She wanted to be singing jazz in smokey speakeasys in long dresses crooning to the hounds teasing but never pleasing. She wanted to be as alive as the city and as enticing as the starless nights but fate wasn't a friend of hers. Chiara sighed slipping on her clothes from the floor and looked behind her to make sure the man was still sleeping before she slipped out the door, the flimsy clothes never kept her from shivering in the cold nights and she hated that she was beginning to get used to it. Sighing as she looked up at the ebony sky she remembered days when she used to pretend there were stars staring right back at her but the memory was bittersweet and she was through pretending.
I turned the corner my eyes watering from the slight but chilling breeze that hit my face and I pushed a loose strand of a dreary looking dark auburn curl behind my ear. It was a dead street and I could tell it was as empty as it could possibly be. I couldn't stop myself knowing there wasn't an audience to hear me that wasn't in a comatose state and I let myself loosen up just a bit as I breathed in and let words spill wherever and whatever they pleased.
"It's nights like these new york
oh what a jewel she is
starts dimming
and the lights stop spinning
the the drinks stop filling
and the lovers start to go home
nights like these where in the streets
the scum like me walk alone
new york oh what a jewel she is
but shes oh so, oh so cold when your walking alone"
I quieted slowly letting the song end and smiled, as hard as I tried to keep apathetic music was something I couldn't abandon. It was what kept me from ending it all. Singing is my life even if I couldn't sing anything but sad verses it was all I had and it came from the core of me. It came from my soul and as dirtied as I was even I couldn't deny something my soul craves. I continued humming to myself as I tried to find my way back to the place I was renting with a few other girls who lived much like I did.
It was around 4am when I finally sauntered my way through the door exhausted and going straight to bed. I used to scrub myself red trying to get the smell and touch from the repulsive hands I sold myself off to but it seemed a wasted effort after a few months and I would rather wallow in the feel of self disgust than blind myself with ideals soap and water could get rid of how dirty I was. I dreamed of warm pastas and beds, I dreamed of sunshine smiles my sister used to give me in place of the disgusted looks she probably wouldn't spare me the wrath of if she ever saw me again. Of sunny days in that old studio apartment and how on warm days the tile would feel like beach sand beneath my bare feet.
I felt myself be shaken and I rolled over opening my eyes to see a tanned complexion and I frowned sitting up.
"Sadiq..." the sound of my voice between a growl and a yawn.
"Morning beautiful, another sunny day is waiting for you." he smiled practically singing and I shoved my covers off.
"Your share of the money is on the desk as always now get the hell out you freak"
"Baby girl I live to hear your insults." He said grabbing my share of the rent and stopping to smile at me from my bedroom doorway.
"If I wasn't as proud as I am I would have bought a few hours from you myself. You realize accepting my proposal would get you a ticket on the easy way out of all this I have enough to give you anything you want."
"I don't want anything to do with a loan shark and his money. You need to realize already all you are is the guy I pay to keep this room and nothing more." I said and he sighed frowning before grinning a disgusting and slimy smirk.
"I hear you like to sing baby girl I wonder what it will sound like when your singing my name in bed when you finally give in. People with nothing like you cant resist someone with everything like me for long. You need to realize already that you're playing a risky game denying me, it's not often I take an interest in girls but that doesn't mean I wont find someone else who amuses me like you do and if that happens you have lost the best chance a whore like you has to being something more than a couple of hours of entertainment." he said stepping out of the way of the bible I threw at him from my bedside table.
"GET OUT NOW!" I screamed and he gave me one last smile before stepping into the main room and I felt the heaving of my shoulders slow down just a bit after the sound of the front door closing reached my ears.
Ok guys! Thats it for now, This is my first story and ya Chapter One WOOOT WOOT lol. Tell me what you think... and dont worry Antonio is in the next chapter!
