first, and Julie's been great too, but I tried to tell them- tell Mike- what I think happened that night. He just looked at me, this look...like he's sure I'm crazy. He must have told Katie something too. Out of nowhere she said the next morning, I should think about seeing a shrink. How can I talk to a stranger about this? I never saw a shrink for everything I went through in the Marines and I got through that. My friends think I'm going insane. Maybe I am...
John Winchester's Journal by Alex Irvine
Taken verbatim from the book. None of this mine...but it sure is invaluable and fantastic info for writing.
