Chapter 1:

I think the reason why I don't believe in love right now is because I have seen people get hurt. I have not actually experienced it, but I see how painful it gets with other people. Of course I plan to marry one day. When I am older. Just not right now in my 4th and last year of high school.

"Bella!" I heard my friend Alice shriek to me. I turned around and smiled while she gave me a hug.

"Hey," I said.

"I need advice!" Alice told me. I sighed. For some reason everyone comes to me for advice when I have had the least experience. I am seriously begining to think that they think I am God or something. I laughed silently and shook myself out of it to hear what Alice had to say. I looked at her telling her to go on.

"Okay, it's about Jasper," she gushed. I internally cringed. Jasper is her boyfriend basically. They are not offical...yet. Jasper has already cheated on her once and I had to deal with her crying all day. Not that I mind caring for my friends, but when it is about boys...I think they are idiots to consider dating right now. I know it would be nice to have a boyfriend, and I have had one before, but now, after what happened with Edward...I don't know.

Edward totally screwed me over in the summer. I liked him a lot and told him my feelings once we got close and he played along with it. And once he was tired of being flirty with me...he insults me. Calling me a whore, slut, bitch, fatass, you name it and I bet he said it. Only Alice and Rose knew about this and I would like to keep it that way. I was already humiliated enough. Now I hate him. He is my absolute worst enemy. I normally don't use the word hate...but that is the only strong word I got to describe how I feel about Edward Cullen. I hate him.

Shaking out of my trance I looked at Alice, still waiting for her to go on.

"Anyways. He held my hand all day and it was so sweet. And then he told me that he was waiting to ask me when I could be his girlfriend and telling me that we will never be apart," she gushed on and on and on. I gagged. Okay, this girl needs a reality check on boys. I won't tell her becaue I love her and that would be harsh, but I hope she finds out somehow..

When she was about to finish I listened in to see what advice she wanted.

"So anyway, he wants to know if I can go to his football banquet with him tonight. Should I go?" she asked and I pondered. I wanted to tell her to guard herself more, but she will find out one way or another..

"If you want to. Just be careful," I said with a double meaning. She eyed me curiously for a moment and then let it go. She perked up and ran off the moment she saw him. I shook my head and then spotted Rose holding hands with her boyfriend Emmett. I approved of her boyfriend because he is my own brother. I know he wouldn't pull stupid stuff like Jasper would.

"Hey," I said to both of them and gave them hugs.

"Are you coming to my football banquet sis?" Emmett asked me. I thought about it. I knew it would mean a lot to him if I went and plus I could be there for moral support for Alice. But then Edward would be there...probably judging me with his friends.

"Sure," I said. He boomed and then we all headed off into different directions when the bell rang.

After first hour Geometry I headed towards my locker to drop off my book. We only had 4 class hours a day. Each 90 minutes long and then had lunch for 30 minutes and 7 minutes between classes. English was next.

I watched Edward pass by and he glanced in my direction and then we looked away. Jerk. Rose met up with me since we have this class together. I smiled and said bye to Emmett as the warning bell rang. My phone buzzed so I pulled it out to look at it.

We need to talk some serious sense into that girl -R

I sniffled a giggle. She was talking about Alice.

Well I think we should just let it play out. Want to come over after school? -B

I looked at her and she looked up after reading my text and nodded.

Alice as well? -B

I texted her again just to see. She nodded and sent me another text.

Yeah..we will just get ready for the banquet at your house. You know he will be there right? -R

I made a disgusted face at her and nodded. She laughed and the teacher glared. We snickered and went back to reading.

"Miss Swan I believe that this is the second time you have interupted my class. I need a word after class," the teacher told me and I nodded and frowned. How do I get in trouble but Rose doesn't? Life isn't fair.

Since the teacher is our school football team's coach, he told me it was my job to help clean up after the banquet because he knew I was there to support Emmett who would be there. I was pissed. But I won't show my emotion just yet. My day isn't completely ruined, right?

After English was lunch. I went over to my locker to put my books away and grab my lunch. When I got there I got Alice's and Rose's attention.

"My house after school?" I said and they nodded and went back to eating and talking to their lovers. I rolled my eyes and went back to eating.

4th hour went by fast. All we had to do in History is stupid worksheets. Then it was science. The class period I hated the most...the one I had with Edward. I just did what I do everyday, walk in and go to my seat. Stay quiet, and walk out.

Since Emmett drove we all piled into his jeep.

When we got to my house we got snacks and went up to my room where it was private. No boys are allowed so I kicked Em to the curb. Rose seemed to enjoy that as well.

"Okay, so last night when Jasper and I were, you know, getting it on," Alice started and I froze. I thought she was a virgin.

"Your having sex with him?" I whisper yelled while interupting her. Her face turned red as she nodded.

"Everyone does it...not like it is a secret or anything," she murmured and I almost spit out my soda. Was I the only virgin in the room? From the looks of it...yup. I felt even more insignificant.

"Thanks for filling me in," I muttered.

"Sorry...I thought you knew," Alice said apologetically. I just shook my head.

