The Most Random Harry Potter Story Ever

(or Harry Potter and the Really Fucked Up Shit)

How It all Began

Harry Potter was sitting at the back of Transfiguration, tapping his wand on the shell of an egg he was supposed to be trying to change into a turtle. It seemed like the afternoon was calling to him, the sun shining outside and the grounds pristine. He wanted to ditch class and go enjoy the outdoors. He wanted to sneak out with Ron. He wanted to convince Hermione that this was more important than learning how to turn eggs into hard-shelled creatures.

Yet he couldn't convince himself to just stand up and walk right out of Professor McGonagall's class. If only he had some nosebleed nougat on hand. He sent Ron a sneaking side glance and as the bell rang he sighed relief. His egg was nowhere near a turtle and that would mean poor marks for the day, but he didn't care. Just to be out of the stifling classroom was relief enough.

He pulled Ron away and asked the question he'd been itching to: "want to ditch divination this afternoon?"

Ron looked at him. "Are you out of your mind? Of course I want to ditch divination."

Harry beamed and they sauntered down the hall without a care. That is until Hermione caught up with them. "What are you two doing?" She asked accusatorily.

"We're skipping class." Ron answered snippily. Usually Ron would attempt to avoid an argument with Hermione, but lately he was just jumping in head first.

"You're a prefect Ron, you can't just ditch school."

"Watch me." Ron said and walked past her to the front door. Harry followed doggedly behind amazed at Ron's bravado.

"Good show." Harry said.

"I'd be falling asleep at Firenze's lesson anyway. Might as well nap down by the lake."

Harry laughed and the two friends skipped off, carefree and full of folly.

It might have occurred to the two of them that they were being followed by a vengeful Draco Malfoy, but they were so glad to be out hearing shot of the school that they didn't heed their stalker. He had left his cronies behind him for once and was following them solo, his wand out and ready.

He had heard of an interesting concept just the other day when two mudbloods were talking about muggle movies. It was a show called Stay Tuned and in it the devil captured people's souls by locking them in the TV, to drift from show to show until they were killed or the show was canceled. The idea was absurd, but Draco got to thinking. Magic was an absurd idea as well. Why not try and curse Harry Potter into a world of television, or movies, or comic books?

He had been researching such methods and finally came up with a spell to send his rival into a never-ending world of pop culture. He pulled out his wand, snuck up behind Harry and Ron and chanted the spell just as he had practiced.

"Forever trapped in pop culture you'll be,

From movies, to comics, to late night TV,

Your only way out is to find a door,

Good luck Mr. Potter I'll see you no more."

His wand sent out a strange buzzing noise and the blue TV glow that strikes late night viewers as they sit in the dark. It hit Harry and Ron both, not an intention of Mr. Malfoy, but a nice side effect he would later recount as brilliant luck. Both boys disappeared from view and Draco sauntered back up to the castle with a lazy smile.