He tastes like cigarettes and bad decisions, but she keeps kissing him anyway.
It's not because she likes it or she even likes him, but he reminds her of Cam. If he wore a red hoodie and a sad smile he could pass if she squinted really hard and didn't think. He's not gentle like Cam and his hands are rough and sloppy and, wait no, Cam had never touched her there. She's drunk and empty and she wants this to fill her up and make her whole again, but it won't and she knows that. She lets him undress her anyway.
His wet, hurried kisses move all over her body, leaving a glistening trail over her skin. It almost glows in the moonlight pouring in from the window and, for a moment she comes to her senses and starts to say no, but a flash of soft, brown eyes and a brilliant smile forms behind her eyelids so she doesn't. He kisses and touches all the right places. Her body reacts the way it should, but her mind doesn't.
She knows she shouldn't be here with him. Not this boy who's name she can't remember in this place she doesn't know, but she doesn't stop him because it almost feels good and she hasn't felt good in a long time.
He asks her if she's ready.
She's not.
She lets him inside her anyway.
He grunts and moans and she grunts and moans in response. Not because she likes it or him, but because she thinks it's what she's supposed to do. It hurts at first, but she starts to feel something hot building up in the pit of her stomach. She bites her lip in anticipation.
Then it's over and she feels even emptier than before.
This isn't what she wanted. He isn't what she wanted, but what, who, she wanted is gone.
Forever.
Because she wasn't enough and she couldn't help him.
He tries to kiss her, but she turns her head away. When she asks him to leave he doesn't argue, just shakes his head with a mumbled "Whatever."
He doesn't even bother to close the door behind him.
She can feel and hear the music from the party pulsing and throbbing and her heart pulses and throbs with it.
She misses him.
She misses him a lot.
