a collection of parody songfics
by Sarah the Boring
Final Fantasy, names, characters, et cetera copyright Square Soft, Inc. Songs copyright their original authors. Parodies property of the author.
Contents:
1. Time Compression
2. Instructor Trepe
3. Fall Asleep and Dream You're Me
4. (We All Look Like) Freshmen
5. Selphie
6. My Rinoa
More songs will probably follow, so keep an eye out for updates. :)
SPOILER WARNING, beep beep beep... SPOILER WARNING...
1. "Time Compression" ("Time Warp", from Rocky Horror Picture Show)
Squall:
We were fighting
That chick Adel
Then she
Took control
She mutated
Rinoa:
Into Ultimecia
Squall:
Now they're
On a roll
She began the
Time compression
Mixing
Lives in a whirl
Now we're endlessly falling
And the party is calling:
All:
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
Dr. Odine:
Vell, ze past becomes now
All:
And the future is pa-a-ast
Dr. Odine:
It's ze sorceress trick
All:
And it's gotten old fa-ast!
Because it's way too confusing
The way it plays with your brai-yai-yain!
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
Rinoa:
They all blamed me
'Cause Ulty became me
It's not the same, see
I'm not the one
I spent half the time sleeping
And the other half weeping
With compression,
It's all done
Squall:
Now, you may be a whiner
Rinoa:
And your dad may be finer
Squall:
But together, we'll dominate the game
Rinoa:
Because I taught you dancing
Squall:
And you learned necromanciiiiing...
All:
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
Selphie:
Well I was running down the hall
Trying to find my class
I ran into this guy
With the cutest ass!
He knocked me over, but it wasn't bad
He had a cool gunblade and an awesome dad!
I tagged along and we had a blast
But that's all future--or is it past?
All:
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
Dr. Odine:
Vell, ze past becomes now
All:
And the future is pa-a-ast
Dr. Odine:
It's ze sorceress trick
All:
And it's gotten old fa-ast!
Because it's way too confusing
The way it plays with your brai-yai-yain!
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
2. "Instructor Trepe" ("Mrs. Robinson", Simon & Garfunkel)
(The Trepies' Song)
And here's to you, fair Instructor Trepe
Why you end up single, we don't know
Whoa whoa whoa
Our favorite SeeD, dear Instructor Trepe
The Trepies gather, more and more each day
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
We wish we knew just what it was that makes our Quistis cool
We wish we knew to try it out ourselves
With her brains and attitude, enforcing all the rules
And let's not forget her taste in weaponry
And here's to you, fair Instructor Trepe
Why you end up single, we don't know
Whoa whoa whoa
Our favorite SeeD, dear Instructor Trepe
The Trepies gather, more and more each day
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Visiting the infirmary to pick up no-good Squall
We know you can get better boyfriends...
Between the fan club and the eligible SeeDs
Tripping over themselves just to get to you
Good luck to you, our Instructor Trepe
Why you end up single, we don't know
Whoa whoa whoa
Our favorite SeeD, dear Instructor Trepe
The Trepies gather, more and more each day
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Going on adventures, it's a life we'd like to know
Instead of being stuck back here in school
Exploring continents and Triple Triad rules
All of us still dream we'll go with you
And when you're gone, leaving us behind
The Trepies hang around and wonder why
My my my
He'd best beware, Mr. Leonhart
If Quistis isn't safe, neither is he
Hee hee hee
Hee hee hee
3. "Fall Asleep and Dream You're Me" ("Dream a Little Dream of Me", the Mamas and the Papas)
(Laguna's Song)
You're comfy with your angst thing
Unsuspecting of your old psychic sibling
Someday you'll get a shock, just you see
Fall asleep and dream you're me
Jump into my lost romance
Yeah, watch me fail as I bungle my chance
But if I'd won, then you wouldn't be
Fall asleep and dream you're me
You tease me, and say I'm a moron
You try to resist
My faeries, while you and yours snore on
Remember this:
It's all this stuff that made you
My doofusness and all my mistakes too
So, take the chance and learn this from me
Fall asleep and dream you're me
You watch as your dad finally gets some
An Oedipal thing
You mocked from the future at random
Now hear me si-ing:
Admit it, I just helped you
Your psyche and the Lunatic P. too
So, stop your whining, and thankfully
Fall asleep and dream you're me
4. "(We All Look Like) Freshmen" ("The Freshmen", Verve Pipe)
(This song has already ticked off some beta-readers. If you're not secure in your FF8 fandom and/or can't take criticism, it might be wise to pass this one up. ^_^; Thanks.)
Our leader's sunk in his endless angst
And his girlfriend owes it to him that she's still alive
Now we're banded together and we're saving the world
Despite the simple fact that we can barely drive, now
Suspension of your disbelief
A demographic nightmare
Adventures of the adolescent
But then, most players don't care
In our stilted game
It's our only subtext
That maturity's for nerds
And to speak in single words In reality
We'd be on WB
Never age, till the end
We all look like freshmen
They make Quistis the Mrs. Robinson at eighteen
Laguna's called "the old guy" when he's 29
And now some critics are saying, all this kid stuff's a bore
Forget the drama queens and all their neverending whine, they say
Suspension of your disbelief
A demographic nightmare
Adventures of the adolescent
But then, most players don't care
In our stilted game
It's our only subtext
That maturity's for nerds
And to speak in single words
In reality
We'd be on WB
Never age, till the end
We all look like freshmen
Hey yeah...
