THE SONG OF THE EVANGELICAL
By Miguel A. E. Betita

Based on Gilbert and Sullivan's "Song of the Major General," from the opera
"The Pirates of Penzance." Also based on "Neon Genesis Evangelion," from
Studio Gainax. Meant to be sung as fast as you possibly can, sing along if
you know the words!

I am the very model of a modern Eva otaku
I know the dif-fer-ence between the Eva 1 and Eva 2.
I know by heart the latin names of all the 18 Angels too
And the shocking secret that one angel is just Kaa-woru.
I can spell the full name right of Langley Sohryuu Asuka
And counted the times she had called Ikari-kun a poor "baka."
And I own every CD soundtrack from Refrain to Eva Vox
And I have never taken out my Eva figures from their box!
And not to mention when and where we saw the DHL white truck
'cuz I'm the kind of person who would do this 'cuz I give a fuck.
In matters that are factual, religious, philosophical,
I am the very model of a modern Evangelical.

[ refrain ]
It's really very comical how every thing is topical,
Religious, philosophical, to the modern Evangelical!

I know the make of Misato's sports car is the Renault Alpine
And all the weapons from the axe to the bombs and N-2 mine
I know the history of Nerv, and Seele, Gehirn, Marduke too.
And I can point out on a map just where the hell is Tokyo-2.
I know the date and year of every major character's birthdays
And who or what was being hidden at that Nerv Nevada base
I've studied the Kaballah, and all about the Tree of Life
I've thought about, long and hard, how to make my own Prog Knife.
I've downloaded the scripts to all the episodes and the movie
And debated the whos and whys of just who might've killed Kaji
Yes, in matters metaphorical, paranormal and the tactical
I am the very model of a modern Evangelical.

[refrain ]
It's really very comical how everything is topical
Paranormal and the tactical, to the modern Evangelical!

I know which track Shinji replays and listens to while on the train
And I can tell which Magi has what parts of Doc Akagi's brain.
I've become quite the scholar on things about the Dead Sea Scrolls
And went on websites and flooded all the Character Ranking Polls
I know the beer and coffee brands that the cast has endorsed on,
And even stared at unfamiliar ceilings simply just for fun.
I bought the t-shirts and the bag, and I had even done cosplay
And I can tell you with no doubts if Kaworu is really gay
I've made a timeline for the series that's correct down to the day,
I even celebrated in a bunker Second Impact Day.
In short, in matters technical, occult and the historical,
I am the very model of a modern Evangelical!

[ refrain ]
It's really very comical how everything is topical
Paranormal and the tactical, occult and the historical,
Religious, philosophical, to the modern Evangelical!