Gag scenes written for fun, from the Glass Menagerie thread on Spacebattles. Archived here for posterity.
RWBY series property of Roosterteeth.
Original Characters property of author Person With Many Aliases.
The moment Velvet's team entered their dorm room, they didn't even bother examining anything. They simply zeroed in on the four beds laid out perfectly at the opposite end of the room.
Whatever luggage they had was unceremoniously dumped to the ground, and four women fell face first onto the beds in unison, followed by a harmony of agonized and elated sighs of relief.
"I literally haven't slept in a real bed for days," Velvet groaned, burying her face in the pillow. She could feel her body finally lose the tension it had never quite gotten rid of since the first day she arrived in Vale.
Bell had sat up in her bed, and crossed her legs. With her hands on her hips, Bell twisted her body at the waist a few times, eliciting a few sharp cracks, "Hm. Hopefully we can keep the real beds for longer."
Velvet was almost ready to drift off into insensate unconsciousness, except the stabbing noise of squeaking mattress roused her. Velvet rose up and frowned two beds over at Phthalo giggling maniacally as she did some sort of strange flopping imitation of a worm or a beached fish, bouncing off her new bed.
"Nyah-ha-ha-ha! These springs ain't been broken in yet!" Phthalo laughed, before noticing the existence of her team and grinned, "Congrats, girls! We've made it to the starting line! Tomorrow is orientation! Then bad-assery! This calls for booze! Zaffy, let's go find booze! There ought to be some idiot thinking they can sneak it in!"
"Ah gad."
The half slurred curse caught everyone's attention, and they looked over at their final member. Zaffre was currently a bizarre still life, lying on her back on the bed. She was stock straight, cloak spilling out underneath her, legs pressed together and her arms bent at the elbows so that they shot upwards into the air, ending in clawed fingers. Her face was screwed with an expression that only caused the other three to garner even more interest as they weren't even sure what their eldest teammate was trying to convey with scrunched nose.
"What's wrong, Zaffre?" Velvet tentatively asked.
"...I can't move." The scarred woman finally admitted.
"You can't move? What? Are you sick? Are you in pain?" The faunus perked up, worry quickly worked up as she inspected Zaffre. She never really considered it until now, but the woman had been homeless for quite a while. Given her apparent previous injuries, there was no telling how weak her internals were, whether her organs were healthy, or her immune system. She wasn't sure if having an Aura accounted for such things, but it would be terrible if their first evening of quiet had to be cut short by dangerous stomach pain or otherwise.
I'm going to have to see if I can get her a physical later.
"No, it's..." Zaffre's cheeks twitched as she tried to explain herself, "What the hell am I lying on?"
That question threw Velvet off, and she looked at what the old soldier was lying on. It hadn't changed in the past minute. "...A bed?"
Zaffre looked back incredulously, "Is this what they call a bed? Holy shit, this isn't a water bed or whatever, is it? How the hell do you people sleep in this thing?"
Velvet was only more confused, "It's... it's a bed? I don't understand."
"What? You don't feel yourself sinking though the floor in this thing? How do people get off this thing? I'm like... grrggh..."
Zaffre made to almost roll over, but the moment her side dug deeper into the mattress, a flash of panic flickered across the woman's face and she immediately returned to lying prone on her back, "It's like goddamn quicksand! I can't shift my weight or I'm going through the floor!"
Bell had this unblinking stare that Velvet suspected meant dumbfounded incredulity. Phthalo was more obvious as she tried to strangle the laughter in her mouth. It didn't amuse Zaffre in the least.
"Fuck you! You try sleeping on this fucking death trap, you fairy!"
"Snghk-PA-HA-HA! It's a 'death trap'!" Phthalo laughed uncontrollably, pushing her face into Bell's solid shoulder to stay upright.
"You are so dead when I get out of this," Zaffre growled, which only made Phthalo fall back, fighting for air as she kept laughing.
Velvet shook her head, "You're going to need to get off that bed, first. I can help you if you need it."
"No, I don't need help," Zaffre retorted, while remaining exactly where she was.
"...Bell, let's get Zaffre out. Grab her ankles."
The silver haired huntress shrugged, "Okay."
Zaffre's mortification was complete from her toes to her facial expression while the faunus and her partner walked over, grabbed the drifter by her feet and slowly dragged her stiff body off the bed. They had hoped that at some point the woman would relax enough to sidle off the bed herself, but in the end, Velvet and Bell just kept pulling the human log until she unceremoniously fell off the bed with a loud thump.
Phthalo leaned over the edge of the bed, "You okay, darling?"
A sour blue figure loomed up from between the beds and planted a fist in Phthalo's stomach, making her bend in two dramatically from the blow, before falling back on the bed.
"Oof-! Worth it!" Phthalo wheezed, and rolled over, sniggering and clutching her stomach.
"Fuck this, I'm sleeping on the floor. At least I know it won't try to swallow me alive. Stupid mattresses," Zaffre snarled, grabbing the blankets and pillow off her nominally selected bed and marching for the opposite corner of the room.
Velvet hoped that that would be the end of it while she returned to flop onto her bed. She finally had a bed. All she needed was at least one night's worth of complete sleep.
"What the hell is this pillow made of!? Helium!?"
Velvet put her own pillow over her head.
