Secrets

Chapter 1

How could you really mourn someone you never knew? It's not like there were stories, a rousing eulogy, or a string of accomplishments. Elaine had never told him about his child, and she'd died when she was only three months old. Her major accomplishment in life had been to laugh out loud.

And when he thought of that, his heart was stricken with grief, as powerful as what he'd felt when he saw Frank's dead body on the pavement outside his apartment.

Rhianna. Her name had been Rhianna Elise. Since Elaine didn't want him to know, she'd not put his name on the birth certificate. It should have been Rhianna Elise Goren.

He stood at the back of the crowd in the graveyard, and watched as they lowered Elaine's casket into the ground. He'd never be able to ask her why. He was uncomfortable even approaching her family.

Rhianna would have been 30 years old last Tuesday.

Bobby stood in the crowd of mourners, tears streaking his face. No one gave him a second look; they all assumed he was mourning Elaine.


Alex was concerned, but over the years she'd been learning not to take on his crises as her own. "You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, whatever," Bobby said, shrugging off the question and stuffing a few papers into his binder.

Alex accepted his response: That was what she did these days. No more worrying over him, prodding him to open up, prying information out of him. All that had ever gotten her was high blood pressure and a pink slip in her personnel jacket. Bobby was often troubled; his troubles often multiplied exponentially, spilling out onto the people who cared about him. Distancing herself from that had been the best move she'd made in the last few years. Besides, she had worries of her own lately.

Still, she could see the puffiness around his eyes. Robert Goren had cried in front of her maybe 3 times in all the years they'd worked together, even in the face of outrageous sorrow. It was odd that he'd been crying today.

Her phone rang, rescuing her from diving in too deep. She picked it up right away. "Eames," she said. "Oh, hi Liz." As she listened to her sister, Bobby packed up his things and walked out of the office.


He searched his mind, wondering why Elaine never told him. He remembered their breakup, ugly but not impossible to overcome for the sake of a child. He remembered the times with Elaine as well…

Bobby leaned back against the car and took a long draw of his cigarette before flicking it to the ground and grinding it out with his foot. She leaned her back against him, and he wrapped his arms around her, stooping to suckle the soft skin of her neck. He smiled and moaned with pleasure when he felt her hips grinding back against him. Bobby let one hand roam its way down her torso and tuck into the waistband of her jeans.

"Bobby!" Lewis shouted.

He brought his hand back and straightened up. There was only so far he would go in public. "Over here, Lewis, what is it?" he called back. He watched his friend jog over.

"Frank just showed up."

Bobby dropped his hands, stepping away from his girlfriend. He turned to her and gave her the keys to his car. "You… you need to go home. I'll call you later, Elaine," he said, giving her a quick and juicy kiss.

Was that why they had broken it off? Too much family drama? Between Frank and his mother, there had been a lot to deal with.

Maybe she'd been afraid to tell him about the baby because she was afraid Frank and his mother would want to be a part of her life.

He felt that stabbing pain in his heart again. They should have been a part of Rhianna's life. He should have been part of her life. He could have protected her if things got out of hand. His mother should have had the chance to be a grandmother. To at least have known she was a grandmother.


Alex hadn't said anything to Bobby. The procedure was scheduled for tomorrow morning. If all went well she would be back at work on Monday without having to baby it too much. Everyone she'd spoken with said the first two days were usually the worst.

She was hungry, but it was already past 8 p.m. and she wasn't allowed to eat anything now. Alex poured a glass of water and drank it down. Liz would be over in the morning to pick her up.


He wondered about Rhianna's birth. He'd memorized her birth certificate. She was born on April 11 at 2:36 a.m. Five pounds and eleven ounces.

Bobby imagined what it was like, Elaine straining to push the wriggling child out of her womb. He knew from the hospital records that she had been admitted at 8 p.m. on the 10th. Six and a half hours of labor.

He wondered if anyone had been with her… a boyfriend maybe, some strange man to serve as a surrogate father to his child. Or maybe just Elaine and her mother. Or maybe Elaine was alone through it all.

If he'd been allowed to be there… the tears filled his eyes again as he mourned the missed opportunity to see himself in another person, a brand new life in the world.

Thanks to his detective work, he knew that she'd been jaundiced at birth but otherwise healthy. She'd gone home and never been readmitted. Her visits with her doctor were all satisfactory. And then, at 3 months old, she died. SIDS was to blame.