Although you may think that we're all wunderkind
It only gets worse from here in the ninth game
'Cause they've abandoned all hope of a story that holds
And pinned all their hopes on the twelve-year-old market, hey
Suspension of your disbelief
A demographic nightmare
Adventures of the preteen
But the players just don't care
In our stilted game
It's our only subtext
That maturity's for nerds
And to speak in single words
In reality
We'd be on WB
Never age, till the end
We all look like freshmen
In our stilted game
It's our only subtext
That maturity's for nerds
And to speak in single words
In reality
We'd be on WB
Never age, till the end
We all look like freshmen
We all look like freshmen
Your heroes all are freshmen...
5. "Selphie" ("Seether", Veruca Salt)
Selphie is perky all the time
Selphie is chirpy in every line
She has a very active bloodlust
She has the shortest skirt
She's usually first to hit the dirt, yeah
Can't stand that Selphie
Can't stand that Selphie
Can't stand that Selphie
It's not healthy but
I keep her for The End
Selphie is making fanboys cry
Selphie is hooked on yellow dye
She has Galbadia's favorite playboy
She has unlikely hair
She's in the game for her underwear, yeah
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie...
It's not healthy but
I keep her for The End
Watch this twerp
Bouncing along
Hear her chirp
With her ditzy train song
Now she may know how to play guitar
But she has bats in her belfry
In the fight she's useless, and by far
She's the new Cait Sith, it's
Selphie!
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie...
It's not healthy but
I keep her for The End
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie...
It's not healthy but
I keep her for The End
Yeah.
6. "My Rinoa" ("My Sharona", the Knack)
Ooh remember at the dance, at the dance
When you told me that I was fiiine, Rinoa
Ooh I thought I had a chance, I had a chance
When you pretended that you were miiine, Rinoa
Now you won't give up, always there
Always on my tail
Always needin' help
As we're hot on the sorceress' trail
My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-m-m-my Rinoa
Jumped in with your rebel friends
And killer dog
Had us try to hijack a train, Rinoa
And although I love ya hon, I love ya hon
Entering all those codes was a pain, Rinoa
Now you won't give up, always there
Always on my tail
Always needin' help
As we're hot on the sorceress' trail
My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-m-m-my Rinoa
M-m-m-my Rinoa, yeah!
(solo)
And when Ulty did her thing, she did her thing
Got her ugly claws in your miiiind, Rinoa
Yeah, you know you'd count on me, you'd count on me
'Cause even when it's evil, love's bliiind, Rinoa
Now you won't give up, always there
Always on my tail
Always needin' help
As we're hot on the sorceress' trail
My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-m-m-my Rinoa
M-m-m-my Rinoa
M-m-m-my Rinoa
M-m-m-my Rinoa
(big guitar solo)
Oooooooooooohwhoooooa, my Rinoa!
Oooooooooooohwhoooooa, my Rinoa!
Oooooooooooohwhoooooa, my Rinoa!
Notes:
"FF8 The Musical" is actually a spinoff of a spinoff, being inspired as it was by "FF7 The Musical", inspired in turn by "The MSTing of FFVII". Ideas for this one came more slowly, but some of them are worth reading. ;)
1. "Time Compression" Somewhat problematic, at first. The song was an obvious choice, though, between the "time warp" chorus, the deadpan, Squallike first verse, and the chirpy, Selphielike last verse. It would probably work a lot better as a visual joke, but I don't exactly have that kind of talent. For some reason, I like Selphie's part best out of this song--I guess Selphie just works well in parodies? ;)
2. "Instructor Trepe" This one was actually a bit frustrating, because most of the song doesn't rhyme. The original doesn't rhyme either, but it still makes the parody look a bit shoddy. :/ At any rate, I knew I had to do a Quistis song of some type; the inspiration to use this song came from the "Dream A Little Dream" song, already written at that point, and from hearing "Mrs. Robinson" on the bus one day--the phrase "And here's to you, dear Instructor Trepe" clicked into my head, and the rest followed from that.
3. "Fall Asleep and Dream You're Me" Like the "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" parody in the FF7 batch, I put this one in knowing that nobody's gonna know the original. But, also like "Maxwell's", the conversion was just too easy. This one screams for an audio version, because half of the fun is the swoony, torch-song sound, but it turned out kind of cute as it is.
4. "(We All Look Like) Freshmen" All right, so it's a bit mean... In my original notes of what to skewer, one of the first ideas was that all the principals in FF8 look like refugees from a teen drama, รก la "Party of Five" or "Dawson's Creek". Stumbling across "The Freshmen" (a very serious song, actually), I'd found a match of subject to song. And that, as they say, was that.
5. "Selphie" First off, I don't hate Selphie--I just know that there is strong anti-Selphie sentiment out there, and this song reflects it. It was incredibly quick to write; I think I had this whole thing dreamed up, written, checked, and posted on a message board within 2 hours. The hardest part was thinking of rhymes for "Selphie" (the song's structure has the first two lines of each verse internally rhyming, "Seether is neither big nor small...") but I abandoned that eventually and just rhymed the ends of the lines. The other weird thing about this song is that the bridge sounds better if "Cait Sith" is pronounced the original way, as "Cat-Shee". Anyhow, so far this is my favorite of the FF8 songs. The song's sound fits Selphie well, and I think her colorful character simply makes for good comedy. ;)
6. "My Rinoa" I couldn't not do this song. The name just fit too well. This wasn't my favorite one of these, but it tends to be everyone else's favorite, so it went last. :) It was from this song that I realized that the FF8 songs, with the exception of "Freshmen", are mild compared to the FF7 songs; I suspect it's because I like FF7 better and feel more comfortable in mocking it. When I mock a game I don't like all that much, it just sounds evil. At any rate, this song turned out a bit repetitive yet fun (like the original, actually).
Thanks for reading, everybody!