"It's okay. So I am the only one who hasn't gone all the way?" I asked and their expressions turned to shock.

"Looks like it," Rose murmured low. Almost to the point where I couldn't hear it. "It isn't like there is anything bad about it," Rose went on.

"Just harmless sex...if you are protected," Alice finished for her.

"Nothing bad about it? How about the part where you basically gave yourself away?" I said and they shurgged it off.

"Look, you either do it or don't. It doesn't really matter all that much. I mean it is good," Rose said and blushed. Alice nodded in agreement. I sighed.

"There are other virgins out there...don't beat yourself up," Alice said and I laughed lightly and shrugged it off to change the subject.

"So I won't be home till late. Remember me having to stay after in English?" I asked Rose and she nodded, both looking at me with curious eyes. "Well I have to stay after to clean as my punishment. Yay," I said and they laughed and I hit them to shut them up.

We all got dressed in semi formal wear and met Emmett and Jasper down stairs.

"Ready?" Emmett asked, holding both of his arms out for both Rose and I. I giggled and nodded my head.

Em escorted us in and then I wandered off on my own. I spotted Edward and Mike getting into an argument. Probably over some tramp they both want. I rolled my eyes and went to use the restroom.

Not 3 minutes later and Mr. Varner or Coach was pulling them apart while I walked out of the restroom and back to my friends. They would probably have to do laps as punishment. I shook the thought away and put myself back into the conversation.

It was a very nice well...party I guess you could say. Around 8 when finishing up, I walked up to Coach and asked him what to do. He then brought me over to my worst nightmare.

Edward and Mike standing right in front of me.

"Alright, we have the janator here as supervisor. I am sure you all know how to clean," he muttered and walked off. I wanted to punch him in the face. Why me?

I just ignored Edward and Mike and cleaned by myself for a little while. Mike had to take off for no reason and I was beyond pissed.

"Alright, thanks for the help," I muttered to myself. I thought nobody heard it until Edward chuckled. I just looked at him and gave him a smug smile and looked away. Totally awkward silence creeped up on us.

"Hey," he said and I looked up. Was he seriously going to talk to me? "While we are here, we might as well have fun," he said and started dancing around with the mop. I laughed at him, how could I not?

"Your rediculous," I said and he shrugged. I rolled my eyes and looked away. I still hate him, even if he can make me laugh.

"I'm sorry, you know," he said and I froze and then kept walking while we were putting stuff away in the closet.

"Just forget about it. You are already forgiven, but I still hate you," I told him. I never straight out said that to him. It was his turn to freeze and then catch up.

"I guess that is fair," he said with acid in his tone. I turned around to face him.

"Yeah, it is fair," I said starting to get angry. "You totally humiliated and used me in front of all your friends. You made me look like a complete idiot. I was just some joke to you. I can't believe I even ever liked you," I said and started to tear up. I turned away and started walking again. Of course the closet is far away. Just my luck.

"Wait," he said but I didn't stop. He caught up easily even when carrying things. "I didn't know you felt that way. And it wasn't entirely my fault," he said and I tried not to slap him.

"You were just in the middle of it all?" I said sarcastically.

"Exactly," he said and I scuffed.

"You could have been the bigger person. Either told me you hated me before I was in for it deeper or just stopped your friends."

"It wasn't that simple, Bel-" he tried to explain but I cut him off once we got to the closet and we put all of the stuff in.

"I don't want you to explain yourself to me. Grow up and take responsiblity," I said while organizing the closet. He held up both of his arms as if to say back off.

"Okay, you're right. I should have done something. I am very sorry," he said.

"Did you even like me at all? Or was I just a toy?" I had to know..

"I like you as a friend, but nothing more. And then when you didn't give me any shit back after insulting you so much, you made me hate myself which in turn made me hate you even more," he said. I nodded and let it go. Good. He should feel that way. Right as I thought that my foot got caught on the bottom shelf rack and I fell down right on my butt. It hurt!

"Ow," I said and Edward laughed. I glarred at him and then looked down to see the gash on my calf. I got sick at the sight of blood so I looked away. I felt Edward stich me up and then kissed it. Heat exploded on my leg and I twitched.

"Feel better?" he asked me like I was a toddler.

"Shut it. I faint at the sight of blood," I said and he shrugged and then sat on the floor next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, scooting away from him.

"Just being friendly," he said lightly. I scuffed.

"We hate each other. Why would you be friendly?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Beats me. I saw you with your friends earlier. Something is bothering you," he told me as if it were a statement.

"Why would you care? And why would I tell you...if something was bothering me. And nothing is," I told him.

"Oh come on, I know there is something going on."

"And you care why?"

"Just curious. If you want to vent, I'm open for a bedtime story," he said and I scowled.

"Asshole," I said. "And there is, but I won't bore you with my life."

"Why not?" he asked.

"You just said yourself you didn't want to hear it. Is there something bothering you that you need to talk about?" I was being sarcastic, but was bad at expressing it.

"Actually there is," he said completely serious.

"Okay..." I said. Weird..

"Are you a...?" he asked. Of course we were thinkong of the same thing.

"The one and only," I muttered. That is how I felt compared to my friends.

"Can I join the club?" he asked and I looked at him shocked. He was a virgin too? Oh this is classic! I almost laughed.

"Liar. You are just setting me up again," I said.

"No I'm not...seriously," he said and I looked up in his eyes. I don't know how I knew..but he was telling the truth.

"I don't understand why it is such a big deal...I mean it is only sex," I said, repeating Rose and Alice's words. He laughed lightly.

"Right? I mean..everyone talks about it but I have never done it," he said.

"I actually just found out this afternoon that everyone does," I told him honestly.

"Really? Like it never occured to you...?" he asked.

"No. I try and think the best of people?" I said, unsure. It wasn't a bad thing if you sleep with one person and one person only...but everyone...

He laughed. "Well I have to lose it before my friends find out."

"Why do you care so much?" I asked. I mean seriously...you had to be just like your friends?

"I guess it might be a personal goal too," he murmured and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear that or not.

"Well if it makes you feel any better my friends already know..it sucks," I muttered the last part quietly. He grimanced and then did something I would never expect him to do.

He kissed me. It wasn't light or romantic, it was more out of need than anything. I didn't pull away though. I let him finish. and we were both breathing heavily. He kept looking from my eyes to my lips.

"What was that for?" I asked shakily.

"Were sick of it...what about just losing it to each other?" he asked and I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Okay..not the brightest idea," I said.

"Why? Like you said...it's only sex," he said and I shrugged and then he went in for another kiss, but I backed away.

"No-no, I can't do this," I said.

"Why?"

"Because we hate each other. Why would I lose it to someone I hate?" I asked him like he was an idiot.

"Exactly. No one will have to know.." he trailed.

"Okay..but I am a girl and this is something that will be with me forever. You do realize that I might get...hurt right?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, but we don't have to do it ever again...we can just get this out of or hairs... you know the stress of being a virgin," he said. I contenplated. This is not something I would do. But I have nothing to lose right? Except my virginity of course.

"Alright, fine. No strings attached though. We go back to the way we were before," I warned and he smiled and started kissing me again. He laid me down and then got on top of me while kissing my neck. My breathing hitch at what we were about to do. What I was about to do...Before we got completely started I pulled away.

"I can't do this," I said. I still hate him and I am losing something special to him? What was wrong with me? He kissed me again, but I didn't pull away when he whispered something into my ear.

"Yes, you can. Just relax," he told me and I did. Who was I kidding? It would happen eventually, right?

He slipped off his shirt and then, since I was wearing a dress, just went under and took off my underwear. I felt myself choke up a bit as he unbuckled his belt...

It should happen with someone you love...not hate my mind told me.

I fought against all of my thoughts as he entered inside me and I felt something burst. It hurt pretty badly, I won't lie. I tried to relax more so the pain would ease, and it did after sometime. I felt myself come close to climaxing as well as him. I rode out my tremmers when he released.

He collapsed on top of me and then rolled off.

"Wow," he breathed but I couldn't move. I wanted to cry. I got up and picked up my underwear and left.

He ran after me. I was walking slowly and holding my lower stomach for the soreness.

"Bella, wait," he said and I stopped and turned around. "Woah, are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah..umm like I said..I am a girl. I will see you tomorrow," I said but he stopped me.

"I'll drive you home," he said and I nodded and followed him to his Volvo.

The car ride was a little weird...I still didn't like him anymore than I did earlier today.

"Thanks," I said as I got out.

"Same to you," he said and then winked and drove off. I ran inside and took a shower trying to figure out what just happened...then I realized. I gave myself to someone I hate. Who was probably just using me. And probably lied. I would be his laughing stalk again. I put on my pjs and just cried. I let it all out until there was nothing left in me and then fell into a deep sleep. My alarm clock woke me up and I groaned and became awake again.

I went through my daily morning routine and felt like a zombie. I just pushed around my cereal and only took a couple forced bites so Charlie wouldn't worry. When I looked in the mirror I had red puffy eyes. Nothing I wasn't expecting. Wait how could I expect anything when I didn't even know what I was feeling?

My eyes got hot again as I loaded into Emmett's jeep. I tried holding back my tears on our way to school, but one escaped. Thank goodness Emmett didn't see. I quickly wiped it away.

I left my Geometry book in my locker so in the middle of class I had to get it. I walked by the closet and last night flooded back into me. I really didn't want to do it.. More tears escaped as I ran passed it and then ran into someone. Edward. I just pushed him away and then walked towards my locker.

"Bella what's wrong?" he asked while following me.

"Look, you got what you wanted okay? Just let me deal with this in my own way. No strings attached, remember?" I said.

"I was just aski-"

"Don't. We are going back to how it used to be. Did you ever ask me how I was before?" I asked.

"No but-"

"Exactly," I said cutting him off. "It's okay. Don't worry about me."

"Why not?"

"Because! I thought we agreed that things wouldn't change. That no strings would be attached. It was just sex, remember? Just leave me alone now, okay?" I said through my tears.

"Fine," he said with venom in his words. He stormed off and I walked back with my book in my hand.